WFBL | Five Seasons of Reality Basketball

The Long and Shorts of It

2010-06-15T17:12:00.000-07:00

.
PARK CITY (AP)—Just prior to the start of 2009-10 season, owner Dave Barton prophetically stated, "The fates didn't allow us to win it all last year. While we unquestionably had a championship-caliber team, our old logos wouldn't have produced championship-caliber merchandise."

"PC" stands for "pretty cool."

The logos of the WFBL have always been as big a part of the league as the actual games, if not bigger. That's why redesigning their identity was the most offseason important move the Sundancers could have made (unless you count reuniting Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant). The numbers don't lie:

Old logo: 3 Years, 0 Championships
New Logo: 1 Year, 1 Championship

Park City's 7-2 Concludings victory not only brought a resounding end to Zermatt's reign of terror, but as per tradition, it also earned Barton his choice of communally funded WFBL merchandise.

All hail the mighty Wasatch Conference.

"It came down to custom shorts or that fabulous 5th Season commemorative necktie available in the league store," explained Barton. "Words cannot describe how difficult this decision was. Given the tie's lack of musical capability, I decided it could wait 'til next year."

2010 WFBLies

2010-06-10T17:50:00.000-07:00

.
League Hands Out Annual Awards

Obama was always truly a Sundancer fan. Last year was just a bunch of lies.

Executive of the Year
Dave Barton, Park City Sundancers
For the second-straight year, Barton wins the coveted award as best owner/coach/manager/obsess-er of all things WFBL. Barton's resume includes assembling 4 players ranked in the top 12, winning his first-ever Concludings title, and dethroning Zermatt in the process (a feat which is deserving of consideration for the Nobel Peace Prize. He's at least as deserving as Barak Obama).

Runner-Up
Ben Barnes, Zermatt Abominables

Article of the Year Wade, Dancers Drum Duncan, Gators for 2nd Wasatch Title, Dave Barton, Week 22
Mirroring the recent trend of "Part Two's" being as good as or better than the first (Iron Man 2, The Dark Knight), the tale of the Sundance Kid, Part II takes home this year's prize. It's Barton's second-consecutive Article of the Year Award. Boy, is anyone else tired of the 'Dancers winning everything? Anyone?

Runner-Up
A Conversation with the Commish, Ted Barnes, Ben Barnes, Week -1

Photoshoppery of the Year Alger and Ellie, Ben Barnes, Week 12
Though Barnes denies the image was digitally manipulated in any way, we can't help but be a little skeptical. I mean, no way Ellie's fitting in that t-shirt cannon!

Runner-Up
Wade & Durant, Dynamic Duo, Dave Barton, Concludings

Best Draft Pick Stephen Curry, 12th Round, Park City
Who would have thought that out of all the big-name rookies this year, the one with the biggest impact would be Dell Curry's kid. Well, Park City knew. And then traded him to Rigby. How'd THAT work out for you, huh Dave? Oh wait...

Runner-Up
Tyreke Evans, 12th Round, Twin Falls

Best Waiver Pick-Up Darren Collison, Zermatt
Originally a desperation move after Paul's injury, not even the A-Boms could have imagined how productive Bizzaro CP3 would end up being. Simply put, he saved Zermatt's season (until CP3 ruined it by coming back at precisely the wrong time).
Runner-Up
None. Collison was that good.

Disappointment of the Year - Team Richmond Butchers
For a team built on the auto-picker, the Butchers were unbelievably stacked. Would this be the year Richmond lives up to the hype. Again, like a neglected houseplant, the Butchers wilted as the season wore on.

Runner-Up
Rigby Trojans

Disappointment of the Year - Player Gilbert Arenas, 3rd Round, Udorn
It's not so much where he was drafted (everyone agrees the Jai-Rai were reaching a bit with the selection), but the way Gilby's renaissance took everyone by surprise, building up expectations only to tear them down with the knumbskullery of bringing guns into the locker room. Any bets on whether he even gets drafted at all next year?

Runner-Up
Devin Harris, St. George Underdogs

Most One-Sided Trade Roy Hibbert/Luke Ridnour for Marc Gasol, Zermatt/Richmond
The annual Zermatt-Richmond swindle-that-doesn't-look-so-one-sided-until-Richmond-goes-in-the-tank featured some flash-in-the-pan backups traded from Zermatt to a guy who turned into one of the more reliable centers in the league. What will the A-Boms do without the Butchers?

Runner-Up
Luol Deng/Kevin Martin for Josh Smith, Zermatt/Salt Lake

Best Weekly Performances 2009-10

FG% - .5866, Richmond, Week 5
FT% - .9211, Maracaibo, Week 17 3PT - 39, New York, Week 12
REB - 174, Salt Lake, Week 18
AST - 104, Twin Falls, Week 17
ST - 40, Udorn, Week 18
BLK - 28, Salt Lake, Week 18
TO - 15, Salt Lake, Week 3, Richmond, Week 11
PTS - 458, Udorn, Week 8, Park City, Week 13

Bold: All-Time High

Final Power Rankings

2010-06-06T05:49:00.000-07:00

.
An End of An Era

Months later, Wade continues to wear the same Championship T-shirt every day, as he takes the Commissioner Barnes Trophy on a world tour.

The Commissioner may be upset about this year's outcome, but that's not going to stop the Power Rankings from doing its job. Which, of course, is to give our opinion on the final state of the WFBL, even if you really didn't ask for it. So, for those of you still paying attention:

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 104-71-5

The Sundancers couldn't have asked for more of a fairy tale ending to their 2009-10 campaign, setting a new franchise record for wins by beating Zermatt in Concludings. Not even the Commish attempting to cancel the season wrap-up articles could rain on their victory parade.

2 (2) 92-81-7
When the A-Boms lose championship games, they do it big. Despite yet another Concludings appearance, this time with a team of rookies and misfits, the result has to be seen as a disappointment. Four straight trips to the Concludings are no consolation to only coming home with two Commissioner Barnes trophies.

3 (5) 101-81-7
Twin Falls defied all odds by not only beating wonder boy LeBron James in making it to the Wasatch Concludings, but actually putting up a fight against Park City. The amazing part was it all happened with Kobe half a world away, pouting it up for Udorn. It's apparent that as long as Adams is running things in Twin Falls, Gator fans can expect to compete.

4 (3) 97-86-6
We can spend all day talking about the Igs' obvious lack of green-hue discernment, but rumblings in Maracaibo have fans and players blaming coach Hopkin for their season-ending meltdown, as he "abandoned" them for his honeymoon. As for scheduling his wedding during the playoffs, Hopkin, points out that the Igs would have choked either way, so he might as well be on vacation while it happened.

5 (4) 91-90-8
LeBron keeps talking about "opting out" of his final year in Rigby so he can "test the free agent waters". We're not sure what he's talking about, since that's a term that hasn't been used since the old days of the now-defunct NBA. Sorry, your majesty, there's no way Rigby's not keeping you around for another playoff run.

6 (6) 91-95-3
Udorn seems to have the old "securing the final playoff spot after dealing with a myriad of injuries then losing to Maracaibo in the first round" routine down pat. In all likelihood Kobe will get a second chance to help break this cycle next year.

7 (7) 97-87-5
The New York Kings missed the playoffs by half a game, this is true. But if you look at it the way college football purists do, the entire season is basically a playoff. So from that perspective, the New York Kings advanced to, what, the 19th round of the playoffs? Not bad!

8 (9) 89-98-2
For the first time in a couple years, the Salt Lake SnowBees were relevant on the final day of the regular season, coming within a blowout loss to Rigby of making the playoffs. Before that, they kind of slipped in and out of relevance throughout the season. Things are looking up for next year, though, amid rumors that the WFBL playoffs may expand to 96 teams instead of 6. Most bracketologists predict that this change will improve Salt Lake's playoff chances from "long shot" to "bubble team."

9 (8) 88-94-7
Nephi took a big step back this season, falling to 9th place after their surprising 5th place finish in 2008-09. So who will still be around to help right the ship next year, Amar'e or Rondo? If we were them, we'd want to cut ties with the wrong half of the infamous Amar'e/Bosh debacle.

10 (10) 85-97-5
His last name notwithstanding, Jason Kidd isn't getting any younger. Neither is Kevin Garnett, whose erstwhile nickname, "The Kid" is now used only ironically. And while Marcus Camby often acts like a baby, he is not one. So if the Richmond Butchers are going to improve on this season's disappointment, they might need to start looking for players who aren't old enough to have played against Larry Bird and who think Dr. J is the name of a generic-brand cola. Just a suggestion.

11 (11) 82-101-6
Most collective bargaining agreements in professional sports give an obvious advantage to either the players or the owners. In the NFL, for example, the salary cap and rules against guaranteed contracts clearly favor the owners. In Major League Baseball, there is no salary cap, so players can and do exert their will on ownership. The WFBL is unique in that its labor agreement benefits no one. That's right, by allowing only one guaranteed contract per year and forcing all the other players back into a draft, the WFBL manages to limit owners' ability to keep players while at the same time giving players zero control over where they play. The one advantage to this system is that it gives ne'er-do-well teams like St. George to wipe the slate (mostly) clean every year. The U-Dogs seem likely to shake off all of the dead weight on its roster not named Dwight Howard and wait for Dwyane Wade, Pau Gasol, Deron Williams, and Carmello Anthony to fall into their lap. Easy!

12 (12) 75-108-6
Winless over their final nine weeks including the playoffs, the hapless Tigers never even escaped the bottom rung of the consolation ladder. Big surprise. For those counting at home, that's three last place finishes in five years.

This Week in the WFBL—2010 Concludings

2010-03-29T13:34:00.000-07:00

Dancers' Dynamic Duo Decimates Defending Champs

"Oh, what a feeling, when we're sundancing on the ceiling!"

PARK CITY (AP)—For the last two seasons, the Park City Sundancers have had little trouble blowing out the riffraff of the league while consistently underwhelming on the big stage. Not this time.

Hotly anticipated by at least two people, Park City's Concludings rematch with the Zermatt Abominables was close in the early going, but the Sundancers soon put their game into high gear after a fiery pep talk from owner Dave Barton, "All right now, I don't want them to win a single category! You ATTACK ALL WEEK! If they even make it look close, I swear I'll take every last one of you out. You make sure they remember—FOREVER—the week they played the Sundancers! Leave no doubt!"

And leave no doubt they did, dominating Zermatt, 7-1-1 (a 9-0 was in play on the final day of competition). Everyone got in on the act for the Sundancers. Brook Lopez finally justified Park City's controversial midseason trade with Rigby. Gerald Wallace played the "glue guy" as he has done so well all season, while managing to avoid a major injury one last time. And Derrick Rose gave as good a performance as the Sundancers have come to expect from their point guard spot.

However, the story for the newly minted champs was once again Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant. Durant was stellar, shooting 51% from the field and 93% from the line, while compiling 5 threes, 33 rebounds, 8 blocks, 125 points. But with the possibility of this being his last series in a Sundancer uniform, Wade was just a little better. He turned in a virtuoso performance of 65% field goal shooting, 26 rebounds, 35 assists, 11 steals, 7 blocks, and 101 points to earn his first Concludings EBP.

To his credit, Durant seemed happy to defer the spotlight to his teammate once again. "I've been coming in second in EBP voting all season, so I'm used to it," said Durant. "Really, I don't mind being Robin to D-Wade's Batman, aside from the ridiculous yellow cape and itchy green tights."

But is this the swan song for Park City's dynamic duo? After reaching 92 wins for two consecutive seasons, claiming two conference titles, and now winning the WFBL championship, it seems the only way to bring Wade back is by improbably landing the #1 pick in next year's draft lottery.

Can Kevin "Nightwing" Durant soar to greater heights out from under Wade's cape next year?

Meanwhile, as the Sundancers were combining to form the basketball equivalent of Voltron, the two-time defending champs were in a state of disarray. Forced to rely on a rusty Chris Paul, an immature Andray Blaaaatche, and an under-the-weather Monta Ellis, the A-Boms fell short in their quest to become the first team to three-peat in WFBL history. But considering the league has only been around five years, there's certainly no shame in that.

A good sport in the loss, League Commissioner and Zermatt owner Ben Barnes (maybe you've heard of him?) refused to play the asterisk card, "There really was no combination of players I could have thrown out there that would have beaten Park City this week. What can I do? I already made plenty of preventative excuses for my team not being very good this year. I'll just leave it at that."

Park City does what only Bayside has done before—take down the Commish in the Concludings. That sounded a lot more impressive before Bayside was mentioned.

Around the Playoff Consolation Ladder

Gators 6, Iguanas 3

Trojans 5, Jai-Rai 3, Trojans 1

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 6, SnowBees 3

Stratagem 6, Butchers 3

Underdogs 6, Tigers 3

Conference Concludings Game of the Week Voting Results:

Zermatt Abominables 3 (60%)
Park City Sundancers 2 (40%)

Conference Concludings EBP:

Darren Collison, Zermatt—4 votes (66% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Apr 8-18 2007

First-class stamp: $0.41

Gallon of milk: $3.59

#1 Song:"Don't Matter"—Akon
#1 Movie: "Disturbia"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at the WFBL Concludings from 2007 (Apr 8-18). In honor of the Abominables' loss in this year's Concludings, we highlight the only other time the two-time champs came away empty handed—their 9-0 pasting at the hands of surprising Bayside—as a reminder to A-Bom fans that, hey, it could have been (and was) much worse.

WFBL CONCLUDINGS, APR 8-18, 2007

They're Grrrrrrrreat! Tigers Maul A-Boms, Complete Remarkable Turnaround

BAYSIDE (AP)—A year ago the Bayside Tigers were the West Valley Squackboxes and the laughing stock of professional basketball.

Now, they're kings of the world.

The Tigers maintained their ownership of the Zermatt Abominables, dominating every statistical category in a 9-0 Concludings victory.

"Surf's up Zermatt!" bellowed Vince Carter, winner of the 2007 Concludings EBP. "The Tigers are on the prowl!"

Overlooked seemingly the entire season by members of the media, the Tigers are overlooked no more, not just winning on the biggest stage, but dominating.

"I think we should have a recall vote on the regular season EBP trophy," said a rancorous Shawn Marion, referring to the disappearance of Kevin Garnett in the Concludings (see story below). "How can you be beneficial if you aren't even playing? You can't!!!"

Bayside's worst-to-first story is a tale of hope for every owner and coach in the WFBL, a story that begins with putridity, ends in jubilation, and has a little bit of name change/franchise relocation in the middle.

"I think our fans in West Valley can appreciate what has happened here, even though we bailed on them and blamed the city they live in for our poor play last year," said center Marcus Camby. "And when I say 'our' poor play, I don't mean mine, because I wasn't playing for us last year."

"You know, all season long, it seemed like it was 'Zermatt this' and 'Sundancers that'—there was even a bunch of 'SnowBees here' and 'Iguanas there'. Heck, the Sand Dunes got more pub than we did," said Carter, obviously happy to make WFBL and AP writers pen a story about Bayside winning, and not about one of their other precious darling teams.

"But it's all about Bayside now, baby!"

Coach Rich Lachowsky, who undoubtedly must be enjoying this, could not be reached for comment. But if he were to be reached, he surely would have something witty and interesting to say, possibly including a derision of either the Abominables, coach Barnes, the league in general, or all three.

Abominables, Barnes Left with Questions; KG's Love Misguided

ZERMATT(AP)—"All I can do is tip my hat and call the Tigers my daddies."

Those were the solemn words of Zermatt Abominables coach Ben Barnes as he was cornered in a hallway after the 9-0 pummeling suffered at the hands of Bayside in the 2007 WFBL Concludings.

Was it only a year ago that Barnes was hoisting the platinum trophy that bares his name, as coach of the Magna Township Underdogs? Have a mere twelve months passed since Bayside—then the West Valley Squackboxes—finished dead last and were a broken franchise?

"But it could be worse, you know," Barnes continued. "I could be still sitting under a mango tree with only a nickel to my name. I mean, I'm the Commissioner of the greatest basketball league in the world, regardless of who ended up winning the title.

"But honestly, KG, what were you thinking?"

Barnes, of course was referring to regular season EBP Kevin Garnett, who, according to sources, had an "epiphany" a few days into the Concludings.

"I figured, sure we could beat Bayside and win the Concludings title, getting myself a championship for the first time in my storied career," said Garnett. "But then I thought about our team, and their draft status for next season. That's when I knew that losing the Concludings would ensure Zermatt of getting a higher draft pick, and therefore, help their chances of selecting me again."

Garnett, in order to carry out his ill-conceived scheme, pretended to have an injury and did not play the rest of the Concludings, with Andre Iguodala following suit. That led to a 9-0 demolishing at the hands of arch-rival Bayside, the most lopsided outcome in playoff history.

"Poor, misguided Kevin," said Barnes. "I can't help but feel responsible a little bit. I should have reminded my players that the WFBL draft is totally random and is not affected in any way by a team's previous history, so pretending you are injured and costing your team a championship is not outweighed by moving up from the number 10 to the number 9 pick in the draft, if it even worked that way. My bad."

"I love my team, and this city, and I only meant for the best," Garnett said. "It were only farce, I meant no harm."

Concludings Preview

2010-03-24T07:01:00.000-07:00

.
2010 Concludings

For the first time ever, the Concludings feature a rematch. A year ago, the 'Dancers were the favorites and got dropped by Zermatt. Can Park City play up to its potential when it matters most? Can the A-Boms continue their unlikely run of scrapping together just enough for a victory? Will the return of CP3 be enough for the A-Boms to overcome the 'Dancers once again, making it three straight titles? Or will Park City finally end Barnes' reign of terror?

Season Series: Abominables, 9-8-1

Seed: 1 Record: 86-70-6

Seed: 1 Record: 92-66-4

FIELD GOAL %: The Sundancers finished the regular season fourth in this category, but the Wasatch champs have gotten a bit cold lately. The A-Boms, however, finished ninth this season but have been getting better production lately from, of all people, Monta Ellis. We'll take Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant over a streaky Ellis any day.

EDGE:

FREE THROW%: Once again, the A-Boms finished the regular season as one of the worst free-throw shooters in the league (10th place) and regularly concede the category. Park City on the other hand shoot over 80% as a team from the line. With Wade and Durant getting to the line a combined 20 times per game (making almost 86%), this one shouldn't be close.

EDGE:

THREE-POINTERS: Don't let that third-place ranking fool you; ever since Zermatt decided to go big with Josh Smith at SF, the A-Boms haven't won the threes category (they last won it in Week 15, against Park City, coincidentally). The Sundancers aren't much better though, but Wade, Durant, and returning PF Gerald Wallace should be just enough to give the 'Dancers the edge.

EDGE:

REBOUNDS: Park City can rebound with the best of them, and the return of Wallace should only help their cause. But if there's one thing the A-Boms excel at, it's rebounding. With Smith, Andray Blatche, and Al Jefferson all averaging over 8.5 rebounds per game, the A-Boms should be able to snare their first category.

EDGE:

ASSISTS: Assists have never really been Park City's forte, but this week, so much hinges on the level of play that Chris Paul can put forth after his extended absence. At 100%, there's no better distributor of the rock than Paul, and along with Ellis and Smith, the A-Boms should be set. Having said that, who knows how much rust CP3 needs to shake off to be effective? We think not much.

EDGE:

STEALS: The 'Dancers have some great thieves in Wade and Wallace, but this is the A-Boms' dominant category once again. Paul, Ellis, and Smith all average over 2 steals a game, and should be able to lead Zermatt to a categorical victory going away.

EDGE:

BLOCKS: Normally this would be a no-brainer edge in favor of the Abominables. But we all know what Wade's capable of, and Marc Gasol will be missing his second straight week due to injury. That said, the combo of Smith, Blatche, and Jefferson should be enough for the A-Boms to swat away the competition

EDGE:

TURNOVERS: Park City ranked dead last in turnovers, and if anyone in their organization tells you they expect to win this category, they're lying to you. The A-Boms were great at holding onto the ball, but lately have struggled, as Blatche, Smith, and Ellis all average over 2.5 turns per game. Even with Collison out (4.5 turnovers/game) and Paul in, this one's too close to call.

EDGE: TIE

POINTS: The only chance the A-Boms have here is to have more games this week (nope, even) or hope for some sort of injury on the 'Dancers (possible, not likely). Fact is the 'Dancers just plain don't lose points. Barton has created a scoring machine, and with the league's second and fifth leading scorers (Durant and Wade, respectively) should have no trouble taking care of business, points-wise.

EDGE:

PREDICTION: 4-4-1 TIE

And according to WFBL rules, Park City wins the tiebreaker by having the better regular-season record. But consider this: For the first time ever, the previous season's tote bag winner did not make the Concludings, so all bets are off. Having said that, Commissioner Barnes-led teams are 3-1 in the title game, while Dave Barton-led teams are 0-1. And on top of that, the Abominables own this year's Oaken Skis of Yore, winning the overall head-to-head battle. But don't forget, last year Park City came in to the Concludings with the Skis, but it was Zermatt that left with the Commissioner Barnes Trophy. At the same time, the A-Boms own a 38-32-2 record all-time against their arch-rivals. Once again, it would appear that this year's Championship will be decided by which team has fewer players miss games.

This Week in the WFBL—Conference Concludings

2010-03-23T07:16:00.001-07:00

Wade, 'Dancers Drum Duncan, Gators for 2nd Wasatch Title

PARK CITY (AP)—

MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA

The Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators square off in the Wasatch Concludings for the second year in a row. The whole affair kinda feels like a rehash. League promoters claim it's due to Peter Cetera's theme song for the rematch, "Glory of Love," failing to generate the same excitement as Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around" from the previous year.

WEDNESDAY

It is revealed that Tim Duncan has grown bitter about the Gators' Conference Concludings loss from a year ago. Now under the tutelage of the mysterious Sato (an old nemesis of Park City consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi), Duncan claims Dwyane Wade dishonored him by blocking more shots than he did in the deciding game (4-0).

THURSDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, BEFORE TIP-OFF

Park City has fallen behind Twin Falls, and Wade is despondent about the absence of Gerald Wallace and Derrick Rose from the starting lineup due to injuries.

Miyagi: Concentrate. Focus. Most important.

Wade: I can't, Mr. Miyagi, not today.

Miyagi: Why?

Wade: Because we're starting George Hill and Paul Millsap, that's why.

Miyagi: When you feel life out of focus, always return to basic of life. Breathe. No breathe, no life. Come, try. Breath out of mouth. Breathe in through nose. In... out... Now how feel?

Wade: Better. More focused.

Miyagi: Good. Now go out and kick butt.

Wade dominates to the tune of 36 points, 10 rebounds, 7 assists, three 3s, a steal and a block, helping Park City to regain the lead.

SUNDAY - TIP-OFF

With the Sundancers leading the Gators 6-3, Duncan dramatically enters the arena on a zip line, grabbing Brook Lopez and putting a knife to his throat.

Duncan: Get back or I kill her!

Lopez: I'm a he!

Miyagi: Duncan, you are one of Gator's best player. No disgrace Twin Falls here.

Duncan: Your student disgrace me. I have been dishonored all because of him.

Wade: For whatever happened, I apologize. Except for the part about beating you guys last year.

Duncan: Apology will not give me back my honor!

Wade: Neither will this.

Duncan: In their eyes it will. No more talk. You play me one-on-one to the death, or I kill her!

Lopez: Still a he!

Duncan: Shut up!

Miyagi: This not tournament. This for real.

Wade: I'm pretty sure this is still a tournament.

Miyagi: Aye. Miyagi prone to hyperbole.

Wade and Duncan begin their one-on-one battle. They are well-matched, but Duncan has the size advantage and gradually gains the upper hand. Following Mr. Miyagi's lead, twenty thousand strong at Redford Arena pull out handheld drums and begin twisting them back and forth. An exhausted Wade regains his composure, knowing what he must do. As Duncan attacks the basket, Wade begins to viciously swing his arms back and forth, blocking a career high five shots to clinch another 5-4 victory. Wade grabs his beaten foe by the hair and cocks his hand back.

Wade: Live or die, man?

Duncan: Die.

Wade: Wrong. Honk!

With CP3 Sidelined, Whozits and Whatsisnames Lead A-Boms to Fourth Straight Concludings Appearance

ZERMATT (AP)—Another year, another trip to the Concludings.

Undoubtedly the most storied dynasty in the history of the WFBL, the Zermatt Abominables shocked the Iguanas with a 5-4 comeback win in the World Conference Concludings. The win gives the two-time defending champs their fourth straight appearance in the title game, further cementing their dominance over the league.

"I think by far this is the least talented team I've ever assembled," said coach Ben Barnes, who looks to bring his A-Boms an unprecedented third straight Concludings title against arch-rival Park City. "Furthermore, I would like to formally announce my candidacy for Executive of the Year WFBLy. In fact, you might as well start the engraving right now."

But it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows for this year's A-Boms squad. Despite taking an early lead thanks to no-name rookies Darren "Bizarro CP3" Collison—mentored by the injured former EBP—and Marcus Thornton, Zermatt found themselves staring at the end of their championship run. Thanks to a heroic performance from the Iguanas' All-Star center David Lee, the A-Boms entered the final game of Sunday night needing 6 rebs and 13 pts from Andray Blatche—yes, that's right, Andray Blatche—to seal the deal.

"Lee played great Sunday afternoon," said Blatche, a late-season acquisition via trade with Rigby. "The man's a monster. One can only wonder how things would've turned out had he not sat out Friday's game with...what was it? Menstrual cramps? I'm not even sure. But it must've been bad if it forced him to miss time during the World Concludings—his only missed game all season—right?"

The very astute Blatche ended up saving the day for the A-Boms, grabbing the requisite rebounds and scoring the final baskets late in the fourth quarter.

"Let's not give the guy a medal, he still almost lost the thing for us with all the chucking he was doing," said Barnes, who immediately pulled Blatche after scoring the go-ahead points.

This year's scrappy A-Boms are indeed a different sort from the last three. They stared down the barrel of the end of an era, and without any type of All-Star caliber leadership, shoved their finger right in, Bugs Bunny-style. Then the gun exploded on the Iguanas, leaving behind only the charred remains of disappointment.

"Has anyone talked bout how we wore our green uniforms again?" asked Blatche. "I feel like that needs to be mentioned."

Around the Playoff Consolation Ladder

Trojans 4, Jai-Rai 4, Trojans 1

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 7, Butchers 2

SnowBees 6, Underdogs 3

Stratagem 4, Tigers 4, Stratagem 1

Conference Concludings Game of the Week Voting Results:

Park City Sundancers 6 (75%)
Twin Falls Gators 2 (25%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (63%)
Zermatt Abominables 3 (37%)

Round 1 EBP:

David Lee, Maracaibo—5 votes (71% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Mar 16-22, 2009

First-class stamp: $0.44

Gallon of milk: $3.39

#1 Song:"Right Round"—Flo Rida
#1 Movie: "Knowing"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at the Conference Concludings from 2009 (Mar 16-22). The 'Dancers and A-Boms once again meet in this year's Concludings. A year ago, it took some amazing, last-minute heroics from EBP runner-up Wade-san to get Park City into the title game. Here's to rubbing salt in the wounds, Gator fans!

CONFERENCE CONCLUDINGS, MAR 16-22, 2009

Wade, 'Dancers Wax Off Kobe, Gators for Wasatch Title

PARK CITY (AP)—

MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA, ALL WASATCH BASKETBALL CONCLUDINGS

The two Wasatch finalists, the Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators, treat the crowd to a thrilling montage of high flying dunks, long range shots, blocks, and boards set to Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around."

WEDNESDAY - TWIN FALLS LOCKER ROOM, JUST BEFORE TIP-OFF

Twin Falls holds the early lead 6-3 lead, but Park City superstar Dwyane Wade has yet to play. He is expected to make his anticipated first appearance tonight. As the team heads towards the tunnel, Gators assistant coach and Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese pulls Al Thornton aside.

Kreese: Al, I want Wade out of commission

Thornton: But Sensei, we can beat these guys!

Kreese: I don't want them just beaten.

Thornton: But I'll get thrown out!

Kreese: Out of commission.

Kreese trains his iron eyes on Thornton. He cannot endure their searing heat. His head drops as Kreese bends him to his will. Thornton tentatively walks over to the Park City bench, jumps high in the air, and lands a flying sidekick to Wade's right hip.

Thornton: I'm sorry, Dwyane! I didn't mean it!

Wade crumples to the floor as Thornton is dragged away amid a shower of boos. The Gators have their way with the Sundancers in the absence of the EBP runner-up.

FRIDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, A FEW HOURS BEFORE TIP-OFF

A dejected Dwyane Wade, accompanied by team consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi, lies on the trainers' table, resigned to missing his second straight game after not missing a game all year.

Wade: Mr. Miyagi... you think we had a chance of winning?

Mr. Miyagi: Aye, had good chance.

Wade: Can't you fix my hip with that thing you do? You know, with the clapping and the rubbing, and the hey hey hey, my hip feels better?

Mr. Miyagi: No need play anymore. You prove point.

Wade: What, that I can take a beating? Every time I see the Gators, they'll know they got the best of me. How will I ever have balance in my life? I mean, aside from having more money than I could ever spend and being idolized by millions.

(Pause)

Mr. Miyagi: Close eye.

Miyagi's hands come together, punctuated by a dramatic music note.

FRIDAY - TIP-OFF

Wade emerges from locker room as the crowd goes wild.

Announcer: Dwyane Wade is gonna play? Dwyane Wade is gonna play! This is what it's all about, folks!

SUNDAY - REDFORD ARENA, DECIDING GAME

With their star player once again on the court to galvanize the team, Park City has cut into the Gators once insurmountable lead, now only trailing 5-4. As the Gators call a timeout to regroup, Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese motions for his star pupil, Kobe Bryant.

Kreese: Pummel the hip...you have a problem with that?

Kobe: (scared) No, Sensei.

Kreese: No mercy.

As play resumes, Kobe cheap shots Wade several times in his bruised right hip, but the referees are distracted by Tim Duncan flailing around after getting slightly nudged by Chris Bosh, so no foul is called. Wade limps to the bench, but after a timeout, returns to the floor wearing a traditional Karate Gi. As the Gators dribble up the court with the clock running down, Wade slowly assumes the crane position under the basket by standing on one leg and lifting both arms high into the air. Kobe calls for the ball.

Announcer: 30 seconds remaining...

Rondo: It's over, guys! Get 'em a body bag, yyyeeeah!!!

Kreese: Finish them!

Kobe hears the call of his sensei and drives to the hoop. As he releases the ball, Wade leaps high in the air and blocks the shot. Frustrated, Kobe gets his own rebound and shoots it a second time. And once again, Wade leaps and bats the ball away. Time expires. Kobe stares at the scorer's table in disbelief as he sees that Wade's last two blocked shots are the difference Park City needed to win the blocks category 11-10, and thusly the series, 5-4. The Sundancer crowd storms the court in a wild rush of celebration. A tearful Kobe grabs the Wasatch Concludings trophy and personally hands it to the Sundancer hero.

Kobe: You're all right, Wade. You can be my sleepover buddy any time.

Conference Concluding Previews

2010-03-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

.
Wasatch Conference Concludings

Deep down, you knew it would come to this. Can the Gators exact revenge on the Sundancers for last year's miraculous D-Wade block?

Season Series: Tied, 9-9-0

Seed: 2
Record: 85-71-6
Outlook: Once again, the Gators show the newly-named EBP who's boss. Will the current exceptional play of D-Will and D-West—along with their two-game advantage on Park City—be enough for Twin Falls to avenge last year's heartbreaker?

Seed: 1
Record: 92-66-4
Outlook: With Derrick Rose ailing and Jameer Nelson with only two games this week, the 'Dancers' title hopes rest on George Hill. Yeah we don't know who he is either. But we do know who Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant are, and despite having fewer games, we think they should have enough to score the victory.

Prediction: 5-4

World Conference Concludings

For the second straight year, it's Igs-A-Boms with a trip to the Concludings on the line. The big question: does Zermatt break out the St. Patty's green once again?

Season Series: Iguanas, 9-8-1

Seed: 2
Record: 83-73-6
Outlook: It was never really in doubt for the Igs against Udorn. A world now rallies around you, Maracaibo, as the second-to-last hope we all have at seeing the Abominable dynasty die. Coach Hopkin gets married this week...what's the over/under on how many times he checks on his team during the reception and/or honeymoon?

Seed: 1
Record: 86-70-6
Outlook: The A-Boms were hoping to get CP3 back in time for their first playoff game, but it looks like that's not going to happen. Zermatt will be hard-pressed to beat a team they lost to a mere two weeks ago, with essentially the same lineup—this time with Marcus Thornton instead of Randy Foye. Having said that, the Concludings have never taken place without a Ben Barnes-led team participating.

Prediction: 6-3

This Week in the WFBL Playoffs—Rd 1

2010-03-16T06:42:00.001-07:00

Live-Blogging the Wasatch Conference Round One

LeBron James, a portrait in moods: Happy (left, before the series), and sad (right, after the series).

TWIN FALLS (AP)—Its been two years and I'm fully healed from the last live-blogging disaster in Maracaibo. Even so, the bigwigs at the AP were wary of sending me back to cover the World Conference Round One, so here I am in snowy Twin Falls! Who needs the tropical warmth of Venezuela when you're just gonna be inside a basketball arena all week long anyways?

3/8/10 Morning Shootaround

There's chatter that the Trojans are thinking of sitting LeBron tonight, as a reward for winning the EBP. I know I'm no WFBL coach, but that seems a bit counter-productive to me. LeBron's here, but he's not out there warming up. He is, however, taking pretend pictures of every...hang on...okay okay..."cheeeeeese!"...alright you too man...hey I want a copy of that one!...

7:30 PM

As expected, no LeBron tonight. The Gators have put the Trojans in a big hole to start the week off. Tonight, Good David West decided to show up, and Timmy had a nice all-around game. One of the x-factors coming in was going to be the rookies—Rigby's Steph Curry and Twin Falls' Tyreke Evans—and so far Curry's having a tough time adjusting to the big stage. Really poor shooting, and he's turned it over as many times as West and Duncan combined. Not how the Trojans wanted to start off.

3/9/10

Looks like Vince "Half-Man, Half-A-Season" Carter decided to show up for the Trojans. If the matchup ended today though, the EBP would go to Deron Williams. It's funny, you hear him compared unfavorably to Chris Paul the past three years, but with CP3 out, D-Will really hasn't taken over the "best PG in the league" role like some thought he would. Tonight, however? 28 points, 17 assists, 1 turnover, 71% FG...not bad.

3/10/10 In Line for Snacks

Dang Idaho basketball teams! All they have are potato-related products. Can't decide between a potato dog or churro fries. Meanwhile, this matchup is seriously getting out of hand for Rigby. The Gators now have a 6-2-1 lead as rookie sensation Tyreke Evans just messed around and got a triple double. I wonder if he's related in any way to Adams' wife, Carolyn Evans-Adams? Let's see, mental note, look into relationship between star shooting guard and coach's wife, if any.

3/11/10

Well that's weird. Only Steph Curry and Vince Carter are out there on the court tonight. But what's more perplexing is that they still have only managed to close the gap to 5-3-1. Looking ahead, it appears both teams have the same amount of games remaining. Not sure where Rigby can make up another category...rebounds perhaps? LeBron should probably show his face tomorrow, and the Trojans need him to bring the pain, big time. Now if you'll excuse me, it's halftime, and the Twin Falls 13th Ward is about to perform a truncated version of their region-winning road show based on the classic Home Evening short "Honesty Leads to Integrity".

3/12/10

LeBron's back! And he shot 7-18! Wait, that's not gonna cut it. Meanwhile the Gators aren't doing anything spectacular, but just like they've been doing all year long, everybody's putting up solid numbers across the board. I think I just saw Adams on the phone with the team's travel agent, booking a bus to Park City.

3/13/10

Wait a minute, there's someone on the other line. It's Steph Curry. What's that young rook? You say you've got 35 points, 10 assists, 6 rebounds, 4 steals, 5 three-pointers and a block that say the Gators' bus to Park City isn't ready? Needs an oil change and new tires? It probably didn't help Twin Falls' cause that Adams decided to rest Duncan in what I overheard him call a "blowout victory". With one day left, the Gators have the 7-2 lead, but FG%, rebounds, steals, blocks, turnovers, and points are all up in the air. If the Gators lose, it would be an unraveling the likes of which I haven't seen since Weber State against Montana.

3/14/10

And there's the final horn. 6-2-1, Gators. In the end, the Trojans put up a fight but it was too much of that patented all-around great play from the Gators. You gotta wonder how this would have ended if the...ahem..."EBP" would have have played one more game. Sure, they would have lost turnovers, but rebounds, and conceivably points and steals could have been the Trojans'. But it's on to Park City for the Gators, back to Rigby for the Trojans, and back to WFBL headquarters for me. I think I see some youths coming down the alley swinging sacks of potatoes in a menacing fashion.

Igs, Jai Rai, Set Record For Most Clichés in a Single Article

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—With the crowd at their backs, Maracaibo came blazing out of the gates in the World Semfinals like a well-oiled machine firing on all cylinders. Udorn, meanwhile, looked like they left their 'A' game back in Udorn whilst wandering behind a Venezuelan woodshed for 7-2 whooping.

EBP candidate David Lee illuminated Maracaibo's winning strategy, "When the Jai Rai looked a little out of synch early, we smelled blood and went for the jugular. We knew we couldn't afford to get lackadaisical, so we just tried to keep this one in the bag.

"It was all over but the shouting after the first few days," continued Andre Igoudala, "so we decided to put on a clinic, 'How to Seal Victories.' After all, our fans weren't paying hard earned money to watch us taking a cakewalk in the park."

So what went wrong for Udorn? Kobe Bryant broke down Udorn's subpar effort with this nugget of wisdom, "Well, instead of playing to win, I think we were playing not to lose. But give Maracaibo credit. They got us on the ropes and blew the game wide open with a coffin-nailing knock out punch."

Udorn owner Devin Jackson also lamented, "I think it's clear that we've gone to the well once too often. We circled the wagons around Kobe all season, so him only having two games really took the wind out of our sails."

"Plus, they did play 6 more games than us," groused Danny Granger, offering the only tangible, game-related fact of this entire article.

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 5, SnowBees 4

Butchers 5, Stratagem 4

Underdogs 5, Tigers 3, The Game

Rd 1 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Rigby Trojans 5 (71%)
Twin Falls Gators 2 (28%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (71%)
Udorn Jai-Rai 2 (28%)

Week 19 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—4 votes (57% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Mar 24-30, 2008

First-class stamp: $0.42

Average movie ticket price: $7.18

#1 Song:"Love In This Club"—Usher ft. Young Jeezy
#1 Movie: "21"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Round 1 from 2008 (Mar 24-30). LeBron James has now won two EBP trophies. He's also now lost both playoff series immediately following receiving his award. Both times, those losses have come at the hands of the Gators. This was the first.

ROUND ONE, MAR 24-30, 2008

Gators Chomp 'Caibo, Kobe "Makes Statement" All Over LeBron's EBP Trophy

TWIN FALLS (AP)—As the final buzzer sounded, Kobe Bryant,
his Twin Falls Gators having just beaten Maracaibo 5-4—their first-ever playoff series victory—calmly walked over to rival LeBron James of the Iguanas. Was it to exchange pleasantries on a series well-played? Was it to wish him luck in his future endeavors? You don't know Kobe Bryant.

With thousands of Maracaibo fans watching in disbelief, the Mamba, ever the dignitary, grabbed LeBron's EBP trophy, which the Iguana had just received in a pre-series ceremony, and broke the bronze statue with his bare hands. He then threw the bottom half at LeBron's face, and bit off, chewed and swallowed the trophy's head.

"Let 'em go, let 'em go," said Commissioner Barnes, who was on hand for the series, as respective team officials tried to rush onto the court to deter the brawl that was certain to ensue. "They need to settle this themselves."

Only there was no brawl, no retaliation from LeBron. The 2008 Exceedingly Beneficial Participant only stood and cried as Kobe surprisingly had no problem chewing the trophy head, a replica of James' own noggin, which is no small feat considering the size to which it had grown over the past few weeks.

Kobe muttered no words, for words were unnecessary. The chewing said it all.

Bryant stepped up his game for the playoff clash, besting his averages in many categories. LeBron, however, couldn't do the same, and the disappointing Iguanas, not necessarily known for coming through in the clutch, fell in the first round of the playoffs once again.

"Leave to the Igs to the throttling! ARGHHHHHHH!" coach Fran Hopkin was heard to have said. "It is all the pressure of Chavez!"

It was quite a statement the Mamba made, who is obviously upset about not winning his second EBP trophy. One can only imagine what he'll do when faced against the top-seeded and regular season champion St. George Underdogs this week.

"We wanted to come in here and make a statement," said the Gators' Allen Iverson, speaking of statements. "That statement was: We are advancing to the next round. All apologies to Zermatt, but we feel we are the best team right now, and guess what, St. George...it's your turn to receive a statement."

And receive a statement they did, as the Gators would go on to do the unthinkable, defeating the U-Dogs 8-1 and earning their only Concludings trip.

Week 19 Power Rankings

2010-03-10T06:27:00.000-08:00

.
Let's Do This Thing

LeBron hopes this year's EBP trophy equates to better postseason success than 2008's.

Well, that was fun. All those weeks of laboring over statistics, scouring the waiver wire, fleecing an opponent in a trade, and we're through. It's playoff time. So for the elite, the Commissioner Barnes trophy and some custom shorts lie at the end of the three-week tournament. For the not-so-elite, a tote bag and the hopes of their name getting drawn first in the 2010 Dwyane Wade sweepstakes. Before we get too far into Round One, let's get some final thoughts on each team.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 92-66-4

With their statement-making 6-3 win over Twin Falls, Park City clinched the first-round bye and finished only a half-game behind their final record of a year ago. The 'Dancers look like the favorites this year, but will that #1 ranking prove to be their downfall yet again?

2 (1) 86-70-6
The A-Boms clinched their fourth straight first-round bye—one for every year of their existence, by the way—by only losing to the Igs 3-5-1. Coach Barnes may spin it as resting their players for the postseason, but the Power Rankings gets a stinking suspicion that this may be the worst team the two-time defending champ has ever taken to the playoffs.

3 (4) 83-73-6
Despite not reaching their goal of winning the World regular season crown, the Igs have to be pleased with not only making the playoffs again, but perhaps striking fear in the minds of the A-Boms. After five straight playoff appearances, is this the year 'Caibo breaks through?

4 (5) 80-77-5
No longer in consideration for the Most Disappointing Team WFBLy, the Trojans set their sights on upending perennial postseason powerhouse Twin Falls. Will 2010 EBP LeBron take the Trojans to the promised land, or fizzle in the first-round like 2008 EBP LeBron?

5 (3) 85-71-6
The Gators have been an odd team to explain all season long. Their players do a lot of things well, but nothing great. They're going to need someone to step up this week if they are going to sweep Rigby and force a Wasatch Conference Concludings rematch with Park City.

6 (7) 82-79-1
Along with Park City, the Jai-Rai are one of the hottest teams heading into the playoffs, having won an impressive two in a row! No really, that's impressive. Udorn has yet to win three straight this season, and has won two straight only twice. Now's as good a time as any to break that record, Jai-Rai.

7 (8) 80-78-4
Ok, so NOW it's the end of the world. New York just got cold at the wrong time of the year, losing three in a row before trying to salvage their season with last week's victory, which came up a half a category short. Now it's on to the tote bag, as the Kings try to salvage whatever pride remains in New York City.

