This Week in the WFBL—2010 Concludings

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Dancers' Dynamic Duo Decimates Defending Champs


















"Oh, what a feeling, when we're sundancing on the ceiling!"

PARK CITY (AP)—For the last two seasons, the Park City Sundancers have had little trouble blowing out the riffraff of the league while consistently underwhelming on the big stage. Not this time.

Hotly anticipated by at least two people, Park City's Concludings rematch with the Zermatt Abominables was close in the early going, but the Sundancers soon put their game into high gear after a fiery pep talk from owner Dave Barton, "All right now, I don't want them to win a single category! You ATTACK ALL WEEK! If they even make it look close, I swear I'll take every last one of you out. You make sure they remember—FOREVER—the week they played the Sundancers! Leave no doubt!"

And leave no doubt they did, dominating Zermatt, 7-1-1 (a 9-0 was in play on the final day of competition). Everyone got in on the act for the Sundancers. Brook Lopez finally justified Park City's controversial midseason trade with Rigby. Gerald Wallace played the "glue guy" as he has done so well all season, while managing to avoid a major injury one last time. And Derrick Rose gave as good a performance as the Sundancers have come to expect from their point guard spot.

However, the story for the newly minted champs was once again Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant. Durant was stellar, shooting 51% from the field and 93% from the line, while compiling 5 threes, 33 rebounds, 8 blocks, 125 points. But with the possibility of this being his last series in a Sundancer uniform, Wade was just a little better. He turned in a virtuoso performance of 65% field goal shooting, 26 rebounds, 35 assists, 11 steals, 7 blocks, and 101 points to earn his first Concludings EBP.

To his credit, Durant seemed happy to defer the spotlight to his teammate once again. "I've been coming in second in EBP voting all season, so I'm used to it," said Durant. "Really, I don't mind being Robin to D-Wade's Batman, aside from the ridiculous yellow cape and itchy green tights."

But is this the swan song for Park City's dynamic duo? After reaching 92 wins for two consecutive seasons, claiming two conference titles, and now winning the WFBL championship, it seems the only way to bring Wade back is by improbably landing the #1 pick in next year's draft lottery.



















Can Kevin "Nightwing" Durant soar to greater heights out from under Wade's cape next year?

Meanwhile, as the Sundancers were combining to form the basketball equivalent of Voltron, the two-time defending champs were in a state of disarray. Forced to rely on a rusty Chris Paul, an immature Andray Blaaaatche, and an under-the-weather Monta Ellis, the A-Boms fell short in their quest to become the first team to three-peat in WFBL history. But considering the league has only been around five years, there's certainly no shame in that.

A good sport in the loss, League Commissioner and Zermatt owner Ben Barnes (maybe you've heard of him?) refused to play the asterisk card, "There really was no combination of players I could have thrown out there that would have beaten Park City this week. What can I do? I already made plenty of preventative excuses for my team not being very good this year. I'll just leave it at that."






















Park City does what only Bayside has done before—take down the Commish in the Concludings. That sounded a lot more impressive before Bayside was mentioned.

Around the Playoff Consolation Ladder

Gators 6, Iguanas 3

Trojans 5, Jai-Rai 3, Trojans 1

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 6, SnowBees 3

Stratagem 6, Butchers 3

Underdogs 6, Tigers 3

Conference Concludings Game of the Week Voting Results:

Zermatt Abominables 3 (60%)
Park City Sundancers 2 (40%)

Conference Concludings EBP:

Darren Collison, Zermatt—4 votes (66% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Apr 8-18 2007

First-class stamp: $0.41

Gallon of milk: $3.59

#1 Song:"Don't Matter"—Akon
#1 Movie: "Disturbia"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at the WFBL Concludings from 2007 (Apr 8-18). In honor of the Abominables' loss in this year's Concludings, we highlight the only other time the two-time champs came away empty handed—their 9-0 pasting at the hands of surprising Bayside—as a reminder to A-Bom fans that, hey, it could have been (and was) much worse.

WFBL CONCLUDINGS, APR 8-18, 2007

They're Grrrrrrrreat! Tigers Maul A-Boms, Complete Remarkable Turnaround

BAYSIDE (AP)—A year ago the Bayside Tigers were the West Valley Squackboxes and the laughing stock of professional basketball.

Now, they're kings of the world.

The Tigers maintained their ownership of the Zermatt Abominables, dominating every statistical category in a 9-0 Concludings victory.

"Surf's up Zermatt!" bellowed Vince Carter, winner of the 2007 Concludings EBP. "The Tigers are on the prowl!"

