WFBL...WTF?

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If you're like most people visiting this Web site for the first time, you are probably experiencing a swirl of conflicting emotions right now. You feel inexplicably drawn to the WFBL yet at the same time intimidated by its awesomeness. You sense that the WFBL is unlike anything you've ever experienced, and you long to understand it better, but you wonder if anyone can ever understand it completely.

These emotions are startling to you, because you've never felt this way about an acronym before. Is it love? Probably, but how do you express love to an acronym? Shouldn't you at least find out what WFBL stands for first? And then maybe introduce it to your parents or something?

Please rest assured that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. Even those who helped create the WFBL sometimes struggle to define it. Is it a basketball league? Yes, but that's hardly all it is. Is it real? That depends on your definition of reality.

When Louis Armstrong was asked, "What is the WFBL?" he said, "If you have to ask, you'll never know." Or maybe he said that about jazz. Anyway, it applies equally to the WFBL. Perhaps the best way to answer the question "What is the WFBL?" is to go back in time and review its evolution, from conception and birth through precocious childhood to brash adolescence and, finally, world domination. It's a wild ride, so buckle up.

Genesis (2005-06)

This may be hard to believe, but the WFBL actually had very simple—if not exactly humble—beginnings. The whole thing started in the summer of 2005, when now-Commissioner but then-recent college grad Ben Barnes called his brother and two friends and asked, "Want to start a basketball league?"

But wasn't there already a well-established basketball league in operation in 2005, you ask? No, I don't think so. Oh, you mean the now-defunct NBA? Well, yes. "But there were at least three problems with the NBA," Barnes explains. "(1) It didn't belong to me. (2) Several of the logos were stupid. And (3) it took itself way too seriously." Hence the need to create a new league.

The charter members included the Magna Spittin' Llamas, the Salt Lake City SnowBees of West Valley, the Weber Mexican Hairless, and the West Valley Squackboxes. Since all of the teams were located near Utah's Wasatch Mountains, the league was dubbed the Wasatch Front Basketball League (now you know what WFBL stands for).

Never really inclined to think small, league ownership immediately began drafting players whose rights were already owned by NBA teams. They then proceeded to issue press releases and unveil logos and uniform designs.

Critics were skeptical, calling the WFBL a "fantasy" basketball league. Supporters insisted that it was no fantasy—in fact, they claimed that in some ways it was more "real" than the NBA. Evidence seemed to be on the side of the supporters.

"I've seen pictures of LeBron James wearing a pink Squackboxes uniform," insisted one fan. "I've seen pictures of the court where the SnowBees play. I've read articles reporting on WFBL games. Do you think somebody would make all this up? Would anybody actually spend all that time creating logos, designing uniforms, and writing news articles about a FANTASY basketball league? Come on, nobody's that geeky."

With all of its superstars fleeing to this new, four-team league, each with (arguably) superior logos and more whimsical beat writers, the NBA eventually saw that it could not compete and quietly disappeared. Meanwhile, Kobe Bryant was leading his new team, the Commissioner-owned Magna Spittin' Llamas (later the Magna Township Underdogs), to a 6-games-to-3 victory over the SnowBees in the inaugural WFBL Concludings.

WFBL Year One also included two events that have become yearly traditions: a riotous All-Star week and an Old-Timey week in which each team (even though they had been in existence less than a year) somehow managed to wear throwback jerseys. By all accounts, it was all a smashing success.

"What makes the WFBL so great," Commissioner Barnes notes, "is that it combines three of my favorite things: (1) Being in charge. (2) Creating fun logos. And (3) making fun of things, via our satirical news articles. It's really a great creative outlet"

The world, literally, seemed to be at the WFBL's fingertips.

