This Week in the WFBL Playoffs—Rd 1

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Live-Blogging the Wasatch Conference Round One




















LeBron James, a portrait in moods: Happy (left, before the series), and sad (right, after the series).

TWIN FALLS (AP)—Its been two years and I'm fully healed from the last live-blogging disaster in Maracaibo. Even so, the bigwigs at the AP were wary of sending me back to cover the World Conference Round One, so here I am in snowy Twin Falls! Who needs the tropical warmth of Venezuela when you're just gonna be inside a basketball arena all week long anyways?

3/8/10 Morning Shootaround

There's chatter that the Trojans are thinking of sitting LeBron tonight, as a reward for winning the EBP. I know I'm no WFBL coach, but that seems a bit counter-productive to me. LeBron's here, but he's not out there warming up. He is, however, taking pretend pictures of every...hang on...okay okay..."cheeeeeese!"...alright you too man...hey I want a copy of that one!...

7:30 PM

As expected, no LeBron tonight. The Gators have put the Trojans in a big hole to start the week off. Tonight, Good David West decided to show up, and Timmy had a nice all-around game. One of the x-factors coming in was going to be the rookies—Rigby's Steph Curry and Twin Falls' Tyreke Evans—and so far Curry's having a tough time adjusting to the big stage. Really poor shooting, and he's turned it over as many times as West and Duncan combined. Not how the Trojans wanted to start off.

3/9/10

Looks like Vince "Half-Man, Half-A-Season" Carter decided to show up for the Trojans. If the matchup ended today though, the EBP would go to Deron Williams. It's funny, you hear him compared unfavorably to Chris Paul the past three years, but with CP3 out, D-Will really hasn't taken over the "best PG in the league" role like some thought he would. Tonight, however? 28 points, 17 assists, 1 turnover, 71% FG...not bad.

3/10/10 In Line for Snacks

Dang Idaho basketball teams! All they have are potato-related products. Can't decide between a potato dog or churro fries. Meanwhile, this matchup is seriously getting out of hand for Rigby. The Gators now have a 6-2-1 lead as rookie sensation Tyreke Evans just messed around and got a triple double. I wonder if he's related in any way to Adams' wife, Carolyn Evans-Adams? Let's see, mental note, look into relationship between star shooting guard and coach's wife, if any.

3/11/10

Well that's weird. Only Steph Curry and Vince Carter are out there on the court tonight. But what's more perplexing is that they still have only managed to close the gap to 5-3-1. Looking ahead, it appears both teams have the same amount of games remaining. Not sure where Rigby can make up another category...rebounds perhaps? LeBron should probably show his face tomorrow, and the Trojans need him to bring the pain, big time. Now if you'll excuse me, it's halftime, and the Twin Falls 13th Ward is about to perform a truncated version of their region-winning road show based on the classic Home Evening short "Honesty Leads to Integrity".

3/12/10

LeBron's back! And he shot 7-18! Wait, that's not gonna cut it. Meanwhile the Gators aren't doing anything spectacular, but just like they've been doing all year long, everybody's putting up solid numbers across the board. I think I just saw Adams on the phone with the team's travel agent, booking a bus to Park City.

3/13/10

Wait a minute, there's someone on the other line. It's Steph Curry. What's that young rook? You say you've got 35 points, 10 assists, 6 rebounds, 4 steals, 5 three-pointers and a block that say the Gators' bus to Park City isn't ready? Needs an oil change and new tires? It probably didn't help Twin Falls' cause that Adams decided to rest Duncan in what I overheard him call a "blowout victory". With one day left, the Gators have the 7-2 lead, but FG%, rebounds, steals, blocks, turnovers, and points are all up in the air. If the Gators lose, it would be an unraveling the likes of which I haven't seen since Weber State against Montana.

3/14/10

And there's the final horn. 6-2-1, Gators. In the end, the Trojans put up a fight but it was too much of that patented all-around great play from the Gators. You gotta wonder how this would have ended if the...ahem..."EBP" would have have played one more game. Sure, they would have lost turnovers, but rebounds, and conceivably points and steals could have been the Trojans'. But it's on to Park City for the Gators, back to Rigby for the Trojans, and back to WFBL headquarters for me. I think I see some youths coming down the alley swinging sacks of potatoes in a menacing fashion.


