This Week in the WFBL Playoffs—Rd 1

.

Live-Blogging the Wasatch Conference Round One




















LeBron James, a portrait in moods: Happy (left, before the series), and sad (right, after the series).

TWIN FALLS (AP)—Its been two years and I'm fully healed from the last live-blogging disaster in Maracaibo. Even so, the bigwigs at the AP were wary of sending me back to cover the World Conference Round One, so here I am in snowy Twin Falls! Who needs the tropical warmth of Venezuela when you're just gonna be inside a basketball arena all week long anyways?

3/8/10 Morning Shootaround

There's chatter that the Trojans are thinking of sitting LeBron tonight, as a reward for winning the EBP. I know I'm no WFBL coach, but that seems a bit counter-productive to me. LeBron's here, but he's not out there warming up. He is, however, taking pretend pictures of every...hang on...okay okay..."cheeeeeese!"...alright you too man...hey I want a copy of that one!...

7:30 PM

As expected, no LeBron tonight. The Gators have put the Trojans in a big hole to start the week off. Tonight, Good David West decided to show up, and Timmy had a nice all-around game. One of the x-factors coming in was going to be the rookies—Rigby's Steph Curry and Twin Falls' Tyreke Evans—and so far Curry's having a tough time adjusting to the big stage. Really poor shooting, and he's turned it over as many times as West and Duncan combined. Not how the Trojans wanted to start off.

3/9/10

Looks like Vince "Half-Man, Half-A-Season" Carter decided to show up for the Trojans. If the matchup ended today though, the EBP would go to Deron Williams. It's funny, you hear him compared unfavorably to Chris Paul the past three years, but with CP3 out, D-Will really hasn't taken over the "best PG in the league" role like some thought he would. Tonight, however? 28 points, 17 assists, 1 turnover, 71% FG...not bad.

3/10/10 In Line for Snacks

Dang Idaho basketball teams! All they have are potato-related products. Can't decide between a potato dog or churro fries. Meanwhile, this matchup is seriously getting out of hand for Rigby. The Gators now have a 6-2-1 lead as rookie sensation Tyreke Evans just messed around and got a triple double. I wonder if he's related in any way to Adams' wife, Carolyn Evans-Adams? Let's see, mental note, look into relationship between star shooting guard and coach's wife, if any.

3/11/10

Well that's weird. Only Steph Curry and Vince Carter are out there on the court tonight. But what's more perplexing is that they still have only managed to close the gap to 5-3-1. Looking ahead, it appears both teams have the same amount of games remaining. Not sure where Rigby can make up another category...rebounds perhaps? LeBron should probably show his face tomorrow, and the Trojans need him to bring the pain, big time. Now if you'll excuse me, it's halftime, and the Twin Falls 13th Ward is about to perform a truncated version of their region-winning road show based on the classic Home Evening short "Honesty Leads to Integrity".

3/12/10

LeBron's back! And he shot 7-18! Wait, that's not gonna cut it. Meanwhile the Gators aren't doing anything spectacular, but just like they've been doing all year long, everybody's putting up solid numbers across the board. I think I just saw Adams on the phone with the team's travel agent, booking a bus to Park City.

3/13/10

Wait a minute, there's someone on the other line. It's Steph Curry. What's that young rook? You say you've got 35 points, 10 assists, 6 rebounds, 4 steals, 5 three-pointers and a block that say the Gators' bus to Park City isn't ready? Needs an oil change and new tires? It probably didn't help Twin Falls' cause that Adams decided to rest Duncan in what I overheard him call a "blowout victory". With one day left, the Gators have the 7-2 lead, but FG%, rebounds, steals, blocks, turnovers, and points are all up in the air. If the Gators lose, it would be an unraveling the likes of which I haven't seen since Weber State against Montana.

3/14/10

And there's the final horn. 6-2-1, Gators. In the end, the Trojans put up a fight but it was too much of that patented all-around great play from the Gators. You gotta wonder how this would have ended if the...ahem..."EBP" would have have played one more game. Sure, they would have lost turnovers, but rebounds, and conceivably points and steals could have been the Trojans'. But it's on to Park City for the Gators, back to Rigby for the Trojans, and back to WFBL headquarters for me. I think I see some youths coming down the alley swinging sacks of potatoes in a menacing fashion.


Igs, Jai Rai, Set Record For Most Clichés in a Single Article

MARACAIBO (La Verdad)—With the crowd at their backs, Maracaibo came blazing out of the gates in the World Semfinals like a well-oiled machine firing on all cylinders. Udorn, meanwhile, looked like they left their 'A' game back in Udorn whilst wandering behind a Venezuelan woodshed for 7-2 whooping.