Overlooked seemingly the entire season by members of the media, the Tigers are overlooked no more, not just winning on the biggest stage, but dominating.

"I think we should have a recall vote on the regular season EBP trophy," said a rancorous Shawn Marion, referring to the disappearance of Kevin Garnett in the Concludings (see story below). "How can you be beneficial if you aren't even playing? You can't!!!"

Bayside's worst-to-first story is a tale of hope for every owner and coach in the WFBL, a story that begins with putridity, ends in jubilation, and has a little bit of name change/franchise relocation in the middle.

"I think our fans in West Valley can appreciate what has happened here, even though we bailed on them and blamed the city they live in for our poor play last year," said center Marcus Camby. "And when I say 'our' poor play, I don't mean mine, because I wasn't playing for us last year."

"You know, all season long, it seemed like it was 'Zermatt this' and 'Sundancers that'—there was even a bunch of 'SnowBees here' and 'Iguanas there'. Heck, the Sand Dunes got more pub than we did," said Carter, obviously happy to make WFBL and AP writers pen a story about Bayside winning, and not about one of their other precious darling teams.

"But it's all about Bayside now, baby!"

Coach Rich Lachowsky, who undoubtedly must be enjoying this, could not be reached for comment. But if he were to be reached, he surely would have something witty and interesting to say, possibly including a derision of either the Abominables, coach Barnes, the league in general, or all three.

Abominables, Barnes Left with Questions; KG's Love Misguided

ZERMATT(AP)—"All I can do is tip my hat and call the Tigers my daddies."

Those were the solemn words of Zermatt Abominables coach Ben Barnes as he was cornered in a hallway after the 9-0 pummeling suffered at the hands of Bayside in the 2007 WFBL Concludings.

Was it only a year ago that Barnes was hoisting the platinum trophy that bares his name, as coach of the Magna Township Underdogs? Have a mere twelve months passed since Bayside—then the West Valley Squackboxes—finished dead last and were a broken franchise?

"But it could be worse, you know," Barnes continued. "I could be still sitting under a mango tree with only a nickel to my name. I mean, I'm the Commissioner of the greatest basketball league in the world, regardless of who ended up winning the title.

"But honestly, KG, what were you thinking?"

Barnes, of course was referring to regular season EBP Kevin Garnett, who, according to sources, had an "epiphany" a few days into the Concludings.

"I figured, sure we could beat Bayside and win the Concludings title, getting myself a championship for the first time in my storied career," said Garnett. "But then I thought about our team, and their draft status for next season. That's when I knew that losing the Concludings would ensure Zermatt of getting a higher draft pick, and therefore, help their chances of selecting me again."

Garnett, in order to carry out his ill-conceived scheme, pretended to have an injury and did not play the rest of the Concludings, with Andre Iguodala following suit. That led to a 9-0 demolishing at the hands of arch-rival Bayside, the most lopsided outcome in playoff history.

"Poor, misguided Kevin," said Barnes. "I can't help but feel responsible a little bit. I should have reminded my players that the WFBL draft is totally random and is not affected in any way by a team's previous history, so pretending you are injured and costing your team a championship is not outweighed by moving up from the number 10 to the number 9 pick in the draft, if it even worked that way. My bad."

"I love my team, and this city, and I only meant for the best," Garnett said. "It were only farce, I meant no harm."

Concludings Preview

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2010 Concludings









For the first time ever, the Concludings feature a rematch. A year ago, the 'Dancers were the favorites and got dropped by Zermatt. Can Park City play up to its potential when it matters most? Can the A-Boms continue their unlikely run of scrapping together just enough for a victory? Will the return of CP3 be enough for the A-Boms to overcome the 'Dancers once again, making it three straight titles? Or will Park City finally end Barnes' reign of terror?

Season Series: Abominables, 9-8-1







Seed: 1 Record: 86-70-6








Seed: 1 Record: 92-66-4


FIELD GOAL %: The Sundancers finished the regular season fourth in this category, but the Wasatch champs have gotten a bit cold lately. The A-Boms, however, finished ninth this season but have been getting better production lately from, of all people, Monta Ellis. We'll take Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant over a streaky Ellis any day.

EDGE:









FREE THROW%: Once again, the A-Boms finished the regular season as one of the worst free-throw shooters in the league (10th place) and regularly concede the category. Park City on the other hand shoot over 80% as a team from the line. With Wade and Durant getting to the line a combined 20 times per game (making almost 86%), this one shouldn't be close.

