Week 17 Power Rankings

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Annual "Who They Shoulda Kept" Power Rankings

This may be the last gasp for the Kings. After a big loss last week, New York finds themselves not only 6.5 out of first, but a mere 1.5 ahead of Udorn for the last playoff spot. The A-Boms, fresh off an 8-week win streak bookended by losses to the Strats, can't afford another loss with the Iguanas hot on their trail.

Two weeks remain in the regular season. For those fighting for their playoff lives—be it trying to secure a top seed, fighting for home arena convenience in round one, or merely trying to make the postseason— now is hardly the time to look back. That's where the Power Rankings come in, with our annual assessment of "Who They Shoulda Kept".

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 79-59-6
Kept: Tim Duncan (12)
Shoulda Kept: Tim Duncan
Well done, Gators! Although a case could be made for keeping Gerald Wallace (13), Timmy has been steady all year for Adams' group. Besides, it's just a matter of time before Wallace collapses another lung.

2 (1) 77-62-5
Kept: Al Jefferson (55 on player rater)
Shoulda Kept: Andre Iguodala (22)
Jefferson didn't quite return from his injury as the A-Boms had hoped. Barnes has to be kicking himself over this one, especially since the SG/SF position has been his team's achilles heel all season long.

3 (7) 74-65-5
Kept: Chauncey Billups (16)
Shoulda Kept: Chauncey Billups
A case could be made for keeping Carlos Boozer (25), but due to their draft position—and Chauncey's continued great play this season—keeping a top-5 point guard made the most sense.

4 (5) 70-67-5
Kept: Vince Carter (96)
Shoulda Kept: Brook Lopez (10)
While the Trojans should be commended for drafting Lopez (and in turning him into Steph Curry [14] and Chris Kaman [83]), keeping him would have allowed Rigby to take someone else in the third round, such as Stephen Jackson (43) or Monta Ellis (51).

5 (3) 78-62-4

Kept: Dwyane Wade (5)
Shoulda Kept: Dwyane Wade
Kevin Durant (2) is the EBP candidate, but the 'Dancers were in line to draft him anyways (and he's a better keeper option for the future), so this was a relatively easy call for the Sundancers. They could arguably have held on to Bosh (8), but really, he would have just gotten in the way of Wallace and Brook Lopez (10). Of course, this all changes if Wade ends up missing any substantial time due to his calf injury.

6 (4) 71-69-4
Kept: Paul Pierce (34)
Shoulda Kept: Carmelo Anthony (35)
It doesn't seem right to say the Kings should have kept a lower-rated player, and who knew Melo would have the type of season he's having? New York's lineup could have handled Melo missing a few games, and could certainly use his rebounding and scoring (NYK is 11th and 10th in the league, respectively).

7 (8) 67-75-2
Kept: Pau Gasol (38)
Shoulda Kept: Pau Gasol
Also an easy choice, although with the problems the SnowBees have been having at point guard this season, some Salt Lakers would make a case for Derrick Rose (94). They would be wrong.

8 (10) 68-76-3
Kept: Brandon Roy (60)
Shoulda Kept: Brandon Roy
You can't blame the Strats for Roy's recent injuries. But you can blame them for not having any better options. Their next best option was Kevin Garnett (67), who is lighting things up currently at the end of the Butchers' bench.

9 (6) 67-73-4
Kept: Jason Kidd (7)
Shoulda Kept: Jason Kidd
The only real option for the Butchers ended up being the best they could have hoped for. It's safe to say Kidd's outplayed his expectations, and the best player they could have kept other than the veteran point guard would have been David West (37).

10 (9) 71-70-1
Kept: Danny Granger (59)
Shoulda Kept: David Lee (9)
This was supposed to be the year of the Jai-Rai, with their juggernaut offense and big name starters. Alas, Granger's injury changed Udorn's fate. In retrospect, Lee was their next best option as a keeper, but Jai-Rai fans can't argue with the production that Horford (15), Nene (17), and Randolph (27) have been giving them.

11 (12) 64-77-3
Kept: Devin Harris (171)
Shoulda Kept: Marc Gasol (21)
Again, we can't fault the Underdogs for Harris' injury—he was lighting things up at the end of 2009—and who knew Gasol would be as good as he is? But let's play pretend for a moment. What if the U-Dogs kept Gasol? They would have had to pass on Dwight Howard (19) in the draft, but could have snagged Steve Nash (4) or Deron Williams (26). Hindsight is 20/20. I bet the U-Dogs wish they would have had hindsight.

12 (11) 58-82-4
Kept: Caron Butler (72)
Shoulda Kept: Anyone But Caron Butler
2009 Tigers Having a Better Year than Caron Butler: Marcus Camby (18), Jason Terry (29), OJ Mayo (39), Luol Deng (42), Troy Murphy (44), Brendan Haywood (68), and Michael Beasley (70). Ladies and gentlemen, the Bayside Tigers.