8 (9) 74-83-5
If only there were one more week, Nephi totally would have caught Salt Lake for that 8th seed! But alas, there are only 19 weeks. Strats fans can take heart knowing that they've got the longest active win streak (four weeks), and are the early favorites to win that tote bag!

9 (6) 76-84-2
In the end, Rigby was just too much for the SnowBees. Hard to believe this once-proud franchise battled for the first-ever Concludings championship so many years ago. How much longer will the championship-starved fans in Salt Lake tolerate the losing?

10 (10) 75-83-4
Richmond lost out on the playoffs, but gained something even better: the Edgells welcomed baby #2 to the family Sunday night. Word on the street is she's a big body, and may get the start at PF next week if KG doesn't get his act together.

11 (11) 68-89-5
St. George broke the streak of "tote-bag winners one year, Concludings participants the next". Was it so long ago that everyone's favorite cartoon dog struck so much fear in the hearts of opponents?

12 (12) 65-93-4
Bayside won only one conference series all season, losing the other nine. That victory? 5-4 over New York in Week 2. To add insult to New York's injury, if Chris Bosh would have had one fewer turnover on Sunday against the Jai-Rai, the Kings would be in the postseason. Now, who said Bayside doesn't care?

Don't forget to vote on the Games of the Week and Week 19's EBP!

Round One Previews

2010-03-09T06:24:00.000-08:00

.
Wasatch Conference Round One

One final Spud State Showdown. This time, it's for the whole potato.

Season Series: Gators, 12-5-1

Seed: 3
Record: 80-77-5
Outlook: Led by two-time league EBP LeBron James, the Trojans won three of their last four to secure their second-ever postseason berth. Despite his greatness, there are rumblings that Wallace may hold James out a game to try to win turnovers. It may be a risky move, but Rigby needs to do whatever they can to get their first win of the season against Twin Falls.

Seed: 2
Record: 85-71-6
Outlook: With a chance to seal up the first-round bye, the Gators lost consecutive 3-6 games. D-Will and Co. owned the Trojans in the regular season, but will they have enough to keep up with the EBP? And how will Tyreke Evans match up against fellow rookie Steph Curry?

Prediction: 5-4

World Conference Round One

The Jai-Rai look to avenge last season's Rd 1 loss to the Igs.

Season Series: Tied, 9-9-0

Seed: 3
Record: 82-79-1
Outlook: The Jai-Rai won their last two—including a 5-4 victory over Maracaibo—to clinch their second-straight playoff appearance. Kobe and Granger are both finally back and healthy, but will the Mamba's two games this week be enough to overcome the 4-game advantage the Igs hold?

Seed: 2
Record: 83-73-6
Outlook: The Igs have beaten the top two teams in the WFBL (Park City and Zermatt) in two of the last three weeks. Sandwiched between those victories was a loss to the Jai-Rai, however. One worries about where the focus of the Igs will be, as coach Hopkin will likely have his attention elsewhere (something about getting married?).

Prediction: 5-4

This Week in the WFBL—Week 19

2010-03-08T09:09:00.001-08:00

LeBron, Fellow Trojan Cubs, Honored at Pregame Pack Meeting

LeBron James, posing here with his mother, is the WFBL's first-ever 2-time regular season EBP winner. Park City's Kevin Durant finished second.

RIGBY, IDAHO, WHICH IS KIND OF KIDDIE-CORNER FROM CALIFORNIA (Jefferson Star)—The audience at the Philo T. Farnsworth Center was being a little rowdy and hyper before the Rigby Trojans' final regular-season game, against the Salt Lake SnowBees. But when the WFBL's Akela, Phil Jackson, stood at midcourt with his arm raised and two fingers extended, a sign that represents the attentive ears of a wolf cub, everyone present knew it was time to start and indicated that they were paying attention by also raising their two fingers. And when the two fingers go up, the mouth goes quiet, so pretty soon all you could hear was Dirk Nowitzki offering Pau Gasol a million dollars if he'll shave all of the hair on his head, including his eyebrows. But eventually Dirk noticed that the whole arena had gone completely silent, that 20,000 people around him were making the attentive wolf cub sign, and that Phil Jackson was glaring at him, so he shut up too.

"I'd like the SnowBee cubs to notice how nicely the Trojan cubs are sitting and paying attention," Jackson said. "Let's all give the Trojan cubs a big hand," which means, as everyone in the arena knew, you're supposed to hold up your right hand, extending the fingers as far as they could possibly go, thus creating a "big hand."

"Before we begin our pack meeting this evening," Jackson said. "We have some announcements," to which Shaquille O'Neal, Rigby's reserve center and the league's Assistant Akela responded by leading the crowd in the following song:
"Announcements, announcements, announcements!"
[To the tune of "Farmer in the Dell"]
"What a horrible way to die,
What a horrible way to die.
Oh, what a horrible
What a horrible way to die."
[To the tune of "London Bridge Is Falling Down"]
Please keep them short and sweet,
Short and sweet,
Short and sweet.
Please keep them short and sweet.
They are BORING!"

"Just a reminder to everyone that the money you earned selling All-Star Game tickets should have been turned in last Friday," Jackson went on. "It looks like all of the Trojan cubs got their money in, but I'm still missing dues from every single member of the SnowBee den, except Dirk Nowitzki. Thank you, Trojan cubs, for being good examples of promptness to the SnowBee cubs. Let's give them another big hand, but this time with feeling."

Again the audience members extended their right hands as big as they could make them, then tickled their extended right hand with their left, all very enthusiastically, except for some of the SnowBees, who rolled their eyes while performing this cheer and got another stern glare from Jackson.

"Now we'll turn the time over to the den leaders to tell us about what they've done in their den meetings this month and present any awards that their cubs have earned," Jackson continued. "We'll start with the SnowBee den."

SnowBee den leader Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes sheepishly stepped forward to address the crowd. "Um, well ... you see, we kind of didn't really earn any awards this month. The boys just kept forgetting to bring their books, and I couldn't really think of any good activities to do, so we mostly just played basketball in the gym. Pau Gasol was really close to earning his Cooking belt loop, but he's sort of lost interest and we can't get him to complete the last few requirements. Other than that ... um, I think Rasheed was working on his Tattoo Art belt loop. Did you ever finish that, Sheed? No? Well, that's all. We're gonna work really hard this month, though, and next pack meeting I'm sure we'll have lots of awards."

Jackson, visibly disappointed, motioned for the Beekeeper to return to his seat and invited Nathan Wallace, the Trojan den leader, to come forward.

"Before we present our awards and show you what we've been working on this month," Wallace said, "we have a little skit we've prepared for you."

The skit began with Trojan cub Stephen Curry standing at midcourt yelling "Brains for sale! Brains for sale!" Chris Kaman walked by and asked, "What kinds of brains do you have?"

"Well, this one is the brain of a doctor. I'll give it to you for $100."

"What about that one?"

"That's the brain of Albert Einstein. It costs $500."

"And that little one?"

"That one costs $1 million."

"A million dollars?!! Why so expensive?"

"It's the brain of a SnowBee. It's never been used!"

Fifteen minutes later, after the riotous laughter from the crowd subsided, Wallace explained that this month his den has been working very hard on their Ecology and Biological Engineering belt loops. "Each cub has created his own clean-burning alternative fuel. We also built combustible engines and attached them to our Pinewood Derby cars to demonstrate how our fuels work." Lebron James then stepped forward to show off his car, which runs on fingernail clippings. Vince Carter explained how his car runs on used socks. And Chris Kaman amazed the crowd with his car, which runs on positive thoughts.

Next Wallace announced, "Besides earning the Ecology and Biological Engineering belt loops as a den, each of our cubs has worked very hard on to earn belt loops on their own. So when I announce their names, I'll have them come up and get their awards. You may want to hold your applause until the end, because this may take a while. Carlos Boozer has earned his Alcohol Awareness, World Diplomacy, and Time Traveling belt loops. Stephen Curry has earned his Nuclear Physics, Rain Gutter Cleaning, and Pokemon belt loops. Shaquille O'Neal has earned. ..."

Two hours later, when Wallace finally finished, the crowd erupted into their favorite cheer, the Seal of Approval, which consists of clapping one's elbows together and shouting "Arp, Arp, Arp!"

Akela Jackson then returned to the court and announced that there was one more very special award to give and invited Lebron James and his mother to come forward. "This is the highest award bestowed by the WFBL pack, the Exceeding Beneficial Player Award! This award includes an attractive statue and a pin for you to pin on your mother, Lebron."

After the obligatory comment that they should really be giving the statue to the mom and the pin to Lebron, Jackson said, "Now, there's one more requirement before you can have this award: you have to give your mother a big kiss." Lebron, somewhat self-consciously, kissed his mother lightly on the cheek and then held the trophy high over his head, while the crowd stood and did the Watermelon cheer by pretending to eat a big watermelon and spit out the seeds. (Afterwards, the Philo T. Farnsworth Center custodial crew called Jackson and asked that this cheer be banned, pointing out how disgusting it is to clean up 20,000 mouths full of imaginary watermelon seeds.)

As Lebron and his mom returned to their seats, Jackson explained, "There actually is one more requirement Lebron must fulfill to earn that EBP award. He must lead his team to the WFBL playoffs. But as a Scout Committee we saw that he only needed to win one more game to fulfill that requirement, and when it was pointed out that his last game was against the SnowBees tonight, we felt safe giving him the award before the game." The crowd nodded in agreement, including several of the SnowBees.

Turns out it was a safe assumption, because the Trojans defeated the SnowBees handily, earning Rigby their first trip to the playoffs in three years and validating Lebron's EBP. Next month, the Trojan den will be working on their World Domination belt loops, the first requirement being to defeat the Twin Falls Gators in Round One of the WFBL Playoffs.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 4, Underdogs 3, Unclaimed 2

Sundancers 6, Gators 3

Kings 6, Butchers 3

Iguanas 5, Abominables 3, Both 1

Jai-Rai 6, Tigers 3

Week 19 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Salt Lake SnowBees 3 (37%)

Rigby Trojans 5 (63%)

Week 18 EBP:

Andrew Bogut, Salt Lake—6 votes (66% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Mar 5-11, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.88

#1 Song:"This Is Why I'm Hot"—Mims
#1 Movie: "300"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 19 from 2007 (Mar 5-11). Hard to believe there was a time when two-time EBP LeBron James was a SnowBee. He must have been the driving force behind numerous championship runs for Salt Lake, right? Wrong, as this excerpt proves.

WEEK NINETEEN, MAR 5-11, 2007

SnowBee Cut-outs Fail to Slow Down Zermatt

SALT LAKE CITY (AP)—Coming into the rubber match against the Zermatt Abominables, Salt Lake SnowBees owner Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes predicted that if his team could "show up and play our game," they might be able to steal one from the A-boms. Well, it didn't quite work out that way, but thanks to the UPS and their same-day delivery, they did manage to mail in an effort that at least avoided the team's second-ever 0-9 shutout.

Just before tipoff, one of those big brown trucks pulled up to the SnowHive at Mr. Mac Arena, and a trim, muscular UPS man clad in brown shorts strode up to halfcourt with a brown paper package, tied up with strings. Zermatt forward Kevin Garnett, noting that this was one of his favorite things, eagerly tore open the package and found life-size cutouts of the five SnowBee regular starters posed in various defensive positions: Jermaine "SnowPlow" O'Neal fouling someone, Jason Kidd running to catch up with his man, LeBron "The Pollinator" James complaining to an official, and David West trotting leisurely upcourt. Tracy McGrady was shown shooting a three-pointer, since he doesn't really have a defensive position, per se.

Officials set up the cutouts in various positions on the court, and the game began. Zermatt, of course, had little trouble winning most categories, but the SnowBees did manage fewer turnovers than the A-boms, a fact that may convince the Beekeeper to mail it in for future matchups, such as next week's series with Twin Falls.

The Abominables now have their sights set on the regular season title, as Zermatt meets los Iguanas de Maracaibo in a winner-probably-takes-all-unless-they-don't matchup for the ages.

2010 Brackets

2010-03-08T04:38:00.000-08:00

2010 Playoffs Bracket—Rd 1

Click to embiggen.

The 2010 Playoffs Bracket will be played the same as most years, with teams being divided into their respective conferences ince again. Park City, Wasatch's #1 seed, gets a bye into the Wasatch Conference Concludings, where it will face the winner of the Rigby at Twin Falls Round 1 matchup. Zermatt, the World's #1 seed, gets a bye into the World Conference Concludings, where it waits for the Udorn at Maracaibo Round 1 winner.

The Wasatch and World will then meet in the WFBL Concludings.

The Round 1 losers will then play each other for 5th place, and the Conference Concluding losers will face off for 3rd place.

2010 Consolation Ladder—Rd 1

Click to embiggen.

Once again, instead of the Consolation Bracket following the format of the Playoffs Bracket, those less fortunate teams will be in what is known as the "Consolation Ladder".

It's the same as last year, but here's a recap: Every non-playoff team will have a game each of the three playoff weeks. The top non-playoff team (in this case, New York) will host the second-rated non-playoff team (Salt Lake) at the "top of the ladder" (or Game C1 for our purposes). The next highest teams, Nephi and Richmond, will play one "rung" below (Game C2), and the final two teams, St. George and Bayside, will play on the bottom "rung" (Game C3).

You win, you move up a rung. You lose, you move down a rung. And there you go. The tote bag awaits at the top of that ladder.

2010 Brackets

2010-03-07T20:56:00.000-08:00

2010 Playoffs Bracket

Click to embiggen.

The 2010 Playoffs Bracket will be played the same as most years, with teams being divided into their respective conferences ince again. Park City, Wasatch's #1 seed, gets a bye into the Wasatch Conference Concludings, where it will face the winner of the Rigby at Twin Falls Round 1 matchup. Zermatt, the World's #1 seed, gets a bye into the World Conference Concludings, where it waits for the Udorn at Maracaibo Round 1 winner.

The Wasatch and World will then meet in the WFBL Concludings.

The Round 1 losers will then play each other for 5th place, and the Conference Concluding losers will face off for 3rd place.

2010 Consolation Ladder

Click to embiggen.

Once again, instead of the Consolation Bracket following the format of the Playoffs Bracket, those less fortunate teams will be in what is known as the "Consolation Ladder".

It's the same as last year, but here's a recap: Every non-playoff team will have a game each of the three playoff weeks. The top non-playoff team (in this case, New York) will host the second-rated non-playoff team (Salt Lake) at the "top of the ladder" (or Game C1 for our purposes). The next highest teams, Nephi and Richmond, will play one "rung" below (Game C2), and the final two teams, St. George and Bayside, will play on the bottom "rung" (Game C3).

You win, you move up a rung. You lose, you move down a rung. And there you go. The tote bag awaits at the top of that ladder.

Week 18 Power Rankings

2010-03-02T14:34:00.000-08:00

.
Where Playoff Tickets Are Punched

While all of this week's matchups have playoff implications, only Salt Lake vs Rigby could result in the winning team making the playoffs and the losing team going home.

Remember all those weeks when your team lost a category by one assist or a hundreth of a percentage point, and you convinced yourself this one category wasn't going to affect the grand scheme of things? Well, you were wrong. It's the last week of the season. Playoff births and seeding will be determined by the slimmest of margins. Just think how nice that extra cushion would be had you gotten those two extra assists back in Week 3.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 83-65-5
Collison! Foye! Blatche! Gasol! No, the other Gasol! Even as they trot out a starting lineup like this to face the second place Igs, the A-Boms are still all but assured their fourth consecutive first round bye.

2 (5) 86-63-4

Apparently the old adage "As goes Wade, so go the Sundancers" doesn't apply when playing the U-Dogs. With Wade out resting his sore calf, Park City destroyed St. George anyway to reclaim the Wasatch driver's seat.

3 (1) 82-65-6
After giving up 5 games in the standings to the Sundancers in a single week, Twin Falls needs to beat Park City 6-3 to tie for the Wasatch crown. They would then claim the tiebreaker by virtue of their head-to-head record.

4 (3) 78-70-5
It would take a 7-2 Iguana victory to wrestle the World Crown away from Zermatt, also thanks to a head-to-head tiebreaker. Did we mention Randy Foye is starting for the A-Boms this week?

5 (4) 74-74-5
No pressure, but if Rigby blows it now, they wouldn't just miss the playoffs. LeBron could lose the EBP trophy that his name is already being etched on, and the Trojans would be a shoo-in for most disappointing team.

6 (7) 73-78-2
Better late than never, Salt Lake is finally making their long-promised playoff push. With their league leading win streak now at 4, the SnowBees are in position to steal the final playoff spot from Rigby with a 6-3 win.

7 (10) 76-76-1
With a half game lead over New York and Boshless Bayside coming to town, Udorn has a decided advantage. But it seems nothing has come easy for the Jai-Rai this year.

8 (6) 74-75-4
It's simple. New York needs to be one half game better than Udorn this week (they own the head-to-head tiebreaker). Open the gates and seize the day! Don't be afraid and don't delay! Neighbor to neighbor, father to son, one for all and all for one!

9 (8) 70-80-3
True, Nephi can sneak into the playoffs if they beat St. George 9-0 and Salt Lake beats Rigby 6-3, but that seems a little improbable. Still, stranger things have happened... like sweeping Twin Falls and Zermatt by a combined total of 24-11-1.

10 (9) 72-77-4
Richmond also needs a little help. They can crash the playoff party with a 5-3-1 win over New York and a 6-3 Bayside win over Udorn. Or, if a 4-5 Bayside loss seems more likely, they could try to beat New York 7-1-1.

11 (11) 65-85-3
It is strangely fitting that the only way the U-Dogs can affect the playoff race at this point is by losing 9-0. It's been that kind of season.

12 (12) 62-87-4
Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs! You kidding me? Playoffs? The Tigers just hope they can win a game! P.S. They are who we thought they were.

So, who do you think makes it in? Also, don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 18's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 18

2010-03-02T04:22:00.000-08:00

Mom Was Wrong: This Is the End of the World

Interestingly enough, the end of the world for New York came in the form of an A-Bom.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK (AP)—All throughout your youth, and well into adulthood, your mother has told you that basketball is only a game, that losing a basketball game—even one with playoff implications—is not the end of the world. You always used to trust your mom, but now you're not so sure—especially if you're a New York Kings fan who just watched your team get throttled 6-3 by Zermatt and drop out of playoff position with only one week to play.

But Mom has since clarified her position: "My earlier comments about basketball being only a game were taken entirely out of context," she insists. "I was clearly referring to non-WFBL games. With the WFBL Playoffs quickly approaching and the Kings in jeopardy of missing them, I just want to state for the record that these games are obviously more than mere games, and that losing to Zermatt is, for all practical purposes, the end of the world."

All across New York—or, as New Yorkers call it, the world—Kings fans and their mothers are struggling to adjust to their new lives as fans of a potential nonplayoff team.

"The first problem we all face," explains 10-year-old Ricky Amato of Queens, "is what we're going to wear. All those Kings clothes we bought over the last few weeks are worthless now. Personally, I plan to go to school naked, if I go at all."

It seems there are a lot of Rickys out there who now wonder what meaning, if any, life still holds. "This loss really puts things in perspective for me," says heart surgeon Mike Liebermann of Brooklyn. "I used to wake up every morning enthusiastic about the prospects of saving people's lives as a heart surgeon, but now I'm questioning all that. If the Kings miss the playoffs, what kind of life am I saving them for? Am I really doing them a favor? I see now how meaningless everything really is compared to the Kings' playoff hopes."

Entire newspapers and TV stations across the world (or city; same thing) have shut down, and the Wall Street Kings Journal is considering changing its name back to simply the Wall Street Journal. "People don't want to hear about the Kings right now," explains Phil Jackson, editor-in-chief of the Journal. "The name change made sense during the Kings' recent win streak, but now it might actually hurt sales."

Ironically, the Kings' players themselves seem to be handling the loss much better than their fans are. "It really helps that we have lives outside of basketball--which, my mom always taught me, is just a game anyhow," explains point guard Steve Nash. "So, for example, whenever we have a disappointing loss, I take comfort in knowing that I can still get satisfaction from my Vitamin Water commercials. Yes, I star in a number of Vitamin Water commercials. These Vitamin Water commercials are really funny. Let me say that one more time so you can add a link to another of my Vitamin Water commercials."

Corey Maggette, following his intrepid point guard's example, recently ventured into the gastronomy business by opening a chain of restaurants called Corey Maggette's Spaghetti. "I used to get down about losing games," he says. "But now I see basketball for what it really is--just a vehicle to lend some name recognition to what I really love, my spaghetti restaurants. Of course, it also helps that my name rhymes with spaghetti. That's why Carlos Boozer's addiction recovery program never took off, in my opinion."

Forward Paul Pierce says he also finds personal satisfaction in nonbasketball-related activities, such as dressing up in ridiculous costumes and visiting local schools with former Kings teammate Rasheed Wallace. "This is especially fulfilling for Sheed and me since we never goed to school. Last week we learnt about the color wheel, and we gonna go back next week to discuss big, bigger, and biggest. We also both tried out for a school play, and they picked us to play Robin Hood and Maid Marian. The play runs the same week as the Concludings, so we told them there'd be no conflict."

Guard Stephen Jackson has a similar level of optimism about his team's chances in the playoffs. "In fact," he says, "I hope we don't make the playoffs, because I'm scheduled as the keynote speaker in an upcoming gun control convention, and then it's straight to Washington to lobby Congress to replace all of our nation's handguns with water pistols. So I'm a little too busy for the playoffs this year. Maybe next year."

Does this mean Jackson intends to miss the Consolation Round if the Kings do miss the playoffs? "What? There's a Consolation Round? So our consolation for losing basketball games is to play more basketball games? No thanks."