EDGE:








THREE-POINTERS: Don't let that third-place ranking fool you; ever since Zermatt decided to go big with Josh Smith at SF, the A-Boms haven't won the threes category (they last won it in Week 15, against Park City, coincidentally). The Sundancers aren't much better though, but Wade, Durant, and returning PF Gerald Wallace should be just enough to give the 'Dancers the edge.

EDGE:








REBOUNDS: Park City can rebound with the best of them, and the return of Wallace should only help their cause. But if there's one thing the A-Boms excel at, it's rebounding. With Smith, Andray Blatche, and Al Jefferson all averaging over 8.5 rebounds per game, the A-Boms should be able to snare their first category.

EDGE:








ASSISTS: Assists have never really been Park City's forte, but this week, so much hinges on the level of play that Chris Paul can put forth after his extended absence. At 100%, there's no better distributor of the rock than Paul, and along with Ellis and Smith, the A-Boms should be set. Having said that, who knows how much rust CP3 needs to shake off to be effective? We think not much.

EDGE:








STEALS: The 'Dancers have some great thieves in Wade and Wallace, but this is the A-Boms' dominant category once again. Paul, Ellis, and Smith all average over 2 steals a game, and should be able to lead Zermatt to a categorical victory going away.

EDGE:








BLOCKS: Normally this would be a no-brainer edge in favor of the Abominables. But we all know what Wade's capable of, and Marc Gasol will be missing his second straight week due to injury. That said, the combo of Smith, Blatche, and Jefferson should be enough for the A-Boms to swat away the competition

EDGE:








TURNOVERS: Park City ranked dead last in turnovers, and if anyone in their organization tells you they expect to win this category, they're lying to you. The A-Boms were great at holding onto the ball, but lately have struggled, as Blatche, Smith, and Ellis all average over 2.5 turns per game. Even with Collison out (4.5 turnovers/game) and Paul in, this one's too close to call.

EDGE: TIE


POINTS: The only chance the A-Boms have here is to have more games this week (nope, even) or hope for some sort of injury on the 'Dancers (possible, not likely). Fact is the 'Dancers just plain don't lose points. Barton has created a scoring machine, and with the league's second and fifth leading scorers (Durant and Wade, respectively) should have no trouble taking care of business, points-wise.

EDGE:








PREDICTION: 4-4-1 TIE

And according to WFBL rules, Park City wins the tiebreaker by having the better regular-season record. But consider this: For the first time ever, the previous season's tote bag winner did not make the Concludings, so all bets are off. Having said that, Commissioner Barnes-led teams are 3-1 in the title game, while Dave Barton-led teams are 0-1. And on top of that, the Abominables own this year's Oaken Skis of Yore, winning the overall head-to-head battle. But don't forget, last year Park City came in to the Concludings with the Skis, but it was Zermatt that left with the Commissioner Barnes Trophy. At the same time, the A-Boms own a 38-32-2 record all-time against their arch-rivals. Once again, it would appear that this year's Championship will be decided by which team has fewer players miss games.

This Week in the WFBL—Conference Concludings

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Wade, 'Dancers Drum Duncan, Gators for 2nd Wasatch Title




















PARK CITY (AP)—

MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA

The Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators square off in the Wasatch Concludings for the second year in a row. The whole affair kinda feels like a rehash. League promoters claim it's due to Peter Cetera's theme song for the rematch, "Glory of Love," failing to generate the same excitement as Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around" from the previous year.

WEDNESDAY

It is revealed that Tim Duncan has grown bitter about the Gators' Conference Concludings loss from a year ago. Now under the tutelage of the mysterious Sato (an old nemesis of Park City consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi), Duncan claims Dwyane Wade dishonored him by blocking more shots than he did in the deciding game (4-0).

THURSDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, BEFORE TIP-OFF

Park City has fallen behind Twin Falls, and Wade is despondent about the absence of Gerald Wallace and Derrick Rose from the starting lineup due to injuries.

Miyagi: Concentrate. Focus. Most important.

Wade: I can't, Mr. Miyagi, not today.

Miyagi: Why?

Wade: Because we're starting George Hill and Paul Millsap, that's why.

Miyagi: When you feel life out of focus, always return to basic of life. Breathe. No breathe, no life. Come, try. Breath out of mouth. Breathe in through nose. In... out... Now how feel?

Wade: Better. More focused.

Miyagi: Good. Now go out and kick butt.