EBP candidate David Lee illuminated Maracaibo's winning strategy, "When the Jai Rai looked a little out of synch early, we smelled blood and went for the jugular. We knew we couldn't afford to get lackadaisical, so we just tried to keep this one in the bag.

"It was all over but the shouting after the first few days," continued Andre Igoudala, "so we decided to put on a clinic, 'How to Seal Victories.' After all, our fans weren't paying hard earned money to watch us taking a cakewalk in the park."

So what went wrong for Udorn? Kobe Bryant broke down Udorn's subpar effort with this nugget of wisdom, "Well, instead of playing to win, I think we were playing not to lose. But give Maracaibo credit. They got us on the ropes and blew the game wide open with a coffin-nailing knock out punch."

Udorn owner Devin Jackson also lamented, "I think it's clear that we've gone to the well once too often. We circled the wagons around Kobe all season, so him only having two games really took the wind out of our sails."

"Plus, they did play 6 more games than us," groused Danny Granger, offering the only tangible, game-related fact of this entire article.

Around the Consolation Ladder

Kings 5, SnowBees 4

Butchers 5, Stratagem 4

Underdogs 5, Tigers 3, The Game

Rd 1 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Rigby Trojans 5 (71%)
Twin Falls Gators 2 (28%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (71%)
Udorn Jai-Rai 2 (28%)

Week 19 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—4 votes (57% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Mar 24-30, 2008

First-class stamp: $0.42

Average movie ticket price: $7.18

#1 Song:"Love In This Club"—Usher ft. Young Jeezy
#1 Movie: "21"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Round 1 from 2008 (Mar 24-30). LeBron James has now won two EBP trophies. He's also now lost both playoff series immediately following receiving his award. Both times, those losses have come at the hands of the Gators. This was the first.

ROUND ONE, MAR 24-30, 2008

Gators Chomp 'Caibo, Kobe "Makes Statement" All Over LeBron's EBP Trophy

TWIN FALLS (AP)—As the final buzzer sounded, Kobe Bryant,
his Twin Falls Gators having just beaten Maracaibo 5-4—their first-ever playoff series victory—calmly walked over to rival LeBron James of the Iguanas. Was it to exchange pleasantries on a series well-played? Was it to wish him luck in his future endeavors? You don't know Kobe Bryant.

With thousands of Maracaibo fans watching in disbelief, the Mamba, ever the dignitary, grabbed LeBron's EBP trophy, which the Iguana had just received in a pre-series ceremony, and broke the bronze statue with his bare hands. He then threw the bottom half at LeBron's face, and bit off, chewed and swallowed the trophy's head.

"Let 'em go, let 'em go," said Commissioner Barnes, who was on hand for the series, as respective team officials tried to rush onto the court to deter the brawl that was certain to ensue. "They need to settle this themselves."

Only there was no brawl, no retaliation from LeBron. The 2008 Exceedingly Beneficial Participant only stood and cried as Kobe surprisingly had no problem chewing the trophy head, a replica of James' own noggin, which is no small feat considering the size to which it had grown over the past few weeks.

Kobe muttered no words, for words were unnecessary. The chewing said it all.

Bryant stepped up his game for the playoff clash, besting his averages in many categories. LeBron, however, couldn't do the same, and the disappointing Iguanas, not necessarily known for coming through in the clutch, fell in the first round of the playoffs once again.

"Leave to the Igs to the throttling! ARGHHHHHHH!" coach Fran Hopkin was heard to have said. "It is all the pressure of Chavez!"

It was quite a statement the Mamba made, who is obviously upset about not winning his second EBP trophy. One can only imagine what he'll do when faced against the top-seeded and regular season champion St. George Underdogs this week.

"We wanted to come in here and make a statement," said the Gators' Allen Iverson, speaking of statements. "That statement was: We are advancing to the next round. All apologies to Zermatt, but we feel we are the best team right now, and guess what, St. George...it's your turn to receive a statement."

And receive a statement they did, as the Gators would go on to do the unthinkable, defeating the U-Dogs 8-1 and earning their only Concludings trip.

Round One Previews

.
Wasatch Conference Round One









One final Spud State Showdown. This time, it's for the whole potato.

Season Series: Gators, 12-5-1

Seed: 3
Record: 80-77-5
Outlook: Led by two-time league EBP LeBron James, the Trojans won three of their last four to secure their second-ever postseason berth. Despite his greatness, there are rumblings that Wallace may hold James out a game to try to win turnovers. It may be a risky move, but Rigby needs to do whatever they can to get their first win of the season against Twin Falls.

Seed: 2
Record: 85-71-6
Outlook: With a chance to seal up the first-round bye, the Gators lost consecutive 3-6 games. D-Will and Co. owned the Trojans in the regular season, but will they have enough to keep up with the EBP? And how will Tyreke Evans match up against fellow rookie Steph Curry?


