Week 9 Power Rankings

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Where we ponder "should auld acquaintance be forgot, and auld lang syne?" Seriously, what the heck does that mean?

In a rematch of the "haiku" series, Park City hopes to counter Rigby with the limericks of Kevin Durant.

As we reach the season's halfway point, it's time to participate in that grand old tradition of making resolutions for the New Year. Shaq wants to drop a few pounds. LeBron wants some teammates. And Commissioner Barnes wants a shiny new Commissioner Barnes Trophy for his oversized mantle. Um, what else is new?

Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 44-33-4
Establish a new identity. Twin Falls has won five straight and owns the best record in the league, yet all anyone wants to talk about is Kobe. Maybe it's time Tim Duncan did something crazy, like hit the town with Tiger Woods.


2 (3) 42-38-1
A toast to Marcus Camby's health. As Camby sits on the bench for the first time this year with a hyper-extended knee, Richmond has to be wondering if the half a season that Camby is typically good for has already come and gone.


3 (5) 41-38-2
Trade everyone, sans Chris Paul. Zermatt once again leads the league in transactions by a substantial margin, including two trades in the last week. Who wants to bet a content Commish will be carefully inserting the final piece of his dream squad come playoff time?

4 (9) 42-37-2

Shoot the ball better. Park City shot over 50% for the first time all season last week as they thoroughly dominated Udorn. Dwyane Wade remains the key. When he flashes last year's EBP runner-up form, the 'Dancers win.


5 (2) 42-37-2
Start a new win streak. After winning four in a row and holding the top spot in the power rankings for three weeks, the Trojans have dropped two straight. It doesn't get any easier as they face Park City, Twin Falls, Richmond and Maracaibo over the next month.

6 (4) 39-39-3
Give Shawn Marion another shot. The once great star has been riding the pine since week 3. That would have been unheard of in the salad days of 2007-08, right Kanye?


7 (6) 41-36-4
Change their lineup. A healthy Andre Igoudala has been on the bench for the last three weeks while Andrei Kirilenko has guided the team to a 12-14-1 mark in his stead. Are the Iguanas coming down with a case of Bayside-itis?


8 (10) 36-42-3
Never ever let Steve Nash leave, ever! Some in the organization are starting to worry that owner TJ Barnes is a becoming a little too obsessed, keeping Nash chained up in his basement on off days and watching him while he sleeps.


9 (7) 38-43-0
Install bionic implants in Danny Granger's foot. The sooner Granger returns—and the longer it is before Ersan Ilyasova ever sniffs the starting lineup again—the better it will be for the Jai Rai.


10 (8) 39-41-1
Come up with more interesting excuses for losing. Everyone's getting kind of tired of "Jose has a sore hip" and "Dirk doesn't like putting his shoulder to the wheel." How about "Aliens kidnapped Pau Gasol then lost him because they couldn't tell him apart from their own kind."

11 (12) 34-44-3
Rewatch the 2006-07 Concludings highlights DVD. Better look to the past glory, because it's pretty clear that "Lachowsky Ball" just isn't going to work in the league's current competitive landscape.

12 (11) L 35-45-1
Beat Twin Falls again. As Nephi continues to drift out of the playoff picture, sweeping the current #1 team and putting an end to the longest win streak of the season would be akin to a Concludings victory.

What do you think? What would you have your team's New Year's Resolution be? Let us know in the comments. And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 9's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 9

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'Twas the Week After Christmas


























'Twas the week after Christmas, and back one more time
Is our Holiday habit of busting a rhyme.
The presents are opened, the food done got eat,
And old, dried up Christmas trees lie in the street.

"Which player's better? LeBron or Chris Paul?"
Was the question to be settled once and for all.
As Rigby played Zermatt, the reply from Coach Ben:
"You've got the best player, but I have the win!"

Then down in the VA, the Stratagem battled,
They fought for their lives, but boy they seemed rattled.
It's not a mistake, please don't repair your TV,
That was just a turd sandwich, courtesy: Dunleavy.

And speaking of feces, what's the deal with Salt Lake?
A huge loss to Bayside, is that not a mistake?
We're waiting, dear SnowBees, for that "championship run"
We keep hearing about, but it looks like you're done.