There is, of course, still hope for the world—if the Kings can beat Richmond by one game better than the Jai-Rai beat Bayside (or if they can lose by one game less than Udorn loses), then New York sneaks its way back into the playoffs. And that means little Ricky can start wearing clothes again, but it may also mean fewer Vitamin Water commercials, the school play will need to find a new Maid Marian, and America's streets will be less safe. I don't know about you, but I'm not sure what to root for.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 5, Trojans 4

Sundancers 8, Underdogs 1

SnowBees 6, Gators 3

Jai-Rai 5, Iguanas 4

Butchers 5, Tigers 4

Week 18 Game of the Week Voting Results:

New York Kings 1 (16%)

Zermatt Abominables 5 (83%)

Week 17 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—5 votes (62% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Feb 26-Mar 4, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.88

#1 Song:"What Goes Around...Comes Around"—Justin Timberlake
#1 Movie: "Wild Hogs"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 18 from 2007 (Feb 26-Mar 4). The Abominables were fighting for that elusive regular-season title, and newcomer Twin Falls was fighting for a playoff spot. All seemed lost for the A-Boms as they dug themselves an early hole. And then, magic happened.

WEEK EIGHTEEN, FEB 26-MAR 4, 2007

Bloody Sunday: Allen Plays through Pain, Saves Day for Zermatt

ZERMATT (AP)—Just when things were looking down for the Zermatt Abominables, just when scoreboard watching showed that a loss would all but crush their hopes for the regular season championship, just when another humiliating loss to the Twin Falls Gators seemed imminent, Ray Allen stood up as if to say "Not today, Gators!"

"I saw that my team needed me," said Allen, who missed the previous night's game with bone spurs in his ankle, and was not only doubtful to play Sunday, but was rumored to be out for the season as well.

"I figured, 'what's a few bone spurs, really?'"

Gritting his teeth and grimacing throughout, Allen willed away the pain in his right ankle and the Abominables held on to beat the Gators 6-3, keeping pace with the mighty Iguanas in the race for first place.

"When I saw blood dripping through the sock and he's hitting those free throws and draining those jumpers, that was storybook," said Zermatt forward Andre Iguodala.

"I don't think any of us have any idea what he went through to play tonight," said coach Ben Barnes. "For him to go out there and do what he did, his heart is so big."

After the series, Allen praised Zermatt support personnel.

"This training staff was just phenomenal—the things they did for me over the last four, five, six days,'' he said. ''To avoid having (the bone spurs) rattling around, they sutured the skin down to something in between the two tendons to keep the tendon out. It worked.''

The blood-stained sock was immediately taken from Allen's foot and shipped to the WFBL Lobby of Greatness in Magna, Utah.

The Abominables would hang on to win the regular season title before getting humiliated 9-0 in the Concludings by Bayside. Yes, that's right, Bayside. But the A-Boms can hang their hats on the fact that the win essentially knocked the Gators out of the playoff race.

Week 17 Power Rankings

2010-02-24T09:33:00.000-08:00

.
Annual "Who They Shoulda Kept" Power Rankings

This may be the last gasp for the Kings. After a big loss last week, New York finds themselves not only 6.5 out of first, but a mere 1.5 ahead of Udorn for the last playoff spot. The A-Boms, fresh off an 8-week win streak bookended by losses to the Strats, can't afford another loss with the Iguanas hot on their trail.

Two weeks remain in the regular season. For those fighting for their playoff lives—be it trying to secure a top seed, fighting for home arena convenience in round one, or merely trying to make the postseason— now is hardly the time to look back. That's where the Power Rankings come in, with our annual assessment of "Who They Shoulda Kept".

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 79-59-6
Kept: Tim Duncan (12)
Shoulda Kept: Tim Duncan
Well done, Gators! Although a case could be made for keeping Gerald Wallace (13), Timmy has been steady all year for Adams' group. Besides, it's just a matter of time before Wallace collapses another lung.

2 (1) 77-62-5
Kept: Al Jefferson (55 on player rater)
Shoulda Kept: Andre Iguodala (22)
Jefferson didn't quite return from his injury as the A-Boms had hoped. Barnes has to be kicking himself over this one, especially since the SG/SF position has been his team's achilles heel all season long.

3 (7) 74-65-5
Kept: Chauncey Billups (16)
Shoulda Kept: Chauncey Billups
A case could be made for keeping Carlos Boozer (25), but due to their draft position—and Chauncey's continued great play this season—keeping a top-5 point guard made the most sense.

4 (5) 70-67-5
Kept: Vince Carter (96)
Shoulda Kept: Brook Lopez (10)
While the Trojans should be commended for drafting Lopez (and in turning him into Steph Curry [14] and Chris Kaman [83]), keeping him would have allowed Rigby to take someone else in the third round, such as Stephen Jackson (43) or Monta Ellis (51).

5 (3) 78-62-4

Kept: Dwyane Wade (5)
Shoulda Kept: Dwyane Wade
Kevin Durant (2) is the EBP candidate, but the 'Dancers were in line to draft him anyways (and he's a better keeper option for the future), so this was a relatively easy call for the Sundancers. They could arguably have held on to Bosh (8), but really, he would have just gotten in the way of Wallace and Brook Lopez (10). Of course, this all changes if Wade ends up missing any substantial time due to his calf injury.

6 (4) 71-69-4
Kept: Paul Pierce (34)
Shoulda Kept: Carmelo Anthony (35)
It doesn't seem right to say the Kings should have kept a lower-rated player, and who knew Melo would have the type of season he's having? New York's lineup could have handled Melo missing a few games, and could certainly use his rebounding and scoring (NYK is 11th and 10th in the league, respectively).

7 (8) 67-75-2
Kept: Pau Gasol (38)
Shoulda Kept: Pau Gasol
Also an easy choice, although with the problems the SnowBees have been having at point guard this season, some Salt Lakers would make a case for Derrick Rose (94). They would be wrong.

8 (10) 68-76-3
Kept: Brandon Roy (60)
Shoulda Kept: Brandon Roy
You can't blame the Strats for Roy's recent injuries. But you can blame them for not having any better options. Their next best option was Kevin Garnett (67), who is lighting things up currently at the end of the Butchers' bench.

9 (6) 67-73-4
Kept: Jason Kidd (7)
Shoulda Kept: Jason Kidd
The only real option for the Butchers ended up being the best they could have hoped for. It's safe to say Kidd's outplayed his expectations, and the best player they could have kept other than the veteran point guard would have been David West (37).

10 (9) 71-70-1
Kept: Danny Granger (59)
Shoulda Kept: David Lee (9)
This was supposed to be the year of the Jai-Rai, with their juggernaut offense and big name starters. Alas, Granger's injury changed Udorn's fate. In retrospect, Lee was their next best option as a keeper, but Jai-Rai fans can't argue with the production that Horford (15), Nene (17), and Randolph (27) have been giving them.

11 (12) 64-77-3
Kept: Devin Harris (171)
Shoulda Kept: Marc Gasol (21)
Again, we can't fault the Underdogs for Harris' injury—he was lighting things up at the end of 2009—and who knew Gasol would be as good as he is? But let's play pretend for a moment. What if the U-Dogs kept Gasol? They would have had to pass on Dwight Howard (19) in the draft, but could have snagged Steve Nash (4) or Deron Williams (26). Hindsight is 20/20. I bet the U-Dogs wish they would have had hindsight.

12 (11) 58-82-4
Kept: Caron Butler (72)
Shoulda Kept: Anyone But Caron Butler
2009 Tigers Having a Better Year than Caron Butler: Marcus Camby (18), Jason Terry (29), OJ Mayo (39), Luol Deng (42), Troy Murphy (44), Brendan Haywood (68), and Michael Beasley (70). Ladies and gentlemen, the Bayside Tigers.

Who do YOU think your team should have kept? Also, don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 17's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 17

2010-02-23T10:34:00.001-08:00

Less AK is More for Igs, While Less Wade is Still Less for 'Dancers

Nice try Dwayne, but it's a different world from where you come from.

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—There is an old adage: As Dwyane Wade goes, so goes the Sundancers. Keeping this in mind, Park City's week didn't start off very well when an unfortunate travel mix up saw not Wade stepping off the team plane in Maracaibo, but Dwayne Wayne, a mathematics major at Hillman College.

With weekly rosters already submitted, Park City's legal team worked quickly to uncover an obscure league rule that states, "After lineups are finalized, a substitute can start in place of a designated player if his name features 9 out of the same 10 letters in similar, if not identical, order."

Known around campus for his characteristic flip-up sunglasses and flirtatiousness, but not for his basketball prowess, Wayne felt guilty about the mix up and decided to try suiting up. He played the first game and a half, but kept turning the ball over when he would pause mid-dribble to make eyes at the foxy Venezuelan girls in the stands. Finally, Park City coach Dave Barton kindly thanked him for his efforts, but explained they'd take their chances going 4 on 5.

In addition to this built-in advantage, the Iguanas got standout performances from David Lee and Ray Allen. Plus, guest coach Sinbad pulled all the right strings, including benching Andrei Kirilenko only 9 minutes into his final game due to "back spasms." The surprising move came after Kirilenko made a single basket to secure field goal percentage, but before he had a chance to compile 2 turnovers, resulting in the final score of 6-2-1.

Kirilenko addressed the benching after the game, "I like playing, but I like game much more when it comes with win. It feels twice better.”

Afterstats

The Iguanas broke the all time free throw percentage record this week, shooting an otherworldly 0.9211 from the charity stripe. This narrowly topped the previous mark of 0.9206 set by Nephi last season. Who actually keeps track of this stuff? Oh, just some nameless committee.

The Sundancers continue to give voters reason to pick against them, losing their third of five "Game of the Week" matchups this season, going 19-24-2 overall. And with the real Wade still lost in transit somewhere, Park City will be without him once again as they prepare to take on St. George in week 18.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 5, Abominables 3, Humanity 1

Gators 6, Kings 2, Your Face 1

Underdogs 7, Tigers 2

Trojans 5, Jai-Rai 3, Jessie's Mom 1

SnowBees 5, Butchers 3, The Children 1

Week 17 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Park City Sundancers 1 (16%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (83%)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Feb 18-24, 2008

First-class stamp: $0.42

Average movie ticket price: $7.18

#1 Song:"Low"—Flo Rida ft. T-Pain
#1 Movie: "Vantage Point"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 17 from 2009(Feb 18-24). It was two years ago, but the concept of a "live-blog" was still a revolutionary idea. Who better than the WFBL to try it out on Week 17's Game of the Week, which featured Los Iguanas de Maracaibo (trying to catch first-place St. George) and the Udorn Jai-Rai (hoping to sneak into the playoffs).

WEEK SEVENTEEN, FEB 18-24, 2008

Live-Blogging the Game of the Week

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—You're lookin' live at El Arena de Basquet de Hugo Chávez! It's the WFBL's Week 17 Game of the Week! I'll be your host for this evening, in the first-ever Live Blog of a WFBL game.

2/19/08 9:18 AM Morning Shootaround

I've been to Maracaibo plenty of times, but I'll never get over how green everything is down here. And not just the foliage, but the basketball court too. My goodness who designed this monstrosity?

The teams are warming up and things are not looking good for the Jai-Rai, I can tell you that. Gerald Wallace is not running the drills, but is sitting on the bench and has a small red box above his head with a white cross inside of it. This may not bode well for his availability this week.

5:30 PM Pregame Warmups

'Caibo is 6.5 back of the U-Dogs with five weeks to go, and
despite being a lock for the playoffs, would like a big win here to close the gap. Udorn on the other hand, needs to win and needs some help, as they are in seventh place, 3.5 behind Richmond for the final playoff spot. Grab your Maltín Polar, we got a playoff atmosphere in Maracaibo!

7:30 PM

Wallace's Red box is gone! He's in the game! And he's playing terribly bad. 0-9? Really? Between him, Duncan (2-12), TMac (6-21), and Turkoglu (4-13), Udorn ends up shooting .319. Ouch. D-Will's come to play, and can't seem to miss. Despite the poor shooting and LeBron's triple-double, the visiting Jai-Rai go into Wednesday up 6-3.

2/20/08

The Iguanas mascot sure can get the party started like nothing I've ever seen. He just sprayed confetti all over the Jai-Rai bench! What fun! You know who should be the Igs mascot? Chris Bosh. You paint him green and he looks just like an Iguana.

Speaking of Bosh, he just dropped 40 on Udorn, only missing two shots. Throw in another triple-double from SteakTrash, and darned if 'Caibo isn't feelin' it right now. The Igs have stormed back to take a 7-2 lead. Can the Jai-Rai respond?

2/21/08

We got ourselves a rip-snorter! Udorn, thanks to assists and free throws from Timmy D (!), has cut the Iguana lead down to 5-4. Who would win in a fight? An Iguana or a snake-wielding monkey? You gotta think if a monkey can control a snake enough to wield it, it should have no problem with an Iguana. I think you could even tie one of the monkey's hands behind it's back, it still has that other hand to wield the Iguana. What if the Iguana had a knife for a tail though? I'd like to see that fight.

2/22/08

Bad news for Jai-Rai fans: not only is Gerald Wallace's injury icon back, but it smacked him in the nose and knocked him out cold. No one knows how long Wallace will be out, and things don't bode well for Udorn. Another near-triple-double for LeBron, and the Igs are back up 6-3.

2/23/08

It's still 6-3 Iguanas, but the big news is they got the Dancin' Grannies for the timeout show. One of them I swear looks like she is 100 years old, and I think she's the same lady who hit the half-court shot during an earlier timeout to win a Daewoo. If she dunks off a trampoline through a ring of fire, I don't care how old she is, I'm asking her to marry me.

2/24/08

The Jai-Rai are making a game of this, but it looks like they've run out of time. Another near triple-double by LeBron just about seals it for the Igs, 5-4. Man, Udorn has to be wondering how they would have done had Gerald Wallace not gotten smacked in the nose with that little red box...and 'Caibo has to be frustrated that they lost ground on the U-Dogs despite the win. And I'm frustrated that I now have to try and find a cab ride back to my hotel. Have you ever tried to hail a cab in Venezuela? ¿Dos mil Bolivares? ¡No, vale!

The Igs wouldn't catch the U-Dogs in the standings and the columnist was attacked by bat-wielding "Chavistas" outside his hotel. Hmmm, maybe that's why there hasn't been a WFBL live blog since?

This Week in the WFBL—All-Star Diversion Week

2010-02-15T12:58:00.000-08:00

Smucker's Jam Festival

What? Me cheat? No way!

As popular as his "OJ and Mayo Jam" was last year, OJ Mayo's entry in the 2010 Smucker's Jam Festival—a new recipe he calls "Mayo and OJ Jam"—was no match for the traditional strawberry jam prepared by Salt Lake SnowBee and Pampered Chef Consultant Pau Gasol, who impressed the event's sponsors by presenting his jam in a Smucker's jar, complete with Smucker's labeling and nutrition information.

"I'd like to thank the people at Pampered Chef," Gasol said during a teary-eyed acceptance speech, "for helping me 'Discover the Chef in [Me].' Without the 8-Inch Chef's knife (no. 1054, $75.00) and the Measure, Mix & Pour (no. 2265, $11.50) and the Salad & Berry Spinner (no. 1785, $55.00), none of this would be possible."

Gasol then invited any fans and media members who would be interested in hosting their own Pampered Chef party to come see him after the press conference. But as the line began forming, it was suddenly discovered that Gasol had not really made his prize-winning jam—he had actually just bought a jar of Smucker's strawberry jam and entered it as his own. When confronted with this accusation, Gasol at first tried to look incredulous and indignant, but finally broke down in tears and confessed.

"It's true! It's all true!" he sobbed. "I can't keep living a lie. There is no 'Chef in [Me].' I thought that purchasing a bunch of overpriced cooking utensils and cookware would make me a good cook—that it would somehow improve the taste of the food I cook with it, but it was all a lie. I have learned my lesson now: the best foods are made only by large corporations that mass-produce their food in huge factories with lots of preservatives."

Despite the Smucker's Corporation's warm approval of this apology, Gasol was nevertheless disqualified from competition and stripped of his prize, which was awarded instead to hometown favorite Andrei Kirilenko of the Iguanas, whose vodka-flavored jam was less than appetizing but got enthusiastic support from the Russian judge, Vladimir Putin. And at least he made it himself.

Master Lock Bill Havlicek Memorial Steal & Hostess Turnover Contest

After implementing sweeping changes for no particular reason, this year's competition barely resembled that of years past. As the only two players in the league to average 2+ steals and 3+ turnovers per game, Dwyane Wade and Monta Ellis were selected to represent their respective conferences.

The revised rules were simple. Whoever could maintain possession for five seconds would be declared the winner. The ball was placed at center court as Wade and Ellis shook hands, turned back to back, then walked a set number of paces like an old-timey duel. Each player then turned and lunged for the ball, which squirted away like a hot potato slathered in vaseline.

The ball changed hands countless times over the next 30 minutes. As one player would grab the ball and start dribbling, the other player would poke it loose, dive after it, and so on and so forth. Wade eventually triumphed by grabbing the ball and shoving it under his jersey for the required 5 seconds before it slipped out the right leg of his shorts.

Celebrex Dennis Rodman Memorial Rebound Challenge

Wow! Look at Dwight soar to get that rebound! Is he almost using two hands?

Dwight Howard, two-time defending champion of the Celebrex Dennis Rodman Memorial Rebound Challenge, knew that in order to three-peat this year, he'd have to do something special.

"This contest, which has traditionally been the highlight of Diversion Weekend," Howard explained just minutes before taking the court to defend his title, "has been suffering from a lack of originality the past few years. Of course every fan loves a good rebound, but there's kind of a 'been there, done that' attitude—a sense from fans that they've already seen every possible kind of rebound. Well, this year, I hope to change all that."

With that enticing introduction, Howard removed his warmups to reveal a Superman costume, to the thunderous approval of the crowd. He then provided the first surprise of the night by announcing that, rather than rebounding missed shots from a teammate (as is traditional in the rebound challenge), he would rebound his OWN missed free throws. Next he threw the fans into hysteria by missing wildly from the free-throw line and creatively rebounding his misses in every way imaginable: by grasping the ball with his right hand and securing it with his left, then by grasping it with his left hand and securing it with his right. Finally, with the capacity crowd holding its collective breath, he grabbed his final rebound with BOTH HANDS AT THE SAME TIME. At first no one could believe it, but when slow-motion replays on the jumbotron confirmed that both hands touched the ball at exactly the same moment, the arena simply erupted.

Unfortunately for Howard, the panel of judges—consisting of Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, his Bolivian puppet Evo Morales, former Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin, North Korean tyrant Kim Jong-il, and the earthly remains of Ivan the Terrible—were unimpressed. In fact, they penalized Howard 3,000 points for "holding political ideologies that are disloyal to Communism and to the welfare of the State" and 4,000 points for "apparent sympathies toward the United States and its capitalistic corruption." Similar penalties were assessed to other participants, including Bayside's Chris Bosh, the Iguanas' Joakim Noah, and Richmond's Marcus Camby, leaving each with a negative score.

As a result, the winner of the 2010 Celebrex Dennis Rodman Memorial Rebound Challenge was Yao Ming, a late addition to the contest who has not played a single game this season because of injury and actually can't even stand up without help. With a final score of zero, Yao easily finished with the most points and accepted his award via videoconference from his small, concrete, government-issued apartment in China. His acceptance speech—in which he attributed his victory to the paternal care of the Communist Party and to the principles of Social Marxism that have forever guided his life—was met with thunderous yet dignified applause played at high volume over the arena's sound system.

Dixie Cup Ron Artest Memorial Punch-Out

After staging a relatively quiet event last year, fans and officials alike were hoping for another traditional, old school throw-down—sans weaponry. But just as the bell sounded for the semifinal bout between Rasheed Wallace and Kendrick Perkins, the door to the jungle court was splintered by an axe. And who should stick his head through the gaping hole but suspended Gilbert Arenas, proclaiming, "Heeeeeere's Gilby!"

Fortunately, league security acted quickly, shooting the crazed Arenas with horse tranquilizer before dragging him away. Sporting unkept hair and wearing only rags, one can only speculate that Arenas has been living in the Venezuelan jungle since his suspension, foraging for sustenance while waiting for a chance to exact revenge on former teammate Kobe Bryant. But living a transient life also surely means he must have missed the announcement that Kobe wouldn't be participating in any All Star festivities due to injury.

Thus the Dixie Cup Ron Artest Memorial Punch-Out was declared over before it really got started, and the top prize was awarded to the aforementioned members of league security for their quick thinking and razor sharp aim. However, lost in all the excitement was why they were toting horse tranquilizer in the first place.

Sony Ron Artest Memorial Jam Festival

"Put yo hands UP!"

The Sony Ron Artest Memorial Jam Festival never disappoints, and this year was no exception. First up was Redickulous, filling in for last year's winner, The Jonas/Korver Brothers. After a few minutes it was clear that Redickulous is a one-trick pony, as the band of Rigby Trojans headlined by JJ Redick repeatedly played their one "hit"—DOOOOOOO-HAN!—despite the judges' insistence that they perform a new arrangement.

Next up was the entire World Conference All-Stars—featuring Jeff Bridges, Kanye West, Billy Crystal, and other assorted stars from music, television and movies—singing a special musical number called "We Are the World (Conference)" as a tribute to the people of Thailand and the 2004 tsunami relief effort. It was a stirring rendition, and most definitely would have won were it not for West incessantly "singing" out of turn ("I'ma let you finish, but the Wasatch is the best conference of all time. Of all time!)

But in what will undoubtedly be the talk of All-Star Diversion Week, the evening ended with Kobe Bryant—who up until now was thought to have been enjoying his break in Udorn, resting his ailing ankle—and LeBron James, decked in black leotards and singing their version of the Beyoncé hit "All the Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)", entitled "All the Superstars (Put a Ring on It)".

"It was an obvious slap in the face to the management of both the Twin Falls Gators and Los Iguanas de Maracaibo," said judge Phil Jackson. "The lyrics were poignant—especially the chorus, 'if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it'—you could feel the bitterness of the two EBPs up there. It was a liberating message to all those teams who don't take advantage of having an EBP on their team. I guess if the Gators and the Igs liked 'em, they shoulda won a ring!"