Wade dominates to the tune of 36 points, 10 rebounds, 7 assists, three 3s, a steal and a block, helping Park City to regain the lead.

SUNDAY - TIP-OFF

With the Sundancers leading the Gators 6-3, Duncan dramatically enters the arena on a zip line, grabbing Brook Lopez and putting a knife to his throat.

Duncan: Get back or I kill her!

Lopez: I'm a he!

Miyagi: Duncan, you are one of Gator's best player. No disgrace Twin Falls here.















Duncan: Your student disgrace me. I have been dishonored all because of him.

Wade: For whatever happened, I apologize. Except for the part about beating you guys last year.

Duncan: Apology will not give me back my honor!

Wade: Neither will this.

Duncan: In their eyes it will. No more talk. You play me one-on-one to the death, or I kill her!

Lopez: Still a he!

Duncan: Shut up!

Miyagi: This not tournament. This for real.

Wade: I'm pretty sure this is still a tournament.

Miyagi: Aye. Miyagi prone to hyperbole.















Wade and Duncan begin their one-on-one battle. They are well-matched, but Duncan has the size advantage and gradually gains the upper hand. Following Mr. Miyagi's lead, twenty thousand strong at Redford Arena pull out handheld drums and begin twisting them back and forth. An exhausted Wade regains his composure, knowing what he must do. As Duncan attacks the basket, Wade begins to viciously swing his arms back and forth, blocking a career high five shots to clinch another 5-4 victory. Wade grabs his beaten foe by the hair and cocks his hand back.

Wade: Live or die, man?

Duncan: Die.

Wade: Wrong. Honk!

















With CP3 Sidelined, Whozits and Whatsisnames Lead A-Boms to Fourth Straight Concludings Appearance

ZERMATT (AP)—Another year, another trip to the Concludings.

Undoubtedly the most storied dynasty in the history of the WFBL, the Zermatt Abominables shocked the Iguanas with a 5-4 comeback win in the World Conference Concludings. The win gives the two-time defending champs their fourth straight appearance in the title game, further cementing their dominance over the league.

"I think by far this is the least talented team I've ever assembled," said coach Ben Barnes, who looks to bring his A-Boms an unprecedented third straight Concludings title against arch-rival Park City. "Furthermore, I would like to formally announce my candidacy for Executive of the Year WFBLy. In fact, you might as well start the engraving right now."

But it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows for this year's A-Boms squad. Despite taking an early lead thanks to no-name rookies Darren "Bizarro CP3" Collison—mentored by the injured former EBP—and Marcus Thornton, Zermatt found themselves staring at the end of their championship run. Thanks to a heroic performance from the Iguanas' All-Star center David Lee, the A-Boms entered the final game of Sunday night needing 6 rebs and 13 pts from Andray Blatche—yes, that's right, Andray Blatche—to seal the deal.

"Lee played great Sunday afternoon," said Blatche, a late-season acquisition via trade with Rigby. "The man's a monster. One can only wonder how things would've turned out had he not sat out Friday's game with...what was it? Menstrual cramps? I'm not even sure. But it must've been bad if it forced him to miss time during the World Concludings—his only missed game all season—right?"

The very astute Blatche ended up saving the day for the A-Boms, grabbing the requisite rebounds and scoring the final baskets late in the fourth quarter.

"Let's not give the guy a medal, he still almost lost the thing for us with all the chucking he was doing," said Barnes, who immediately pulled Blatche after scoring the go-ahead points.

This year's scrappy A-Boms are indeed a different sort from the last three. They stared down the barrel of the end of an era, and without any type of All-Star caliber leadership, shoved their finger right in, Bugs Bunny-style. Then the gun exploded on the Iguanas, leaving behind only the charred remains of disappointment.

"Has anyone talked bout how we wore our green uniforms again?" asked Blatche. "I feel like that needs to be mentioned."

Around the Playoff Consolation Ladder

Trojans 4, Jai-Rai 4, Trojans 1

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 7, Butchers 2

SnowBees 6, Underdogs 3

Stratagem 4, Tigers 4, Stratagem 1

Conference Concludings Game of the Week Voting Results:

Park City Sundancers 6 (75%)
Twin Falls Gators 2 (25%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (63%)
Zermatt Abominables 3 (37%)

Round 1 EBP:

David Lee, Maracaibo—5 votes (71% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Mar 16-22, 2009

First-class stamp: $0.44

Gallon of milk: $3.39

#1 Song:"Right Round"—Flo Rida
#1 Movie: "Knowing"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at the Conference Concludings from 2009 (Mar 16-22). The 'Dancers and A-Boms once again meet in this year's Concludings. A year ago, it took some amazing, last-minute heroics from EBP runner-up Wade-san to get Park City into the title game. Here's to rubbing salt in the wounds, Gator fans!

