Salt Lake's José Calderón bugged Zermatt's Chris Paul all week. Just part of the Beekeeper's master plan.
ZERMATT (AP)—Going into last week's matchup with the Abominables, Salt Lake SnowBees owner-coach Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes knew there was a chance that Zermatt's superstar point guard, Chris Paul, wouldn't play, since the injured guard was wearing an immobilizing boot and everything. However, because he is a world-class coach who spends literally minutes on his craft, the Beekeeper also knew exactly how to prepare his team for this eventuality:
"When you're playing a team like Zermatt, you've got to prepare for their best. I told my players to prepare as if Chris Paul is going to play. This is what all the good coaches do. And I am a good coach."
Be that as it may, it turns out CP3 did NOT play, instead spending all week on the sidelines in expensive suits. But another thing good coaches do is stick to their game plan. So the SnowBees—particularly guard Jose Calderon, who drew the assignment to defend Paul—were determined to play the way they prepared.
"Coach said that for us to have a chance to win, I would need to contain Chris Paul," Calderon said, "and I think I did that. I tried to keep a hand in his face all week, just like we worked on during practice, and I tried to always keep my body between him and the basket. That was especially hard when he went to buy a churro or when he went to the bathroom, cause I couldn't always remember where the basket was in those situations. And then there were a few times he tried to use security guards to set screens for him, but I fought through those. You could tell after a while that I was really annoying him, and that's how I know I've done my job."
However, while Calderon was rendering CP3 ineffective, backup guard Lou Williams was having the series of his life, finishing with a team-high 72 points and 16 assists on 57% shooting, leading Zermatt to a surprisingly easy 6-3 victory.
But, then again, maybe it wasn't that surprising. Several SnowBees, you see, were nursing injuries of their own, such as Nurse Pau Gasol nursing his pulled hamstring and Nurse Eric Gordon nursing his sore groin. But, as you'll recall, the Beekeeper is dedicated to being a good coach, so he told his players, including backups Andrew Bogut and Leandro Barbosa, to prepare as if all the SnowBee starters would play.
"That was fine by me," said Barbosa. "I prepared for a week on the bench
playing Bakugan with the other guys. Have you ever played that before? Bogut got me into it. You get these cards and roll these magnetic balls and they open up into monsters. Then you can have battles and stuff. Anyway, that's what I was prepared for. I bought a new Bakusphere and a Bakubelt and everything!"
Unfortunately, when gametime came neither Gasol nor Gordon were healthy, so Barbosa and Bogut were forced (unprepared) into action.
"We still found time to battle, such as when Zermatt had the ball," Barbosa admits. "But eventually coach caught on when he noticed that [A-bom forward] Carl Landry was scoring at will."
The Beekeeper forced the Bakugan battlers to hand over their accessories and gave them to Gasol, whose battle was going strong with other SnowBee scrubs on the bench. Suddenly Bogut fell in a heap at midcourt, grasping his leg and yelling, "Owwwwie, my leg! I've STRAINED it! Coach, you've gotta take me out!!"
League rules, however, don't allow lineup changes midweek, so the SnowBees were forced to play the remainder of the series with their center lying on the floor in the fetal position and their point guard hovering near the A-boms bench cutting off passing lanes to Chris Paul. Given that, 6-3 doesn't sound so bad.
Now the big question in the SnowBees locker room is, "Is Bogut faking?" Reporters crowded around Bogut's locker after the series to ask this question, but they had to wait until he finished his Bakugan battle with Joel Przybilla. "I'm feeling much better now, but it really did hurt bad," he finally said, pulling down his sock to show everyone exactly where the strain happened. "You can't see it very well in this light, but there's kind of a red mark right here. I don't think I'll be able to play next week either—basketball, I mean. I can probably play Bakugan just fine."
It remains to be seen how the Beekeeper handles Bogut's injury during next week's matchup with fellow cellar-dweller St. George. "One thing's for sure," he says. "Bogut's not getting any band-aids. After Pau's injury, I had to institute a 'no blood, no band-aid' policy. However, Nurse Gasol says he's willing to kiss it better if needed."
Around the WFBL
Jai-Rai 8, Stratagem 1
Sundancers 5, Butchers 4
Trojans 7, Kings 2
Underdogs 5, Iguanas 4
Tigers 5, Gators 3, Everyone 1
Week 4 Game of the Week Voting Results:
Salt Lake SnowBees 3 (37%)
Zermatt Abominables 5 (62%)
Week 3 EBP:
Dirk Nowitzki, Salt Lake—4 votes (50% of vote)
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Fun Facts: Nov 14-Nov 20, 2005Gallon of gas: $2.29
Gallon of milk: $2.45
#1 Song: "Gold Digger"—Kanye West ft. Jamie Foxx
#1 Movie: "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire"
Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 1 from 2005 (Nov 14-20). It was exactly four years ago this week that the WFBL began its existence as we know it (the season got started a little late). The SnowBees had just been throttled by the Weber Mexican Hairless, and Salt Lake City of West Valley was about to find out that having Ted "the Beekeeper" Barnes as an owner was going to be an adventure.
