Showing posts with label kevin durant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kevin durant. Show all posts

Monday, March 29, 2010

This Week in the WFBL—2010 Concludings

.
Dancers' Dynamic Duo Decimates Defending Champs


















"Oh, what a feeling, when we're sundancing on the ceiling!"

PARK CITY (AP)—For the last two seasons, the Park City Sundancers have had little trouble blowing out the riffraff of the league while consistently underwhelming on the big stage. Not this time.

Hotly anticipated by at least two people, Park City's Concludings rematch with the Zermatt Abominables was close in the early going, but the Sundancers soon put their game into high gear after a fiery pep talk from owner Dave Barton, "All right now, I don't want them to win a single category! You ATTACK ALL WEEK! If they even make it look close, I swear I'll take every last one of you out. You make sure they remember—FOREVER—the week they played the Sundancers! Leave no doubt!"

And leave no doubt they did, dominating Zermatt, 7-1-1 (a 9-0 was in play on the final day of competition). Everyone got in on the act for the Sundancers. Brook Lopez finally justified Park City's controversial midseason trade with Rigby. Gerald Wallace played the "glue guy" as he has done so well all season, while managing to avoid a major injury one last time. And Derrick Rose gave as good a performance as the Sundancers have come to expect from their point guard spot.

However, the story for the newly minted champs was once again Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant. Durant was stellar, shooting 51% from the field and 93% from the line, while compiling 5 threes, 33 rebounds, 8 blocks, 125 points. But with the possibility of this being his last series in a Sundancer uniform, Wade was just a little better. He turned in a virtuoso performance of 65% field goal shooting, 26 rebounds, 35 assists, 11 steals, 7 blocks, and 101 points to earn his first Concludings EBP.

To his credit, Durant seemed happy to defer the spotlight to his teammate once again. "I've been coming in second in EBP voting all season, so I'm used to it," said Durant. "Really, I don't mind being Robin to D-Wade's Batman, aside from the ridiculous yellow cape and itchy green tights."

But is this the swan song for Park City's dynamic duo? After reaching 92 wins for two consecutive seasons, claiming two conference titles, and now winning the WFBL championship, it seems the only way to bring Wade back is by improbably landing the #1 pick in next year's draft lottery.



















Can Kevin "Nightwing" Durant soar to greater heights out from under Wade's cape next year?

Meanwhile, as the Sundancers were combining to form the basketball equivalent of Voltron, the two-time defending champs were in a state of disarray. Forced to rely on a rusty Chris Paul, an immature Andray Blaaaatche, and an under-the-weather Monta Ellis, the A-Boms fell short in their quest to become the first team to three-peat in WFBL history. But considering the league has only been around five years, there's certainly no shame in that.

A good sport in the loss, League Commissioner and Zermatt owner Ben Barnes (maybe you've heard of him?) refused to play the asterisk card, "There really was no combination of players I could have thrown out there that would have beaten Park City this week. What can I do? I already made plenty of preventative excuses for my team not being very good this year. I'll just leave it at that."






















Park City does what only Bayside has done before—take down the Commish in the Concludings. That sounded a lot more impressive before Bayside was mentioned.

Around the Playoff Consolation Ladder

Gators 6, Iguanas 3

Trojans 5, Jai-Rai 3, Trojans 1

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 6, SnowBees 3

Stratagem 6, Butchers 3

Underdogs 6, Tigers 3


Conference Concludings Game of the Week Voting Results:


Zermatt Abominables 3 (60%)
Park City Sundancers 2 (40%)

Conference Concludings EBP:

Darren Collison, Zermatt—4 votes (66% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Apr 8-18 2007
First-class stamp: $0.41
Gallon of milk: $3.59
#1 Song:"Don't Matter"—Akon
#1 Movie: "Disturbia"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at the WFBL Concludings from 2007 (Apr 8-18). In honor of the Abominables' loss in this year's Concludings, we highlight the only other time the two-time champs came away empty handed—their 9-0 pasting at the hands of surprising Bayside—as a reminder to A-Bom fans that, hey, it could have been (and was) much worse.

WFBL CONCLUDINGS, APR 8-18, 2007

They're Grrrrrrrreat! Tigers Maul A-Boms, Complete Remarkable Turnaround

BAYSIDE (AP)—A year ago the Bayside Tigers were the West Valley Squackboxes and the laughing stock of professional basketball.

Now, they're kings of the world.

The Tigers maintained their ownership of the Zermatt Abominables, dominating every statistical category in a 9-0 Concludings victory.

"Surf's up Zermatt!" bellowed Vince Carter, winner of the 2007 Concludings EBP. "The Tigers are on the prowl!"

Overlooked seemingly the entire season by members of the media, the Tigers are overlooked no more, not just winning on the biggest stage, but dominating.