Who do YOU think your team should have kept? Also, don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 17's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 17

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Less AK is More for Igs, While Less Wade is Still Less for 'Dancers

















Nice try Dwayne, but it's a different world from where you come from.

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—There is an old adage: As Dwyane Wade goes, so goes the Sundancers. Keeping this in mind, Park City's week didn't start off very well when an unfortunate travel mix up saw not Wade stepping off the team plane in Maracaibo, but Dwayne Wayne, a mathematics major at Hillman College.

With weekly rosters already submitted, Park City's legal team worked quickly to uncover an obscure league rule that states, "After lineups are finalized, a substitute can start in place of a designated player if his name features 9 out of the same 10 letters in similar, if not identical, order."

Known around campus for his characteristic flip-up sunglasses and flirtatiousness, but not for his basketball prowess, Wayne felt guilty about the mix up and decided to try suiting up. He played the first game and a half, but kept turning the ball over when he would pause mid-dribble to make eyes at the foxy Venezuelan girls in the stands. Finally, Park City coach Dave Barton kindly thanked him for his efforts, but explained they'd take their chances going 4 on 5.

In addition to this built-in advantage, the Iguanas got standout performances from David Lee and Ray Allen. Plus, guest coach Sinbad pulled all the right strings, including benching Andrei Kirilenko only 9 minutes into his final game due to "back spasms." The surprising move came after Kirilenko made a single basket to secure field goal percentage, but before he had a chance to compile 2 turnovers, resulting in the final score of 6-2-1.

Kirilenko addressed the benching after the game, "I like playing, but I like game much more when it comes with win. It feels twice better.”

Afterstats

The Iguanas broke the all time free throw percentage record this week, shooting an otherworldly 0.9211 from the charity stripe. This narrowly topped the previous mark of 0.9206 set by Nephi last season. Who actually keeps track of this stuff? Oh, just some nameless committee.

The Sundancers continue to give voters reason to pick against them, losing their third of five "Game of the Week" matchups this season, going 19-24-2 overall. And with the real Wade still lost in transit somewhere, Park City will be without him once again as they prepare to take on St. George in week 18.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 5, Abominables 3, Humanity 1

Gators 6, Kings 2, Your Face 1

Underdogs 7, Tigers 2

Trojans 5, Jai-Rai 3, Jessie's Mom 1

SnowBees 5, Butchers 3, The Children 1

Week 17 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Park City Sundancers 1 (16%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (83%)

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Fun Facts: Feb 18-24, 2008

First-class stamp: $0.42

Average movie ticket price: $7.18

#1 Song:"Low"—Flo Rida ft. T-Pain
#1 Movie: "Vantage Point"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 17 from 2009(Feb 18-24). It was two years ago, but the concept of a "live-blog" was still a revolutionary idea. Who better than the WFBL to try it out on Week 17's Game of the Week, which featured Los Iguanas de Maracaibo (trying to catch first-place St. George) and the Udorn Jai-Rai (hoping to sneak into the playoffs).

WEEK SEVENTEEN, FEB 18-24, 2008

Live-Blogging the Game of the Week

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—You're lookin' live at El Arena de Basquet de Hugo Chávez! It's the WFBL's Week 17 Game of the Week! I'll be your host for this evening, in the first-ever Live Blog of a WFBL game.

2/19/08 9:18 AM Morning Shootaround

I've been to Maracaibo plenty of times, but I'll never get over how green everything is down here. And not just the foliage, but the basketball court too. My goodness who designed this monstrosity?

The teams are warming up and things are not looking good for the Jai-Rai, I can tell you that. Gerald Wallace is not running the drills, but is sitting on the bench and has a small red box above his head with a white cross inside of it. This may not bode well for his availability this week.

5:30 PM Pregame Warmups

'Caibo is 6.5 back of the U-Dogs with five weeks to go, and
despite being a lock for the playoffs, would like a big win here to close the gap. Udorn on the other hand, needs to win and needs some help, as they are in seventh place, 3.5 behind Richmond for the final playoff spot. Grab your Maltín Polar, we got a playoff atmosphere in Maracaibo!

7:30 PM

Wallace's Red box is gone! He's in the game! And he's playing terribly bad. 0-9? Really? Between him, Duncan (2-12), TMac (6-21), and Turkoglu (4-13), Udorn ends up shooting .319. Ouch. D-Will's come to play, and can't seem to miss. Despite the poor shooting and LeBron's triple-double, the visiting Jai-Rai go into Wednesday up 6-3.

2/20/08

The Iguanas mascot sure can get the party started like nothing I've ever seen. He just sprayed confetti all over the Jai-Rai bench! What fun! You know who should be the Igs mascot? Chris Bosh. You paint him green and he looks just like an Iguana.