Prediction: 5-4










World Conference Round One









The Jai-Rai look to avenge last season's Rd 1 loss to the Igs.

Season Series: Tied, 9-9-0

Seed: 3
Record: 82-79-1
Outlook: The Jai-Rai won their last two—including a 5-4 victory over Maracaibo—to clinch their second-straight playoff appearance. Kobe and Granger are both finally back and healthy, but will the Mamba's two games this week be enough to overcome the 4-game advantage the Igs hold?

Seed: 2
Record: 83-73-6
Outlook: The Igs have beaten the top two teams in the WFBL (Park City and Zermatt) in two of the last three weeks. Sandwiched between those victories was a loss to the Jai-Rai, however. One worries about where the focus of the Igs will be, as coach Hopkin will likely have his attention elsewhere (something about getting married?).


Prediction: 5-4

This Week in the WFBL—Week 19

.

LeBron, Fellow Trojan Cubs, Honored at Pregame Pack Meeting

























LeBron James, posing here with his mother, is the WFBL's first-ever 2-time regular season EBP winner. Park City's Kevin Durant finished second.

RIGBY, IDAHO, WHICH IS KIND OF KIDDIE-CORNER FROM CALIFORNIA (Jefferson Star)—The audience at the Philo T. Farnsworth Center was being a little rowdy and hyper before the Rigby Trojans' final regular-season game, against the Salt Lake SnowBees. But when the WFBL's Akela, Phil Jackson, stood at midcourt with his arm raised and two fingers extended, a sign that represents the attentive ears of a wolf cub, everyone present knew it was time to start and indicated that they were paying attention by also raising their two fingers. And when the two fingers go up, the mouth goes quiet, so pretty soon all you could hear was Dirk Nowitzki offering Pau Gasol a million dollars if he'll shave all of the hair on his head, including his eyebrows. But eventually Dirk noticed that the whole arena had gone completely silent, that 20,000 people around him were making the attentive wolf cub sign, and that Phil Jackson was glaring at him, so he shut up too.

"I'd like the SnowBee cubs to notice how nicely the Trojan cubs are sitting and paying attention," Jackson said. "Let's all give the Trojan cubs a big hand," which means, as everyone in the arena knew, you're supposed to hold up your right hand, extending the fingers as far as they could possibly go, thus creating a "big hand."

"Before we begin our pack meeting this evening," Jackson said. "We have some announcements," to which Shaquille O'Neal, Rigby's reserve center and the league's Assistant Akela responded by leading the crowd in the following song:
"Announcements, announcements, announcements!"
[To the tune of "Farmer in the Dell"]
"What a horrible way to die,
What a horrible way to die.
Oh, what a horrible
What a horrible way to die."
[To the tune of "London Bridge Is Falling Down"]
Please keep them short and sweet,
Short and sweet,
Short and sweet.
Please keep them short and sweet.
They are BORING!"

"Just a reminder to everyone that the money you earned selling All-Star Game tickets should have been turned in last Friday," Jackson went on. "It looks like all of the Trojan cubs got their money in, but I'm still missing dues from every single member of the SnowBee den, except Dirk Nowitzki. Thank you, Trojan cubs, for being good examples of promptness to the SnowBee cubs. Let's give them another big hand, but this time with feeling."

Again the audience members extended their right hands as big as they could make them, then tickled their extended right hand with their left, all very enthusiastically, except for some of the SnowBees, who rolled their eyes while performing this cheer and got another stern glare from Jackson.

"Now we'll turn the time over to the den leaders to tell us about what they've done in their den meetings this month and present any awards that their cubs have earned," Jackson continued. "We'll start with the SnowBee den."

SnowBee den leader Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes sheepishly stepped forward to address the crowd. "Um, well ... you see, we kind of didn't really earn any awards this month. The boys just kept forgetting to bring their books, and I couldn't really think of any good activities to do, so we mostly just played basketball in the gym. Pau Gasol was really close to earning his Cooking belt loop, but he's sort of lost interest and we can't get him to complete the last few requirements. Other than that ... um, I think Rasheed was working on his Tattoo Art belt loop. Did you ever finish that, Sheed? No? Well, that's all. We're gonna work really hard this month, though, and next pack meeting I'm sure we'll have lots of awards."

Jackson, visibly disappointed, motioned for the Beekeeper to return to his seat and invited Nathan Wallace, the Trojan den leader, to come forward.

"Before we present our awards and show you what we've been working on this month," Wallace said, "we have a little skit we've prepared for you."