A battle of brothers took place in the Big Apple
The U-Dogs and Kings in a Christmas week grapple.
With New York the victor, St George needn't pout,
From the playoffs the U-Dogs are but 2.5 out.

This year from the 'Dancers, it's all been a tease,
For with Wade and Durant, wins should trickle with ease.
But lo! Finally! They lived up to their billing,
And massacred Udorn—a grand Christmas killing.

It was Gators and Igs in our Game of the Week,
Hopkins team's in a slump, and Twin Falls at their peak.
In a year where it seems every team may be dancing,
It's the Gators who revel in league-wide de-pantsing.

For the first time in hist'ry, the Gators compete
Sans Kobe Bean Bryant—that phony old cheat.
If they were like presents, "Twin Falls Now" is much better
New Gators: a Wii; Old Gators: a sweater.

"Thanks for nothing," says Adams, "we're doing just grand,
At the top of the rankings the Gators now stand."
Then Kobe the fool, from his mouth he did blurt:
"This is dumb and I hate you! Someone's gonna get hurt!

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Trojans 4

Sundancers 7, Jai-Rai 2

Tigers 6, SnowBees 3

Kings 5, Underdogs 4

Butchers 5, Stratagem 4

Week 9 Spud State Showdown Dance-Off Voting Results:

Rigby Trojans 7 (77%)

Twin Falls Gators 2 (22%)

Week 9 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Twin Falls Gators 6 (75%)

Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 2 (25%)

Week 8 EBP:

Tie: Chris Paul, Zermatt—3 votes (42% of vote)

Zach Randolph, Udorn—3 votes (42% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Dec 24-30, 2007

Gallon of gas: $3.10

Gallon of milk: $2.50

#1 Song: "No One"—Alicia Keys

#1 Movie: "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 9 from 2007 (Dec 24-30). The U-Dogs were rolling along with their 8-week unbeaten streak, with nothing to give the impression that said streak would be ending anytime soon. But they weren't counting on older brother TJ and the New York Kings.

WEEK NINE, DEC 24-30, 2007

Kings Prove U-Dogs to be Vincible

ST GEORGE (AP)—Through the first eight weeks of the season, the St. George Underdogs appeared to be unbeatable, if not untieable.

After a league-record eight-week non-losing streak gave them a comfortable first-place lead (and a record-tying 4 hyphenated words in one introductory clause), the Underdogs were suddenly and unexpectedly brought back to earth with a 4-5 loss to big brother TJ and his otherwise hapless New York Kings.

"We kept hearing all week about how St. George is invincible," said Kings guard Steve Nash, who almost single-handedly out-assisted the entire U-Dog team (51 to 54). "Well, I think we've shown that they can be vinced, at least by us, if not by any other team in the league." In their almost year-and-a-half history, the franchise from New York has never lost to the Underdogs.

Despite this moderate setback, U-Dog management does not seem worried, at least, not worried enough to dismantle the starting lineup, which now includes only four healthy, participating players.

"I think we all like the way the lineup is currently mantled," said Manu Ginobili, who does not speak English natively and is not one of the aforementioned healthy players. "Even though we lost, I'd say everything is still in a state of total array. I mean, why disrupt a lineup that got you into first place? I hope Coach Truman keeps this lineup rupted just as he has all season."

Ginobili, it seems, has nothing to worry about, because Truman does not seem too disappointed about last week's lost. You might even say he seems very appointed.

"I'm just still being happy," he said when asked how he felt about losing for the first time all year. "I have a lot of wins, you know. TJ can have some now. I'm just thinking about the other guy."

Some people would argue that it was this kind of nonchalant attitude that caused the U-Dogs winning streak to suddenly turn into a two-week non-winning streak (including a tie to Richmond in week 8). One of those people is star forward Shawn Marion. "I think we definitely need to work on being more chalant," he said. "A lot of guys in this locker room don't seem very disgruntled about losing to New York. But I, for one, am not gruntled at all."

Could it be that the U-Dogs' first brush with adversity this season will lead to discord among the players? "No," Marion insists. "There's still plenty of cord on our team. We just need to remain sheveled and keep moving in a gainly way."

Luckily for St. George, they only play the Kings once more this season, so finishing with a two-loss record seems very doable. Oh, yeah, and they play some other teams too, so I guess there's an outside chance they might lose one of those games.