The 'Dancers have a two-game lead on the Gators with three weeks to go, and need to create as much breathing room as they can as a Week 19 date with Twin Falls looms. The Igs need a win in a bad way to not only keep pace with the A-Boms, but to fend off the Jai-Rai, who trail Maracaibo by two games for the final World playoff spot.

This Week in the WFBL—All-Star 2010

2010-02-15T08:55:00.000-08:00

End of the World: LeBron Leads Wasatch to First-Ever All-Star Victory

LeBron soared through the jungle on his way to EBP honors.

LA GRAN SABANA (La Verdad)—Led by All-Star EBP LeBron James, the Wasatch Conference broke a 5-year curse, humiliating the World Conference by a final score of 7-2.

The combination of James, Durant, Nowitzki, Lopez and Deron Williams proved too much for the World, who were without superstar Kobe Bryant. LeBron's return to the country he called home the last two years was, as the EBP-frontrunner called it, "bittersweet".

"Bitter because I'm bitter towards the Iguanas for never surrounding me with the players I needed to win a title," the Trojan small forward explained. "Sweet because we kicked the World's trash, and I got another All-Star EBP trophy."

For the World, it was the end of a dominant era in the mid-season classic. In the two previous meetings that pitted the Wasatch against the World, the World had won handily.

"I think there's a lot of things to which we can attribute this loss," said Commissioner Barnes, head coach of the World All-Stars. "For starters, LeBron's natural jumping ability combined with the high altitude—remember, we played the game on top of Earth's highest waterfall—made it near impossible for anyone on our team to guard him. Plus we put Melo on him. That was probably a mistake.

"Secondly, Chris Bosh kept complaining about the ball being too wet, what with all the humidity and moisture up here," he continued. When pressed to answer why the ball moisture didn't seem to affect the Wasatch All-Stars, Barnes concluded that it had something to do with Wasatch assistant coach Pau Gasol, who handed out exfoliating lotion before the game. "You know, the kind that has little bits of sand or whatever in it. It's grippy."

Despite all of the "disadvantages" the World had, many believe it was the mangoes that kept falling on the court that did them in, especially when point guard Steve Nash slipped on a smashed mango and fell off the edge of the mountain, tumbling down the waterfall.

"Yeah that probably hurt us a little," said Barnes. "I bet Chris Paul wouldn't have fallen off the edge of the cliff, though."

_________

Wasatch Replacements:
Steph Curry replaced Mo Williams at PG
Deron Williams started in place of Mo Williams
OJ Mayo replaced Brandon Roy at SG

World Replacements:
Baron Davis replaced Chris Paul at PG
Andre Iguodala started in place of Kobe Bryant
Joe Johnson moved to backup SG
Josh Smith replaced Kobe Bryant at SF

All-Star Game Voting Results:

Wasatch 4 (50%)
World 4 (50%)

Week 15 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—4 votes (66% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Feb 12-18, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.58

#1 Song: "Irreplaceable"—Beyoncé
#1 Movie: "Ghost Rider"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at All-Star Week from 2007 (Feb 12-18). Before the WFBL was even split into conferences, the 2nd Annual All-Star Game pitted players geographically from the World and the Wasatch. New Orleans was the host city, and since the festivities happened to take place during Mardi Gras, Indiana Team Mom Regan Barnes forbid her team to participate. Turns out the World didn't need her team's help, anyway.

ALL-STAR WEEK, FEB 12-18, 2007

The World Is Enough: Bayside's Marion Leads World to 5-3-1 Victory

NEW ORLEANS (AP)—On paper, a collection of the top players from the four most dominant teams in the WFBL (and Indiana) should be able to defeat a similar collection from the so-called "lower tier" teams in said league.

Luckily for the World squad, WFBL games are almost exclusively played on paper.

And so it is fitting that Bayside's Shawn Marion, the top-rated player in the league all-season, statistically, led the World to a 5-3-1 victory over the Wasatch and the game's EBP trophy.

The game was close throughout, but when it came down to it, the rebounding of the World, along with the Wasatch's propensity for turning the ball over, led to the close victory.

"We knew we had a good team coming in," said Marion. "We had a good time, it was a pretty good weekend, and hopefully we put on a good show."

It appeared at the outset that the World would dominate, and with a formidable lineup – no player was ranked lower than 18 – it is easy to see why that would be expected. But the Wasatch, led by Twin Falls' Kobe Bryant and St. George's Gilbert Arenas, would not back down and made it interesting throughout the game, despite their lower player ranking (two players ranked in the mid-twenties).

"I may have been a little out of line when I made that 'shock the World' comment last week," said a contrite Arenas on his blog. "I was gonna try to go out there and get that EBP award, but once I realized that I was missing a lot of shots and we were losing, I figured I'd just play."

In all, New Orleans was a great host city for the annual showcase of WFBL talent. Most importantly, there were no arrests and no public embarrassments as of press time. Pundits believe that this can be owed to the fact that the hooligan Indiana Sand Dunes and their troublemaking fans didn't make the trip.

Could the game return to the Big Easy again next year?

"Who knows," said Commissioner Barnes, festooned in Mardi Gras regalia. "There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to anything we do in this league. But that's what makes it so interesting, I think."

The league takes Monday off before getting back into action Tuesday for the final five weeks of the regular season.

Week 15 Power Rankings

2010-02-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

.
How Do We Love the Power Rankings? Let Us Count the Ways

It's finally here! The game where players can stop pretending that they are somehow less important than some vague, artificial concept of "team." The week when we finally shed all that meaningless dross that bogs us down during the season (setting screens, playing help defense, playing any kind of defense) and focus on the true essence of sports: showing off and accumulating good stats, in a venue chosen not for its convenience or practicality but rather for its potential to expand worldwide interest and increase revenue. Viva el dobleve-effe-be-ele!

It's been a poetic year for the WFBL, from J.J. Redick's haiku, to Dirk Nowitzki's iambic pentameter, to Kevin Durant's limericks. This week's Valentine's Day edition of the Power Rankings continues that theme, with verses selected from The Complete Works of Phil Jackson, the WFBL's poet-in-residence, along with a surprise visit from guest analyst Robert Frost.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 74-57-4
Roses are red,
Meniscuses are small.
With a backup like Collison,
Who needs Chris Paul?

2 (4) 73-57-5
Roses are red,
Gators are green.
Is this the best season
Idaho's ever done seen?

3 (2) 76-56-3

Roses are red,
And sometimes they're Derrick.
You lost to your rival
Without Chris Paul there? Ick.

4 (2) 69-63-3
Roses are red,
SnowBees are fierce.
But 5-4 isn't bad
With an injured Paul Pierce.

5 (8) 65-64-4
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown.
The playoffs seem likely
With King James in town.

6 (7) 64-68-3
Roses are red,
Daisies are yellow.
For Richmond to contend,
They're gonna need Carmelo.

7 (5) 68-63-4
Las rosas son rojas,
El arbol da ojas.
Los Iguanas son flojas,
Y con esto me enojas!

English translation:
Roses are red,
The tree bears leaves.
The Iguanas are lazy,
And that makes me mad!
(Except in Spanish all the lines rhyme. Spanish is clearly a superior language.)

8 (9) 62-72-1
Roses are red,
They grow in a bush.
Is this the long-awaited
SnowBees' playoff push?

9 (6) 68-65-0
Roses are red,
The Jai-Rai are (is?) falling.
Will their playoff dreams end
When the Trojans come calling?

10 (11) 63-73-2
Two centers diverged on draft day,
And sorry I could not take them both,
And be one manager, long I stood
And looked at Chris Bosh as long as I could.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim. ...

I shall be telling this with a sigh,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two centers diverged on draft day, and Nephi,
Nephi took Amare Stoudemire,
And that has made all the difference.

11 (10) 56-75-4
Roses are fraglie,
So are the Tigers.
The people of Bayside
Just want to cry-gers.

12 (12) 57-75-3
Roses are red.
Post this on your blogs:
This year puts the "under"
In the term "Underdogs."

Don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 15's EBP! Enjoy the All-Star festivities! And in case you forgot, here's the list of this year's All-Stars.

This Week in the WFBL—Week 15

2010-02-09T14:30:00.000-08:00

Bizarro CP3, 'Shard-Dog Guide A-Boms to Ski Town Triumph

The 'Shard-Dog recants to the media the specifics of his game- and skis-winning shot.

PARK CITY (AP)—Rumor has it there was some sort of big foosball game scheduled this last weekend, but it made little difference as all eyes in the sports world were glued on Park City for round two of the fabled Ski Town Skirmish.

The Park City Sundancers and Zermatt Abominables have been so evenly matched in recent years that the end result always seems to be decided by one of the WFBL's famous quirks—that a team can play more games than their opponent. When last they met, the untimely suspension of former A-Bom Jason Richardson gave the 'Dancers the edge in this department, paving the way for a 5-4 victory.

Even with the rematch promising an equal slate of games, the odds were once again tilting towards Park City. Any margin of victory and the skis would be theirs. A 4-4-1 tie would also do the trick, A 5-4 Zermatt win would result in a 9-9 season series tie, thus each team would get to take home one ski from the trophy. To win the Oaken Skis of Yore outright, Zermatt needed a 5-3-1 win or better. And how likely was that with their fearless leader, Chris Paul, on the mend?

After sustaining a knee injury in the late going against Richmond, the A-Boms recently learned they would be without Paul for the next 4-6 weeks. But owner Ben Barnes shrewdly plugged his CP3-sized hole with rookie free agent Darren Collison, who inexplicably always seems to play better when Paul goes down. In fact, is this scenario not unlike that of Clark Kent, who never seems to be around when Superman shows up to save the day? When asked about this phenomenon, Park City owner Dave Barton speculated, "Well, what if the injury to Paul is all an elaborate ruse? What if Collison actually IS Chris Paul without his glasses on. Chris Paul doesn't wear glasses? Let's just move on before there is time to poke any more holes in this theory."

"Plus, you never see the two of them toge...oh wait..."

With Park City controlling the series in the early going, the old "number of games" quirk once again found a way to rear its head. Nursing a sore hamstring, Gerald Wallace was forced to sit out Wednesday night, potentially swinging three, maybe even four categories the A-Boms' way.

In another bizarre moment typical of the WFBL, only Rashard Lewis was allowed to play on the final day of competition. Even with no one out there guarding him, Lewis still shot poorly enough to cause his team's field goal percentage to dip below that of Park City's, leaving the score tied 4-4-1 with time running out. Playing like he had challenged himself to a round of H-O-R-S-E, 'Shard-Dog clanked all sorts of circus shots—backwards from the free throw line, up and over from behind the backboard, you name it. Meanwhile, his teammates desperately shouted from the sidelines, Price is Right-style, for him to just make one more basket.

"What, you mean like this?" asked Lewis as he trotted up to the basket and netted an easy 5 footer. The final buzzer sounded immediately thereafter, and Zermatt's field goal percentage moved a mere hundredth of a point ahead of the Sundancers', giving them the 5-3-1 win. With their regular season mark against Park City finalized at 9-8-1, the Oaken Skis of Yore will be returning to Zermatt for the first time since the 2006-07 season.

Lucky for us, the league will be treated to an encore performance of sorts this coming weekend as Barnes and Barton again match wits as coaches of the All-Star game, having guided their teams to first place in their respective conferences.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 6, Iguanas 3

Gators 6, Jai-Rai 3

Butchers 5, Underdogs 4

Trojans 6, Tigers 3

SnowBees 5, Kings 4

Week 15 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Zermatt Abominables 5 (71%)
Park City Sundancers 2 (28%)

Week 14 EBP:

Chris Paul, Zermatt—4 votes (36% of vote)
Kevin Durant, Park City—4 votes (36% of the vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Feb 5-11, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.58

#1 Song:"Irreplaceable"—Beyoncé
#1 Movie: "Norbit"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 15 from 2009(Feb 5-11). In honor of the resurgent New York Kings (and their matchup against "pop" Ted Barnes), we look back at the Kings' first trip to the top of the WFBL standings, back in 2007. The Kings were then known as the Triceratops and were on their way to their first (and possibly last?) playoffs appearance. But first, they had to get past dear old dad.

WEEK FIFTEEN, FEB 5-11, 2007

Trikes Hop on Pop, Land on Top of League

FIRST-PLACE NEW YORK (AP)—There's a scene from Dr. Seuss's beloved classic "Hop on Pop" in which two yellow, furry, bear-like creatures jump on the bloated tummy of their prostrated, chagrined daddy yelling gaily, "We like to hop on top of pop!" Not only does this scene help small children learn to read words ending in -op, it also provides a good metaphor for what happened to the Salt Lake SnowBees after the New York Triceratops stomped on them to the tune of 7-1-1, polishing off a 15-2-1 overall record against dear old dad and using him as a springboard to first place in the WFBL.

Actually, Dr. Seuss appears to be an ample source of metaphor for last week, so let's continue in that vein, shall we? For example, the 21 assists and 9 three-pointers contributed by Mike "Gertrude McFuzz" Miller, which more than compensated for the absence of injured Steve "Fox in Socks" Nash, could be likened to the auspicious arrival of Sylvester McMonkey McBean, the fix-it-up chappie, to help the Star-Bellied Sneetches on those wild, screaming beaches with his star-off machine. And the reliable 91.7% free-throw shooting by Elton "Horton the Elephant" Brand recalls a paraphrase of Horton's famous mantra: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful [91.7] percent."

New York's relentless pursuit of first place reminds one of Sam I Am, who never tired of offering green eggs and ham to his nameless counterpart and finally met success. Now the league-leading Triceratops face their toughest test in Los Iguanas de Maracaibo, with whom they share first place. Will New York's newfound success be as precarious as the Cat in the Hat, who could bounce up and down an a ball while holding various household objects but soon fell on his head, coming down with a bump from up there on the ball while watching all those things fall? Will the Trikes' reign atop the league be like Yertle the Turtle's, who claimed to be ruler of all he could see, atop a stack of his fellow turtles, only to be felled by the burp of an ordinary turtle in the stack named Mack? Or will it be like those ten apples atop the heads of a dog, a tiger, and a lion, who proclaimed confidently, "Ten apples up on top! We are not going to let them drop!"?

In owner TJ Barnes's words, "I don't like sharing my first time in first place. So I hope we win; then the Iguanas will be in second place—or third place—and I'll be in first place all by myself."

Week 14 Power Rankings

2010-02-03T06:55:00.000-08:00

.
Separation Week

Both teams are coming off resounding 8-1 victories, and if it weren't for the recent injury to Chris Paul, we'd be calling this a sure-fire Concludings preview. The 'Dancers look like the best team in the league, but you never know what will happen in the Ski Town Skirmish!

Week 14 was a big conference weekend in the WFBL. Park City and Zermatt gave themselves more breathing room at the top of the standing, New York and Maracaibo did their part in staking claims to playoff spots, and Rigby's loss coupled with Nephi's unraveling has Salt Lake knocking on postseason's door. There are 4 weeks remaining. Only 2 playoff spots are what we would consider secure (Park City and Twin Falls). It's time to separate the contenders from the pretenders.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 69-54-3
The A-Boms defied all odds and stretched their winning streak to 7 weeks with an 8-1 dismantling of Richmond. But it was a costly victory, as EBP favorite Chris Paul suffered a knee injury and will miss the rest of the regular season and possibly the playoffs. Is this the end of the Abominable Dynasty?

2 (3) 73-51-2

Park City just continues to show their dominance. With wins in 5 of their last 6 weeks, including victories of 7-2, 6-3, and two 8-1's, Durant, Wade, and Co. are creating a bigger separation each week between them and the rest of the Wasatch. They surely will not show mercy to the injury-riddled A-Boms this week.

2 (2) 65-58-3
Make it six in a row for the surprising Kings. Despite the victory over Udorn, New York still sits 4 games out of first. But you know that they, as well as the other contenders in the World, have to know that with 4 weeks left, the regular season title and first-round bye are not out of reach just yet.

4 (6) 67-54-5
After losing three of four since their 5-week win streak, the Gators bounced back with a resounding victory—albeit over (spoiler alert!) last place St. George. A playoff spot is all but a lock for Duncan and crew, but that first-round bye may be harder to come by: all four remaining games for Twin Falls are against teams contending for a playoff spot.

5 (8) 65-57-4
Don't look now, but after four straight losses, Los Iguanas have won 3 of 4 and have climbed their way back into 2nd place in the World. With Chris Paul's injury, could it be the Igs who make a late-season rally for the first-round bye, while Zermatt plays the role of choke artist?

6 (5) 65-59-0
Udorn blew a golden opportunity to get a leg up on the race for the final playoff spot in the World, losing 4-5 to the Kings. The good news is they only lost by one game and are still in the hunt to make the postseason. The big difference between this year's Jai-Rai squad and those of years past? Only two 5-4 victories this whole season.

7 (4) 59-64-3
Did the Butchers just get knocked out of the playoffs? It sure feels that way. 10 games out of first and 6 out of the final playoff spot, Richmond is in win-big-or-else mode from here on out. A healthy Carmelo Anthony would do wonders in keeping their playoff hopes alive.

8 (7) 59-63-4
The Good News: Ribgy's still got that last playoff spot. The Bad News: Tony Parker, Carlos Boozer, and Chris Kaman all suffered injuries last week. The Good News: Steph Curry has been a big lift at SG, and can slide over to the point. The Bad News: Salt Lake (yes, Salt Lake!) is breathing down their necks, only 3.5 games back.

9 (11) 57-68-1
How do you win only 2 of your last 6 but somehow creep within striking distance of a playoff berth? Why, you play in the Wasatch Conference, that's how! Could a sub-.500 team make the playoffs in the Wasatch, while a team like New York or Udorn gets left out with a winning record?

10 (9) 53-69-4
Bayside may have only won 2 of their last 10, but by gummit, they ain't the worst team in the league, and they can hang their hats on that! But it is safe to say that they're probably out of playoff contention. Set your sights on that elusive tote bag!

11 (10) 54-70-2
Oh, Nephi. The Power Rankings holds a special place in their hearts for you. You're 6 games out of the playoffs with 4 weeks to go, and 2 teams ahead of you. What will the Stratagem do? Throw in the towel or make a final push for decency?

12 (12) 53-70-3
Six straight losses for the once-unbeatable franchise. Don't cry for the U-Dogs, though, as their 3 winnable games in their next 4 (Richmond, at Bayside, at Nephi) could help them lift themselves up from the bottom of the standings.

Don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 14's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 14

2010-02-02T06:40:00.000-08:00

.
Kings' Nash Finds Voice on Radio Show

Steve Nash, live on WNYK: your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball!

NEW YORK (AP)—Editor's note: The following is a transcript of an interview between New York City radio station WNYK and Kings All-Star point guard Steve Nash, which was really hard to type because radio talk show hosts talk fast. But it was still easier than actually interviewing Steve Nash ourselves.

Marvelous Marv: Hey, all you sports fans out there in Radioland! You're listening to "King Me," the weekly program that brings you the inside scoop on your New York Kings, right here on WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball. I'm your host, Marvelous Marv Martinez, and I'm really excited about our next guest. He's been a member of the Kings ever since their inaugural season, and he's been a dear friend of mine ever since he started playing well earlier this year. And now that we're able to disguise ourselves on his caller ID, he's joining us as a guest on our show. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome New York City's favorite point guard, Mr. Steve Nash!

Steve Nash: Hello?

Marvelous: Hello, Steve!

Steve: Who is this?

Marvelous: I'm Marvelous Marv Martinez, and you're on "King Me," the weekly program that brings you the inside scoop on your New York Kings, right here on WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball.

Steve: The caller ID said you were my grandmother.

Marvelous: That's strange. Well, do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?

Steve: Actually, Marv, I'm kind of busy right now. You see, I was just about to clip my toenails.

Marvelous: Don't worry, Steve, this will only take a minute. You and your Kings compadres are coming off a huge 5-4 win against the Udorn Jai-Rai, a tough World Conference foe that has been chasing you in the standings. You came into the series ahead of Udorn by only half a game, and now, thanks to that hard-fought victory, you're ahead by a full game and a half. And every win counts at this point in the season, with only a few weeks left before the playoffs. And I know you want to head into next week's All-Star break with momentum. And it's important to keep that win streak alive, which now stands at six weeks and includes wins over the Iguanas and the Sundancers. 'Cause that win streak is giving the Kings relevance and making the rest of the league take notice. And it's really nice for the fans, because they've been supporting you ever since about week three of your current win streak. And now to beat the Jai-Rai in the WFBL Game of the Week—how important was that to you and your team?

Steve: Um, very...important...?

Marvelous: That's right. And let's talk about your personal performance. Your 51 assists, 12-for-12 free-throw shooting, four steals and 12 three-pointers almost single-handedly beat the Jai-Rai in those categories, and as you know, in a narrow 5-4 victory, every single statistic counts—although, technically, I guess, they count in blowouts too, but they seem to count more in close games. Anyway, I'm sure you'd say that it was a team effort, and that no one player can do it all himself, and that Paul Pierce and Corey Maggette going off for 84 point apiece surely helped. And you'd probably want to give credit to Udorn for how hard they played to keep the series close. But how satisfying was it for you personally to have such a big series individually in one of the biggest series of the year and help your team in this way and give the Kings fans such an important win?

Steve: It was...satisfying, Marv. For all the reasons you mentioned.

Marvelous: And speaking of your individual effort, how gratifying was it to be named the starting point guard for the upcoming All-Star game ahead of reigning EBP and media darling Chris Paul of the hated Zermatt Abominables, whom everybody wants on their team and for whom any team would drop their current point guard—even you—in an instant? I mean, anytime you can be recognized individually for your accomplishments in this way, by being named an All-Star—that's something you always dream about and work for. But when it comes at the expense of a player whom the media drools over, that has to be extra special. Of course, team goals are the most important, as we all know. And you're surely focused primarily on helping the New York Kings lock up a playoff berth and make a run for the Concludings. But surely there must be some personal gratification at being honored in this way, given an appropriate amount of obligatory acknowledgment of the role your teammates play in making you look good, right?