The skit began with Trojan cub Stephen Curry standing at midcourt yelling "Brains for sale! Brains for sale!" Chris Kaman walked by and asked, "What kinds of brains do you have?"

"Well, this one is the brain of a doctor. I'll give it to you for $100."

"What about that one?"

"That's the brain of Albert Einstein. It costs $500."

"And that little one?"

"That one costs $1 million."

"A million dollars?!! Why so expensive?"

"It's the brain of a SnowBee. It's never been used!"

Fifteen minutes later, after the riotous laughter from the crowd subsided, Wallace explained that this month his den has been working very hard on their Ecology and Biological Engineering belt loops. "Each cub has created his own clean-burning alternative fuel. We also built combustible engines and attached them to our Pinewood Derby cars to demonstrate how our fuels work." Lebron James then stepped forward to show off his car, which runs on fingernail clippings. Vince Carter explained how his car runs on used socks. And Chris Kaman amazed the crowd with his car, which runs on positive thoughts.

Next Wallace announced, "Besides earning the Ecology and Biological Engineering belt loops as a den, each of our cubs has worked very hard on to earn belt loops on their own. So when I announce their names, I'll have them come up and get their awards. You may want to hold your applause until the end, because this may take a while. Carlos Boozer has earned his Alcohol Awareness, World Diplomacy, and Time Traveling belt loops. Stephen Curry has earned his Nuclear Physics, Rain Gutter Cleaning, and Pokemon belt loops. Shaquille O'Neal has earned. ..."

Two hours later, when Wallace finally finished, the crowd erupted into their favorite cheer, the Seal of Approval, which consists of clapping one's elbows together and shouting "Arp, Arp, Arp!"

Akela Jackson then returned to the court and announced that there was one more very special award to give and invited Lebron James and his mother to come forward. "This is the highest award bestowed by the WFBL pack, the Exceeding Beneficial Player Award! This award includes an attractive statue and a pin for you to pin on your mother, Lebron."

After the obligatory comment that they should really be giving the statue to the mom and the pin to Lebron, Jackson said, "Now, there's one more requirement before you can have this award: you have to give your mother a big kiss." Lebron, somewhat self-consciously, kissed his mother lightly on the cheek and then held the trophy high over his head, while the crowd stood and did the Watermelon cheer by pretending to eat a big watermelon and spit out the seeds. (Afterwards, the Philo T. Farnsworth Center custodial crew called Jackson and asked that this cheer be banned, pointing out how disgusting it is to clean up 20,000 mouths full of imaginary watermelon seeds.)

As Lebron and his mom returned to their seats, Jackson explained, "There actually is one more requirement Lebron must fulfill to earn that EBP award. He must lead his team to the WFBL playoffs. But as a Scout Committee we saw that he only needed to win one more game to fulfill that requirement, and when it was pointed out that his last game was against the SnowBees tonight, we felt safe giving him the award before the game." The crowd nodded in agreement, including several of the SnowBees.

Turns out it was a safe assumption, because the Trojans defeated the SnowBees handily, earning Rigby their first trip to the playoffs in three years and validating Lebron's EBP. Next month, the Trojan den will be working on their World Domination belt loops, the first requirement being to defeat the Twin Falls Gators in Round One of the WFBL Playoffs.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 4, Underdogs 3, Unclaimed 2

Sundancers 6, Gators 3

Kings 6, Butchers 3

Iguanas 5, Abominables 3, Both 1

Jai-Rai 6, Tigers 3

Week 19 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Salt Lake SnowBees 3 (37%)

Rigby Trojans 5 (63%)

Week 18 EBP:

Andrew Bogut, Salt Lake—6 votes (66% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Mar 5-11, 2007

First-class stamp: $0.39

Average movie ticket price: $6.88

#1 Song:"This Is Why I'm Hot"—Mims
#1 Movie: "300"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 19 from 2007 (Mar 5-11). Hard to believe there was a time when two-time EBP LeBron James was a SnowBee. He must have been the driving force behind numerous championship runs for Salt Lake, right? Wrong, as this excerpt proves.

WEEK NINETEEN, MAR 5-11, 2007

SnowBee Cut-outs Fail to Slow Down Zermatt

SALT LAKE CITY (AP)—Coming into the rubber match against the Zermatt Abominables, Salt Lake SnowBees owner Ted "Beekeeper" Barnes predicted that if his team could "show up and play our game," they might be able to steal one from the A-boms. Well, it didn't quite work out that way, but thanks to the UPS and their same-day delivery, they did manage to mail in an effort that at least avoided the team's second-ever 0-9 shutout.