Click here to download the Inaugural Season Yearbook

Exodus (2006-07)

After their phenomenal inaugural season, the WFBL's four charter owners realized two things: Their team names and logos were probably created a little hastily (what the heck is a Squackbox?), and the Wasatch Front is definitely too small a stage for their product. So prior to the 2006-07 season, three of the four teams fled the land of their fathers, each in search of its own "land of promise"—the Magna Township Underdogs were sold by Commissioner Barnes and relocated to St. George, the West Valley Squackboxes became the Bayside (California) Tigers, and the Weber Mexican Hairless went south of the border and was renamed Los Iguanas de Maracaibo (Venezuela), making the WFBL the first professional sports league to locate franchises both in America and in a country that is openly antagonistic to America. But the nice thing about that was that it gave the league its most famous superfan, socialist dictator and America-hater Hugo Chavez. So it's a pretty good tradeoff.

This dramatic "Scattering of the WFBL" wasn't the only change for the upstart league. Six new teams were also added: the Zermatt (Switzerland) Abominables, the Park City (Utah) Sundancers, the Rigby (Idaho) Trojans, the Twin Falls (also Idaho) Gators, the New York (New York) Triceratops, and the Indiana (Indiana) Sand Dunes. Two of these franchises (the Trojans and Sand Dunes) were owned by openly female executives—another first in professional sports. Two others (the Underdogs and Triceratops) were owned by children.

Almost overnight, the WFBL had more than doubled its size and become a truly international sports league, on the cutting edge of social activism. Of course, this made the moniker "Wasatch Front Basketball League" seem like a poor fit now, but according to league historian and linguist Phil Jackson, it was too late to change it.

















"When an acronym is adopted by language users," he explains, "especially one as beloved as WFBL, you can't all of a sudden change it without doing serious damage to society. By the summer of 2006, people had 'WFBL' tattooed on their bodies, they'd named their children 'WFBL,' they'd build houses to look like the WFBL logo. WFBL had become part of mankind's psyche, part of the human experience. It was impossible to change it."

But there was still plenty the league office could change—most of those changes having to do with "blurring the line" between fantasy and reality. Recognizing that nothing can be truly real until is has an Internet presence, the WFBL launched a Web site, where fans could read articles about WFBL games, download desktop wallpaper featuring WFBL logos, and even purchase merchandise from the online WFBL store. All of this allowed fans around the world to make the WFBL a more prominent part of their lives.

Fans who took advantage of this opportunity were rewarded with another exciting season that saw the Bayside Tigers, led by Shawn Marion and Vince Carter, stun the Commissioner's own Zermatt Abominables 9-0 in the WFBL Concludings, completing a storybook worst-to-first saga and providing at least circumstantial evidence that the whole thing isn't rigged to allow the Commissioner's team to win every year.

Click here to view Season Two's Official Web site

Leviticus (2007-08)

Year Three saw additional changes for the mighty WFBL, perhaps the most monumental being its expansion into southeast Asia, where it had always enjoyed a strong following but never a team. That changed when Udorn, Thailand, was granted a franchise, dubbed the Jai-Rai. Expansion reached into another exotic location when rural Utah got a team—the Nephi Stratagem.

Meanwhile, the ownership of the Indiana Sand Dunes realized that the Hoosier state just isn't that much into basketball and sold the franchise to opportunistic investors in Virginia, a husband and wife team who renamed the franchise the Richmond Butchers.

Once the dust settled, the now-12-team-league was subdivided: all of the teams from Utah and Idaho became part of the Wasatch Conference, and all of the teams from California, New York, Virginia, Venezuela, Switzerland, and Thailand became part of the World Conference. Commissioner Barnes, commenting on this change, explained that "not only did this make sense geographically, it also gave me the opportunity to design two additional logos, one for each conference. That's an opportunity you simply don't let pass if you want to be a successful basketball league. And I do."

Another way to be a successful basketball league is to create a climate where teams that are low-performing one year can come out of nowhere and totally dominate the next year, much as Bayside did in '06-07. This time the rags-to-riches role was played by the St. George Underdogs. Owned and operated by five-year-old genius Truman Barnes and led on the court by former Tiger Shawn Marion, the U-Dogs were virtually unstoppable during the regular season, setting new records for consecutive victories and total wins and easily earning the top seed in the WFBL playoffs.