The U-Dogs bounced back nicely, winning their next four, but then went 4-4 down the stretch, capped by a 1-8 loss in the Wasatch Conference Concludings. Safe to say the U-Dogs were plenty disheveled.

Week 8 Power Rankings

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Dishin' It Out: Holiday Catering from the WFBL

Last week's Game of the Week featured 1 vs. 2, and that's cool and everything. But THIS week's matchup has two reptile-themed teams facing off. Name another professional sports league where that happens EVER! Now all it needs is a cool nickname like the Spud State Showdown got. Some possibilities that come immediately to mind include "The Cold-Blooded Brawl" or "The Crocodilia Contest" or "The Reptilia Rumble."

It's just a few days before Christmas; you're enjoying some well-deserved time off--perhaps you are watching one of your 30 or 40 favorite college football bowl games, such as the Les Olson Copy Machine Bowl Presented by Fisher Price, featuring an intriguing matchup between Middle Tennessee State and Central Tennessee A&M—when all of a sudden, your wife reminds you that 72 of her relatives are coming over for dinner in less than half an hour, and you (being the sensitive, enlightened husband that you are), agreed to cook tonight. What are you going to do? The same thing you always do in emergencies like this: you're going to think to yourself, "Can the WFBL help me in this situation?" and "Would I be willing to pay money for such help?"

Well, the answer of course is yes, the WFBL can help, and yes, you will be expected to pay. All you have to do is pick up the phone and call Dishin' It Out, the new holiday catering arm of the WFBL, featuring culinary delights (see menu below) prepared and served by your favorite WFBL players, all for the low, low price of $2,799.95, which, considering how desperate you are, is very reasonable.


Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (2) 39-29-4
"Uncle Tim's Christmas Stuffing. An original recipe from Gators big man Tim Duncan. Coincidentally, Uncle Tim did a lot of "stuffing" of the Rigby Trojans last week, blocking 10 shots to help his team to a 5-3-1 victory. So, as you can see, it's appropriate that Duncan would provide the stuffing. Almost as if it was planned that way.

2 (1) 38-32-2
Uncle Brook's Thick 'n' Chunky Turkey Gravy. Guaranteed to stick to your ribs like one of Brook Lopez's elbows.


3 (5) 37-34-1
Uncle Melo's Frosted Snowballs. Mini cream-filled cakes prepared by Carmelo Anthony. That white, powdery substance covering the cakes? Why, that's powdered sugar, of course! What did you think it was?

4 (6) 35-34-3
Uncle Dwight's Tangy Meatballs. Served in person by U-Dog center Dwight Howard, who will stand 15 feet away from your guest's table and attempt to toss the meatballs onto his or her plate. If he misses, he'll get his own rebound (usually before the meatball touches the floor), and attempt a higher-percentage shot, such as a slam dunk or a layup off your guest's chest.

5 (7) 36-34-2
Uncle Chris's Iguana Stew. After the way A-Bom guard Chris Paul carved up Maracaibo last week (76 points, 54 assists, 8 steals, perfect free-throwing), there was plenty of Iguana meat available for this popular dish. Served with Saltine crackers that Paul saved during his recent several-week hospital stay.

6 (3) 37-31-4
Tio Hugo's Loyalty Mush. Despite the current economic crisis and the need to conserve resources for essential military endeavors, the benevolent dictator and supreme ruler (long may he reign) Hugo Chavez has graciously made three kilos of cornmeal available for your Christmas feast, to be mixed with water and rationed equally among your guests. We will all partake with grateful hearts, proud to be thus supporting the glorious cause of the State.

7 (8) 36-36-0
Uncle Kobe's Roast Tiger. Kobe Bryant, who plays for the Jai-Rai but is really bigger than any one team, prepared this entree during last week's slaughter of Bayside. He did it, by the way, while nursing a broken finger and an itch on his nose. He's sooo dreamy! He also had flu-like symptoms all week. But don't worry: he remembered to cough into his elbow.

8 (9) 36-35-1
Uncle Pau's Kung Pao Chicken. Prepared exclusively with Pampered Chef cutlery (including the new Bamboo Knife Block Set, only $415.00) and cookware (such as the Large Micro-cooker®, $10.50) and served on Medium Square Plates with Cranberry Accent ($34.00 for a set of two). For more information, please contact Pau Gasol, Pampered Chef Consultant. "Discover the Chef in You."