Igs, Jai Rai, Set Record For Most Clichés in a Single Article

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—With the crowd at their backs, Maracaibo came blazing out of the gates in the World Semfinals like a well-oiled machine firing on all cylinders. Udorn, meanwhile, looked like they left their 'A' game back in Udorn whilst wandering behind a Venezuelan woodshed for 7-2 whooping.

EBP candidate David Lee illuminated Maracaibo's winning strategy, "When the Jai Rai looked a little out of synch early, we smelled blood and went for the jugular. We knew we couldn't afford to get lackadaisical, so we just tried to keep this one in the bag.

"It was all over but the shouting after the first few days," continued Andre Igoudala, "so we decided to put on a clinic, 'How to Seal Victories.' After all, our fans weren't paying hard earned money to watch us taking a cakewalk in the park."

So what went wrong for Udorn? Kobe Bryant broke down Udorn's subpar effort with this nugget of wisdom, "Well, instead of playing to win, I think we were playing not to lose. But give Maracaibo credit. They got us on the ropes and blew the game wide open with a coffin-nailing knock out punch."

Udorn owner Devin Jackson also lamented, "I think it's clear that we've gone to the well once too often. We circled the wagons around Kobe all season, so him only having two games really took the wind out of our sails."

"Plus, they did play 6 more games than us," groused Danny Granger, offering the only tangible, game-related fact of this entire article.

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 5, SnowBees 4

Butchers 5, Stratagem 4

Underdogs 5, Tigers 3, The Game

Rd 1 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Rigby Trojans 5 (71%)
Twin Falls Gators 2 (28%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (71%)
Udorn Jai-Rai 2 (28%)

Week 19 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—4 votes (57% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Mar 24-30, 2008

First-class stamp: $0.42

Average movie ticket price: $7.18

#1 Song:"Love In This Club"—Usher ft. Young Jeezy
#1 Movie: "21"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Round 1 from 2008 (Mar 24-30). LeBron James has now won two EBP trophies. He's also now lost both playoff series immediately following receiving his award. Both times, those losses have come at the hands of the Gators. This was the first.

ROUND ONE, MAR 24-30, 2008

Gators Chomp 'Caibo, Kobe "Makes Statement" All Over LeBron's EBP Trophy

TWIN FALLS (AP)—As the final buzzer sounded, Kobe Bryant,
his Twin Falls Gators having just beaten Maracaibo 5-4—their first-ever playoff series victory—calmly walked over to rival LeBron James of the Iguanas. Was it to exchange pleasantries on a series well-played? Was it to wish him luck in his future endeavors? You don't know Kobe Bryant.

With thousands of Maracaibo fans watching in disbelief, the Mamba, ever the dignitary, grabbed LeBron's EBP trophy, which the Iguana had just received in a pre-series ceremony, and broke the bronze statue with his bare hands. He then threw the bottom half at LeBron's face, and bit off, chewed and swallowed the trophy's head.

"Let 'em go, let 'em go," said Commissioner Barnes, who was on hand for the series, as respective team officials tried to rush onto the court to deter the brawl that was certain to ensue. "They need to settle this themselves."

Only there was no brawl, no retaliation from LeBron. The 2008 Exceedingly Beneficial Participant only stood and cried as Kobe surprisingly had no problem chewing the trophy head, a replica of James' own noggin, which is no small feat considering the size to which it had grown over the past few weeks.

Kobe muttered no words, for words were unnecessary. The chewing said it all.

Bryant stepped up his game for the playoff clash, besting his averages in many categories. LeBron, however, couldn't do the same, and the disappointing Iguanas, not necessarily known for coming through in the clutch, fell in the first round of the playoffs once again.

"Leave to the Igs to the throttling! ARGHHHHHHH!" coach Fran Hopkin was heard to have said. "It is all the pressure of Chavez!"

It was quite a statement the Mamba made, who is obviously upset about not winning his second EBP trophy. One can only imagine what he'll do when faced against the top-seeded and regular season champion St. George Underdogs this week.

"We wanted to come in here and make a statement," said the Gators' Allen Iverson, speaking of statements. "That statement was: We are advancing to the next round. All apologies to Zermatt, but we feel we are the best team right now, and guess what, St. George...it's your turn to receive a statement."

And receive a statement they did, as the Gators would go on to do the unthinkable, defeating the U-Dogs 8-1 and earning their only Concludings trip.

Round One Previews

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Wasatch Conference Round One









One final Spud State Showdown. This time, it's for the whole potato.