Speaking of Bosh, he just dropped 40 on Udorn, only missing two shots. Throw in another triple-double from SteakTrash, and darned if 'Caibo isn't feelin' it right now. The Igs have stormed back to take a 7-2 lead. Can the Jai-Rai respond?

2/21/08

We got ourselves a rip-snorter! Udorn, thanks to assists and free throws from Timmy D (!), has cut the Iguana lead down to 5-4. Who would win in a fight? An Iguana or a snake-wielding monkey? You gotta think if a monkey can control a snake enough to wield it, it should have no problem with an Iguana. I think you could even tie one of the monkey's hands behind it's back, it still has that other hand to wield the Iguana. What if the Iguana had a knife for a tail though? I'd like to see that fight.

2/22/08

Bad news for Jai-Rai fans: not only is Gerald Wallace's injury icon back, but it smacked him in the nose and knocked him out cold. No one knows how long Wallace will be out, and things don't bode well for Udorn. Another near-triple-double for LeBron, and the Igs are back up 6-3.

2/23/08

It's still 6-3 Iguanas, but the big news is they got the Dancin' Grannies for the timeout show. One of them I swear looks like she is 100 years old, and I think she's the same lady who hit the half-court shot during an earlier timeout to win a Daewoo. If she dunks off a trampoline through a ring of fire, I don't care how old she is, I'm asking her to marry me.

2/24/08

The Jai-Rai are making a game of this, but it looks like they've run out of time. Another near triple-double by LeBron just about seals it for the Igs, 5-4. Man, Udorn has to be wondering how they would have done had Gerald Wallace not gotten smacked in the nose with that little red box...and 'Caibo has to be frustrated that they lost ground on the U-Dogs despite the win. And I'm frustrated that I now have to try and find a cab ride back to my hotel. Have you ever tried to hail a cab in Venezuela? ¿Dos mil Bolivares? ¡No, vale!

The Igs wouldn't catch the U-Dogs in the standings and the columnist was attacked by bat-wielding "Chavistas" outside his hotel. Hmmm, maybe that's why there hasn't been a WFBL live blog since?

This Week in the WFBL—All-Star Diversion Week

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Smucker's Jam Festival
















What? Me cheat? No way!

As popular as his "OJ and Mayo Jam" was last year, OJ Mayo's entry in the 2010 Smucker's Jam Festival—a new recipe he calls "Mayo and OJ Jam"—was no match for the traditional strawberry jam prepared by Salt Lake SnowBee and Pampered Chef Consultant Pau Gasol, who impressed the event's sponsors by presenting his jam in a Smucker's jar, complete with Smucker's labeling and nutrition information.

"I'd like to thank the people at Pampered Chef," Gasol said during a teary-eyed acceptance speech, "for helping me 'Discover the Chef in [Me].' Without the 8-Inch Chef's knife (no. 1054, $75.00) and the Measure, Mix & Pour (no. 2265, $11.50) and the Salad & Berry Spinner (no. 1785, $55.00), none of this would be possible."

Gasol then invited any fans and media members who would be interested in hosting their own Pampered Chef party to come see him after the press conference. But as the line began forming, it was suddenly discovered that Gasol had not really made his prize-winning jam—he had actually just bought a jar of Smucker's strawberry jam and entered it as his own. When confronted with this accusation, Gasol at first tried to look incredulous and indignant, but finally broke down in tears and confessed.

"It's true! It's all true!" he sobbed. "I can't keep living a lie. There is no 'Chef in [Me].' I thought that purchasing a bunch of overpriced cooking utensils and cookware would make me a good cook—that it would somehow improve the taste of the food I cook with it, but it was all a lie. I have learned my lesson now: the best foods are made only by large corporations that mass-produce their food in huge factories with lots of preservatives."

Despite the Smucker's Corporation's warm approval of this apology, Gasol was nevertheless disqualified from competition and stripped of his prize, which was awarded instead to hometown favorite Andrei Kirilenko of the Iguanas, whose vodka-flavored jam was less than appetizing but got enthusiastic support from the Russian judge, Vladimir Putin. And at least he made it himself.

Master Lock Bill Havlicek Memorial Steal & Hostess Turnover Contest

After implementing sweeping changes for no particular reason, this year's competition barely resembled that of years past. As the only two players in the league to average 2+ steals and 3+ turnovers per game, Dwyane Wade and Monta Ellis were selected to represent their respective conferences.

The revised rules were simple. Whoever could maintain possession for five seconds would be declared the winner. The ball was placed at center court as Wade and Ellis shook hands, turned back to back, then walked a set number of paces like an old-timey duel. Each player then turned and lunged for the ball, which squirted away like a hot potato slathered in vaseline.

The ball changed hands countless times over the next 30 minutes. As one player would grab the ball and start dribbling, the other player would poke it loose, dive after it, and so on and so forth. Wade eventually triumphed by grabbing the ball and shoving it under his jersey for the required 5 seconds before it slipped out the right leg of his shorts.