CONFERENCE CONCLUDINGS, MAR 16-22, 2009

Wade, 'Dancers Wax Off Kobe, Gators for Wasatch Title























PARK CITY (AP)—

MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA, ALL WASATCH BASKETBALL CONCLUDINGS

The two Wasatch finalists, the Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators, treat the crowd to a thrilling montage of high flying dunks, long range shots, blocks, and boards set to Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around."

WEDNESDAY - TWIN FALLS LOCKER ROOM, JUST BEFORE TIP-OFF

Twin Falls holds the early lead 6-3 lead, but Park City superstar Dwyane Wade has yet to play. He is expected to make his anticipated first appearance tonight. As the team heads towards the tunnel, Gators assistant coach and Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese pulls Al Thornton aside.

Kreese: Al, I want Wade out of commission

Thornton: But Sensei, we can beat these guys!

Kreese: I don't want them just beaten.

Thornton: But I'll get thrown out!

Kreese: Out of commission.















Kreese trains his iron eyes on Thornton. He cannot endure their searing heat. His head drops as Kreese bends him to his will. Thornton tentatively walks over to the Park City bench, jumps high in the air, and lands a flying sidekick to Wade's right hip.

Thornton: I'm sorry, Dwyane! I didn't mean it!

Wade crumples to the floor as Thornton is dragged away amid a shower of boos. The Gators have their way with the Sundancers in the absence of the EBP runner-up.

FRIDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, A FEW HOURS BEFORE TIP-OFF

A dejected Dwyane Wade, accompanied by team consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi, lies on the trainers' table, resigned to missing his second straight game after not missing a game all year.

Wade: Mr. Miyagi... you think we had a chance of winning?

Mr. Miyagi: Aye, had good chance.

Wade: Can't you fix my hip with that thing you do? You know, with the clapping and the rubbing, and the hey hey hey, my hip feels better?

Mr. Miyagi: No need play anymore. You prove point.

Wade: What, that I can take a beating? Every time I see the Gators, they'll know they got the best of me. How will I ever have balance in my life? I mean, aside from having more money than I could ever spend and being idolized by millions.

(Pause)

Mr. Miyagi: Close eye.

Miyagi's hands come together, punctuated by a dramatic music note.

FRIDAY - TIP-OFF

Wade emerges from locker room as the crowd goes wild.

Announcer: Dwyane Wade is gonna play? Dwyane Wade is gonna play! This is what it's all about, folks!

SUNDAY - REDFORD ARENA, DECIDING GAME

With their star player once again on the court to galvanize the team, Park City has cut into the Gators once insurmountable lead, now only trailing 5-4. As the Gators call a timeout to regroup, Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese motions for his star pupil, Kobe Bryant.

Kreese: Pummel the hip...you have a problem with that?

Kobe: (scared) No, Sensei.

Kreese: No mercy.















As play resumes, Kobe cheap shots Wade several times in his bruised right hip, but the referees are distracted by Tim Duncan flailing around after getting slightly nudged by Chris Bosh, so no foul is called. Wade limps to the bench, but after a timeout, returns to the floor wearing a traditional Karate Gi. As the Gators dribble up the court with the clock running down, Wade slowly assumes the crane position under the basket by standing on one leg and lifting both arms high into the air. Kobe calls for the ball.

Announcer: 30 seconds remaining...

Rondo: It's over, guys! Get 'em a body bag, yyyeeeah!!!

Kreese: Finish them!

Kobe hears the call of his sensei and drives to the hoop. As he releases the ball, Wade leaps high in the air and blocks the shot. Frustrated, Kobe gets his own rebound and shoots it a second time. And once again, Wade leaps and bats the ball away. Time expires. Kobe stares at the scorer's table in disbelief as he sees that Wade's last two blocked shots are the difference Park City needed to win the blocks category 11-10, and thusly the series, 5-4. The Sundancer crowd storms the court in a wild rush of celebration. A tearful Kobe grabs the Wasatch Concludings trophy and personally hands it to the Sundancer hero.















Kobe: You're all right, Wade. You can be my sleepover buddy any time.

Conference Concluding Previews

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Wasatch Conference Concludings









Deep down, you knew it would come to this. Can the Gators exact revenge on the Sundancers for last year's miraculous D-Wade block?