9 (4) 35-35-2

Uncle Stephen's Curry Chicken, served with Uncle Kevin's Currant Sauce. Here's hoping that Uncle Stephen and Uncle Kevin's cooking skills are better than their combined assist-to-turnover ratio against St. George last week (an unsavory 0.9).

10 (11) 32-37-3
Uncle Steve's "Nashed" Potatoes. For an additional $500, Kings guard Steve Nash will demonstrate how he uses his bare feet to mash the potatoes, which were carefully selected to resemble the faces of point guards of opposing teams.

11 (10) 31-40-1
Tio Luis's Hot 'n' Spicy Hot Cocoa. Strats forward Luis Scola presents an old family recipe from his native Spanish-speaking country. As everybody knows, people who speak Spanish put jalapeno peppers in everything. That's why they talk so fast.

12 (12) 28-41-3
Uncle Baron's Flatbread Cookies. As flat as Baron Davis's jumpers, which in last week's 3-6 loss to Udorn missed about 66% of the time. Oh, and another way flatbread is like Baron's shot: both are often stuffed.

What's your favorite WFBL dish? Let us know in the comments. And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 8's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 8

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Trojans', Gators' "Spud State Showdown" Escalates into Dance-Off

RIGBY (Jefferson Star)—In one of the most highly-anticipated games of the season, the Twin Falls Gators withstood a late rally by Week 7 EBP LeBron James to squeak past the top-ranked Rigby Trojans by the score of 5-3-1. The "Spud State Showdown", as the matchup will henceforth be known (WFBL officials concluded that the inter-state rivalry finally earned a moniker, since Rigby is actually good now), lived up to its billing as a battle of arguably the two best teams in not only the Wasatch Conference, but the entire WFBL. And, as tends to happen with most rivalries, leg one of the "Showdown" carried over to some off the court extra-curriculars.

"I looked over there at the end of the game, and I saw Duncan doin' a jig," said LeBron James, who was 17 pts and 1 block away from retaining the top spot in the Power Rankings. "That's not only disrespectful and unsportsmanlike, but I'm offended as a performer that a jig is the best he could come up with. So when the horn sounded, I challenged the Gators to a dance-off."

Never one to back down from a challenge, Duncan grabbed David West, Rashard Lewis, Deron Williams and coach Shaun Adams—the "best dancers on this team, by far. You should see coach's twirls. It's an inspiration," said Duncan—and met the Trojans dance troupe—LeBron, Boozer, Brook Lopez, Vince Carter, and coach Nathan Wallace—in the back alley behind Farnsworth Center.

"Alright gentlemen, you know the rules," said referee David Bowie. "You each get one routine. So make it your best!" The Gators took to the floor first:

Then the Trojans, despite fervent pleas from LeBron's friend Billy Zane, rebutted:

This reporter was there that night, and I'll eat my hat if I ever see a better display of athletic prowess combined with Holiday Cheer. Even David Bowie was speechless. The Gators may have won the Spud State Showdown, but who won the Dance-Off? Make sure to vote on the left!

Around the WFBL

Abominables 5, Iguanas 4

Jai-Rai 6, Tigers 3

SnowBees 6, Stratagem 3

Underdogs 6, Sundancers 3

Butchers 5, Kings 4

Week 8 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Twin Falls Gators 2 (40%)

Rigby Trojans 3 (60%)

Week 7 EBP:

LeBron James, Rigby—5 votes (55% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Dec 17-23, 2007

Gallon of gas: $3.10

Gallon of milk: $2.50

#1 Song: "No One"—Alicia Keys

#1 Movie: "National Treasure: Book of Secrets"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 8 from 2007 (Dec 17-23). 'Twas the season to be jolly, and what says Christmas more than Jay-Z? Now a time-honored WFBL holiday tradition, the Jigga-man graciously offered a freestyle take on 'Twas the Night Before Christmas—WFBL recap-style, naturally.

WEEK EIGHT, DEC 17-23, 2007

Happy Holidays from the WFBL and Special Musical Guest Jay-Z

'TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the League
Not a game had been played that was lacking intrigue.
The U-Dogs and Butchers had played to a tie,
St. George wanted vict'ry, Richmond wouldn't comply.