Season Series: Gators, 12-5-1

Seed: 3
Record: 80-77-5
Outlook: Led by two-time league EBP LeBron James, the Trojans won three of their last four to secure their second-ever postseason berth. Despite his greatness, there are rumblings that Wallace may hold James out a game to try to win turnovers. It may be a risky move, but Rigby needs to do whatever they can to get their first win of the season against Twin Falls.

Seed: 2
Record: 85-71-6
Outlook: With a chance to seal up the first-round bye, the Gators lost consecutive 3-6 games. D-Will and Co. owned the Trojans in the regular season, but will they have enough to keep up with the EBP? And how will Tyreke Evans match up against fellow rookie Steph Curry?


Prediction: 5-4










World Conference Round One









The Jai-Rai look to avenge last season's Rd 1 loss to the Igs.

Season Series: Tied, 9-9-0

Seed: 3
Record: 82-79-1
Outlook: The Jai-Rai won their last two—including a 5-4 victory over Maracaibo—to clinch their second-straight playoff appearance. Kobe and Granger are both finally back and healthy, but will the Mamba's two games this week be enough to overcome the 4-game advantage the Igs hold?

Seed: 2
Record: 83-73-6
Outlook: The Igs have beaten the top two teams in the WFBL (Park City and Zermatt) in two of the last three weeks. Sandwiched between those victories was a loss to the Jai-Rai, however. One worries about where the focus of the Igs will be, as coach Hopkin will likely have his attention elsewhere (something about getting married?).


Prediction: 5-4

This Week in the WFBL—Week 14

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Kings' Nash Finds Voice on Radio Show




















Steve Nash, live on WNYK: your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball!

NEW YORK (AP)—Editor's note: The following is a transcript of an interview between New York City radio station WNYK and Kings All-Star point guard Steve Nash, which was really hard to type because radio talk show hosts talk fast. But it was still easier than actually interviewing Steve Nash ourselves.

Marvelous Marv: Hey, all you sports fans out there in Radioland! You're listening to "King Me," the weekly program that brings you the inside scoop on your New York Kings, right here on WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball. I'm your host, Marvelous Marv Martinez, and I'm really excited about our next guest. He's been a member of the Kings ever since their inaugural season, and he's been a dear friend of mine ever since he started playing well earlier this year. And now that we're able to disguise ourselves on his caller ID, he's joining us as a guest on our show. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome New York City's favorite point guard, Mr. Steve Nash!

Steve Nash: Hello?

Marvelous: Hello, Steve!

Steve: Who is this?

Marvelous: I'm Marvelous Marv Martinez, and you're on "King Me," the weekly program that brings you the inside scoop on your New York Kings, right here on WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball.

Steve: The caller ID said you were my grandmother.

Marvelous: That's strange. Well, do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions?

Steve: Actually, Marv, I'm kind of busy right now. You see, I was just about to clip my toenails.

Marvelous: Don't worry, Steve, this will only take a minute. You and your Kings compadres are coming off a huge 5-4 win against the Udorn Jai-Rai, a tough World Conference foe that has been chasing you in the standings. You came into the series ahead of Udorn by only half a game, and now, thanks to that hard-fought victory, you're ahead by a full game and a half. And every win counts at this point in the season, with only a few weeks left before the playoffs. And I know you want to head into next week's All-Star break with momentum. And it's important to keep that win streak alive, which now stands at six weeks and includes wins over the Iguanas and the Sundancers. 'Cause that win streak is giving the Kings relevance and making the rest of the league take notice. And it's really nice for the fans, because they've been supporting you ever since about week three of your current win streak. And now to beat the Jai-Rai in the WFBL Game of the Week—how important was that to you and your team?

Steve: Um, very...important...?

Marvelous: That's right. And let's talk about your personal performance. Your 51 assists, 12-for-12 free-throw shooting, four steals and 12 three-pointers almost single-handedly beat the Jai-Rai in those categories, and as you know, in a narrow 5-4 victory, every single statistic counts—although, technically, I guess, they count in blowouts too, but they seem to count more in close games. Anyway, I'm sure you'd say that it was a team effort, and that no one player can do it all himself, and that Paul Pierce and Corey Maggette going off for 84 point apiece surely helped. And you'd probably want to give credit to Udorn for how hard they played to keep the series close. But how satisfying was it for you personally to have such a big series individually in one of the biggest series of the year and help your team in this way and give the Kings fans such an important win?