Steve: [silence]

Marvelous: Steve? Steve? Are you there, Steve? Did we lose Steve? All right, which of you lousy technicians lost the phone connection? You're making me look bad! Get Steve back on the line, or so help me...

Steve: Hey, Marv. I'm back. Sorry. It sounded like your question was going to take a while, so I figured I had time to run out for just a sec and shoot a Vitamin Water commercial. But I set my phone next to a baked potato—did the potato answer your question all right?

Marvelous: No, not really, but—oh, hold on, Steve. It's now 7:47, and you know what that means! Every ten minutes on the sevens here at WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball, we bring you Time-Saver Traffic Reports from "Judy in the Sky" Farnsworth. Judy, how's the traffic looking from up there?

Judy: Well, Marv, traffic is at a standstill on basically every street in this sorry town. All major intersections are jammed, mostly with taxis, and I'm hearing a lot of obscenities in every language you can think of.

Marvelous: So, basically, no change from your last report 10 minutes ago?

Judy: Or from any report I've ever given in the 12 years I've worked here, Marv.

Marvelous: Thanks, Judy. We'll check back with you at 7:57. Sorry for the interruption, Steve.

Steve: No problem, Marv. That was very informative.

Marvelous: Just one more question and then we'll let you go. As you know, it was just over five short years ago that the nation of Thailand was devastated by a horrific tsunami. Millions or perhaps billions of people were killed, and billions more were left homeless. Worst of all, the Thai people were forced to face the tragedy without the benefit of a championship-contending professional sports franchise. Fate, it seems, has been merciless toward the people of Thailand—until this year, when Kobe Bryant signed with the Udorn Jai-Rai. Suddenly there was hope that the Jai-Rai could bring healing to this forlorn land. But now you and your heartless mates from New York have dealt a cruel blow to the dreams of the Thai people, robbing them, at least temporarily, of the one bright star in the pitch-black sky of their lives. If the Jai-Rai do not make the playoffs because of their loss to the Kings, then you might as well rename your team the Tsunamis, because you'll have done more damage to the Thai psyche than any natural disaster could ever do. How do you live with yourself?

Steve: Marv, that's THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD! What kind of pompous arrogance inspires the sports industry to believe that having a winning team erases or even mitigates the misery and suffering caused by the 2004 tsunami? The people of Thailand need clean water and food and shelter and comfort, and we give them a WFBL franchise?!? Will the Jai-Rai rebuild their homes? Will the Jai-Rai adopt the orphaned children? Will the Jai-Rai feed the starving families who lost their plantations and their livelihood? Can the Thai people EAT the Jai-Rai? All the Jai-Rai will do is squeeze more money out of these poverty-stricken people and line the pockets of the elitists. If I hear one more sportscaster claim that the nation of Thailand "needs" the Jai-Rai to go to the Concludings this year in order to complete the healing process from the tsunami, I'm going to take that sportscaster's microphone and--

Marvelous: Well, that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for "King Me" on WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball. (Man, that Steve Nash can really be long-winded, can't he?)

Around the WFBL

Abominables 8, Butchers 1

Sundancers 8, Stratagem 1

SnowBees 5, Trojans 4

Gators 6, Underdogs 3

Iguanas 7, Tigers 2

Week 14 Game of the Week Voting Results:

New York Kings 2 (33%)
Udorn Jai-Rai 4 (66%)

Week 13 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—4 votes (50% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Jan 26-Feb 1, 2009

Loaf of Bread: $2.02

Gallon of milk: $3.39

#1 Song:"Just Dance"—Lady GaGa ft. Colby O'Donis
#1 Movie: "Taken"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 14 from 2009(Jan 26-Feb 1). The Twin Falls Gators were once again competing for first place in the Wasatch Conference, and all season long, a certain reptilian-themed player was at the center of controversy. Week 14 gave us a unique, personal look inside the Mamba's locker. Click the image at your own risk: some things you can't un-see.

WEEK FOURTEEN, JAN 26-FEB 1, 2009

Gators 4, Tigers 4, Humanity 1

TWIN FALLS (AP)—At the beginning of the season, the Twin Falls Gators had a few goals in mind for 2008-09. While the pedestrian goals—make the playoffs, finish in first, win the Concludings, etc—are easy enough, the one that stood out as simply unattainable is the one still fridge-magnet-ed to the locker of each and every player: Keep Zermatt From the Playoffs. The top-ranked (you can preface that with, "formerly", that's for sure) Gators, fresh off a stumblingly pathetic 4-4-1 tie to last place Bayside, get their final direct shot at acheiving their goal, welcoming the A-Boms to town. They'll need help, too, with the defending champs a mere (cough) 18.5 games ahead of Richmond, with five weeks to go. But still, that's not stopping Kobe and Co. from giving it their all. "We need this win, we absolutely must have it," said Bryant. "People talk about winning a championship as the ultimate goal. I already did that. That's been done by a lot of people. But Zermatt's never not made the playoffs. So as you can see, all our focus—mine at least—will be on stopping them." "Not me," said forward Tim Duncan. "Who cares about Zermatt? I want a ring! Gimme gimme!"

It needn't be mentioned that the Mamba's goal of keeping the A-Boms from the playoffs was not only NOT attained, but it was not attained in the most horrible way imaginable. You know the history here.

Week 13 Power Rankings

2010-01-27T19:05:00.000-08:00

.
Guillermo Diaz Memorial All-Stink Team

With five weeks left in the regular season, the Kings and the Jai-Rai meet up with a mere half-game separating them. A big win by either team—coupled with another likely 5-4 win for Zermatt—could put the winner in first place in the World.

The WFBL recently announced the lineups for the 2010 All-Star game—a group of individuals considered the best of the best. Players who give each team daily joy, as owners check their box score totals. These are the players of whom dreams are made, and on whom championship teams are built.

And then we have the Guillermo Diaz All-Stink Team. Named after the horrible backup guard for the St. George Underdogs who made the All-Star team in 2008 (thanks to the "Best vs the Rest" format) despite his player rating in the high 500's, the Guillermo Diaz All-Stink team follows the same guidelines as the All-Star team, only in reverse. Who is the lowest-rated player on each team? Let's take a look, Power Rankings style!

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 61-53-3
Kevin Martin (237). As well as things have been going for the Champs this year, injuries have kept them from utter domination. After leading the league in scoring for the first week of the season, Martin missed 11 weeks with a hand injury and is doing everything in his power to convince Coach Barnes to leave him on the bench.

2 (2) 60-54-3
Allen Iverson (235). The Kings' recent success (five straight wins, second only to the A-Boms' six-straight) can be attributed to many factors. One of those is never having to start Allen Iverson. With guys like Paul Pierce and Stephen Jackson ahead of him, thankfully New York will never have to.

3 (3) 65-50-2

Nate Robinson (201). Technically, Lil' Nate hasn't been a hindrance to the Sundancers' title aspirations, since he was just added this week. But for a guy who was integral to Park City's run to—and loss in—the Concludings last season, a ranking of 201 is quite disappointing.

4 (6) 58-56-3
Ben Gordon (184). It's a tribute to Richmond's saavy front office (Channing Frye and Wilson Chandler for Andrea Bargnani as Most One-Sided Trade, anyone?) that their opening-day starter at shooting guard is their worst player, yet here the Butchers are a mere three games out of first place.

5 (7) 61-54-0
Josh Howard (252). The Jai-Rai were approached numerous times with offers of a backup small forward upgrade in exchange for Brandon Jennings. Udorn turned them all down, and then Danny Granger went down. Sure, they're 1.5 out of first now that Granger is back, but who knows where they'd be if they could have had All-Star Gerald Wallace fill in for Granger instead of Howard?

6 (5) 61-51-5
Tracy McGrady (386). Your winner for "lowest rated rostered player". T-Mac hasn't—and almost assuredly won't—see the light of day for Twin Falls, and one has to wonder what it is that's keeping him a Gator. Oh yeah, the good luck thing.

7 (8) 55-58-4
Shaquille O'Neal (257). Thankfully for Trojan fans, the Big Trojan Horse has spent much of the season riding the pine, behind All-Star Brook Lopez. Now that Lopez is gone in favor of Chris Kaman (and Steph Curry, a move lauded by the Power Rankings), the only thing keeping the washed-up O'Neal from destroying Rigby is Kaman forgetting to drink his milk.

8 (4) 58-55-4
Raja Bell (303). Not that it matters, really, since the Iguanas never change their starting lineup (Bayside 2.0?), but it does seem odd that the Igs are keeping Bell on their roster, seeing as how he's out for the season and contemplating retirement. Maybe they know something the rest of the league doesn't. This year's keeper, anyone?

9 (9) 51-62-4
Richard Hamilton (279). Speaking of never changing their lineups! We need to give honorable mention to Bayside, who leads the league with five players on the All-Stink team. The other representatives: Tyrus Thomas (234), Hakim Warrick (221), Maurice Evans (193), and Kirk Hinrich (173)

10 (6) 53-62-2
Mike Dunleavy (185). Ladies and gentlemen of Nephi, your starting shooting guard! With Brandon Roy seemingly hurting every week, the Strats have had to turn to Dunleavy to help guide them to the consolation round this year. In more positive news, the Strats surprisingly had only two players make the All-Stink team (Nenad Krstic, 159).

11 (11) 52-64-1
Leandro Barbosa (208). The rare case of the worst player rostered actually being someone the team relied on heavily this season. It was one injury after another for Barbosa, who really wasn't that great when he wasn't injured.

12 (12) 50-64-3
Tayshaun Prince (350). It's hard to put too much blame on Prince, when guys like Mike Miller (220), Devin Harris (190...and the U-Dogs' keeper from last year!), and J.R. Smith have all done their fair share of leading St. George to the bottom of the Power Rankings.

So, who do you think is your worst player? And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 12's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 13

2010-01-27T06:36:00.000-08:00

Look at Dem, They'a da Kings a' New Yawk

The Maggette Reuben, coming soon to New York delis everywhere.

NEPHI (AP)—Start spreadin' the news! For the first time since crowning themselves two and a half seasons ago, the Kings are living up to their name. Winners of five in a row, New York has climbed to only a game behind Zermatt in the World Conference standings. I know what you are thinking: Why haven't we heard anything about this team? Are there no reporters in their city? What's the story behind the Kings' remarkable about face?

Well, for starters, key players like Paul Pierce and Troy Murphy have gotten healthy. Plus, the front office has been making all the right moves, such as trading for Antawn Jamison. But the turnaround has also been greatly aided by the contributions of a pair of seldom used bench players.

With a week 10 matchup against conference nemesis Maracaibo looming, resident computer expert DeJuan Blair hacked the internet, modifying Fran Hopkin's password so he couldn't log on to his league account and adjust his lineup. It took Iguanas' tech support a month to fix the problem. New York dominated Maracaibo 7-2.

The Kings' hijinks continued in week 12 as Thabo "Swiss Mister" Sefolosha infiltrated the Sundancer locker room on a secret mission to unplug Chris Kaman's milk stocked mini fridge. The Milkman took one curdled swig as he was warming up for his first game and ended up missing the entire week. New York narrowly held off Park City 5-4.

But alas, not all of New York's wins have been the result of felonies. There have also been some shrewd lineup choices, such as starting Corey Maggette in place of a red hot Stephen Jackson this past week.

Teammate and closet "foodie" Steve Nash offered Maggette some high praise, "Unlike most bench guys, who typically produce turd sandwiches when the starting lineup beckons, Corey went and made himself a big old double decker EBP Reuben. Mmmmh, who's hungry?"

The Kings feasted on Nephi 6-3.

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Underdogs 4

Sundancers 6, Tigers 3

Butchers 5, Gators 4

Jai-Rai 6, SnowBees 3

Trojans 5, Iguanas 4

Week 13 Game of the Week Voting Results:

New York Kings 3 (37%)
Nephi Stratagem 5 (62%)

Week 12 EBP:

Chris Paul, Zermatt—4 votes (50% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Jan 21-27, 2008

Loaf of Bread: $1.59

Gallon of milk: $2.74

#1 Song: "Low"—Flo Rida ft. T-Pain

#1 Movie: "Meet the Spartans"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 13 from 2008(Jan 21- 27). Zermatt was fresh of a disheartening loss to the Sundancers and needed a win in a big way. Nephi, in the midst of a four-week losing streak—the last three a combined 5-22—were happy to oblige. Here now the continuation of the account of their wars and contentions:

WEEK THIRTEEN, JAN 21-27, 2008

A Continuation of the Account of the Wars and Contentions between the Inhabitants of Nephi and the Great Abomination from the Land of Zermatt

ZERMATT (AP)—7. And it came to pass in the commencement
of the thirteenth week of the reign of the Tigers, the people of Nephi did take up arms once again against the Great Abomination of Zermatt.

8. But behold the destruction of the people of Nephi was even more fierce than it had hitherto been. And lo, many rebounds, the sharing of the ball one with another, the robbing and plundering of the basketball, and the blocking of shots were made by the Great Abomination. And the Great Abomination was inspired by the opportunity to move up in the standings.

9. But the people of Nephi were inspired by a better cause, for they were not fighting for rankings of power but they were fighting for their homes and their liberties, their wives and their children, and their all. But mostly for their pride; for the people of Nephi in all honesty had not much more for which to fight.

10. Nevertheless, when the men of Justin Banks saw the fierceness and the anger of the Great Abomination, they did shrink and did flee from them. And because of the pride for which the people of Nephi did fight, which pride did once again enter into their hearts, yea I say that because of this pride, the people of Nephi did suffer great loss.

11. And the number of that loss was 8-1, in the favor of the Great Abomination.

12. Now this great loss of the people of Nephi, and the great slaughter which was among them, would not have happened had it not been for the Abomination which was among them.

13. And thus ended the thirteenth week of the first year of the reign of the Tigers over the people of the WFBL.

The Abominables would lose only one more series the rest of the season (including postseason) on the way to the first of their back-to-back titles. The Stratagem would win only one more series to finish out the regular season—and went on to finish with a streak of 12 losses in 13 weeks.

2010 All-Stars Announced

2010-01-23T20:37:00.000-08:00

.
LeBron, Nash Head List of All-Star Voting; Lopez, Melo Two of Nine First-Timers

LeBron James hopes to lead the Wasatch Conference for their first-ever victory over the World Conference in the 2010 All-Star Game, which will be held on top of Angel Falls in Venezuela during Week 16's bye week.

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—The 2010 All-Star starters and reserves were named this morning, to much fanfare and gusto during a break in the Rigby-Maracaibo Week 13 matchup. While the big story may be the return of Iguanas favorite son LeBron James, this time as a Trojan bent on leading the Wasatch to their first ever All-Star victory, there are plenty of interesting story lines for this year's Mid-Winter Classic. Below are the voting results, with comments.

Position, Name, Team (All-Star Appearances)

Mo Williams, St. George Underdogs (1)
Deron Williams, Twin Falls Gators (2)
Rajon Rondo, Nephi Stratagem (1)

Kevin Durant, Park City Sundancers (2)
Dwyane Wade, Park City Sundancers (5)
Brandon Roy, Nephi Stratagem (1)

LeBron James, Rigby Trojans (5) * 2006 EBP
Gerald Wallace, Park City Sundancers (3)
Danilo Gallinari, Nephi Stratagem (1)

Dirk Nowitzki, Salt Lake SnowBees (5)
Carlos Boozer, Rigby Trojans (2)
Andrea Bargnani, Park City Sundancers (1)

Brook Lopez, Park City Sundancers (1)
Tim Duncan, Twin Falls Gators (4)
Amar'e Stoudemire, Nephi Stratagem (4)

Wasatch Comments: Rajon Rondo is the lowest-rated player to make the All-Star team; Nephi (that's right, Nephi) was tied with Park City for most All-Stars (4), but the recent trade with Rigby that brought Brook Lopez to the Sundancers gives the defending runners-up five All-Stars; Lopez gets the start at center in only his second season in the league; Mo Williams, Rajon Rondo, Brandon Roy, Danilo Galinari, and Andrea Bargnani are other first-timers for the Wasatch; it's a bitter-sweet victory for Mo Williams, who will be out 4-6 weeks with a shoulder injury. Deron Williams would take his place—his first-ever All-Star start, and Steph Curry will be an injury addition, representing Rigby; LeBron James and Dwyane Wade are appearing in their record fifth All-Star games, while the King is the only player in league history to start in every Mid-Winter Classic; Pau Gasol needn't worry about his complexion problems in the thin air of Angel Falls. The SnowBees center was nowhere to be found on this year's selection.

New York's recent play isn't the only thing turning heads lately. Steve Nash gets the starting nod over Chris Paul in this year's All-Star game, marking Nash's fourth appearance.

Position, Name, Team (All-Star Appearances)

Steve Nash, New York Kings (4)
Chris Paul, Zermatt Abominables (3) * 2009 EBP
Jason Kidd, Richmond Butchers (3)

Kobe Bryant, Udorn Jai-Rai (5)
Andre Iguodala, Los Iguanas de Maracaibo (3)
Monta Ellis, Zermatt Abominables (1)

Carmelo Anthony, Richmond Butchers (1)
Joe Johnson, Bayside Tigers (3)
Paul Pierce, New York Kings (4)

Chris Bosh, Bayside Tigers (4)
Al Horford, Udorn Jai-Rai (1)
Nene, Udorn Jai-Rai (2)

Marcus Camby, Richmond Butchers (4)
David Lee, Los Iguanas de Maracaibo (2)
Zach Randolph, Udorn Jai-Rai (1)

World Comments: Kobe Bryant is gets the starting nod at shooting guard, after relinquishing the spot to Dwyane Wade a year ago for the Wasatch squad; Richmond leads the World with four All-Stars, while Udorn, with their three All-Stars, is the only other World team to nab more than two spots; this is Chris Paul's third selection, but the reigning All-Star EBP's first non-start; Carmelo Anthony headlines a group of four first-timers (Monta Ellis, Al Horford, and Zach Randolph) for the World Conference, getting the start at small forward; Three of the four PF/C backups are members of the Udorn Jai-Rai.

So what do you think? That look about right? Did your precious player get snubbed? Upset that stupid Steve Nash barely beat out America's favorite point guard for the World's starting spot? Vent in the comments!

Week 12 Power Rankings

2010-01-21T07:27:00.000-08:00

.
Can Tell Us How to Get to Sesame Street?

The Kings face the Strats in what promises to be an intense week of matchups, especially since this is the last chance for players to impress the All-Star voters before the rosters are announced. After that, all that's left are the less-motivating team-oriented goals. Oh yeah, and the Chris Paul Memorial EBP award.

Sesame Street, which just celebrated its 40th year, is the world's longest-running children's TV show. The WFBL, which is celebrating its 5th year, is the world's longest-running basketball league worth mentioning. So this week the Power Rankings asks each WFBL team, "If you were a Sesame Street character, which one would you be?"

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 56-49-3
Big Bird. After all these years, who still rules the roost? The Commissioner's team has been no. 1 so often for so long, the rest of the league is starting to feel like Tony Danza in this epic tennis match.

2 (4) 54-51-3
Oscar the Grouch. Is reaching no. 2 in the Power Rankings enough to make those grouchy New Yorkers happy? Perhaps, but being happy puts them in a bad mood. Then again, they like being in a bad mood. I guess they're kind of conflicted. But one thing's for sure, they love Nash.

3 (1) 59-47-2

Ernie. Speaking of conflicted, Park City is in the unique position of leading the league in both steals and turnovers. Looks like the Sundancers could use a lesson in sharing.

4 (5) 54-50-4
Rosita. Both Sesame Street and the WFBL have a token green-colored Spanish speaker. And if every Maracaibo fan loved his Iguanas the way Little Richard seems to love Rosita, the Arena de Basquet de Hugo Chavez would be a tough place to play indeed.

5 (1) 57-46-5
The Amazing Mumford. The Gators are having themselves a magical season, levitating above the rest of the league and defying gravity, as it were. A la peanut butter sandwiches ! But is last week's loss to Zermatt a sign that the platform is falling out from beneath them?

6 (8) 53-52-3
Cookie Monster. C is for Carmelo, whose 88 points on 55% FG shooting and 23-of-24 from the line were good enough for Richmond last week.

7 (9) 55-53-0
Sherlock Hemlock. There's a mystery to solve in Thailand—where the heck has Kobe Bryant's shot gone? Last week it dipped below 40%. Could this be a rhyme crime?

8 (7) 50-54-4
Count von Count. The Trojans have spent the season riding up and down the Power Rankings elevator, mostly between floors 1 and 8. For several weeks at the beginning of the season, they were on the rise, but right now the elevator is going down. One! One disappointing loss! Two! Two disappointing losses! Three! Three disappointing losses! Four! Four disappointing losses! Five! Five disappointing losses! [Crash of thunder] Ha Ha.

9 (12) 48-56-4
Yip Yip Martians. Early in the season, the Tigers looked like they were visiting competitive basketball from a distant planet. But now, thanks to their trusty Earth field guide, they seem to be figuring things out. Time is running out, though.

10 (6) 50-56-2
Grover/Supergrover. The Strats have had their super moments this season (and they are cute, too!), but lately they've seemed downright mild-mannered. Maybe they haven't quite finished changing into their costume.

11 (10) 49-58-1
Alistair Cookie. The SnowBees have quite a climb in front of them. Is there room at the top in the Wasatch Conference? "Sorry, buddy. Why don't you try the bottom?"

12 (11) 46-59-3
Don Music. Whom should I start at SF? Mike Miller? Shawn Marion? Michael Beasley? Hedo Turkoglu? Oh, I'll never get it right! Never! Where's Kanye when you need him?

The Power Rankings have been brought to you today by the letters W, F, B, and L.