Celebrex Dennis Rodman Memorial Rebound Challenge


















Wow! Look at Dwight soar to get that rebound! Is he almost using two hands?

Dwight Howard, two-time defending champion of the Celebrex Dennis Rodman Memorial Rebound Challenge, knew that in order to three-peat this year, he'd have to do something special.

"This contest, which has traditionally been the highlight of Diversion Weekend," Howard explained just minutes before taking the court to defend his title, "has been suffering from a lack of originality the past few years. Of course every fan loves a good rebound, but there's kind of a 'been there, done that' attitude—a sense from fans that they've already seen every possible kind of rebound. Well, this year, I hope to change all that."

With that enticing introduction, Howard removed his warmups to reveal a Superman costume, to the thunderous approval of the crowd. He then provided the first surprise of the night by announcing that, rather than rebounding missed shots from a teammate (as is traditional in the rebound challenge), he would rebound his OWN missed free throws. Next he threw the fans into hysteria by missing wildly from the free-throw line and creatively rebounding his misses in every way imaginable: by grasping the ball with his right hand and securing it with his left, then by grasping it with his left hand and securing it with his right. Finally, with the capacity crowd holding its collective breath, he grabbed his final rebound with BOTH HANDS AT THE SAME TIME. At first no one could believe it, but when slow-motion replays on the jumbotron confirmed that both hands touched the ball at exactly the same moment, the arena simply erupted.

Unfortunately for Howard, the panel of judges—consisting of Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, his Bolivian puppet Evo Morales, former Russian prime minister Vladimir Putin, North Korean tyrant Kim Jong-il, and the earthly remains of Ivan the Terrible—were unimpressed. In fact, they penalized Howard 3,000 points for "holding political ideologies that are disloyal to Communism and to the welfare of the State" and 4,000 points for "apparent sympathies toward the United States and its capitalistic corruption." Similar penalties were assessed to other participants, including Bayside's Chris Bosh, the Iguanas' Joakim Noah, and Richmond's Marcus Camby, leaving each with a negative score.

As a result, the winner of the 2010 Celebrex Dennis Rodman Memorial Rebound Challenge was Yao Ming, a late addition to the contest who has not played a single game this season because of injury and actually can't even stand up without help. With a final score of zero, Yao easily finished with the most points and accepted his award via videoconference from his small, concrete, government-issued apartment in China. His acceptance speech—in which he attributed his victory to the paternal care of the Communist Party and to the principles of Social Marxism that have forever guided his life—was met with thunderous yet dignified applause played at high volume over the arena's sound system.

Dixie Cup Ron Artest Memorial Punch-Out
















After staging a relatively quiet event last year, fans and officials alike were hoping for another traditional, old school throw-down—sans weaponry. But just as the bell sounded for the semifinal bout between Rasheed Wallace and Kendrick Perkins, the door to the jungle court was splintered by an axe. And who should stick his head through the gaping hole but suspended Gilbert Arenas, proclaiming, "Heeeeeere's Gilby!"

Fortunately, league security acted quickly, shooting the crazed Arenas with horse tranquilizer before dragging him away. Sporting unkept hair and wearing only rags, one can only speculate that Arenas has been living in the Venezuelan jungle since his suspension, foraging for sustenance while waiting for a chance to exact revenge on former teammate Kobe Bryant. But living a transient life also surely means he must have missed the announcement that Kobe wouldn't be participating in any All Star festivities due to injury.

Thus the Dixie Cup Ron Artest Memorial Punch-Out was declared over before it really got started, and the top prize was awarded to the aforementioned members of league security for their quick thinking and razor sharp aim. However, lost in all the excitement was why they were toting horse tranquilizer in the first place.

Sony Ron Artest Memorial Jam Festival











"Put yo hands UP!"

The Sony Ron Artest Memorial Jam Festival never disappoints, and this year was no exception. First up was Redickulous, filling in for last year's winner, The Jonas/Korver Brothers. After a few minutes it was clear that Redickulous is a one-trick pony, as the band of Rigby Trojans headlined by JJ Redick repeatedly played their one "hit"—DOOOOOOO-HAN!—despite the judges' insistence that they perform a new arrangement.

Next up was the entire World Conference All-Stars—featuring Jeff Bridges, Kanye West, Billy Crystal, and other assorted stars from music, television and movies—singing a special musical number called "We Are the World (Conference)" as a tribute to the people of Thailand and the 2004 tsunami relief effort. It was a stirring rendition, and most definitely would have won were it not for West incessantly "singing" out of turn ("I'ma let you finish, but the Wasatch is the best conference of all time. Of all time!)

But in what will undoubtedly be the talk of All-Star Diversion Week, the evening ended with Kobe Bryant—who up until now was thought to have been enjoying his break in Udorn, resting his ailing ankle—and LeBron James, decked in black leotards and singing their version of the Beyoncé hit "All the Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)", entitled "All the Superstars (Put a Ring on It)".