Steve: It was...satisfying, Marv. For all the reasons you mentioned.

Marvelous: And speaking of your individual effort, how gratifying was it to be named the starting point guard for the upcoming All-Star game ahead of reigning EBP and media darling Chris Paul of the hated Zermatt Abominables, whom everybody wants on their team and for whom any team would drop their current point guard—even you—in an instant? I mean, anytime you can be recognized individually for your accomplishments in this way, by being named an All-Star—that's something you always dream about and work for. But when it comes at the expense of a player whom the media drools over, that has to be extra special. Of course, team goals are the most important, as we all know. And you're surely focused primarily on helping the New York Kings lock up a playoff berth and make a run for the Concludings. But surely there must be some personal gratification at being honored in this way, given an appropriate amount of obligatory acknowledgment of the role your teammates play in making you look good, right?

Steve: [silence]

Marvelous: Steve? Steve? Are you there, Steve? Did we lose Steve? All right, which of you lousy technicians lost the phone connection? You're making me look bad! Get Steve back on the line, or so help me...

Steve: Hey, Marv. I'm back. Sorry. It sounded like your question was going to take a while, so I figured I had time to run out for just a sec and shoot a Vitamin Water commercial. But I set my phone next to a baked potato—did the potato answer your question all right?

Marvelous: No, not really, but—oh, hold on, Steve. It's now 7:47, and you know what that means! Every ten minutes on the sevens here at WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball, we bring you Time-Saver Traffic Reports from "Judy in the Sky" Farnsworth. Judy, how's the traffic looking from up there?

Judy: Well, Marv, traffic is at a standstill on basically every street in this sorry town. All major intersections are jammed, mostly with taxis, and I'm hearing a lot of obscenities in every language you can think of.

Marvelous: So, basically, no change from your last report 10 minutes ago?

Judy: Or from any report I've ever given in the 12 years I've worked here, Marv.

Marvelous: Thanks, Judy. We'll check back with you at 7:57. Sorry for the interruption, Steve.

Steve: No problem, Marv. That was very informative.

Marvelous: Just one more question and then we'll let you go. As you know, it was just over five short years ago that the nation of Thailand was devastated by a horrific tsunami. Millions or perhaps billions of people were killed, and billions more were left homeless. Worst of all, the Thai people were forced to face the tragedy without the benefit of a championship-contending professional sports franchise. Fate, it seems, has been merciless toward the people of Thailand—until this year, when Kobe Bryant signed with the Udorn Jai-Rai. Suddenly there was hope that the Jai-Rai could bring healing to this forlorn land. But now you and your heartless mates from New York have dealt a cruel blow to the dreams of the Thai people, robbing them, at least temporarily, of the one bright star in the pitch-black sky of their lives. If the Jai-Rai do not make the playoffs because of their loss to the Kings, then you might as well rename your team the Tsunamis, because you'll have done more damage to the Thai psyche than any natural disaster could ever do. How do you live with yourself?

Steve: Marv, that's THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD! What kind of pompous arrogance inspires the sports industry to believe that having a winning team erases or even mitigates the misery and suffering caused by the 2004 tsunami? The people of Thailand need clean water and food and shelter and comfort, and we give them a WFBL franchise?!? Will the Jai-Rai rebuild their homes? Will the Jai-Rai adopt the orphaned children? Will the Jai-Rai feed the starving families who lost their plantations and their livelihood? Can the Thai people EAT the Jai-Rai? All the Jai-Rai will do is squeeze more money out of these poverty-stricken people and line the pockets of the elitists. If I hear one more sportscaster claim that the nation of Thailand "needs" the Jai-Rai to go to the Concludings this year in order to complete the healing process from the tsunami, I'm going to take that sportscaster's microphone and--

Marvelous: Well, that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for "King Me" on WNYK, your exclusive home for traffic, polka music, and New York Kings basketball. (Man, that Steve Nash can really be long-winded, can't he?)

Around the WFBL

Abominables 8, Butchers 1

Sundancers 8, Stratagem 1

SnowBees 5, Trojans 4

Gators 6, Underdogs 3

Iguanas 7, Tigers 2

Week 14 Game of the Week Voting Results:

New York Kings 2 (33%)
Udorn Jai-Rai 4 (66%)

Week 13 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—4 votes (50% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Jan 26-Feb 1, 2009

Loaf of Bread: $2.02

Gallon of milk: $3.39

#1 Song:"Just Dance"—Lady GaGa ft. Colby O'Donis
#1 Movie: "Taken"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 14 from 2009(Jan 26-Feb 1). The Twin Falls Gators were once again competing for first place in the Wasatch Conference, and all season long, a certain reptilian-themed player was at the center of controversy. Week 14 gave us a unique, personal look inside the Mamba's locker. Click the image at your own risk: some things you can't un-see.