Don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 12's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 12

2010-01-19T17:52:00.000-08:00

Ellie-spirational! Top Kids Club Fan Galvanizes A-Boms Past Gators

Just as Alger's top A+Buddie, Ellie Barnes, rose to the top of the arena, so too did the Abominables rise to the top of the WFBL standings.

ZERMATT (AP)—Coming into their pivotal heat-check against Wasatch top-dog Twin Falls, Chris Paul and company had reeled of a series of four straight victories, albeit of the 5-4 variety. The diminutive reigning EBP knew his A-Boms were starting to gel, but that they would need all the help they could get to defeat the hated Gators, holders of the league's best record.

Enter Ellie Marie Barnes.

Word reached the locker room last week that little baby Ellie, she of barely five months, was named the President of Alger's A+Buddies, the Zermatt Abominables kids club.

"When coach told me about Ellie, man, it just got me goin'," said Paul, who is up for weekly EBP honors. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I know we're by far the most popular team in the league, and we outsell everyone at the team store. But I never knew such loyalty could come in such a tiny, yet stout package."

As charter member and President of the Alger's A+Buddies Kid's Club, Ellie—for a $25 fee—receives an official A+Buddies onesie and gets to meet the players at halftime. She also was able to participate in on-court timeout activities, such as rappelling from the rafters, throwing down some trampoline dunks, and being shot out of a t-shirt cannon into the crowd.

"As I watched her fly into the upper balcony into the arms of the rest of Alger's A+Buddies, I thought to myself, 'Chris, you owe it to young Ellie Barnes to close out this series. And you owe her more than a 5-4 win.'" And Chris Paul is a man of his word, holding D-Will in check as the inspired A-Boms won 5-3-1, bringing their league-leading win-streak to five weeks.

I know what you're thinking. How can I be one of Alger's A+Buddies? Fear not! You too can be a member of the fastest-growing WFBL kids club. Just click the image below and download a copy of Alger's A+Buddies Super Fun Page. Correctly complete the tasks and send it in to alger@abuddies.aboms.com, along with the $25 (makes checks payable to Ben Barnes) and you'll be wearing your official onesie in no time!

Around the WFBL

Iguanas 5, SnowBees 4

Kings 5, Sundancers 4

Butchers 5, Trojans 2, Unclaimed 2

Jai-Rai 7, Underdogs 2

Tigers 7, Stratagem 1, Humanity 1

Week 12 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Twin Falls Gators 3 (37%)

Zermatt Abominables 5 (62%)

Week 11 EBP:

Dwyane Wade, Park City—46 votes (60% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Jan 15-21, 2007

Loaf of Bread: $1.75

Gallon of milk: $1.99

#1 Song: "Irreplaceable"—Beyoncé

#1 Movie: "Stomp the Yard"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 12 from 2007 (Jan 15- 21). The expansion Park City Sundancers (yes, them again) were having a rough go of it in their first season in the WFBL. Week 12 happened to coincide with the Park City Film Festival, which happened to coincide with an upset over the Rigby Trojans.

WEEK TWELVE, JAN 15-21, 2007

Park City Star Power Blinds Rigby

PARK CITY (AP)—The Park City Sundancers continued their dominance of the Rigby Trojans, pounding out a 5-3-1 victory. An ecstatic Dwyane Wade declared, "I wish we could play Rigby every week. If such a scenario were to unfold, accordingly to my calculations, our record so far would be 72-30-6, putting us in first place." Rigby Coach Becky Barnes could not be reached for comment. Rumor has it she has been too busy getting sucked back into the high stakes world of Growing Pains.

Owner Dave Barton shared his thoughts on what seemed to be a re-energized Sundancer squad. "Well, the Sundance Film Festival started this week, and I think we were really able to feed off of the Little Hollywood atmosphere at Redford Arena. It's exciting for the guys to come play and see scarf-wearing stars in the crowd like Crispin Glover or Diddy."

Park City benchwarmer Drew "I'm not that" Gooden shared his own star-watching experience, "It was so awesome, I saw Deseret News movie critic Jeff Vice! I read his 'Regurgitated Internet Buzz' column every Sunday. He was in the process of getting shot down by Lindsay Lohan when I saw him, so I didn't get a chance to get his autograph. But I did take a photo of myself with my camera that has him in the background."

While all the buzz seemed to supercharge the Sundancers, small town Rigby seemed overwhelmed by the circus at times.

"Them movie peoples are pretty," said a star-struck Udonis Haslem. "I think I done saw that Dr Jean Grey from the X-mens, You know she's a real high-class movie person. I sure liked that X-mens movie."

The festival also provided a means for Park City to provide some additional incentives for their players, beyond the usual "winning is cool" incentive. Rasheed Wallace elaborated, "Mr. Barton promised us if we went the whole week without any injuries, he would take us to the premiere of 'Black Snake Moan' so we could meet Samuel L. Jackson. I love that mofo."

As the WFBL season reaches its midpoint, the Sundancer's record stands at 52-52-4. A reflective Barton commented, "Sure, we've made some mistakes, but we have gotten it right 50% of the time. We are hoping to be in the 55-60% range by season's end."

The Trojans were the first—but not the last—team to be star-struck in Park City. That week, a tradition of hosting a home series during the festival was born, and the rest is WFBL history.

Week 11 Power Rankings

2010-01-13T12:56:00.000-08:00

.
Where We Tell the Untold Stories

Two-thirds of our unprecedented three-way tie for first, Twin Falls and Zermatt, are facing off against each other this week. That's good enough for us.

In choosing to only cover the Game of the Week and dedicate the rest of our allotted space to ~~rehashing~~ honoring our history, a number of great stories have slipped through the cracks this season. Here's a little taste of what you've been missing while we enjoy our victory lap.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 51-46-2
Chris Paul tearfully admits to taking performance-enhancing drugs, but only to recover from his early-season injuries. His basketball talent comes solely from the Man Upstairs.

1 (2) 55-42-2

Chris Kaman started strong this year, but his numbers soon dropped off due to a Vitamin D deficiency. After drinking enriched milk, the newly anointed "Milkman" has returned to form.

1 (3) 54-41-4
The Gators have only lost one series since bringing on good luck charm Tracy "Black Magic" McGrady in week 4. Yup, that's the only possible explanation.

4 (5) 49-47-3
As one of only two teams yet to be featured in a Game of the Week, no one has noticed the Kings have quietly won three in a row and would be in the playoffs if they started today.

5 (11) 49-46-4
The Iguanas have completed their hot start and subsequent collapse seven weeks ahead of schedule. If their 6-3 win over Richmond is any indication, perhaps now they can find time for that late surge they always wanted.

6 (10) 49-49-1
As opposed to Twin Falls, Nephi went on their awful 5-21-1 stretch immediately after cutting ties with McGrady. But they have gone 26-18 since a week 7 exorcism led by Witch Doctor Rajon Rondo.

7 (6) 48-49-2
We were quick to crown LeBron and the Trojans in the early going. But after going 0-4 against the gauntlet of winning teams, that coronation has to be put on hold.

8 (4) 48-50-1
Even with all the big names on their roster, Richmond's highest rated players over the past few weeks have been Channing Frye and Wilson Chandler—two guys Park City happily gave up for Andrea Bargnani back in Week 3.

9 (7) 48-51-0
In yet another spat with Kobe Bryant over shot distribution, Gilbert Arenas pulled out his gun collection and joked, "I'll give you more shots! Blammo!" Arenas has been suspended by the league and dropped by the Jai Rai for "having a sense of humor detrimental to Kobe's life."

10 (8) 45-53-1
Not happy with putting on a variety show before tip-off since getting bumped from the starting lineup, Jose Calderon wants Andre Miller to give him back his rightful spot. Maybe Miller can do a call-in talk show after the game or something.

11 (9) 44-52-3
Their keeper, Devin Harris, has played in 4 games all year. We would say they should have kept Monta Ellis, but they later drafted him and traded him away for Antawn Jamison, who in turn was dealt for Michael Beasley. Bravo, St. George, bravo.

12 (12) 41-55-3
Bayside is the other team that hasn't been featured in a game of the week. But unlike New York, there hasn't been any surprising success hiding beneath the silence—just the standard six series losses in seven weeks.

What's the great untold story of the WFBL so far? Tell us in the comments. And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 11's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 11

2010-01-12T07:03:00.000-08:00

Virginia Reeling: Butchers' Floppy Ears, Soft Noses to Blame for Loss

The many faces of the Richmond Butchers (clockwise from top left: Floppy-Ear Pins, I Gotta Pee, Dude Where's My Hummer?, and Soft-Nosed Melo)

RICHMOND (AP)—There are many possible reasons why the Richmond Butchers lost last week's critical World Conference showdown with then-slumping Maracaibo. For example, it may have been because guard Carmelo Anthony sat out the entire week with an injury. Or perhaps it was because Iguana coach Fran Hopkin learned the Russian word for "pass" (пропуск) and began yelling it at Andrei Kirilenko, who wound up with 14 assists. Or maybe Iguana forward Boris Diaw dug deep and found some of that mental courage and physical fortitude that the French are famous for.

Those are all nice theories, and they're sufficient for the casual basketball beat writer, who only attends basketball games for the dramatic electronic music they play during pregame introductions. But serious students of the game, such as yours truly, want more. We come to the game early so we can hear the hip hop music BEFORE the pregame introductions. And we stay late so we can attend postgame press conferences--and not just for the complimentary donuts. Between donuts we interview the players and ruminate with them on the finer points of their craft.

Sure, anyone could see that Kirilenko played like Ivan Drago. But WHY? Well, consider this insight from Butchers center Marcus Camby, which he provided while I was finishing off an apple fritter: "The Iguanas, you know, they just pin their ears back and play hard. Our ears, you probably noticed, were not pinned back at all this week. We're just not the same team with our ears all flopping around everywhere."

Guard Jason Kidd claims that he tried to pin his ears back early in the week, but they kept coming "unpinned." His face, consequently, was significantly less aerodynamic, and the resultant drag caused him to lose a bit of his blazing speed. "So all those times you saw [Igs guard] Chauncey Billups blow past me? That was because of my stupid ears not staying pinned."
Then Wilson Chandler said something I didn't hear because I was arguing with the Iguanas beat writer about which of us would get the last maple bar (I think he swore at me, but I'm not really sure because he only speaks Spanish).

Anyway, I got back in time to hear Channing Frye say this: "Another problem with not having our ears pinned back was that made our game faces fall off. That's why I spent the whole series with my 'I have to go to the bathroom' face on and Camby had his 'Uh-oh, I can't remember where I parked my hummer' face on.

"This also explains why we played such soft-nosed defense all week. Usually we're a very hard-nosed team, but that's when we have our game faces on. Otherwise our noses are somewhat rubbery—squishy even. And it all goes back to not having our ears pinned back. Clearly that was the key to the game."

Richmond fans hope the Butchers get their safety-pin issues cleared up before their upcoming series against Rigby, which begins...well, it has already begun. Sorry. But I couldn't start writing this article until I finished my maple bar. (That's right, amigo. Es mio!)

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Jai-Rai 4

Gators 7, Trojans 2

Stratagem 8, Underdogs 1

Sundancers 8, SnowBees 1

Kings 6, Tigers 3

Week 11 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (62%)

Richmond Butchers 3 (37%)

Week 10 EBP:

Chris Paul, Zermatt—4 votes (57% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Jan 7-13, 2008

Loaf of Bread: $1.59

Gallon of milk: $3.28

#1 Song: "Low"—Flo Rida ft. T-Pain

#1 Movie: "The Bucket List"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 11 from 2008 (Jan 7- 13). The Park City Sundancers were still new to this whole WFBL thing, and despite making the playoffs in their first season, were off to a bit of a rocky start to 2008. What would the future hold for the 'Dancers?

WEEK ELEVEN, JAN 7-13, 2008

Great Scott! 'Dancers Face Point of No Return

PARK CITY (AP)—With Chris Bosh and Jason Richardson providing Los Iguanas de Caibo with the 1.21 gigawatts of power needed to generate a 6-3 victory, the Park City Sundancers are now finding themselves on the verge of being erased from existence, or WFBL contention as it were.

A league analyst, known only as "Mr. Strickland," had some strong words for Park City following their manure-like effort against Maracaibo. "That team is filled with slackers. I don't know why they even try to field a team each week, no Sundancer ever amounted to anything in the history of the WFBL!"

Not everyone believes the Sundancers are done for. Park City guard Jose Calderon speculated, "Just you wait, we'll turn things around. It's our density. I mean, our destiny. At least, that's what Darth Vader told me last night after he threatened to melt my brains."

Owner Dave Barton puzzled, "I have searched high and low for the answer to this paradox. I have reached the conclusion that while building this team, I made a critical error somewhere along the line that has caused the Space Time Continuum to skew into an alternate WFBL season. How else do you explain that the league's top team is managed without incident by a 5 year old, and the Sundancers are a distant 9.5 games out of the playoff picture, with only two series wins in eleven chances?"

After inviting reporters to follow him into his lab, Barton continued, "Allow me to illustrate the vital juncture our team is facing with this model train set. I apologize that it is not to scale. This windmill represents our matchup against Zermatt next week—our point of no return. Either we handily beat the Abominables and send ourselves back to the future, coasting smoothly along the completed bridge of the rest of the season, or our metaphorical train will plummet off the unfinished tracks into soon-to-be-renamed Sundancer Ravine.

"Having said that, our future is whatever we make it, and we plan on making it a good one."

The Sundancers would go on to defeat the Abominables the following week—and one can argue that Doc Barton's assessment of it being a turning point was correct. The 'Dancers would go on to win six of their final ten matchups, and—while not making the postseason—taking home the Consolation tote bag. The following year, Park City made their first-ever Concludings trip.

Week 10 Power Rankings

2010-01-05T13:08:00.000-08:00

.
Where It's Never Too Early to Talk EBP

While Spud State Showdown II may be the more glamorous pick, Iguanas-Butchers gets the nod for Game of the Week. Why? Well, The Igs recently had 1st place pulled out from under them and need a win right now to stop the madness. The Butchers know the time is now to assert themselves as the class of the World.

Not since its Inaugural Season five years ago (did you know this was the league's 5th season?) has the WFBL seen such an even distribution of talent amongst its teams. In the World Conference, the fifth-place team (Udorn) is a mere 3 games out of first, and the last-place team (Bayside) was 10 points away from beating the first-place team (Zermatt). In the Wasatch, the last-place team (Nephi) has gone 13-5 on the season against the first-place team (Twin Falls), and the fourth and fifth-place teams are a mere 4.5 out of the top spot. As of our deadline, the top 11 players on the Player Rater came from 11 different teams (sorry Nephi). The weekly EBP race has yielded but two repeat winners so far (Chris Paul and LeBron James).

Whew. So what does it all mean? It means, with the announcement of All-Star teams just around the corner, we're using this week's Power Rankings as an opportunity to give an assessment of each team's first-half EBP, complete with an interesting statistic or two. Because when you boil it down, that's all we're really playing with—statistics.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (3) 46-42-2
Chris Paul. The A-Boms find themselves unexpectedly back in the top spot, thanks in no small part to the reigning EBP. Since Paul returned from his injury, the A-Boms have won 3 of 4 series, including a league-leading three straight. It's safe to say that as Paul goes, so go the A-Boms.

2 (4) 47-41-2

Kevin Durant. Finally looking like the player who caused Dave Barton to debate making him his keeper a year ago, Durant has been on fire of late, helping the 'Dancers creep to within one game of the Wasatch lead. It's not often you face a season-defining week from LeBron and come out a winner.

3 (1) 47-39-4
Tyreke Evans. Yes Duncan is top-ten material. Yes D-Will is one of the best points in the league. But who would have thought that Tyreke Evans—drafted in the 12th round at #139—would turn into the consistent threat at the SG spot that Adams would need? Evans missed this week with injury, and the Gators lost for the first time in five weeks...coincidence?

4 (2) 45-44-1
Carmelo Anthony. Marcus Camby almost gets the vote here, but he's had top-ten seasons before. Carmelo's never even made an All-Star game (which is saying something, since the WFBL really hands out a lot of spots). Melo's scoring and percentages, both up from his career averages, have kept the Butchers near the top all season.

5 (8) 43-44-3
Steve Nash. No wonder TJ loves him so much. Nash leads the league in assists, and amongst point guards (min 16 games played) is 1st in FG%, 5th in FT%, 9th in threes, and 8th in pts. If I were TJ, I'd throw away the lock to that cage they're keeping Nash in.

6 (5) 46-42-2
LeBron James. The King has been the atop the Player Rater for almost the entire season, and is almost single-handedly turning the Trojans from a laughing stock a season ago to one of this year's top teams, three-week losing streak be darned. The Power Rankings never thought they'd say this, but boy, aren't the Trojans glad they passed on Chris Paul?

7 (9) 44-46-0
Kobe Bryant. First, a caveat. The Power Rankings have no idea why the Jai-Rai are below .500. This team should be dominating. But ever since Granger went down, the Mamba has stepped up and may be looking at his first starting spot in the All-Star Game in two years. His season averages: 49% FG, 85% FT, 1.2 threes, 5.6 rebs, 4.6 asts, 2 stls, .2 blks, 3.1 tos and a whopping 30.2 points per game.

8 (10) 44-45-1
Josh Smith. What? No Dirk? Well, the SnowBees have tried this with Dirk before, and what has it gotten them? This year, the key ingredient in the SnowBees' surprising non-suck souffle has been the addition of do-everything Josh Smith. Every year, the good teams have a guy that gives you something in every category. For Salt Lake, Smith is that guy.

9 (6) 43-44-3
Mo Williams. Who would have thought that 10 weeks into the season Mo Williams would be higher on the Player Rater than the likes of Chris Paul, Jason Kidd, Dwyane Wade and Brandon Roy? Despite losing two straight, the U-Dogs are within striking distance of that final Wasatch playoff spot thanks to the former Sundancer's stellar play.

10 (12) 41-48-1
Chris Bosh. I mean Amar'e Stoudemire. No wait, Amar'e has underachieved all year. Brandon Roy. Yeah, Brandon Roy. It's been an odd season for the Strats; the highs have been high (sweeping the Gators) and the lows have been low (1-7-1 and 1-8 losses to the 'Dancers and Jai-Rai), but Roy has been the one constant on a team full of question marks.

11 (7) 43-43-4
David Lee. Can you give a mid-season team EBP to a guy who hasn't started since Week 6? Yes, because the Igs haven't won since he was benched (which coincided with Coach Hopkin's marriage proposal..."Engagement Curse" anyone?) and are 4-2 in matchups with Lee (ranked 11th on the Player Rater) in the starting lineup, 0-3-1 without.

12 (11) 38-49-3
Chris Bosh. As bad as the Tigers have been, it's really not their worst effort. Last season after ten weeks, Bayside was 33-55-2; 36-52-2 in 2007-08; and 31-55-4 in 2005-06. In fact, Bosh's consistent play has Bayside off to their best start since their 2006-07 Championship season, when they started off 46-43-1. Go Bayside!

Who is your team's mid-season EBP? Tell us what's up in the comments. And don't forget to cast your lot on the Game of the Week and Week 10's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 10

2010-01-04T19:15:00.000-08:00

Durant, 'Dancers Top Trojans With Points, Poetry

If you're impressed with Kevin Durant's limericks, you should check out his tweets.

PARK CITY (AP)—Any Sundancer will tell you that one of the most frustrating things about this season has been losing close games they could have won. For Kevin Durant, their 5-4 loss to Rigby in Week 2 was especially hard to take.

"After losing such a close one, then having to hear all the hype about crappy Redickulous... I just grabbed my pen and paper. You know, I'm only truly happy when I'm writing poetry."

So, after avenging that early season loss with a 5-4 win over Rigby this week, it was only fitting that the whole team assembled at Robert Redford's private lodge for a special reading from Durant. It went a little something like this:

There once was a team from Rigby
Who hosted the squad from Park City
They started Redick and Duhon
While Boozer said "EH MON!"
And they pulled out the 5 to 4 vict'ry

Well the 'Dancers didn't take too kindly
To being put into rhymes so slightly
They looked ahead to week ten
When they could play them again
And beat those Trojans outrightly

The 'Dancers were led by Durant and Wade
While LeBron fronted the Trojan parade
40 from Durant was sure great
Until LeBron said: "How about 48?"
As the crowd looked on dismayed

Durant and LeBron traded blow for blow
Exchanging the lead to and fro
Rigby struggled hitting a three
But Park City said: "Here's the ball for free"
'Til it came down to the last whistle blow

In the final moments the Dancers led 5-4
LeBron said: "The ball once more!"
But when he clanked the winning three
The crowd chanted: "Durant for EBP!"
And the Trojans were shown the door

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Tigers 4

Jai-Rai 6, Butchers 3

Stratagem 6, Gators 3

SnowBees 5, Underdogs 4

Kings 7, Iguanas 2

Week 10 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Park City Sundancers 1 (25%)

Rigby Trojans 3 (75%)

Week 9 EBP:

Steve Nash, New York—7 votes (70% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Dec 26-Jan 1, 2005-06

Gallon of gas: $3.10

Gallon of milk: $2.50

#1 Song: "Don't Forget About Us"—Mariah Carey

#1 Movie: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 7 (which would have been Week 10 had the league started on time) from 2005-06 (Dec 26-Jan 1). The WFBL was still getting its feet wet, especially when it came their relationship with the League's beat reporters. It was much more difficult to get a story back then, and this encounter between the AP and Tim Duncan highlights that fact. At least Timmy offered to foot the bill.

WEEK SEVEN, DEC 26-JAN 1, 2005-06

Queen Bee Wants to Beat U-Dogs and Their “Pajama-Like” Uniforms

The Associated Press recently sat down with Tim “Queen Bee” Duncan at a local Dairy Queen for this exclusive one-on-one interview.

AP: So, “Queen Bee”—can I call you that?

TD: That or T-Dunc. I go by either.