The U-Dogs were nestled all snug in first place,
While visions of winning streaks danced on their face.
But the Butchers and Jefferson would not relent ,
And St. George must recognize whom Richmond represents.

Meanwhile in Salt Lake, there arose such a clatter,
As the SnowBees served New York a warm beat-down platter.
The Kings played abysmal, that much can be said,
As Leandro Barbosa rained threes on their head.

Then down south in 'Caibo, the Tigers were toast
LeBron and th'Iguanas, to a win they did coast.
When, what to the Tigers' misfortune appeared?
But a 5 to 4 loss, despite Baron's neck beard.

Then a little old scrapper from Nephi, Utah,
Played in a match that did not end in draw.
"Thank goodness for Rigby," Monta Ellis exclaimed,
"A loss to the Trojans makes any ashamed.

"Now Johnson! now, Williams! now, Camby and Gooden!
On, AK! Oh, Stupid! Your play is so wooden!
To the depths of the standings! to the depths of them all!"
Now Ellis cried out, "Y'all can't even ball!"

Meanwhile, in a twinkling, ends Park City's quest,
At the hands of the Jai-Rai to be the League's best.
Well perhaps not the best, but at least playoff-bound,
Was the hope of the Dancers, who at least can rebound.

But field goals and free throws? That's just not their thing,
Nor points, blocks and TOs, categories that sting.
For Park City's future, here's a fun little twist,
For the first time all season, they had more assists.

But what of the A-Boms, those jolly old yetis?
You'd laugh if you saw them, so much fur and so sweaty!
On Saturday night 5 to 4 Zermatt led,
But a man named the Mamba gave Zermatt such dread.

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And filled all the baskets, I hate that big jerk.
And laying his finger aloft in the air,
Which finger was raised? That I need not declare!

Kobe sprang to the hoop, to his team gave a whistle,
The Gators gave Zermatt a 5-4 dismissal.
But I heard Kobe yell, ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Sportscenter is next, please watch my highlight!"

Look for this year's edition of this holiday classic in next week's TWIWFBL!

Week 7 Power Rankings

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You there! What day is this? Why, it's Power Rankings day!

Rigby has won four straight. Twin Falls has won three straight. They are currently tied for the highest winning percentage in the league, and have held the 1-2 spots in the Power Rankings three weeks in a row. What more could you possibly ask for? I mean, besides two teams not from Idaho.

After being thoroughly drenched in holiday spirit after listening to the hot new compilation album, "Athletes We Have Heard on High" (in stores now!), the Power Rankings Committee has decided to sponsor a "Twelve Days of Christmas" movie marathon. So put on your reindeer slippers, top off your wassail, sit back and enjoy!


Team, Rank, (Previous), Record

1 (1) 35-27-1
"It's a Wonderful Life." If Rigby's last few hard luck seasons were the equivalent of George Bailey abandoning his hopes and dreams and contemplating suicide, then this year has been the tearjerking finale where the Trojans' draft day basket overfloweth with riches, namely superstar Lebron James, up-and-coming Brook Lopez and contract year Carlos Boozer.

2 (2) 34-26-3
"How the Grinch Stole Christmas!" The men in green aren't content to let the Trojans up in Rigby feast, feast, feast. You see, the Gators over in Twin Falls are carving up their own portion of the WFBL roast beast.


3 (3) 33-26-4
"The Polar Express." Like Tom Hanks in that train movie, Chauncey Billups did a little bit of everything to will the shorthanded Iguanas to a tie against Park City. He was the train conductor dishing out assists, Santa Claus dropping threes, and a crazy old hobo nailing his free throws.

4 (5) 32-29-2

"Elf." No cotton-headed ninnymuggins could have predicted that Stephen Curry would be the answer to Park City's point guard woes. The diminutive rookie has arrived just in time for the holidays, much like Lil' Nate last year.

5 (4) 32-30-1
"A Christmas Carol." Following the timeline of the classic Dickens story, Rigby's 6-3 beatdown would coincide with Scrooge meeting the ominous Ghost of Christmas Future. Can a contrite Richmond squad awaken renewed and ready to face the rest of the season?

6 (10) 29-31-3
"A Dog Named Christmas." Just as this made-for-TV movie is new to the holiday movie scene, so are the U-Dogs to the upper half of the power rankings. Hey, you just try finding a better Christmas movie with a dog angle.