WEEK FOURTEEN, JAN 26-FEB 1, 2009

Gators 4, Tigers 4, Humanity 1

TWIN FALLS (AP)—At the beginning of the season, the Twin Falls Gators had a few goals in mind for 2008-09. While the pedestrian goals—make the playoffs, finish in first, win the Concludings, etc—are easy enough, the one that stood out as simply unattainable is the one still fridge-magnet-ed to the locker of each and every player: Keep Zermatt From the Playoffs. The top-ranked (you can preface that with, "formerly", that's for sure) Gators, fresh off a stumblingly pathetic 4-4-1 tie to last place Bayside, get their final direct shot at acheiving their goal, welcoming the A-Boms to town. They'll need help, too, with the defending champs a mere (cough) 18.5 games ahead of Richmond, with five weeks to go. But still, that's not stopping Kobe and Co. from giving it their all. "We need this win, we absolutely must have it," said Bryant. "People talk about winning a championship as the ultimate goal. I already did that. That's been done by a lot of people. But Zermatt's never not made the playoffs. So as you can see, all our focus—mine at least—will be on stopping them." "Not me," said forward Tim Duncan. "Who cares about Zermatt? I want a ring! Gimme gimme!"

It needn't be mentioned that the Mamba's goal of keeping the A-Boms from the playoffs was not only NOT attained, but it was not attained in the most horrible way imaginable. You know the history here.

Week 13 Power Rankings

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Guillermo Diaz Memorial All-Stink Team

With five weeks left in the regular season, the Kings and the Jai-Rai meet up with a mere half-game separating them. A big win by either team—coupled with another likely 5-4 win for Zermatt—could put the winner in first place in the World.

The WFBL recently announced the lineups for the 2010 All-Star game—a group of individuals considered the best of the best. Players who give each team daily joy, as owners check their box score totals. These are the players of whom dreams are made, and on whom championship teams are built.

And then we have the Guillermo Diaz All-Stink Team. Named after the horrible backup guard for the St. George Underdogs who made the All-Star team in 2008 (thanks to the "Best vs the Rest" format) despite his player rating in the high 500's, the Guillermo Diaz All-Stink team follows the same guidelines as the All-Star team, only in reverse. Who is the lowest-rated player on each team? Let's take a look, Power Rankings style!


Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 61-53-3
Kevin Martin (237). As well as things have been going for the Champs this year, injuries have kept them from utter domination. After leading the league in scoring for the first week of the season, Martin missed 11 weeks with a hand injury and is doing everything in his power to convince Coach Barnes to leave him on the bench.

2 (2) 60-54-3
Allen Iverson (235). The Kings' recent success (five straight wins, second only to the A-Boms' six-straight) can be attributed to many factors. One of those is never having to start Allen Iverson. With guys like Paul Pierce and Stephen Jackson ahead of him, thankfully New York will never have to.

3 (3) 65-50-2

Nate Robinson (201). Technically, Lil' Nate hasn't been a hindrance to the Sundancers' title aspirations, since he was just added this week. But for a guy who was integral to Park City's run to—and loss in—the Concludings last season, a ranking of 201 is quite disappointing.

4 (6) 58-56-3
Ben Gordon (184). It's a tribute to Richmond's saavy front office (Channing Frye and Wilson Chandler for Andrea Bargnani as Most One-Sided Trade, anyone?) that their opening-day starter at shooting guard is their worst player, yet here the Butchers are a mere three games out of first place.

5 (7) 61-54-0
Josh Howard (252). The Jai-Rai were approached numerous times with offers of a backup small forward upgrade in exchange for Brandon Jennings. Udorn turned them all down, and then Danny Granger went down. Sure, they're 1.5 out of first now that Granger is back, but who knows where they'd be if they could have had All-Star Gerald Wallace fill in for Granger instead of Howard?

6 (5) 61-51-5
Tracy McGrady (386). Your winner for "lowest rated rostered player". T-Mac hasn't—and almost assuredly won't—see the light of day for Twin Falls, and one has to wonder what it is that's keeping him a Gator. Oh yeah, the good luck thing.