"It was an obvious slap in the face to the management of both the Twin Falls Gators and Los Iguanas de Maracaibo," said judge Phil Jackson. "The lyrics were poignant—especially the chorus, 'if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it'—you could feel the bitterness of the two EBPs up there. It was a liberating message to all those teams who don't take advantage of having an EBP on their team. I guess if the Gators and the Igs liked 'em, they shoulda won a ring!"









The 'Dancers have a two-game lead on the Gators with three weeks to go, and need to create as much breathing room as they can as a Week 19 date with Twin Falls looms. The Igs need a win in a bad way to not only keep pace with the A-Boms, but to fend off the Jai-Rai, who trail Maracaibo by two games for the final World playoff spot.

This Week in the WFBL—All-Star 2010

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End of the World: LeBron Leads Wasatch to First-Ever All-Star Victory
















LeBron soared through the jungle on his way to EBP honors.

LA GRAN SABANA (La Verdad)—Led by All-Star EBP LeBron James, the Wasatch Conference broke a 5-year curse, humiliating the World Conference by a final score of 7-2.

The combination of James, Durant, Nowitzki, Lopez and Deron Williams proved too much for the World, who were without superstar Kobe Bryant. LeBron's return to the country he called home the last two years was, as the EBP-frontrunner called it, "bittersweet".

"Bitter because I'm bitter towards the Iguanas for never surrounding me with the players I needed to win a title," the Trojan small forward explained. "Sweet because we kicked the World's trash, and I got another All-Star EBP trophy."

For the World, it was the end of a dominant era in the mid-season classic. In the two previous meetings that pitted the Wasatch against the World, the World had won handily.

"I think there's a lot of things to which we can attribute this loss," said Commissioner Barnes, head coach of the World All-Stars. "For starters, LeBron's natural jumping ability combined with the high altitude—remember, we played the game on top of Earth's highest waterfall—made it near impossible for anyone on our team to guard him. Plus we put Melo on him. That was probably a mistake.

"Secondly, Chris Bosh kept complaining about the ball being too wet, what with all the humidity and moisture up here," he continued. When pressed to answer why the ball moisture didn't seem to affect the Wasatch All-Stars, Barnes concluded that it had something to do with Wasatch assistant coach Pau Gasol, who handed out exfoliating lotion before the game. "You know, the kind that has little bits of sand or whatever in it. It's grippy."

Despite all of the "disadvantages" the World had, many believe it was the mangoes that kept falling on the court that did them in, especially when point guard Steve Nash slipped on a smashed mango and fell off the edge of the mountain, tumbling down the waterfall.

"Yeah that probably hurt us a little," said Barnes. "I bet Chris Paul wouldn't have fallen off the edge of the cliff, though."

_________

Wasatch Replacements:
Steph Curry replaced Mo Williams at PG
Deron Williams started in place of Mo Williams
OJ Mayo replaced Brandon Roy at SG

World Replacements:
Baron Davis replaced Chris Paul at PG
Andre Iguodala started in place of Kobe Bryant
Joe Johnson moved to backup SG
Josh Smith replaced Kobe Bryant at SF

All-Star Game Voting Results:

Wasatch 4 (50%)
World 4 (50%)

Week 15 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—4 votes (66% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Feb 12-18, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.58

#1 Song: "Irreplaceable"—Beyoncé
#1 Movie: "Ghost Rider"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at All-Star Week from 2007 (Feb 12-18). Before the WFBL was even split into conferences, the 2nd Annual All-Star Game pitted players geographically from the World and the Wasatch. New Orleans was the host city, and since the festivities happened to take place during Mardi Gras, Indiana Team Mom Regan Barnes forbid her team to participate. Turns out the World didn't need her team's help, anyway.

ALL-STAR WEEK, FEB 12-18, 2007

The World Is Enough: Bayside's Marion Leads World to 5-3-1 Victory

NEW ORLEANS (AP)—On paper, a collection of the top players from the four most dominant teams in the WFBL (and Indiana) should be able to defeat a similar collection from the so-called "lower tier" teams in said league.

Luckily for the World squad, WFBL games are almost exclusively played on paper.

And so it is fitting that Bayside's Shawn Marion, the top-rated player in the league all-season, statistically, led the World to a 5-3-1 victory over the Wasatch and the game's EBP trophy.

The game was close throughout, but when it came down to it, the rebounding of the World, along with the Wasatch's propensity for turning the ball over, led to the close victory.

"We knew we had a good team coming in," said Marion. "We had a good time, it was a pretty good weekend, and hopefully we put on a good show."