Just before tipoff, one of those big brown trucks pulled up to the SnowHive at Mr. Mac Arena, and a trim, muscular UPS man clad in brown shorts strode up to halfcourt with a brown paper package, tied up with strings. Zermatt forward Kevin Garnett, noting that this was one of his favorite things, eagerly tore open the package and found life-size cutouts of the five SnowBee regular starters posed in various defensive positions: Jermaine "SnowPlow" O'Neal fouling someone, Jason Kidd running to catch up with his man, LeBron "The Pollinator" James complaining to an official, and David West trotting leisurely upcourt. Tracy McGrady was shown shooting a three-pointer, since he doesn't really have a defensive position, per se.

Officials set up the cutouts in various positions on the court, and the game began. Zermatt, of course, had little trouble winning most categories, but the SnowBees did manage fewer turnovers than the A-boms, a fact that may convince the Beekeeper to mail it in for future matchups, such as next week's series with Twin Falls.

The Abominables now have their sights set on the regular season title, as Zermatt meets los Iguanas de Maracaibo in a winner-probably-takes-all-unless-they-don't matchup for the ages.

Week 18 Power Rankings

.
Where Playoff Tickets Are Punched

While all of this week's matchups have playoff implications, only Salt Lake vs Rigby could result in the winning team making the playoffs and the losing team going home.

Remember all those weeks when your team lost a category by one assist or a hundreth of a percentage point, and you convinced yourself this one category wasn't going to affect the grand scheme of things? Well, you were wrong. It's the last week of the season. Playoff births and seeding will be determined by the slimmest of margins. Just think how nice that extra cushion would be had you gotten those two extra assists back in Week 3.

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 83-65-5
Collison! Foye! Blatche! Gasol! No, the other Gasol! Even as they trot out a starting lineup like this to face the second place Igs, the A-Boms are still all but assured their fourth consecutive first round bye.

2 (5) 86-63-4

Apparently the old adage "As goes Wade, so go the Sundancers" doesn't apply when playing the U-Dogs. With Wade out resting his sore calf, Park City destroyed St. George anyway to reclaim the Wasatch driver's seat.

3 (1) 82-65-6
After giving up 5 games in the standings to the Sundancers in a single week, Twin Falls needs to beat Park City 6-3 to tie for the Wasatch crown. They would then claim the tiebreaker by virtue of their head-to-head record.

4 (3) 78-70-5
It would take a 7-2 Iguana victory to wrestle the World Crown away from Zermatt, also thanks to a head-to-head tiebreaker. Did we mention Randy Foye is starting for the A-Boms this week?

5 (4) 74-74-5
No pressure, but if Rigby blows it now, they wouldn't just miss the playoffs. LeBron could lose the EBP trophy that his name is already being etched on, and the Trojans would be a shoo-in for most disappointing team.

6 (7) 73-78-2
Better late than never, Salt Lake is finally making their long-promised playoff push. With their league leading win streak now at 4, the SnowBees are in position to steal the final playoff spot from Rigby with a 6-3 win.

7 (10) 76-76-1
With a half game lead over New York and Boshless Bayside coming to town, Udorn has a decided advantage. But it seems nothing has come easy for the Jai-Rai this year.

8 (6) 74-75-4
It's simple. New York needs to be one half game better than Udorn this week (they own the head-to-head tiebreaker). Open the gates and seize the day! Don't be afraid and don't delay! Neighbor to neighbor, father to son, one for all and all for one!

9 (8) 70-80-3
True, Nephi can sneak into the playoffs if they beat St. George 9-0 and Salt Lake beats Rigby 6-3, but that seems a little improbable. Still, stranger things have happened... like sweeping Twin Falls and Zermatt by a combined total of 24-11-1.

10 (9) 72-77-4
Richmond also needs a little help. They can crash the playoff party with a 5-3-1 win over New York and a 6-3 Bayside win over Udorn. Or, if a 4-5 Bayside loss seems more likely, they could try to beat New York 7-1-1.

11 (11) 65-85-3
It is strangely fitting that the only way the U-Dogs can affect the playoff race at this point is by losing 9-0. It's been that kind of season.


12 (12) 62-87-4
Playoffs? Don't talk about playoffs! You kidding me? Playoffs? The Tigers just hope they can win a game! P.S. They are who we thought they were.


So, who do you think makes it in? Also, don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 18's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 10

.

Durant, 'Dancers Top Trojans With Points, Poetry


















If you're impressed with Kevin Durant's limericks, you should check out his tweets.

PARK CITY (AP)—Any Sundancer will tell you that one of the most frustrating things about this season has been losing close games they could have won. For Kevin Durant, their 5-4 loss to Rigby in Week 2 was especially hard to take.

"After losing such a close one, then having to hear all the hype about crappy Redickulous... I just grabbed my pen and paper. You know, I'm only truly happy when I'm writing poetry."