7 (8) 55-58-4
Shaquille O'Neal (257). Thankfully for Trojan fans, the Big Trojan Horse has spent much of the season riding the pine, behind All-Star Brook Lopez. Now that Lopez is gone in favor of Chris Kaman (and Steph Curry, a move lauded by the Power Rankings), the only thing keeping the washed-up O'Neal from destroying Rigby is Kaman forgetting to drink his milk.

8 (4) 58-55-4
Raja Bell (303). Not that it matters, really, since the Iguanas never change their starting lineup (Bayside 2.0?), but it does seem odd that the Igs are keeping Bell on their roster, seeing as how he's out for the season and contemplating retirement. Maybe they know something the rest of the league doesn't. This year's keeper, anyone?

9 (9) 51-62-4
Richard Hamilton (279). Speaking of never changing their lineups! We need to give honorable mention to Bayside, who leads the league with five players on the All-Stink team. The other representatives: Tyrus Thomas (234), Hakim Warrick (221), Maurice Evans (193), and Kirk Hinrich (173)

10 (6) 53-62-2
Mike Dunleavy (185). Ladies and gentlemen of Nephi, your starting shooting guard! With Brandon Roy seemingly hurting every week, the Strats have had to turn to Dunleavy to help guide them to the consolation round this year. In more positive news, the Strats surprisingly had only two players make the All-Stink team (Nenad Krstic, 159).

11 (11) 52-64-1
Leandro Barbosa (208). The rare case of the worst player rostered actually being someone the team relied on heavily this season. It was one injury after another for Barbosa, who really wasn't that great when he wasn't injured.


12 (12) 50-64-3
Tayshaun Prince (350). It's hard to put too much blame on Prince, when guys like Mike Miller (220), Devin Harris (190...and the U-Dogs' keeper from last year!), and J.R. Smith have all done their fair share of leading St. George to the bottom of the Power Rankings.

So, who do you think is your worst player? And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 12's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 6

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Leads Jai-Rai Lose Second-Straight, Despite End of Arenas' 3-Week Billboard Starvation Standoff

UDORN (AP)—Gilbert Arenas had had enough. And Jai-Rai management finally caved.

Udorn's mercurial point guard ended his hunger-strike stand-off with team owner Devin Jackson last week, finally getting the starting nod against Los Iguanas de Maracaibo in a key World Conference matchup. The appearance of the seldom-started Arenas wasn't enough to overcome the Igs, however, as the Jai-Rai lost 5-4.

Since Week 3, when he was benched for up-and-comer Russell Westbrook, Arenas has been defiantly camped on a billboard in downtown metropolitan Udorn, refusing to come down or eat anything until Jai-Rai brass realized their "grave misdeeds."

"We just beat the Butchers, and all of a sudden coach comes up to me and says they're gonna try somethin' different for a few weeks. I'm like 'what? I'm Gilbert Arenas, dang it!'" the former All-Star explained. "I'm back, baby! I'm healthy! They don't know who they dealing with."

From his lofty perch in front of a billboard outfitted with the saying "I'm Gilbert Arenas" and "Start Me Or Starve Me!", and armed with nothing more than a bullhorn and a sleeping bag, Arenas beckoned at passers-by to honk if they wanted him back in the lineup. The scheme seemed to be working during a Week 3 loss to Zermatt, but the groundswell died down after the Jai-Rai pummeled Nephi 8-1 thanks to solid play from Westbrook.

"Yeah, that was a tough week. But I had to hold my ground. I had to let them know that I wasn't joking around," said Arenas. "Do I look like the type of guy who'd joke around about something like this?"

Ultimately, management decided that the negative PR the team was getting far outweighed the benefits that could come from winning a stand-off with "Gasbag". A Week 5 loss to bottom-feeder New York may have had a little something to do with the change of heart, too.

"We respect Gilbert as a player and a person," said Jackson. "We learned a lot about each other over the past few weeks. I guess I underestimated the type of crazy I was getting involved with when I drafted him."

After the final horn sounded on the Jai-Rai's loss—their second series loss with Arenas running the point—Jackson's tune suddenly changed.

"It was good to have Gilby come down and play again. And you can definitely tell that his not eating for three weeks helped him lose some off-season weight, so it was really win-win for all of us. But I think it's back to billboard for you, Gilby."