Season Series: Tied, 9-9-0

Seed: 2
Record: 85-71-6
Outlook: Once again, the Gators show the newly-named EBP who's boss. Will the current exceptional play of D-Will and D-West—along with their two-game advantage on Park City—be enough for Twin Falls to avenge last year's heartbreaker?

Seed: 1
Record: 92-66-4
Outlook: With Derrick Rose ailing and Jameer Nelson with only two games this week, the 'Dancers' title hopes rest on George Hill. Yeah we don't know who he is either. But we do know who Dwyane Wade and Kevin Durant are, and despite having fewer games, we think they should have enough to score the victory.


Prediction: 5-4









World Conference Concludings









For the second straight year, it's Igs-A-Boms with a trip to the Concludings on the line. The big question: does Zermatt break out the St. Patty's green once again?

Season Series: Iguanas, 9-8-1

Seed: 2
Record: 83-73-6
Outlook: It was never really in doubt for the Igs against Udorn. A world now rallies around you, Maracaibo, as the second-to-last hope we all have at seeing the Abominable dynasty die. Coach Hopkin gets married this week...what's the over/under on how many times he checks on his team during the reception and/or honeymoon?

Seed: 1
Record: 86-70-6
Outlook: The A-Boms were hoping to get CP3 back in time for their first playoff game, but it looks like that's not going to happen. Zermatt will be hard-pressed to beat a team they lost to a mere two weeks ago, with essentially the same lineup—this time with Marcus Thornton instead of Randy Foye. Having said that, the Concludings have never taken place without a Ben Barnes-led team participating.


Prediction: 6-3

This Week in the WFBL—Week 18

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Mom Was Wrong: This Is the End of the World


Interestingly enough, the end of the world for New York came in the form of an A-Bom.

NEW YORK, NEW YORK (AP)—All throughout your youth, and well into adulthood, your mother has told you that basketball is only a game, that losing a basketball game—even one with playoff implications—is not the end of the world. You always used to trust your mom, but now you're not so sure—especially if you're a New York Kings fan who just watched your team get throttled 6-3 by Zermatt and drop out of playoff position with only one week to play.

But Mom has since clarified her position: "My earlier comments about basketball being only a game were taken entirely out of context," she insists. "I was clearly referring to non-WFBL games. With the WFBL Playoffs quickly approaching and the Kings in jeopardy of missing them, I just want to state for the record that these games are obviously more than mere games, and that losing to Zermatt is, for all practical purposes, the end of the world."

All across New York—or, as New Yorkers call it, the world—Kings fans and their mothers are struggling to adjust to their new lives as fans of a potential nonplayoff team.

"The first problem we all face," explains 10-year-old Ricky Amato of Queens, "is what we're going to wear. All those Kings clothes we bought over the last few weeks are worthless now. Personally, I plan to go to school naked, if I go at all."

It seems there are a lot of Rickys out there who now wonder what meaning, if any, life still holds. "This loss really puts things in perspective for me," says heart surgeon Mike Liebermann of Brooklyn. "I used to wake up every morning enthusiastic about the prospects of saving people's lives as a heart surgeon, but now I'm questioning all that. If the Kings miss the playoffs, what kind of life am I saving them for? Am I really doing them a favor? I see now how meaningless everything really is compared to the Kings' playoff hopes."

Entire newspapers and TV stations across the world (or city; same thing) have shut down, and the Wall Street Kings Journal is considering changing its name back to simply the Wall Street Journal. "People don't want to hear about the Kings right now," explains Phil Jackson, editor-in-chief of the Journal. "The name change made sense during the Kings' recent win streak, but now it might actually hurt sales."

Ironically, the Kings' players themselves seem to be handling the loss much better than their fans are. "It really helps that we have lives outside of basketball--which, my mom always taught me, is just a game anyhow," explains point guard Steve Nash. "So, for example, whenever we have a disappointing loss, I take comfort in knowing that I can still get satisfaction from my Vitamin Water commercials. Yes, I star in a number of Vitamin Water commercials. These Vitamin Water commercials are really funny. Let me say that one more time so you can add a link to another of my Vitamin Water commercials."

Corey Maggette, following his intrepid point guard's example, recently ventured into the gastronomy business by opening a chain of restaurants called Corey Maggette's Spaghetti. "I used to get down about losing games," he says. "But now I see basketball for what it really is--just a vehicle to lend some name recognition to what I really love, my spaghetti restaurants. Of course, it also helps that my name rhymes with spaghetti. That's why Carlos Boozer's addiction recovery program never took off, in my opinion."