It appeared at the outset that the World would dominate, and with a formidable lineup – no player was ranked lower than 18 – it is easy to see why that would be expected. But the Wasatch, led by Twin Falls' Kobe Bryant and St. George's Gilbert Arenas, would not back down and made it interesting throughout the game, despite their lower player ranking (two players ranked in the mid-twenties).

"I may have been a little out of line when I made that 'shock the World' comment last week," said a contrite Arenas on his blog. "I was gonna try to go out there and get that EBP award, but once I realized that I was missing a lot of shots and we were losing, I figured I'd just play."

In all, New Orleans was a great host city for the annual showcase of WFBL talent. Most importantly, there were no arrests and no public embarrassments as of press time. Pundits believe that this can be owed to the fact that the hooligan Indiana Sand Dunes and their troublemaking fans didn't make the trip.

Could the game return to the Big Easy again next year?

"Who knows," said Commissioner Barnes, festooned in Mardi Gras regalia. "There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to anything we do in this league. But that's what makes it so interesting, I think."

The league takes Monday off before getting back into action Tuesday for the final five weeks of the regular season.

Week 15 Power Rankings

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How Do We Love the Power Rankings? Let Us Count the Ways

It's finally here! The game where players can stop pretending that they are somehow less important than some vague, artificial concept of "team." The week when we finally shed all that meaningless dross that bogs us down during the season (setting screens, playing help defense, playing any kind of defense) and focus on the true essence of sports: showing off and accumulating good stats, in a venue chosen not for its convenience or practicality but rather for its potential to expand worldwide interest and increase revenue. Viva el dobleve-effe-be-ele!

It's been a poetic year for the WFBL, from J.J. Redick's haiku, to Dirk Nowitzki's iambic pentameter, to Kevin Durant's limericks. This week's Valentine's Day edition of the Power Rankings continues that theme, with verses selected from The Complete Works of Phil Jackson, the WFBL's poet-in-residence, along with a surprise visit from guest analyst Robert Frost.


Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 74-57-4
Roses are red,
Meniscuses are small.
With a backup like Collison,
Who needs Chris Paul?

2 (4) 73-57-5
Roses are red,
Gators are green.
Is this the best season
Idaho's ever done seen?

3 (2) 76-56-3

Roses are red,
And sometimes they're Derrick.
You lost to your rival
Without Chris Paul there? Ick.

4 (2) 69-63-3
Roses are red,
SnowBees are fierce.
But 5-4 isn't bad
With an injured Paul Pierce.

5 (8) 65-64-4
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown.
The playoffs seem likely
With King James in town.

6 (7) 64-68-3
Roses are red,
Daisies are yellow.
For Richmond to contend,
They're gonna need Carmelo.

7 (5) 68-63-4
Las rosas son rojas,
El arbol da ojas.
Los Iguanas son flojas,
Y con esto me enojas!

English translation:
Roses are red,
The tree bears leaves.
The Iguanas are lazy,
And that makes me mad!
(Except in Spanish all the lines rhyme. Spanish is clearly a superior language.)

8 (9) 62-72-1
Roses are red,
They grow in a bush.
Is this the long-awaited
SnowBees' playoff push?

9 (6) 68-65-0
Roses are red,
The Jai-Rai are (is?) falling.
Will their playoff dreams end
When the Trojans come calling?

10 (11) 63-73-2
Two centers diverged on draft day,
And sorry I could not take them both,
And be one manager, long I stood
And looked at Chris Bosh as long as I could.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim. ...

I shall be telling this with a sigh,
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two centers diverged on draft day, and Nephi,
Nephi took Amare Stoudemire,
And that has made all the difference.

11 (10) 56-75-4
Roses are fraglie,
So are the Tigers.
The people of Bayside
Just want to cry-gers.

12 (12) 57-75-3
Roses are red.
Post this on your blogs:
This year puts the "under"
In the term "Underdogs."

Don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 15's EBP! Enjoy the All-Star festivities! And in case you forgot, here's the list of this year's All-Stars.

This Week in the WFBL—Week 15

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Bizarro CP3, 'Shard-Dog Guide A-Boms to Ski Town Triumph
























The 'Shard-Dog recants to the media the specifics of his game- and skis-winning shot.

PARK CITY (AP)—Rumor has it there was some sort of big foosball game scheduled this last weekend, but it made little difference as all eyes in the sports world were glued on Park City for round two of the fabled Ski Town Skirmish.

The Park City Sundancers and Zermatt Abominables have been so evenly matched in recent years that the end result always seems to be decided by one of the WFBL's famous quirks—that a team can play more games than their opponent. When last they met, the untimely suspension of former A-Bom Jason Richardson gave the 'Dancers the edge in this department, paving the way for a 5-4 victory.

Even with the rematch promising an equal slate of games, the odds were once again tilting towards Park City. Any margin of victory and the skis would be theirs. A 4-4-1 tie would also do the trick, A 5-4 Zermatt win would result in a 9-9 season series tie, thus each team would get to take home one ski from the trophy. To win the Oaken Skis of Yore outright, Zermatt needed a 5-3-1 win or better. And how likely was that with their fearless leader, Chris Paul, on the mend?