Around the WFBL

Kings 5, Abominables 4

Sundancers 7, Stratagem 1, Everyone 1

Trojans 5, Underdogs 4

Gators 5, SnowBees 4

Butchers 6, Tigers 3

Week 6 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (62%)

Udorn Jai-Rai 3 (37%)

Week 5 EBP:

Marcus Camby, Richmond—5 votes (62% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Dec 1-7, 2008

Gallon of gas: $1.81

Gallon of milk: $2.74

#1 Song: "Live Your Life"—T.I. ft. Rhianna

#1 Movie: "Four Christmases"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 6 from 2008 (Dec 1-7). Unlike this season, there was a clear divide in the WFBL between the contenders and the pretenders. In Week 6, two of the contenders met, with upstart Nephi taking on seemingly indestructible Park City in a Wasatch Conference showdown.

WEEK SIX, DEC 1-7, 2008

Strats Still Special Despite Success, Roy Claims


























KG and the Strats bounce Bosh and the 'Dancers from the unbeaten ranks.

NEPHI (AP)—Now the only remaining unbeaten team in the WFBL, the Nephi Strategem toppled the Park City Sundancers 6-2-1 this week, extending their now longest current winning streak to 7—if you feel good about counting their victory over Rigby in the 11th place game last year. The Strats can also now stake a claim to first place for the first time in franchise history, though they are finding out that winning is not all it is cracked up to be.

"Back when we used to lose, other teams would treat us like we were special," explained Brandon Roy. "Players and coaches would always be making a point to tell us how proud they were of us, that we even managed to field a team at all. Now that we're winning, the other teams don't quite know what to think. They look like they have been betrayed. Well, I'm here to tell you that we are still special, we're just winning now. Is there anything so wrong with that? Management is still perfectly willing to make ill-advised trades, as evidenced by the deal to ship Ron Artest to Richmond for Marquis Daniels this week. See? Still good ol' lovable Nephi."

Kevin Garnett interrupted, "But did they really need to include Udonis Haslem to sweeten an already lopsided trade?" Owner Justin Banks soon joined the discussion, "Hey, I've been wondering where Udonis has been. I think I might have misclicked on his name. I didn't mean to trade him—lol."

Roy is right about one thing, Nephi will always be special.

So what about Park City? How are they dealing with their first loss of the season? Owner Dave Barton was happy to oblige with a characteristically pompous answer. "Look, it's all part of our master plan. We decided that now was the best time to lose, so we didn't turn into some massive juggernaut that everyone is constantly gunning for. We all know how well that turned out for St. George last year. So all of you that were wondering why Mo only dished 6 assists, or what the story behind our sudden dive in free throw percentage Saturday night was, now you know. Yes, soon we will..."

Barton, who didn't get the memo that James Bond analogies are so 3 weeks ago, trailed off and paused before continuing, "You know, I really need to get better at not explaining away my machinations to the whole league, so I'm just gonna stop myself right there. Sometimes I'm just so proud of my ingenuity that I want to share. Maybe next week I will take a cue from Auric Goldfinger by inviting all you media types to my rumpus room for postgame interviews. That way I can have the satisfaction of getting to explain my elaborate plot in great detail before I gas you all to death. Who's in? Wait... I just did it again, didn't I?"

The Strats continued to surprise the league, winning their next three series. But ultimately, their inexperience in the limelight caught up with them, as they stumbled down the stretch, missing out on the regular season conference title and ultimately bowing to Twin Falls in the first round of the Playoffs. Meanwhile, Park City's evil plot to control the league was foiled by their arch-nemesis Zermatt, in the 2009 Concludings.

Week 5 Power Rankings

Let's Go Streaking!

Why is this the game of the week? Because it's the only matchup where both teams are over .500. It's as simple as that. The 2009-10 season—where mediocrity happens..

You may have noticed that the WFBL is a little—what's the word—disjointed this year. You win big one week, chances are you're gonna get taken apart the next. Since no team has won or lost more than three in a row, we've had to dig a little deeper to see what sorts of streaks are happening around the league.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (3) 24-20-1
Current win streak: 2. Rigby holds not only the longest, but the only active win streak in the league after thumping the Kings and Strats. And for that they become the 4th team in 6 weeks to occupy the #1 spot.


2 (6) 24-19-2
Weeks without a complaint: 5. Notoriously combative owner Shaun Adams has kept quiet since his Gators were ranked #9 to start the season. Getting dropped to #6 last week failed to inspire even mild grumbling. What is going on this year? Up is down. Black is white.