AP: How does it feel to be the ﬂedgling WFBL’s ﬁrst EBP who doesn’t get mentioned in the league’s weekly press release, “This Week in the WFBL”?

TD: What’s an EBP?

AP: It’s kind of equivalent to the MVP of the now-defunct NBA.

TD: MVP...That stood for...

AP: Most Valuable Player.

TD: Right. Hey, would you like more fry sauce?

AP: Sure. So, anyway, how did that feel?

TD: Being an MVP?

AP: EBP. And then not getting mentioned—

TD: Oh, yeah. I really didn’t notice.

AP: There are some who believe that you were slighted because of the personal biases of Commissioner Ben Barnes.
TD: Ben who?

AP: He’s the commissioner of the ﬂedgling WFBL and, interestingly, the owner and coach of the Magna Township Underdogs, your next opponent.

TD: Oh. You spilled some chocolate syrup on your lapel.

AP: Thanks.

TD: No problem.

AP: So, is it safe to say that there’s some bad blood between you and the U-dogs’ owner that could rear its ugly head in this week’s matchup?

TD: No, I wouldn’t say that.

AP: Oh. Well, wouldn’t you at least say that you’ll be up for this game?

TD: Yes, that I would say.

AP: And couldn’t one conjecture that the reason you will be up for this game has something to do with your relationship with Barnes?

TD: Ted Barnes?

AP: No, Ben Barnes.

TD: Who was he again?

AP: Um, never mind. Maybe one reason you’ll be up for this game is because it’s the ﬁrst-ever matchup between Rasheed “Snowﬂake” Wallace and Kobe “Mamba” Bryant since Mamba forced Wallace out of town.

TD: He did? I didn’t know that.

AP: Sure he did. An anonymous source said so Sunday from his Underdogs’ team headquarters in Logan.

TD: Really!

AP: So, could one say that the Snowﬂake-Mamba matchup is one that has you really motivated for this week?

TD: You mean, you want to print a story on that, and you’d really like a statement from me to that effect?

AP: Yes, please.

TD: No.

AP: Couldn’t you at least say that the general public will be interested in such a matchup?

TD: Well, you know, the funny thing about this league is that players don’t really “matchup” with each other in the traditional sense. Our guys will play their games, and the other guys will play theirs, and you could actually go all week without Mamba and ‘Sheed ever even seeing each other.

AP: But, supposing they do, what would be your prediction?

TD: Snowﬂake would win.

AP: No, I mean would they shake hands, ignore each other, get into a ﬁstﬁght, or hug and kiss each other like they used to do when they were teammates?

TD: That’s what you want to write your article about?

AP: Oh, yeah! That’s what everybody is dying to know.

TD: Are they only dying to know it because that’s what you always write about? Do you think the fans might care a little bit more about the actual game if you knew enough about basketball to actually write something intelligent about it?

AP: Maybe. So, what do you think about the ‘Dogs’ new unis?

TD: I think they look like pajamas.

AP: Really?! Can I quote you on that?

TD: Sure.

AP: Would you say you’re particularly motivated for this week’s matchup because you think the Dogs’ unis look like pajamas?

TD: No, I wouldn’t say that.

AP: But one might speculate that this is the case.

TD: I suppose I can’t stop you from speculating.

AP: Thanks. This has been really useful.

TD: Anytime. Please, allow me to pay for your Peanut Buster Parfait.

AP: I thought you’d never ask.

Truman Barnes contributed to this article.

Week 9 Power Rankings

2009-12-30T08:45:00.001-08:00

.
Where we ponder "should auld acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?" Seriously, what the heck does that mean?

In a rematch of the "haiku" series, Park City hopes to counter Rigby with the limericks of Kevin Durant.

As we reach the season's halfway point, it's time to participate in that grand old tradition of making resolutions for the New Year. Shaq wants to drop a few pounds. LeBron wants some teammates. And Commissioner Barnes wants a shiny new Commissioner Barnes Trophy for his oversized mantle. Um, what else is new?

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 44-33-4
Establish a new identity. Twin Falls has won five straight and owns the best record in the league, yet all anyone wants to talk about is Kobe. Maybe it's time Tim Duncan did something crazy, like hit the town with Tiger Woods.

2 (3) 42-38-1
A toast to Marcus Camby's health. As Camby sits on the bench for the first time this year with a hyper-extended knee, Richmond has to be wondering if the half a season that Camby is typically good for has already come and gone.

3 (5) 41-38-2
Trade everyone, sans Chris Paul. Zermatt once again leads the league in transactions by a substantial margin, including two trades in the last week. Who wants to bet a content Commish will be carefully inserting the final piece of his dream squad come playoff time?

4 (9) 42-37-2

Shoot the ball better. Park City shot over 50% for the first time all season last week as they thoroughly dominated Udorn. Dwyane Wade remains the key. When he flashes last year's EBP runner-up form, the 'Dancers win.

5 (2) 42-37-2
Start a new win streak. After winning four in a row and holding the top spot in the power rankings for three weeks, the Trojans have dropped two straight. It doesn't get any easier as they face Park City, Twin Falls, Richmond and Maracaibo over the next month.

6 (4) 39-39-3
Give Shawn Marion another shot. The once great star has been riding the pine since week 3. That would have been unheard of in the salad days of 2007-08, right Kanye?

7 (6) 41-36-4
Change their lineup. A healthy Andre Igoudala has been on the bench for the last three weeks while Andrei Kirilenko has guided the team to a 12-14-1 mark in his stead. Are the Iguanas coming down with a case of Bayside-itis?

8 (10) 36-42-3
Never ever let Steve Nash leave, ever! Some in the organization are starting to worry that owner TJ Barnes is a becoming a little too obsessed, keeping Nash chained up in his basement on off days and watching him while he sleeps.

9 (7) 38-43-0
Install bionic implants in Danny Granger's foot. The sooner Granger returns—and the longer it is before Ersan Ilyasova ever sniffs the starting lineup again—the better it will be for the Jai Rai.

10 (8) 39-41-1
Come up with more interesting excuses for losing. Everyone's getting kind of tired of "Jose has a sore hip" and "Dirk doesn't like putting his shoulder to the wheel." How about "Aliens kidnapped Pau Gasol then lost him because they couldn't tell him apart from their own kind."

11 (12) 34-44-3
Rewatch the 2006-07 Concludings highlights DVD. Better look to the past glory, because it's pretty clear that "Lachowsky Ball" just isn't going to work in the league's current competitive landscape.

12 (11) L 35-45-1
Beat Twin Falls again. As Nephi continues to drift out of the playoff picture, sweeping the current #1 team and putting an end to the longest win streak of the season would be akin to a Concludings victory.

What do you think? What would you have your team's New Year's Resolution be? Let us know in the comments. And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 9's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 9

2009-12-28T10:06:00.000-08:00

'Twas the Week After Christmas

'Twas the week after Christmas, and back one more time
Is our Holiday habit of busting a rhyme.
The presents are opened, the food done got eat,
And old, dried up Christmas trees lie in the street.

"Which player's better? LeBron or Chris Paul?"
Was the question to be settled once and for all.
As Rigby played Zermatt, the reply from Coach Ben:
"You've got the best player, but I have the win!"

Then down in the VA, the Stratagem battled,
They fought for their lives, but boy they seemed rattled.
It's not a mistake, please don't repair your TV,
That was just a turd sandwich, courtesy: Dunleavy.

And speaking of feces, what's the deal with Salt Lake?
A huge loss to Bayside, is that not a mistake?
We're waiting, dear SnowBees, for that "championship run"
We keep hearing about, but it looks like you're done.

A battle of brothers took place in the Big Apple
The U-Dogs and Kings in a Christmas week grapple.
With New York the victor, St George needn't pout,
From the playoffs the U-Dogs are but 2.5 out.

This year from the 'Dancers, it's all been a tease,
For with Wade and Durant, wins should trickle with ease.
But lo! Finally! They lived up to their billing,
And massacred Udorn—a grand Christmas killing.

It was Gators and Igs in our Game of the Week,
Hopkins team's in a slump, and Twin Falls at their peak.
In a year where it seems every team may be dancing,
It's the Gators who revel in league-wide de-pantsing.

For the first time in hist'ry, the Gators compete
Sans Kobe Bean Bryant—that phony old cheat.
If they were like presents, "Twin Falls Now" is much better
New Gators: a Wii; Old Gators: a sweater.

"Thanks for nothing," says Adams, "we're doing just grand,
At the top of the rankings the Gators now stand."
Then Kobe the fool, from his mouth he did blurt:
"This is dumb and I hate you! Someone's gonna get hurt!

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Trojans 4

Sundancers 7, Jai-Rai 2

Tigers 6, SnowBees 3

Kings 5, Underdogs 4

Butchers 5, Stratagem 4

Week 9 Spud State Showdown Dance-Off Voting Results:

Rigby Trojans 7 (77%)

Twin Falls Gators 2 (22%)

Week 9 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Twin Falls Gators 6 (75%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 2 (25%)

Week 8 EBP:

Tie: Chris Paul, Zermatt—3 votes (42% of vote)

Zach Randolph, Udorn—3 votes (42% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Dec 24-30, 2007

Gallon of gas: $3.10

Gallon of milk: $2.50

#1 Song: "No One"—Alicia Keys

#1 Movie: "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 9 from 2007 (Dec 24-30). The U-Dogs were rolling along with their 8-week unbeaten streak, with nothing to give the impression that said streak would be ending anytime soon. But they weren't counting on older brother TJ and the New York Kings.

WEEK NINE, DEC 24-30, 2007

Kings Prove U-Dogs to be Vincible

ST GEORGE (AP)—Through the first eight weeks of the season, the St. George Underdogs appeared to be unbeatable, if not untieable.

After a league-record eight-week non-losing streak gave them a comfortable first-place lead (and a record-tying 4 hyphenated words in one introductory clause), the Underdogs were suddenly and unexpectedly brought back to earth with a 4-5 loss to big brother TJ and his otherwise hapless New York Kings.

"We kept hearing all week about how St. George is invincible," said Kings guard Steve Nash, who almost single-handedly out-assisted the entire U-Dog team (51 to 54). "Well, I think we've shown that they can be vinced, at least by us, if not by any other team in the league." In their almost year-and-a-half history, the franchise from New York has never lost to the Underdogs.

Despite this moderate setback, U-Dog management does not seem worried, at least, not worried enough to dismantle the starting lineup, which now includes only four healthy, participating players.

"I think we all like the way the lineup is currently mantled," said Manu Ginobili, who does not speak English natively and is not one of the aforementioned healthy players. "Even though we lost, I'd say everything is still in a state of total array. I mean, why disrupt a lineup that got you into first place? I hope Coach Truman keeps this lineup rupted just as he has all season."

Ginobili, it seems, has nothing to worry about, because Truman does not seem too disappointed about last week's lost. You might even say he seems very appointed.

"I'm just still being happy," he said when asked how he felt about losing for the first time all year. "I have a lot of wins, you know. TJ can have some now. I'm just thinking about the other guy."

Some people would argue that it was this kind of nonchalant attitude that caused the U-Dogs winning streak to suddenly turn into a two-week non-winning streak (including a tie to Richmond in week 8). One of those people is star forward Shawn Marion. "I think we definitely need to work on being more chalant," he said. "A lot of guys in this locker room don't seem very disgruntled about losing to New York. But I, for one, am not gruntled at all."

Could it be that the U-Dogs' first brush with adversity this season will lead to discord among the players? "No," Marion insists. "There's still plenty of cord on our team. We just need to remain sheveled and keep moving in a gainly way."

Luckily for St. George, they only play the Kings once more this season, so finishing with a two-loss record seems very doable. Oh, yeah, and they play some other teams too, so I guess there's an outside chance they might lose one of those games.

The U-Dogs bounced back nicely, winning their next four, but then went 4-4 down the stretch, capped by a 1-8 loss in the Wasatch Conference Concludings. Safe to say the U-Dogs were plenty disheveled.

Week 8 Power Rankings

2009-12-22T06:57:00.001-08:00

.
Dishin' It Out: Holiday Catering from the WFBL

Last week's Game of the Week featured 1 vs. 2, and that's cool and everything. But THIS week's matchup has two reptile-themed teams facing off. Name another professional sports league where that happens EVER! Now all it needs is a cool nickname like the Spud State Showdown got. Some possibilities that come immediately to mind include "The Cold-Blooded Brawl" or "The Crocodilia Contest" or "The Reptilia Rumble."

It's just a few days before Christmas; you're enjoying some well-deserved time off--perhaps you are watching one of your 30 or 40 favorite college football bowl games, such as the Les Olson Copy Machine Bowl Presented by Fisher Price, featuring an intriguing matchup between Middle Tennessee State and Central Tennessee A&M—when all of a sudden, your wife reminds you that 72 of her relatives are coming over for dinner in less than half an hour, and you (being the sensitive, enlightened husband that you are), agreed to cook tonight. What are you going to do? The same thing you always do in emergencies like this: you're going to think to yourself, "Can the WFBL help me in this situation?" and "Would I be willing to pay money for such help?"

Well, the answer of course is yes, the WFBL can help, and yes, you will be expected to pay. All you have to do is pick up the phone and call Dishin' It Out, the new holiday catering arm of the WFBL, featuring culinary delights (see menu below) prepared and served by your favorite WFBL players, all for the low, low price of $2,799.95, which, considering how desperate you are, is very reasonable.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 39-29-4
"Uncle Tim's Christmas Stuffing. An original recipe from Gators big man Tim Duncan. Coincidentally, Uncle Tim did a lot of "stuffing" of the Rigby Trojans last week, blocking 10 shots to help his team to a 5-3-1 victory. So, as you can see, it's appropriate that Duncan would provide the stuffing. Almost as if it was planned that way.

2 (1) 38-32-2
Uncle Brook's Thick 'n' Chunky Turkey Gravy. Guaranteed to stick to your ribs like one of Brook Lopez's elbows.

3 (5) 37-34-1
Uncle Melo's Frosted Snowballs. Mini cream-filled cakes prepared by Carmelo Anthony. That white, powdery substance covering the cakes? Why, that's powdered sugar, of course! What did you think it was?

4 (6) 35-34-3
Uncle Dwight's Tangy Meatballs. Served in person by U-Dog center Dwight Howard, who will stand 15 feet away from your guest's table and attempt to toss the meatballs onto his or her plate. If he misses, he'll get his own rebound (usually before the meatball touches the floor), and attempt a higher-percentage shot, such as a slam dunk or a layup off your guest's chest.

5 (7) 36-34-2
Uncle Chris's Iguana Stew. After the way A-Bom guard Chris Paul carved up Maracaibo last week (76 points, 54 assists, 8 steals, perfect free-throwing), there was plenty of Iguana meat available for this popular dish. Served with Saltine crackers that Paul saved during his recent several-week hospital stay.

6 (3) 37-31-4
Tio Hugo's Loyalty Mush. Despite the current economic crisis and the need to conserve resources for essential military endeavors, the benevolent dictator and supreme ruler (long may he reign) Hugo Chavez has graciously made three kilos of cornmeal available for your Christmas feast, to be mixed with water and rationed equally among your guests. We will all partake with grateful hearts, proud to be thus supporting the glorious cause of the State.

7 (8) 36-36-0
Uncle Kobe's Roast Tiger. Kobe Bryant, who plays for the Jai-Rai but is really bigger than any one team, prepared this entree during last week's slaughter of Bayside. He did it, by the way, while nursing a broken finger and an itch on his nose. He's sooo dreamy! He also had flu-like symptoms all week. But don't worry: he remembered to cough into his elbow.

8 (9) 36-35-1
Uncle Pau's Kung Pao Chicken. Prepared exclusively with Pampered Chef cutlery (including the new Bamboo Knife Block Set, only $415.00) and cookware (such as the Large Micro-cooker®, $10.50) and served on Medium Square Plates with Cranberry Accent ($34.00 for a set of two). For more information, please contact Pau Gasol, Pampered Chef Consultant. "Discover the Chef in You."

9 (4) 35-35-2

Uncle Stephen's Curry Chicken, served with Uncle Kevin's Currant Sauce. Here's hoping that Uncle Stephen and Uncle Kevin's cooking skills are better than their combined assist-to-turnover ratio against St. George last week (an unsavory 0.9).

10 (11) 32-37-3
Uncle Steve's "Nashed" Potatoes. For an additional $500, Kings guard Steve Nash will demonstrate how he uses his bare feet to mash the potatoes, which were carefully selected to resemble the faces of point guards of opposing teams.

11 (10) 31-40-1
Tio Luis's Hot 'n' Spicy Hot Cocoa. Strats forward Luis Scola presents an old family recipe from his native Spanish-speaking country. As everybody knows, people who speak Spanish put jalapeno peppers in everything. That's why they talk so fast.

12 (12) 28-41-3
Uncle Baron's Flatbread Cookies. As flat as Baron Davis's jumpers, which in last week's 3-6 loss to Udorn missed about 66% of the time. Oh, and another way flatbread is like Baron's shot: both are often stuffed.

What's your favorite WFBL dish? Let us know in the comments. And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 8's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 8

2009-12-21T09:08:00.001-08:00

Trojans', Gators' "Spud State Showdown" Escalates into Dance-Off

RIGBY (Jefferson Star)—In one of the most highly-anticipated games of the season, the Twin Falls Gators withstood a late rally by Week 7 EBP LeBron James to squeak past the top-ranked Rigby Trojans by the score of 5-3-1. The "Spud State Showdown", as the matchup will henceforth be known (WFBL officials concluded that the inter-state rivalry finally earned a moniker, since Rigby is actually good now), lived up to its billing as a battle of arguably the two best teams in not only the Wasatch Conference, but the entire WFBL. And, as tends to happen with most rivalries, leg one of the "Showdown" carried over to some off the court extra-curriculars.

"I looked over there at the end of the game, and I saw Duncan doin' a jig," said LeBron James, who was 17 pts and 1 block away from retaining the top spot in the Power Rankings. "That's not only disrespectful and unsportsmanlike, but I'm offended as a performer that a jig is the best he could come up with. So when the horn sounded, I challenged the Gators to a dance-off."

Never one to back down from a challenge, Duncan grabbed David West, Rashard Lewis, Deron Williams and coach Shaun Adams—the "best dancers on this team, by far. You should see coach's twirls. It's an inspiration," said Duncan—and met the Trojans dance troupe—LeBron, Boozer, Brook Lopez, Vince Carter, and coach Nathan Wallace—in the back alley behind Farnsworth Center.

"Alright gentlemen, you know the rules," said referee David Bowie. "You each get one routine. So make it your best!" The Gators took to the floor first:

Then the Trojans, despite fervent pleas from LeBron's friend Billy Zane, rebutted:

This reporter was there that night, and I'll eat my hat if I ever see a better display of athletic prowess combined with Holiday Cheer. Even David Bowie was speechless. The Gators may have won the Spud State Showdown, but who won the Dance-Off? Make sure to vote on the left!

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Iguanas 4

Jai-Rai 6, Tigers 3

SnowBees 6, Stratagem 3

Underdogs 6, Sundancers 3

Butchers 5, Kings 4

Week 8 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Twin Falls Gators 2 (40%)

Rigby Trojans 3 (60%)

Week 7 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—5 votes (55% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Dec 17-23, 2007

Gallon of gas: $3.10

Gallon of milk: $2.50

#1 Song: "No One"—Alicia Keys

#1 Movie: "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 8 from 2007 (Dec 17-23). 'Twas the season to be jolly, and what says Christmas more than Jay-Z? Now a time-honored WFBL holiday tradition, the Jigga-man graciously offered a freestyle take on 'Twas the Night Before Christmas—WFBL recap-style, naturally.

WEEK EIGHT, DEC 17-23, 2007

Happy Holidays from the WFBL and Special Musical Guest Jay-Z

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the League
Not a game had been played that was lacking intrigue.
The U-Dogs and Butchers had played to a tie,
St. George wanted vict'ry, Richmond wouldn't comply.

The U-Dogs were nestled all snug in first place,
While visions of winning streaks danced on their face.
But the Butchers and Jefferson would not relent ,
And St. George must recognize whom Richmond represents.

Meanwhile in Salt Lake, there arose such a clatter,
As the SnowBees served New York a warm beat-down platter.
The Kings played abysmal, that much can be said,
As Leandro Barbosa rained threes on their head.

Then down south in 'Caibo, the Tigers were toast
LeBron and th'Iguanas, to a win they did coast.
When, what to the Tigers' misfortune appeared?
But a 5 to 4 loss, despite Baron's neck beard.

Then a little old scrapper from Nephi, Utah,
Played in a match that did not end in draw.
"Thank goodness for Rigby," Monta Ellis exclaimed,
"A loss to the Trojans makes any ashamed.

"Now Johnson! now, Williams! now, Camby and Gooden!
On, AK! Oh, Stupid! Your play is so wooden!
To the depths of the standings! to the depths of them all!"
Now Ellis cried out, "Y'all can't even ball!"

Meanwhile, in a twinkling, ends Park City's quest,
At the hands of the Jai-Rai to be the League's best.
Well perhaps not the best, but at least playoff-bound,
Was the hope of the Dancers, who at least can rebound.

But field goals and free throws? That's just not their thing,
Nor points, blocks and TOs, categories that sting.
For Park City's future, here's a fun little twist,
For the first time all season, they had more assists.

But what of the A-Boms, those jolly old yetis?
You'd laugh if you saw them, so much fur and so sweaty!
On Saturday night 5 to 4 Zermatt led,
But a man named the Mamba gave Zermatt such dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the baskets, I hate that big jerk.
And laying his finger aloft in the air,
Which finger was raised? That I need not declare!

Kobe sprang to the hoop, to his team gave a whistle,
The Gators gave Zermatt a 5-4 dismissal.
But I heard Kobe yell, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Sportscenter is next, please watch my highlight!"

Look for this year's edition of this holiday classic in next week's TWIWFBL!