WEEK ONE, NOV 14-20, 2005
Angry Bee: Players React to Owner's Stinging RebukeSALT LAKE CITY OF WEST VALLEY (AP)—Salt Lake City SnowBees of West Valley team official Ted “the Beekeeper” Barnes berated his players in an angry expletive-laced tirade during the second quarter of Wednesday’s game against the Weber Mexican Hairless, expressing frustration at what he called the team’s “lack of centeredness,” reportedly an attack aimed at center Tyson “the Snowman” Chandler, though some observers say the phrase has no real meaning and that it was stolen from Official WFBL Zen Master Phil Jackson.
Though understandably disturbed about the incident, most of the players appeared to be taking the rebuke in stride. “It was what it was,” point guard Dwayne “Honey” Wade astutely observed, removing all speculation that it may have been something other than what it was.
Wade appeared to be a main target for Barnes, who was upset by Hairless point guard Allen Iverson’s 19 assists, particularly since Iverson has been known to go entire seasons without throwing 19 passes.
Tim “Queen Bee” Duncan came to his teammate’s defense, explaining that “in this league, sometimes you don’t always guard the other team’s players, and sometimes they don’t guard you. Sometimes players from other teams guard you and vice versa. I don’t know…it’s kind of confusing.”
Barnes also lit into his bench, criticizing their lack of effort and wondering rather vocally how they could feel good about sitting on the bench while their teammates were out there working and contributing to the team’s statistics.
Paul “Stinger” Pierce denied rumors that the tirade caused Barnes to lose credibility among the players. “He’ll always be our Beekeeper. I think deep down he still loves us, and that’s why he chastizes us. Yeah, he doesn’t really understand much about basketball, but we’re all learning new things all the time. We just want to put this behind us and help him along and take our game to a whole nother level,” Pierce said, apparently unaware that “nother” is not actually a word.
Barnes did not return multiple phone messages requesting comment, and when reporters began camping outside his home, he was reportedly seen hiding behind his living room couch.
Hapless SnowBees Bench "SnowMan"
With their promising inaugural season off to an inauspicious start, the 2-7 Salt Lake City SnowBees of West Valley announced Friday that center Tyson “Snowman” Chandler would be replaced by Rashad “Frostbite” Lewis in the starting lineup.
“We just decided to put Tyson where he would be most likely to help the team,” said team official Ted “Beekeeper” Barnes, adding that the bench “is better suited to Tyson’s abilities” than the starting lineup.
The move has already paid dividends, decreasing the team’s turnover total by nearly half and raising the free-throw percentage significantly. It remains to be seen how those numbers translate into wins for the SnowBees, who this week face their bitter rivals, the Magna Spitting Lamas, owned by league commissioner Ben Barnes, who, when he was younger, used to play one-on-one against Ted Barnes and often lost.
But Barnes was quick to remind reporters that “in this league, individual stats are just as important as wins and losses. My goal is for my players to all have better individual stats than the other team’s, and if that happens, the wins will come.”
They’ve been slow in coming so far in the SnowBees’ young season, all of their losses coming against a Weber Mexican Hairless team that played only four players. Many felt Chandler’s inability to put up gaudy individual stats was the main reason for the team’s early-season woes. Barnes, however, left open the possibility that Chandler could return to the starting lineup. “I could definitely see it; if like all of our starters and three or four backups got injured the same week, I wouldn’t hesitate to put Tyson back in.”
Chandler, for one, looks forward to being able to contribute again. “All I can do is just wait my turn and hope some guys get injured, maybe bump them a little harder in practice...you know, just do my part to help the team,” the Snowman said, adding, “You know what Frosty said: ‘Don’t you cry. I’ll be back again someday!’”
In retrospect, the SnowBees fans would probably give their right arm for their team's 2005-06 eventual success. It was the only time their team has reached the Concludings. We don't need to tell you who was coaching the team that beat them.
1 (1) 22-13-1
2 (6) 17-17-2
3 (8) 18-17-1
4 (9) 19-17-0
5 (7) 18-18-0 
6 (4) 18-16-2
7 (3) 18-16-2
8 (10) 15-19-2
9 (5) 16-20-0
10 (2) 18-18-0
11 (11) 17-19-0
12 (12) 14-20-2