7 (6) 31-30-2
"A Christmas Story." Even with Chris Paul and Kevin Love back in action, the fra-gee-lay defending champs just got their eye shot out by the lowly Strats. Oh, fuuuuudge.

8 (7) 30-33-0
"The Nightmare Before Christmas." Udorn losing Danny Granger for 4-6 weeks during the heart of the season ought to turn out about as well as the time Jack Skellington and the citizens of Halloweentown commandeered Christmas from Sandy Claws.

9 (11) 30-32-1
"White Christmas." The SnowBees are truly in their element in the winter months. Unfortunately, Jose Calderon's nagging hip injury has further derailed one of the whitest lineups in the WFBL.


10 (12) 28-34-1
"Miracle on 34th Street." The Strats proved they are mentally competent by ending their losing streak with a resounding 6-3 victory over the A-Boms. So, even after enduring that 5-21-1 stretch, they are only 4.5 games out of the playoff picture. That's no small miracle.

11 (8) 27-33-3
"Home Alone 2: Lost in New York." Steve Nash and Paul Pierce can't help but feel that this season is just a sorry rehash of the last one, only they aren't following up a smash success.

12 (9) 25-35-3
"National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation." Lastly, Bayside superstar Chris Bosh has a special Holiday message he would like to deliver: "If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Rich Lachowsky, my coach, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Belding Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here...with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lazy, no-good, rotten, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, hopeless, heartless, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey poop he is! Hallelujah! Where's the Tylenol?"

That sounds about right. Let us know your thoughts in the comments. And don't forget to vote on the Game of the Week and Week 7's EBP!

This Week in the WFBL—Week 7

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Daughters of Troy: Rigby Prevails during "Bring Your Daughter to Work" Week

Four-year-old Shaquira O'Neal had a ball playing with Daddy during Bring Your Daughter to Work week

RICHMOND (AP)—Last week, in an attempt to improve its bad-boy image, the WFBL held its first-ever "Bring Your Daughter to Work" week, during which, as the name suggests, players were invited to bring their daughters—the ones they're aware of and who don't have restraining orders against them—to work with them for a week. Players who do not have daughters were reprimanded by the league and urged to find one by the end of the week.

"The WFBL is all about family and wholesomeness and things like that," said league activities committee chair Phil Jackson, who brought his daughter Philippina to work and had her help him write press releases. "We are also strong supporters of rainbows, slumber parties, and ponies."

One of the most enthusiastic participants in the event was Trojans reserve center Shaquille O'Neal, whose four-year-old daughter Shaquira stands 6-foot-8 and is exploring career options in basketball, though she's also considering becoming a ballet dancer or a fairy princess.

"I'm really thankful to the league for this opportunity to show my little Shaquira what Daddy does at work all day," Daddy O'Neal said after spending the week with his daughter in Richmond, where his Trojans faced the Butchers. "I really wanted to give her a realistic picture of what a typical workday is like in the WFBL. And I'm hoping to steer her away from that fairy princess career she keeps talking about. A lot of bad influences in that field, you know.

"So first I took her to my favorite tattoo parlor and got her a tattoo of a snake slithering through the eye socket of a human skull. Then I showed her all of the best night clubs in Richmond. Let's see, what else? Oh, I showed her how to order room service at the hotel and charge it to Coach Wallace's room. During the games we mostly sat on the bench and played clapping games like 'Miss Mary Mack' and 'Hello Operator.'"

Asked whether the experience convinced her to pursue a career in the WFBL, Shaquira seemed unconvinced: "I don't know. I'm a little disillusioned, to tell you the truth. Daddy always says he's this superstar athlete. Frankly, he has trouble bending over to tie his shoes. It's actually a good thing Coach never plays him, because I'm not sure he'd be able to get out of his seat on the bench without help. From what I hear, the longevity of a fairy princess is like twice as long as a basketball player, so I'm looking at that a lot more seriously."

Other players saw "Bring Your Daughter to Work" week as an opportunity to teach their daughters life skills that they could use in any future vocation. Richmond forward Carmelo Anthony taught his daughter Mary Jane an important lesson about dealing with criticism.