Forward Paul Pierce says he also finds personal satisfaction in nonbasketball-related activities, such as dressing up in ridiculous costumes and visiting local schools with former Kings teammate Rasheed Wallace. "This is especially fulfilling for Sheed and me since we never goed to school. Last week we learnt about the color wheel, and we gonna go back next week to discuss big, bigger, and biggest. We also both tried out for a school play, and they picked us to play Robin Hood and Maid Marian. The play runs the same week as the Concludings, so we told them there'd be no conflict."

Guard Stephen Jackson has a similar level of optimism about his team's chances in the playoffs. "In fact," he says, "I hope we don't make the playoffs, because I'm scheduled as the keynote speaker in an upcoming gun control convention, and then it's straight to Washington to lobby Congress to replace all of our nation's handguns with water pistols. So I'm a little too busy for the playoffs this year. Maybe next year."

Does this mean Jackson intends to miss the Consolation Round if the Kings do miss the playoffs? "What? There's a Consolation Round? So our consolation for losing basketball games is to play more basketball games? No thanks."

There is, of course, still hope for the world—if the Kings can beat Richmond by one game better than the Jai-Rai beat Bayside (or if they can lose by one game less than Udorn loses), then New York sneaks its way back into the playoffs. And that means little Ricky can start wearing clothes again, but it may also mean fewer Vitamin Water commercials, the school play will need to find a new Maid Marian, and America's streets will be less safe. I don't know about you, but I'm not sure what to root for.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 5, Trojans 4

Sundancers 8, Underdogs 1

SnowBees 6, Gators 3

Jai-Rai 5, Iguanas 4

Butchers 5, Tigers 4

Week 18 Game of the Week Voting Results:

New York Kings 1 (16%)

Zermatt Abominables 5 (83%)

Week 17 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—5 votes (62% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Feb 26-Mar 4, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.88

#1 Song:"What Goes Around...Comes Around"—Justin Timberlake
#1 Movie: "Wild Hogs"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 18 from 2007 (Feb 26-Mar 4). The Abominables were fighting for that elusive regular-season title, and newcomer Twin Falls was fighting for a playoff spot. All seemed lost for the A-Boms as they dug themselves an early hole. And then, magic happened.

WEEK EIGHTEEN, FEB 26-MAR 4, 2007

Bloody Sunday: Allen Plays through Pain, Saves Day for Zermatt

ZERMATT (AP)—Just when things were looking down for the Zermatt Abominables, just when scoreboard watching showed that a loss would all but crush their hopes for the regular season championship, just when another humiliating loss to the Twin Falls Gators seemed imminent, Ray Allen stood up as if to say "Not today, Gators!"

"I saw that my team needed me," said Allen, who missed the previous night's game with bone spurs in his ankle, and was not only doubtful to play Sunday, but was rumored to be out for the season as well.

"I figured, 'what's a few bone spurs, really?'"

Gritting his teeth and grimacing throughout, Allen willed away the pain in his right ankle and the Abominables held on to beat the Gators 6-3, keeping pace with the mighty Iguanas in the race for first place.

"When I saw blood dripping through the sock and he's hitting those free throws and draining those jumpers, that was storybook," said Zermatt forward Andre Iguodala.

"I don't think any of us have any idea what he went through to play tonight," said coach Ben Barnes. "For him to go out there and do what he did, his heart is so big."

After the series, Allen praised Zermatt support personnel.

"This training staff was just phenomenal—the things they did for me over the last four, five, six days,'' he said. ''To avoid having (the bone spurs) rattling around, they sutured the skin down to something in between the two tendons to keep the tendon out. It worked.''

The blood-stained sock was immediately taken from Allen's foot and shipped to the WFBL Lobby of Greatness in Magna, Utah.

The Abominables would hang on to win the regular season title before getting humiliated 9-0 in the Concludings by Bayside. Yes, that's right, Bayside. But the A-Boms can hang their hats on the fact that the win essentially knocked the Gators out of the playoff race.

Week 17 Power Rankings

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Annual "Who They Shoulda Kept" Power Rankings

This may be the last gasp for the Kings. After a big loss last week, New York finds themselves not only 6.5 out of first, but a mere 1.5 ahead of Udorn for the last playoff spot. The A-Boms, fresh off an 8-week win streak bookended by losses to the Strats, can't afford another loss with the Iguanas hot on their trail.