3 (7) 24-18-3
Seasons off to a strong start: 5. The Iguanas have once again started the season in a sprint (kinda), and find themselves on top of the standings. But you know how it goes, Chavez forces Ray Allen to date his niece, Ray Ray loses his shooting touch, and the whole season collapses come playoff time.

4 (11) 23-21-1
Players in the week 5 EBP race: 2. Carmelo lit up the offensive end and Camby dominated the defensive end against shorthanded Zermatt. You just try to pick between them.


5 (1) 24-19-2
Weeks with a key injury: 5. The latest casualty is Lou Williams. Rumor has it the Commish was considering picking up injured free agent Mike Miller—a member of last year's championship team—until he realized he already had enough roster spots reserved for dead weight.

6 (4) 23-22-0
Offers for Brandon Jennings rejected: 17. Udorn really lucked out when they snagged the rookie phenom with their final draft pick. And their reward? Sorting through all manner of asinine trade offers like "How about my prized collection of pogs for Jennings?"

7 (5) 21-24-0

Weeks without a true point guard: 33. This one goes all the way back to the 07-08 season, when Jose Calderon made his surprise emergence. Since then the 'Dancers have trotted out the likes of Nate Robinson, Randy Foye and Will Bynum among others. Boy, that Brandon Jennings sure would come in handy.

8 (2) 19-23-3
Weeks without a free agent acquisition: 0. What's this? Bayside owner Rich Lachowsky broke his long standing inactivity on the waiver wire last week by picking up Marreese Speights, who happens to be out with a knee injury until after the new year. Ah, Bayside.

9 (12) 19-24-2
Years without a championship: 3 (and mostly likely 4). Somewhere there is a 3 1/2 year old Kings fan with a squash-stained Triceratops onesie packed away in a diaper box on top of his closet shelf that has never gotten to experience a Concludings victory. What does this have to do with anything? Don't ask.


10 (8) 20-24-1
Current unbeaten streak: 3. While it is true that Rigby is the only team with an active win streak, St. George actually hasn't lost since week 2 after tying Salt Lake. And for that they get moved down two spots.


10 (9) 20-24-1
Weeks with a healthy starting lineup: 1. The good news? Pau and Gordon are finally both ready for week 6. The bad news? There is *almost* nowhere for the SnowBees to go but up.

12 (10) 21-24-0
Weeks since Nephi was ranked #2 by this humble committee: 2. Boy, that seems like a long time ago. Dropping 14 out of 18 categories will do that to you.

So what do you think? Your team ranked too high? Too low? Who's overrated? Underrated? Let the Power Rankings know in the comments! And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 1's EBP!

Udorn Jai-Rai

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TEAM: Udorn Jai-Rai
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: World Conference
OWNER: Devin Jackson
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: Udorn Jai-Rai 07-08, 9th Place, 08-09 6th Place
LOCATION: Udorn, Thailand
ARENA: Buddha's Bungalow
MOTTO: "Jai-Rai Never Say Die!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(s): Gators

SEASON OUTLOOK

With the WFBL hype machine making its way to Southeast Asia, owner Devin Jackson and returing superstar Danny Granger, along with key acquisitions Kobe Bryant and Gilbert Arenas, assembled for a preseason press conference to address Udorn's hopes and dreams for the coming season.

The Q&A session kicked off with all the standard issue hyperbole about how the Jai Rai are primed to make a run at the concludings. Bryant, who fled to Thailand hoping to escape the suffocating Twin Falls tabloids, asserted, "We're gonna be tough to beat. With the talent Coach Jackson has assembled, I think we have one of the most formidable starting lineups in the league."

But what happened next will likely be replayed on every "100 Most Shocking Moments of the WFBL" TV special for the next 20 years. The entire room froze as outspoken hip hop star Kanye West dramatically emerged from the crowd of reporters, forced his way onto the podium, and snatched the microphone from a surprised Bryant.

"Yo Kobe, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but the '07-08 Underdogs had one of the best lineups of all time. One of the best lineups of ALL TIME!"


















As bedlam soon overtook the room, an embarrassed Truman Barnes could be spotted in the crowd. The young St. George owner apparently had no reason to be in attendance other than to get caught on camera looking stunned.

"Oh, and one more thing," said West before handing the microphone back to Bryant, unwittingly at the center of controversy once again. "Commissioner Barnes doesn't care about Thai people!"


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