"I think we should have a recall vote on the regular season EBP trophy," said a rancorous Shawn Marion, referring to the disappearance of Kevin Garnett in the Concludings (see story below). "How can you be beneficial if you aren't even playing? You can't!!!"

Bayside's worst-to-first story is a tale of hope for every owner and coach in the WFBL, a story that begins with putridity, ends in jubilation, and has a little bit of name change/franchise relocation in the middle.

"I think our fans in West Valley can appreciate what has happened here, even though we bailed on them and blamed the city they live in for our poor play last year," said center Marcus Camby. "And when I say 'our' poor play, I don't mean mine, because I wasn't playing for us last year."

"You know, all season long, it seemed like it was 'Zermatt this' and 'Sundancers that'—there was even a bunch of 'SnowBees here' and 'Iguanas there'. Heck, the Sand Dunes got more pub than we did," said Carter, obviously happy to make WFBL and AP writers pen a story about Bayside winning, and not about one of their other precious darling teams.

"But it's all about Bayside now, baby!"

Coach Rich Lachowsky, who undoubtedly must be enjoying this, could not be reached for comment. But if he were to be reached, he surely would have something witty and interesting to say, possibly including a derision of either the Abominables, coach Barnes, the league in general, or all three.

Abominables, Barnes Left with Questions; KG's Love Misguided

ZERMATT(AP)—"All I can do is tip my hat and call the Tigers my daddies."

Those were the solemn words of Zermatt Abominables coach Ben Barnes as he was cornered in a hallway after the 9-0 pummeling suffered at the hands of Bayside in the 2007 WFBL Concludings.

Was it only a year ago that Barnes was hoisting the platinum trophy that bares his name, as coach of the Magna Township Underdogs? Have a mere twelve months passed since Bayside—then the West Valley Squackboxes—finished dead last and were a broken franchise?

"But it could be worse, you know," Barnes continued. "I could be still sitting under a mango tree with only a nickel to my name. I mean, I'm the Commissioner of the greatest basketball league in the world, regardless of who ended up winning the title.

"But honestly, KG, what were you thinking?"

Barnes, of course was referring to regular season EBP Kevin Garnett, who, according to sources, had an "epiphany" a few days into the Concludings.

"I figured, sure we could beat Bayside and win the Concludings title, getting myself a championship for the first time in my storied career," said Garnett. "But then I thought about our team, and their draft status for next season. That's when I knew that losing the Concludings would ensure Zermatt of getting a higher draft pick, and therefore, help their chances of selecting me again."

Garnett, in order to carry out his ill-conceived scheme, pretended to have an injury and did not play the rest of the Concludings, with Andre Iguodala following suit. That led to a 9-0 demolishing at the hands of arch-rival Bayside, the most lopsided outcome in playoff history.

"Poor, misguided Kevin," said Barnes. "I can't help but feel responsible a little bit. I should have reminded my players that the WFBL draft is totally random and is not affected in any way by a team's previous history, so pretending you are injured and costing your team a championship is not outweighed by moving up from the number 10 to the number 9 pick in the draft, if it even worked that way. My bad."

"I love my team, and this city, and I only meant for the best," Garnett said. "It were only farce, I meant no harm."

Monday, January 4, 2010

This Week in the WFBL—Week 10

.
Durant, 'Dancers Top Trojans With Points, Poetry


















If you're impressed with Kevin Durant's limericks, you should check out his tweets.

PARK CITY (AP)—Any Sundancer will tell you that one of the most frustrating things about this season has been losing close games they could have won. For Kevin Durant, their 5-4 loss to Rigby in Week 2 was especially hard to take.

"After losing such a close one, then having to hear all the hype about crappy Redickulous... I just grabbed my pen and paper. You know, I'm only truly happy when I'm writing poetry."

So, after avenging that early season loss with a 5-4 win over Rigby this week, it was only fitting that the whole team assembled at Robert Redford's private lodge for a special reading from Durant. It went a little something like this:

There once was a team from Rigby
Who hosted the squad from Park City
They started Redick and Duhon
While Boozer said "EH MON!"
And they pulled out the 5 to 4 vict'ry

Well the 'Dancers didn't take too kindly
To being put into rhymes so slightly
They looked ahead to week ten
When they could play them again
And beat those Trojans outrightly

The 'Dancers were led by Durant and Wade
While LeBron fronted the Trojan parade
40 from Durant was sure great
Until LeBron said: "How about 48?"
As the crowd looked on dismayed

Durant and LeBron traded blow for blow
Exchanging the lead to and fro
Rigby struggled hitting a three
But Park City said: "Here's the ball for free"
'Til it came down to the last whistle blow