Then came one of the most stunning upsets in the history of sports, as Kobe Bryant and the fifth-seeded Twin Falls Gators shocked the regular-season champs and earned a spot in the Concludings, where they fell to Chris Paul's Zermatt Abominables.

But the message to the rest of the league was clear: No matter how crappy your team was last year, you have just as much chance as anyone of having a strong season the next year. Another message was also clear: Anything can happen in the WFBL playoffs. But perhaps the clearest message was: Don't mess with the Commissioner's team.

Click here to view Season Three's Official Web site

Numbers (2008-09)

Technology evolves quickly in this day and age, and basketball leagues that don't evolve with it are natural-selectioned into extinction (this, remember, is what happened to the NBA). Back in the WFBL's infancy, fans were satisfied with a Web site that allowed them to view content. But as Commissioner Barnes realized, fans today want Internet content that they can manipulate; they want to participate in the WFBL conversation.

In response to these wants, Barnes revamped the WFBL Web site, allowing users to comment, blog-style, on those delightful articles. Fans could also make their voices heard on weekly polls, voting on who they think will win the Game of the Week and who they think deserves the weekly Exceeding Beneficial Participant award.

Not surprisingly, the new site was an instant success, much like everything else this do-no-wrong league does. But the 2008-09 season was not without controversy: the year's feel-good stories (Nephi's surprising regular-season success, for example) were overshadowed by scandal as the Gators' Kobe Bryant, one of the league's most recognizable figures, admitted to intentionally injuring other players.

But that's OK, because scandal fuels public interest, even more than so-called feel-good stories. Kobe's plot to eliminate his competition didn't really work anyway, because the Gators were eliminated from the playoffs by the Park City Sundancers, who were, in turn, eliminated by (guess who?) the Commissioner's Zermatt Abominables. Surprise!



Click here to view Season Four's Official Web site

Deuteronomy (2009- )

Questions abound as the once-fledgling but now-thriving league celebrates its fifth season. What's next for the WFBL? What crazy stunts will be pulled to keep us all giddy with excitement? More scandals? We can only hope. A three-peat for the A-Boms? Oh, please no. Who will be this year's Bayside/St. George/Nephi? Whatever happens, count on the WFBL to continue to "blur the line" between the real and the fantastic and to live up to its motto, "Reality Basketball."


Terms to Know

EBP Exceedingly Beneficial Participant; weekly and yearly award given to the most beneficial player in the league (or the the player who gets the most votes or has the most media appeal)

Concludings The WFBL's yearly championship series, traditionally pitting the Commissioner's team with whomever dares challenge them

Home Arena Convenience The privilege of holding a series on one's own court, which is really convenient.

Diversion Week The WFBL's yearly whimsical party leading up to the All-Star game; events include the Smucker's Jam Festival, the Sony Ron Artest Memorial Jam Festival, and the Dixie Cup Ron Artest Memorial Punch-Out

WFBLies Coveted yearly awards given to teams, players, executives, and transactions throughout the league in such categories as photoshoppery of the year, article of the year, the Salt Lake SnowBees Memorial disappointment of the year, and most lopsided trade

Commissioner Barnes Trophy Hardware awarded to the Zermatt Abominables (or, maybe someday, some another team) for winning the Concludings; perhaps even more important, the Concludings champ wins an item of WFBL merchandise from the official store!

Tote Bag Lovely parting gift given to the winner of the WFBL playoffs' consolation bracket (who, by the way, traditionally ends up in the Concludings the next year, where they have the privilege of losing to Zermatt)

Ski-Town Skirmish Name of annual (and sometimes semi-annual) match-up between the Zermatt Abominables and Park City Sundancers, a rivalry whose owners would have you believe is the greatest and most storied in the history of sports, professional or otherwise. The coveted Oaken Skis of Yore trophy is awarded to the winner

Power Rankings Term used for both the weekly ranking of WFBL teams and the entity which appoints the grades of status. Although they have no bearing on playoff seeding whatsoever, these rankings are held in the highest regard by owners and players alike