So, after avenging that early season loss with a 5-4 win over Rigby this week, it was only fitting that the whole team assembled at Robert Redford's private lodge for a special reading from Durant. It went a little something like this:

There once was a team from Rigby
Who hosted the squad from Park City
They started Redick and Duhon
While Boozer said "EH MON!"
And they pulled out the 5 to 4 vict'ry

Well the 'Dancers didn't take too kindly
To being put into rhymes so slightly
They looked ahead to week ten
When they could play them again
And beat those Trojans outrightly

The 'Dancers were led by Durant and Wade
While LeBron fronted the Trojan parade
40 from Durant was sure great
Until LeBron said: "How about 48?"
As the crowd looked on dismayed

Durant and LeBron traded blow for blow
Exchanging the lead to and fro
Rigby struggled hitting a three
But Park City said: "Here's the ball for free"
'Til it came down to the last whistle blow

In the final moments the Dancers led 5-4
LeBron said: "The ball once more!"
But when he clanked the winning three
The crowd chanted: "Durant for EBP!"
And the Trojans were shown the door

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Tigers 4

Jai-Rai 6, Butchers 3

Stratagem 6, Gators 3

SnowBees 5, Underdogs 4

Kings 7, Iguanas 2

Week 10 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Park City Sundancers 1 (25%)

Rigby Trojans 3 (75%)

Week 9 EBP:

Steve Nash, New York—7 votes (70% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Dec 26-Jan 1, 2005-06

Gallon of gas: $3.10

Gallon of milk: $2.50

#1 Song: "Don't Forget About Us"—Mariah Carey

#1 Movie: "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 7 (which would have been Week 10 had the league started on time) from 2005-06 (Dec 26-Jan 1). The WFBL was still getting its feet wet, especially when it came their relationship with the League's beat reporters. It was much more difficult to get a story back then, and this encounter between the AP and Tim Duncan highlights that fact. At least Timmy offered to foot the bill.

WEEK SEVEN, DEC 26-JAN 1, 2005-06

Queen Bee Wants to Beat U-Dogs and Their “Pajama-Like” Uniforms

The Associated Press recently sat down with Tim “Queen Bee” Duncan at a local Dairy Queen for this exclusive one-on-one interview.

AP: So, “Queen Bee”—can I call you that?

TD: That or T-Dunc. I go by either.

AP: How does it feel to be the fledgling WFBL’s first EBP who doesn’t get mentioned in the league’s weekly press release, “This Week in the WFBL”?

TD: What’s an EBP?

AP: It’s kind of equivalent to the MVP of the now-defunct NBA.

TD: MVP...That stood for...

AP: Most Valuable Player.

TD: Right. Hey, would you like more fry sauce?

AP: Sure. So, anyway, how did that feel?

TD: Being an MVP?

AP: EBP. And then not getting mentioned—

TD: Oh, yeah. I really didn’t notice.

AP: There are some who believe that you were slighted because of the personal biases of Commissioner Ben Barnes.
TD: Ben who?

AP: He’s the commissioner of the fledgling WFBL and, interestingly, the owner and coach of the Magna Township Underdogs, your next opponent.

TD: Oh. You spilled some chocolate syrup on your lapel.

AP: Thanks.

TD: No problem.

AP: So, is it safe to say that there’s some bad blood between you and the U-dogs’ owner that could rear its ugly head in this week’s matchup?

TD: No, I wouldn’t say that.

AP: Oh. Well, wouldn’t you at least say that you’ll be up for this game?

TD: Yes, that I would say.

AP: And couldn’t one conjecture that the reason you will be up for this game has something to do with your relationship with Barnes?

TD: Ted Barnes?

AP: No, Ben Barnes.

TD: Who was he again?

AP: Um, never mind. Maybe one reason you’ll be up for this game is because it’s the first-ever matchup between Rasheed “Snowflake” Wallace and Kobe “Mamba” Bryant since Mamba forced Wallace out of town.

TD: He did? I didn’t know that.

AP: Sure he did. An anonymous source said so Sunday from his Underdogs’ team headquarters in Logan.

TD: Really!

AP: So, could one say that the Snowflake-Mamba matchup is one that has you really motivated for this week?

TD: You mean, you want to print a story on that, and you’d really like a statement from me to that effect?

AP: Yes, please.

TD: No.

AP: Couldn’t you at least say that the general public will be interested in such a matchup?

TD: Well, you know, the funny thing about this league is that players don’t really “matchup” with each other in the traditional sense. Our guys will play their games, and the other guys will play theirs, and you could actually go all week without Mamba and ‘Sheed ever even seeing each other.

AP: But, supposing they do, what would be your prediction?