"Mary Jane's mom tells me that sometimes her teacher at school points out errors in her work," Melo said, "and Mary Jane just kind of accepts it and sometimes even corrects her own errors and tries to do better next time. So I saw this week as an opportunity to nip that in the bud, so to speak. I had her watch carefully whenever a ref called a foul on me. I was very careful to model how you stare the ref down, or sometimes I'd stand there with a shocked, pained expression and say 'What?! A foul on ME?!' Then I had her count how many fouls I could get away with the rest of the game.

"I also showed her how I roll my eyes and shift my weight impatiently while Coach is talking during timeouts. I knew I had finally reached her when I asked her if she learned anything and she rolled her eyes at me! That's my girl!"

But by far the most impressive participant in "Bring Your Daughter to Work" week was Candace Parker, a WNBA star whom many consider to be the best female basketball player in the world. Luckily for the Trojans, she also happens to be the oldest daughter of Tony Parker, even though she bears no resemblance to the Rigby point guard or to his wife, Eva Longoria. ("She's from a previous marriage," Parker insists.) In any event, Candace Parker scored 75 points and handed out 29 assists and played stifling defense on Jason Kidd to lead Daddy's Trojans to a 6-3 victory over the Richmond Butchers.

Unluckily for the Trojans, "Bring Your Daughter to Work" week is now officially over. This means they will not have Candace's services—or Shaquira's help tying her daddy's shoes—when they face Wasatch Conference rival Twin Falls next week, which, rumor has it, will be "Bring Your Pet Goldfish to Work" week.

Around the WFBL

Stratagem 6, Abominables 3

Underdogs 6, Tigers 3

SnowBees 6, Jai-Rai 3

Gators 5, Kings 3, Everyone 1

Sundancers 4, Iguanas 4, Everyone 1

Week 7 Game of the Week Voting Results:

Rigby Trojans 7 (100%)

Richmond Butchers 0 (0%)

Week 6 EBP:

Dwyane Wade, Park City—4 votes (44% of vote)

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Fun Facts: Dec 8-14, 2008

Gallon of gas: $1.81

Gallon of milk: $2.74

#1 Song: "Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It"—Beyoncé

#1 Movie: "The Day the Earth Stood Still"

Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 7 from 2008 (Dec 8-14). Normally we focus on one story each week, but Week 7 last year offered numerous insights into the minds (Shaq's twitter), hearts (the Gasol-Miller bromance) and PR departments (Alger the A-Bom!) of so many WFBL teams.

WEEK SEVEN, DEC 8-14, 2008

Gators Lose Again, Not Shaq's Fault
















OMG tha Igwanaz waxd r carcuss!! QUE PASA? LOL the Big ARISTOTLE
about 7 hours ago from txt.

MARACAIBO (AP)—The Twin Falls Gators just don't seem to be the team they used to lately, falling to top-ranked Maracaibo 6-3. While there are plenty of players at whom the finger of fault could easily be pointed, there is at least one Gator who can honestly say "don't look at me": Shaquille O'Neal.

That's because Shaq so far this season has given coach Shaun Adams little reason to put the former All-Star (but never in the WFBL) center in the starting lineup. So what does Shaq think about all this? What does the Big Benchwarmer do with all his spare time? Thanks to a modern technology called twitter, we were able to glean a number of interesting thoughts right from the Diesel's mouth, or fingers rather, as O'Neal whiled away the week on the bench, observing, thinking, musing. Here is just a sampling:

aw man we lost agin whatev man we still da best about 5 hours ago from txt

kobe make a shot how do it taste now lol about 12 hours ago from txt

adams looks busy with his football team geez wtf? about 12 hours ago from txt

every person who you count on counts on you Shaquille oneal Dec 13th from txt

saw rudolph on abc family new kind of family that santa is racist! LOL jk Dec 12th from txt

chaves roamin sidelines he is one angry dude why he hates america so much? ne1 no? Dec 11th from txt

Even the iguanas no me, da ones real small, i speak to em like ibadablaa, Jigamagla, bockeraaa Dec 11th from txt

jingle bells jingle bells jingle all the way oh what fun it is to SHAQ ATTACK! lol Dec 10th from txt

don't give up, bibby, don't eva give up! we miss u jimmy v! shaquille o'Neal Dec 10th from txt

IF YOU CAN'T WORK IT OUT THEN IT WILL WoRk out ON YOU JEEZ I SUCK ATT TYPIN!!LOL Dec 9th from txt

hello my twitterean brothers and sisters we r in venzuelia why is it so hotttt? lol TURN UP THE AC lol Dec 8th from txt
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Zermatt Introduces Mascot, Pummels Salt Lake

SALT LAKE (AP)—Proving that their humiliating loss to the Iguanas was merely an aberration (no really, honest!), Ben Barnes and the Zermatt Abominables took out their frustration on the hapless Salt Lake SnowBees, trouncing older brother by a score of 7-2. It was their first victory over Ted's team since the 2006-07 season.

