Nephi Stratagem

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TEAM: Nephi Stratagem
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: Wasatch Conference
OWNER: Justin Banks
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: Nephi Stratagem, 07-08 11th Place, 08-09 5th Place
LOCATION: Nephi, Utah
ARENA: The Arena of Liberty
MOTTO: "In Memory of Our God, Our Religion, and Freedom, and Our Peace, Our Wives, and Our Children!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(s): Sundancers

SEASON OUTLOOK

With Yao Ming moving on to bigger and better hospitals, one of Nephi's primary needs on draft day was a dominant big man to compliment returning shooting guard Brandon Roy. And when Nephi's #8 pick came around, owner Justin Banks didn't waiver in his decision to draft Chris Bosh for a full 7 or 8 seconds, at which point he changed his pick to Amar'e Stoudemire.

"Chris is coming off a career year with Park City, and he's really going to fit in here nicely," expounded Banks. "Wait, did I say Chris? I meant Amar'e. And when I said he is coming off a career year with Park City, I meant he is coming off a disappointing season in which a freak eyeball injury caused him to miss the playoffs and derail Park City's Concludings chances. Same difference."

Joining Roy and Bosh, er, Stoudemire on the Stratagem starting line will be a young nucleus of Rajon Rondo, Rudy Gay and LaMarcus Aldridge. The always unconventional Nephi management also surprised many when they used a late round draft pick to bring back disgraced former star Tracy McGrady as a team health advisor.


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Udorn Jai-Rai

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TEAM: Udorn Jai-Rai
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: World Conference
OWNER: Devin Jackson
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: Udorn Jai-Rai 07-08, 9th Place, 08-09 6th Place
LOCATION: Udorn, Thailand
ARENA: Buddha's Bungalow
MOTTO: "Jai-Rai Never Say Die!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(s): Gators

SEASON OUTLOOK

With the WFBL hype machine making its way to Southeast Asia, owner Devin Jackson and returing superstar Danny Granger, along with key acquisitions Kobe Bryant and Gilbert Arenas, assembled for a preseason press conference to address Udorn's hopes and dreams for the coming season.

The Q&A session kicked off with all the standard issue hyperbole about how the Jai Rai are primed to make a run at the concludings. Bryant, who fled to Thailand hoping to escape the suffocating Twin Falls tabloids, asserted, "We're gonna be tough to beat. With the talent Coach Jackson has assembled, I think we have one of the most formidable starting lineups in the league."

But what happened next will likely be replayed on every "100 Most Shocking Moments of the WFBL" TV special for the next 20 years. The entire room froze as outspoken hip hop star Kanye West dramatically emerged from the crowd of reporters, forced his way onto the podium, and snatched the microphone from a surprised Bryant.

"Yo Kobe, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but the '07-08 Underdogs had one of the best lineups of all time. One of the best lineups of ALL TIME!"


















As bedlam soon overtook the room, an embarrassed Truman Barnes could be spotted in the crowd. The young St. George owner apparently had no reason to be in attendance other than to get caught on camera looking stunned.

"Oh, and one more thing," said West before handing the microphone back to Bryant, unwittingly at the center of controversy once again. "Commissioner Barnes doesn't care about Thai people!"


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St. George Underdogs

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TEAM: St. George Underdogs
CONFERENCE AFFILIATION: Wasatch Conference
OWNER: Truman Barnes
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE: St. George Underdogs, 06-07 8th Place, 07-08 4th Place, 08-09 7th Place
LOCATION: St. George, Utah
ARENA: Super Energy Vitamin Pill Arena
MOTTO: "Good Doggies!"
MOST-HATED RIVAL(s): Kings, SnowBees, Butchers

SEASON OUTLOOK

When a person decides, "I'm going to play basketball for a living," there are a few realities he has to face. One is that the moment a basketball team drafts him, he ceases being a person and becomes something more like a cow. He'll be weighed and measured, prodded and poked, sold and traded, and when he stops "producing," his skin will be used to make belts and wallets.

Unless, that is, he's drafted by the St. George Underdogs. "On this team," explains longtime U-Dog Dwight Howard, "you're more like an adorable pig who could probably get a fair sum at the butcher shop, but the family loves him so much that nobody has the heart to do it."

That explains, in part, why St. George chief Truman Barnes, when given the chance on draft day to revamp the roster that could manage no better than seventh place last year, chose instead to bring back virtually all of his starting lineup.

"I love my players!" Truman explained. "I would miss them if they all went to other teams."

The feeling, it seems, is mutual. "I'm so relieved that St. George brought me back," says forward Hedo Turkoglu, one of Truman's four returning starters. "There's just an environment of acceptance and approval here. With other teams, you always worry that if you pass your prime or your numbers start to slip, the coaches will start judging you and withhold love from you. But with Coach Tru I've always felt secure knowing that he values me for who I am, not for my shooting percentages."

OK, unconditional love is great and everything, but will it translate into wins? Traditionally the team that wins the Consolation Tote Bag (as St. George did in 09) ends up in the Concludings the following season, but usually those teams IMPROVED THEIR LINEUP in the offseason. It's hard to say that the U-Dogs have.

Whatever happens, at least Dwight Howard and company can count on big hugs after every game. And who knows? As any frequent viewer of Disney fairy tales can tell you, Tru love conquers all.


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