In the final moments the Dancers led 5-4
LeBron said: "The ball once more!"
But when he clanked the winning three
The crowd chanted: "Durant for EBP!"
And the Trojans were shown the door

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Tigers 4

Jai-Rai 6, Butchers 3

Stratagem 6, Gators 3

SnowBees 5, Underdogs 4

Kings 7, Iguanas 2

Week 10 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Park City Sundancers 1 (25%)

Rigby Trojans 3 (75%)

Week 9 EBP:

Steve Nash, New York—7 votes (70% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Dec 26-Jan 1, 2005-06
Gallon of gas: $3.10
Gallon of milk: $2.50
#1 Song: "Don't Forget About Us"—Mariah Carey
#1 Movie: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 7 (which would have been Week 10 had the league started on time) from 2005-06 (Dec 26-Jan 1). The WFBL was still getting its feet wet, especially when it came their relationship with the League's beat reporters. It was much more difficult to get a story back then, and this encounter between the AP and Tim Duncan highlights that fact. At least Timmy offered to foot the bill.

WEEK SEVEN, DEC 26-JAN 1, 2005-06

Queen Bee Wants to Beat U-Dogs and Their “Pajama-Like” Uniforms

The Associated Press recently sat down with Tim “Queen Bee” Duncan at a local Dairy Queen for this exclusive one-on-one interview.

AP: So, “Queen Bee”—can I call you that?

TD: That or T-Dunc. I go by either.

AP: How does it feel to be the fledgling WFBL’s first EBP who doesn’t get mentioned in the league’s weekly press release, “This Week in the WFBL”?

TD: What’s an EBP?

AP: It’s kind of equivalent to the MVP of the now-defunct NBA.

TD: MVP...That stood for...

AP: Most Valuable Player.

TD: Right. Hey, would you like more fry sauce?

AP: Sure. So, anyway, how did that feel?

TD: Being an MVP?

AP: EBP. And then not getting mentioned—

TD: Oh, yeah. I really didn’t notice.

AP: There are some who believe that you were slighted because of the personal biases of Commissioner Ben Barnes.
TD: Ben who?

AP: He’s the commissioner of the fledgling WFBL and, interestingly, the owner and coach of the Magna Township Underdogs, your next opponent.

TD: Oh. You spilled some chocolate syrup on your lapel.

AP: Thanks.

TD: No problem.

AP: So, is it safe to say that there’s some bad blood between you and the U-dogs’ owner that could rear its ugly head in this week’s matchup?

TD: No, I wouldn’t say that.

AP: Oh. Well, wouldn’t you at least say that you’ll be up for this game?

TD: Yes, that I would say.

AP: And couldn’t one conjecture that the reason you will be up for this game has something to do with your relationship with Barnes?

TD: Ted Barnes?

AP: No, Ben Barnes.

TD: Who was he again?

AP: Um, never mind. Maybe one reason you’ll be up for this game is because it’s the first-ever matchup between Rasheed “Snowflake” Wallace and Kobe “Mamba” Bryant since Mamba forced Wallace out of town.

TD: He did? I didn’t know that.

AP: Sure he did. An anonymous source said so Sunday from his Underdogs’ team headquarters in Logan.

TD: Really!

AP: So, could one say that the Snowflake-Mamba matchup is one that has you really motivated for this week?

TD: You mean, you want to print a story on that, and you’d really like a statement from me to that effect?

AP: Yes, please.

TD: No.

AP: Couldn’t you at least say that the general public will be interested in such a matchup?

TD: Well, you know, the funny thing about this league is that players don’t really “matchup” with each other in the traditional sense. Our guys will play their games, and the other guys will play theirs, and you could actually go all week without Mamba and ‘Sheed ever even seeing each other.

AP: But, supposing they do, what would be your prediction?

TD: Snowflake would win.

AP: No, I mean would they shake hands, ignore each other, get into a fistfight, or hug and kiss each other like they used to do when they were teammates?

TD: That’s what you want to write your article about?

AP: Oh, yeah! That’s what everybody is dying to know.

TD: Are they only dying to know it because that’s what you always write about? Do you think the fans might care a little bit more about the actual game if you knew enough about basketball to actually write something intelligent about it?

AP: Maybe. So, what do you think about the ‘Dogs’ new unis?

TD: I think they look like pajamas.

AP: Really?! Can I quote you on that?

TD: Sure.

AP: Would you say you’re particularly motivated for this week’s matchup because you think the Dogs’ unis look like pajamas?

TD: No, I wouldn’t say that.

AP: But one might speculate that this is the case.

TD: I suppose I can’t stop you from speculating.

AP: Thanks. This has been really useful.

TD: Anytime. Please, allow me to pay for your Peanut Buster Parfait.

AP: I thought you’d never ask.

Truman Barnes contributed to this article.