After sustaining a knee injury in the late going against Richmond, the A-Boms recently learned they would be without Paul for the next 4-6 weeks. But owner Ben Barnes shrewdly plugged his CP3-sized hole with rookie free agent Darren Collison, who inexplicably always seems to play better when Paul goes down. In fact, is this scenario not unlike that of Clark Kent, who never seems to be around when Superman shows up to save the day? When asked about this phenomenon, Park City owner Dave Barton speculated, "Well, what if the injury to Paul is all an elaborate ruse? What if Collison actually IS Chris Paul without his glasses on. Chris Paul doesn't wear glasses? Let's just move on before there is time to poke any more holes in this theory."


















"Plus, you never see the two of them toge...oh wait..."

With Park City controlling the series in the early going, the old "number of games" quirk once again found a way to rear its head. Nursing a sore hamstring, Gerald Wallace was forced to sit out Wednesday night, potentially swinging three, maybe even four categories the A-Boms' way.

In another bizarre moment typical of the WFBL, only Rashard Lewis was allowed to play on the final day of competition. Even with no one out there guarding him, Lewis still shot poorly enough to cause his team's field goal percentage to dip below that of Park City's, leaving the score tied 4-4-1 with time running out. Playing like he had challenged himself to a round of H-O-R-S-E, 'Shard-Dog clanked all sorts of circus shots—backwards from the free throw line, up and over from behind the backboard, you name it. Meanwhile, his teammates desperately shouted from the sidelines, Price is Right-style, for him to just make one more basket.

"What, you mean like this?" asked Lewis as he trotted up to the basket and netted an easy 5 footer. The final buzzer sounded immediately thereafter, and Zermatt's field goal percentage moved a mere hundredth of a point ahead of the Sundancers', giving them the 5-3-1 win. With their regular season mark against Park City finalized at 9-8-1, the Oaken Skis of Yore will be returning to Zermatt for the first time since the 2006-07 season.

Lucky for us, the league will be treated to an encore performance of sorts this coming weekend as Barnes and Barton again match wits as coaches of the All-Star game, having guided their teams to first place in their respective conferences.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 6, Iguanas 3

Gators 6, Jai-Rai 3

Butchers 5, Underdogs 4

Trojans 6, Tigers 3

SnowBees 5, Kings 4

Week 15 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Zermatt Abominables 5 (71%)
Park City Sundancers 2 (28%)

Week 14 EBP:

Chris Paul, Zermatt—4 votes (36% of vote)
Kevin Durant, Park City—4 votes (36% of the vote)

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Fun Facts: Feb 5-11, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.58

#1 Song:"Irreplaceable"—Beyoncé
#1 Movie: "Norbit"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 15 from 2009(Feb 5-11). In honor of the resurgent New York Kings (and their matchup against "pop" Ted Barnes), we look back at the Kings' first trip to the top of the WFBL standings, back in 2007. The Kings were then known as the Triceratops and were on their way to their first (and possibly last?) playoffs appearance. But first, they had to get past dear old dad.

WEEK FIFTEEN, FEB 5-11, 2007

Trikes Hop on Pop, Land on Top of League

FIRST-PLACE NEW YORK (AP)—There's a scene from Dr. Seuss's beloved classic "Hop on Pop" in which two yellow, furry, bear-like creatures jump on the bloated tummy of their prostrated, chagrined daddy yelling gaily, "We like to hop on top of pop!" Not only does this scene help small children learn to read words ending in -op, it also provides a good metaphor for what happened to the Salt Lake SnowBees after the New York Triceratops stomped on them to the tune of 7-1-1, polishing off a 15-2-1 overall record against dear old dad and using him as a springboard to first place in the WFBL.

Actually, Dr. Seuss appears to be an ample source of metaphor for last week, so let's continue in that vein, shall we? For example, the 21 assists and 9 three-pointers contributed by Mike "Gertrude McFuzz" Miller, which more than compensated for the absence of injured Steve "Fox in Socks" Nash, could be likened to the auspicious arrival of Sylvester McMonkey McBean, the fix-it-up chappie, to help the Star-Bellied Sneetches on those wild, screaming beaches with his star-off machine. And the reliable 91.7% free-throw shooting by Elton "Horton the Elephant" Brand recalls a paraphrase of Horton's famous mantra: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful [91.7] percent."