TD: Snowflake would win.

AP: No, I mean would they shake hands, ignore each other, get into a fistfight, or hug and kiss each other like they used to do when they were teammates?

TD: That’s what you want to write your article about?

AP: Oh, yeah! That’s what everybody is dying to know.

TD: Are they only dying to know it because that’s what you always write about? Do you think the fans might care a little bit more about the actual game if you knew enough about basketball to actually write something intelligent about it?

AP: Maybe. So, what do you think about the ‘Dogs’ new unis?

TD: I think they look like pajamas.

AP: Really?! Can I quote you on that?

TD: Sure.

AP: Would you say you’re particularly motivated for this week’s matchup because you think the Dogs’ unis look like pajamas?

TD: No, I wouldn’t say that.

AP: But one might speculate that this is the case.

TD: I suppose I can’t stop you from speculating.

AP: Thanks. This has been really useful.

TD: Anytime. Please, allow me to pay for your Peanut Buster Parfait.

AP: I thought you’d never ask.

Truman Barnes contributed to this article.

Week 9 Power Rankings

.
Where we ponder "should auld acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?" Seriously, what the heck does that mean?

In a rematch of the "haiku" series, Park City hopes to counter Rigby with the limericks of Kevin Durant.

As we reach the season's halfway point, it's time to participate in that grand old tradition of making resolutions for the New Year. Shaq wants to drop a few pounds. LeBron wants some teammates. And Commissioner Barnes wants a shiny new Commissioner Barnes Trophy for his oversized mantle. Um, what else is new?

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 44-33-4
Establish a new identity. Twin Falls has won five straight and owns the best record in the league, yet all anyone wants to talk about is Kobe. Maybe it's time Tim Duncan did something crazy, like hit the town with Tiger Woods.


2 (3) 42-38-1
A toast to Marcus Camby's health. As Camby sits on the bench for the first time this year with a hyper-extended knee, Richmond has to be wondering if the half a season that Camby is typically good for has already come and gone.


3 (5) 41-38-2
Trade everyone, sans Chris Paul. Zermatt once again leads the league in transactions by a substantial margin, including two trades in the last week. Who wants to bet a content Commish will be carefully inserting the final piece of his dream squad come playoff time?

4 (9) 42-37-2

Shoot the ball better. Park City shot over 50% for the first time all season last week as they thoroughly dominated Udorn. Dwyane Wade remains the key. When he flashes last year's EBP runner-up form, the 'Dancers win.


5 (2) 42-37-2
Start a new win streak. After winning four in a row and holding the top spot in the power rankings for three weeks, the Trojans have dropped two straight. It doesn't get any easier as they face Park City, Twin Falls, Richmond and Maracaibo over the next month.

6 (4) 39-39-3
Give Shawn Marion another shot. The once great star has been riding the pine since week 3. That would have been unheard of in the salad days of 2007-08, right Kanye?


7 (6) 41-36-4
Change their lineup. A healthy Andre Igoudala has been on the bench for the last three weeks while Andrei Kirilenko has guided the team to a 12-14-1 mark in his stead. Are the Iguanas coming down with a case of Bayside-itis?


8 (10) 36-42-3
Never ever let Steve Nash leave, ever! Some in the organization are starting to worry that owner TJ Barnes is a becoming a little too obsessed, keeping Nash chained up in his basement on off days and watching him while he sleeps.


9 (7) 38-43-0
Install bionic implants in Danny Granger's foot. The sooner Granger returns—and the longer it is before Ersan Ilyasova ever sniffs the starting lineup again—the better it will be for the Jai Rai.


10 (8) 39-41-1
Come up with more interesting excuses for losing. Everyone's getting kind of tired of "Jose has a sore hip" and "Dirk doesn't like putting his shoulder to the wheel." How about "Aliens kidnapped Pau Gasol then lost him because they couldn't tell him apart from their own kind."

11 (12) 34-44-3
Rewatch the 2006-07 Concludings highlights DVD. Better look to the past glory, because it's pretty clear that "Lachowsky Ball" just isn't going to work in the league's current competitive landscape.

12 (11) L 35-45-1
Beat Twin Falls again. As Nephi continues to drift out of the playoff picture, sweeping the current #1 team and putting an end to the longest win streak of the season would be akin to a Concludings victory.

What do you think? What would you have your team's New Year's Resolution be? Let us know in the comments. And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 9's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 8

.