Two weeks remain in the regular season. For those fighting for their playoff lives—be it trying to secure a top seed, fighting for home arena convenience in round one, or merely trying to make the postseason— now is hardly the time to look back. That's where the Power Rankings come in, with our annual assessment of "Who They Shoulda Kept".

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 79-59-6
Kept: Tim Duncan (12)
Shoulda Kept: Tim Duncan
Well done, Gators! Although a case could be made for keeping Gerald Wallace (13), Timmy has been steady all year for Adams' group. Besides, it's just a matter of time before Wallace collapses another lung.

2 (1) 77-62-5
Kept: Al Jefferson (55 on player rater)
Shoulda Kept: Andre Iguodala (22)
Jefferson didn't quite return from his injury as the A-Boms had hoped. Barnes has to be kicking himself over this one, especially since the SG/SF position has been his team's achilles heel all season long.

3 (7) 74-65-5
Kept: Chauncey Billups (16)
Shoulda Kept: Chauncey Billups
A case could be made for keeping Carlos Boozer (25), but due to their draft position—and Chauncey's continued great play this season—keeping a top-5 point guard made the most sense.

4 (5) 70-67-5
Kept: Vince Carter (96)
Shoulda Kept: Brook Lopez (10)
While the Trojans should be commended for drafting Lopez (and in turning him into Steph Curry [14] and Chris Kaman [83]), keeping him would have allowed Rigby to take someone else in the third round, such as Stephen Jackson (43) or Monta Ellis (51).

5 (3) 78-62-4

Kept: Dwyane Wade (5)
Shoulda Kept: Dwyane Wade
Kevin Durant (2) is the EBP candidate, but the 'Dancers were in line to draft him anyways (and he's a better keeper option for the future), so this was a relatively easy call for the Sundancers. They could arguably have held on to Bosh (8), but really, he would have just gotten in the way of Wallace and Brook Lopez (10). Of course, this all changes if Wade ends up missing any substantial time due to his calf injury.

6 (4) 71-69-4
Kept: Paul Pierce (34)
Shoulda Kept: Carmelo Anthony (35)
It doesn't seem right to say the Kings should have kept a lower-rated player, and who knew Melo would have the type of season he's having? New York's lineup could have handled Melo missing a few games, and could certainly use his rebounding and scoring (NYK is 11th and 10th in the league, respectively).

7 (8) 67-75-2
Kept: Pau Gasol (38)
Shoulda Kept: Pau Gasol
Also an easy choice, although with the problems the SnowBees have been having at point guard this season, some Salt Lakers would make a case for Derrick Rose (94). They would be wrong.

8 (10) 68-76-3
Kept: Brandon Roy (60)
Shoulda Kept: Brandon Roy
You can't blame the Strats for Roy's recent injuries. But you can blame them for not having any better options. Their next best option was Kevin Garnett (67), who is lighting things up currently at the end of the Butchers' bench.

9 (6) 67-73-4
Kept: Jason Kidd (7)
Shoulda Kept: Jason Kidd
The only real option for the Butchers ended up being the best they could have hoped for. It's safe to say Kidd's outplayed his expectations, and the best player they could have kept other than the veteran point guard would have been David West (37).

10 (9) 71-70-1
Kept: Danny Granger (59)
Shoulda Kept: David Lee (9)
This was supposed to be the year of the Jai-Rai, with their juggernaut offense and big name starters. Alas, Granger's injury changed Udorn's fate. In retrospect, Lee was their next best option as a keeper, but Jai-Rai fans can't argue with the production that Horford (15), Nene (17), and Randolph (27) have been giving them.

11 (12) 64-77-3
Kept: Devin Harris (171)
Shoulda Kept: Marc Gasol (21)
Again, we can't fault the Underdogs for Harris' injury—he was lighting things up at the end of 2009—and who knew Gasol would be as good as he is? But let's play pretend for a moment. What if the U-Dogs kept Gasol? They would have had to pass on Dwight Howard (19) in the draft, but could have snagged Steve Nash (4) or Deron Williams (26). Hindsight is 20/20. I bet the U-Dogs wish they would have had hindsight.

12 (11) 58-82-4
Kept: Caron Butler (72)
Shoulda Kept: Anyone But Caron Butler
2009 Tigers Having a Better Year than Caron Butler: Marcus Camby (18), Jason Terry (29), OJ Mayo (39), Luol Deng (42), Troy Murphy (44), Brendan Haywood (68), and Michael Beasley (70). Ladies and gentlemen, the Bayside Tigers.

Who do YOU think your team should have kept? Also, don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 17's EBP!