New York's relentless pursuit of first place reminds one of Sam I Am, who never tired of offering green eggs and ham to his nameless counterpart and finally met success. Now the league-leading Triceratops face their toughest test in Los Iguanas de Maracaibo, with whom they share first place. Will New York's newfound success be as precarious as the Cat in the Hat, who could bounce up and down an a ball while holding various household objects but soon fell on his head, coming down with a bump from up there on the ball while watching all those things fall? Will the Trikes' reign atop the league be like Yertle the Turtle's, who claimed to be ruler of all he could see, atop a stack of his fellow turtles, only to be felled by the burp of an ordinary turtle in the stack named Mack? Or will it be like those ten apples atop the heads of a dog, a tiger, and a lion, who proclaimed confidently, "Ten apples up on top! We are not going to let them drop!"?

In owner TJ Barnes's words, "I don't like sharing my first time in first place. So I hope we win; then the Iguanas will be in second place—or third place—and I'll be in first place all by myself."

Week 14 Power Rankings

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Separation Week

Both teams are coming off resounding 8-1 victories, and if it weren't for the recent injury to Chris Paul, we'd be calling this a sure-fire Concludings preview. The 'Dancers look like the best team in the league, but you never know what will happen in the Ski Town Skirmish!

Week 14 was a big conference weekend in the WFBL. Park City and Zermatt gave themselves more breathing room at the top of the standing, New York and Maracaibo did their part in staking claims to playoff spots, and Rigby's loss coupled with Nephi's unraveling has Salt Lake knocking on postseason's door. There are 4 weeks remaining. Only 2 playoff spots are what we would consider secure (Park City and Twin Falls). It's time to separate the contenders from the pretenders.


Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 69-54-3
The A-Boms defied all odds and stretched their winning streak to 7 weeks with an 8-1 dismantling of Richmond. But it was a costly victory, as EBP favorite Chris Paul suffered a knee injury and will miss the rest of the regular season and possibly the playoffs. Is this the end of the Abominable Dynasty?

2 (3) 73-51-2

Park City just continues to show their dominance. With wins in 5 of their last 6 weeks, including victories of 7-2, 6-3, and two 8-1's, Durant, Wade, and Co. are creating a bigger separation each week between them and the rest of the Wasatch. They surely will not show mercy to the injury-riddled A-Boms this week.

2 (2) 65-58-3
Make it six in a row for the surprising Kings. Despite the victory over Udorn, New York still sits 4 games out of first. But you know that they, as well as the other contenders in the World, have to know that with 4 weeks left, the regular season title and first-round bye are not out of reach just yet.

4 (6) 67-54-5
After losing three of four since their 5-week win streak, the Gators bounced back with a resounding victory—albeit over (spoiler alert!) last place St. George. A playoff spot is all but a lock for Duncan and crew, but that first-round bye may be harder to come by: all four remaining games for Twin Falls are against teams contending for a playoff spot.

5 (8) 65-57-4
Don't look now, but after four straight losses, Los Iguanas have won 3 of 4 and have climbed their way back into 2nd place in the World. With Chris Paul's injury, could it be the Igs who make a late-season rally for the first-round bye, while Zermatt plays the role of choke artist?

6 (5) 65-59-0
Udorn blew a golden opportunity to get a leg up on the race for the final playoff spot in the World, losing 4-5 to the Kings. The good news is they only lost by one game and are still in the hunt to make the postseason. The big difference between this year's Jai-Rai squad and those of years past? Only two 5-4 victories this whole season.

7 (4) 59-64-3
Did the Butchers just get knocked out of the playoffs? It sure feels that way. 10 games out of first and 6 out of the final playoff spot, Richmond is in win-big-or-else mode from here on out. A healthy Carmelo Anthony would do wonders in keeping their playoff hopes alive.

8 (7) 59-63-4
The Good News: Ribgy's still got that last playoff spot. The Bad News: Tony Parker, Carlos Boozer, and Chris Kaman all suffered injuries last week. The Good News: Steph Curry has been a big lift at SG, and can slide over to the point. The Bad News: Salt Lake (yes, Salt Lake!) is breathing down their necks, only 3.5 games back.

9 (11) 57-68-1
How do you win only 2 of your last 6 but somehow creep within striking distance of a playoff berth? Why, you play in the Wasatch Conference, that's how! Could a sub-.500 team make the playoffs in the Wasatch, while a team like New York or Udorn gets left out with a winning record?

10 (9) 53-69-4
Bayside may have only won 2 of their last 10, but by gummit, they ain't the worst team in the league, and they can hang their hats on that! But it is safe to say that they're probably out of playoff contention. Set your sights on that elusive tote bag!

11 (10) 54-70-2
Oh, Nephi. The Power Rankings holds a special place in their hearts for you. You're 6 games out of the playoffs with 4 weeks to go, and 2 teams ahead of you. What will the Stratagem do? Throw in the towel or make a final push for decency?

12 (12) 53-70-3
Six straight losses for the once-unbeatable franchise. Don't cry for the U-Dogs, though, as their 3 winnable games in their next 4 (Richmond, at Bayside, at Nephi) could help them lift themselves up from the bottom of the standings.


Don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 14's EBP!