Trojans', Gators' "Spud State Showdown" Escalates into Dance-Off

RIGBY (Jefferson Star)—In one of the most highly-anticipated games of the season, the Twin Falls Gators withstood a late rally by Week 7 EBP LeBron James to squeak past the top-ranked Rigby Trojans by the score of 5-3-1. The "Spud State Showdown", as the matchup will henceforth be known (WFBL officials concluded that the inter-state rivalry finally earned a moniker, since Rigby is actually good now), lived up to its billing as a battle of arguably the two best teams in not only the Wasatch Conference, but the entire WFBL. And, as tends to happen with most rivalries, leg one of the "Showdown" carried over to some off the court extra-curriculars.

"I looked over there at the end of the game, and I saw Duncan doin' a jig," said LeBron James, who was 17 pts and 1 block away from retaining the top spot in the Power Rankings. "That's not only disrespectful and unsportsmanlike, but I'm offended as a performer that a jig is the best he could come up with. So when the horn sounded, I challenged the Gators to a dance-off."

Never one to back down from a challenge, Duncan grabbed David West, Rashard Lewis, Deron Williams and coach Shaun Adams—the "best dancers on this team, by far. You should see coach's twirls. It's an inspiration," said Duncan—and met the Trojans dance troupe—LeBron, Boozer, Brook Lopez, Vince Carter, and coach Nathan Wallace—in the back alley behind Farnsworth Center.

"Alright gentlemen, you know the rules," said referee David Bowie. "You each get one routine. So make it your best!" The Gators took to the floor first:

Then the Trojans, despite fervent pleas from LeBron's friend Billy Zane, rebutted:

This reporter was there that night, and I'll eat my hat if I ever see a better display of athletic prowess combined with Holiday Cheer. Even David Bowie was speechless. The Gators may have won the Spud State Showdown, but who won the Dance-Off? Make sure to vote on the left!

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Iguanas 4

Jai-Rai 6, Tigers 3

SnowBees 6, Stratagem 3

Underdogs 6, Sundancers 3

Butchers 5, Kings 4

Week 8 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Twin Falls Gators 2 (40%)

Rigby Trojans 3 (60%)

Week 7 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—5 votes (55% of vote)

________________________________________________________

Fun Facts: Dec 17-23, 2007

Gallon of gas: $3.10

Gallon of milk: $2.50

#1 Song: "No One"—Alicia Keys

#1 Movie: "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 8 from 2007 (Dec 17-23). 'Twas the season to be jolly, and what says Christmas more than Jay-Z? Now a time-honored WFBL holiday tradition, the Jigga-man graciously offered a freestyle take on 'Twas the Night Before Christmas—WFBL recap-style, naturally.

WEEK EIGHT, DEC 17-23, 2007

Happy Holidays from the WFBL and Special Musical Guest Jay-Z

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the League
Not a game had been played that was lacking intrigue.
The U-Dogs and Butchers had played to a tie,
St. George wanted vict'ry, Richmond wouldn't comply.

The U-Dogs were nestled all snug in first place,
While visions of winning streaks danced on their face.
But the Butchers and Jefferson would not relent ,
And St. George must recognize whom Richmond represents.

Meanwhile in Salt Lake, there arose such a clatter,
As the SnowBees served New York a warm beat-down platter.
The Kings played abysmal, that much can be said,
As Leandro Barbosa rained threes on their head.

Then down south in 'Caibo, the Tigers were toast
LeBron and th'Iguanas, to a win they did coast.
When, what to the Tigers' misfortune appeared?
But a 5 to 4 loss, despite Baron's neck beard.

Then a little old scrapper from Nephi, Utah,
Played in a match that did not end in draw.
"Thank goodness for Rigby," Monta Ellis exclaimed,
"A loss to the Trojans makes any ashamed.

"Now Johnson! now, Williams! now, Camby and Gooden!
On, AK! Oh, Stupid! Your play is so wooden!
To the depths of the standings! to the depths of them all!"
Now Ellis cried out, "Y'all can't even ball!"

Meanwhile, in a twinkling, ends Park City's quest,
At the hands of the Jai-Rai to be the League's best.
Well perhaps not the best, but at least playoff-bound,
Was the hope of the Dancers, who at least can rebound.

But field goals and free throws? That's just not their thing,
Nor points, blocks and TOs, categories that sting.
For Park City's future, here's a fun little twist,
For the first time all season, they had more assists.

But what of the A-Boms, those jolly old yetis?
You'd laugh if you saw them, so much fur and so sweaty!
On Saturday night 5 to 4 Zermatt led,
But a man named the Mamba gave Zermatt such dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the baskets, I hate that big jerk.
And laying his finger aloft in the air,
Which finger was raised? That I need not declare!

Kobe sprang to the hoop, to his team gave a whistle,
The Gators gave Zermatt a 5-4 dismissal.
But I heard Kobe yell, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Sportscenter is next, please watch my highlight!"

Look for this year's edition of this holiday classic in next week's TWIWFBL!