But overshadowing all this was the Abominables' introduction of a new mascot, who starting last week can be found roaming the sidelines, energizing the crowd, organizing local charity events, and attending your child's birthday party for a reasonable fee.

"Alger the Abominable" was graciously allowed to be introduced during halftime of the A-Boms/SnowBees tilt last week (SnowBees officials claimed it was fine by them, as they hadn't planned on doing anything for halftime anyways), and he did not disappoint. After repelling from the jumbotron, the white-haired, red-eyed yeti (whose name means "clever warrior" in German) pranced around on stilts, waving to the mostly pro-Abominable crowd, who are known to follow their team around the globe.

Alger was raised by a pack of yetis in a cave high in the Swiss Alps, where he learned from a young age many skills that would help him to become who he is today: skills such as dunking basketballs off trampolines and silly-string marksmanship. After his time at the Glion Institute in Zurich, where he majored in Mascot Science (with a minor in Ferocity), Alger returned to Zermatt to claim the title of Official Team Mascot of the Zermatt Abominables.

"We see big things in the future with Alger," said Ben, as the furry snow monster was seen de-pantsing Salt Lake's Dirk Nowitzki during a fourth-quarter timeout. "He's a vital part of this team now. We let him come to board meetings and he always has so many clever ideas. He graduated with honors from Glion, you know."

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For SnowBee center Pau Gasol and A-bom guard Mike Miller, last week's series was a timely reminder that basketball, like all sports but more so, serves an important function in modern society: it allows grown men the opportunity to physically express affection in a setting safe from ridicule and artificial "machismo" inhibitions. Safe, that is, until someone finds a photograph of such a physical expression, rips it from its context, and posts it to an Internet blog site, leaving it fully exposed to all kinds of sarcasm and scorn. But that never happens.

"Over the past week, Michael and I have become very close," Gasol explained. "Before I knew him just as a name and a hand to shake before tipoff—and I suppose as a teammate with Bayside last year—but playing nine games against each other in seven days really gave us a chance to deepen our relationship."

Gasol went on (why stop him?): "I think it started in like the first or second game. I was playing away from the paint, like I always do—I'm listed as a center, but I'm more of a finesse, avoid-contact type of center than a get-rebounds type of center. Anyways, a shot went up, and I was watching to see who would get the rebound when I noticed Michael was boxing me out. And I thought to myself, 'Now, he knows I'm not in any danger of getting that rebound. Why would he do that?'

"Well, the next time down the floor he does the same thing, only this time he holds the box-out about a second longer than he needs to, and then it occurs to me that Michael is trying to connect. So I decided that for the rest of the series, instead of fulfilling my defensive assignment [defending Zermatt center Al Jefferson], which I wasn't really good at anyway, I would guard Michael and just see where things took us.

"It was a bit awkward at first, since he's a guard and I'm a center. And not to mention he had no business being on the court at all, since he wasn't even in the starting lineup. And some may argue that I cost my team the series by leaving Jefferson open so much. But what Michael and I have gained together is more important than any game, or any nine games."

Sadly, the series had to come to an end, as all series do. And with the Abominables ascending to a likely high playoff seed this season and the SnowBees, well, going in the other direction, the chance for another series between the teams seemed improbable. "Michael and I knew that this might be the last time we ever see each other. So at the end of game nine we promised that we'd do whatever we can to make sure our teams somehow meet again in one or the other of the league's postseason tournaments. Frankly, there's not much I can do on my end to get the SnowBees into the Concludings. Remember, I'm Pau Gasol, not Kevin Garnett or Chris Bosh. But Michael is hoping he can sabotage his team enough to drop them into the Consolation playoffs. So maybe there's still hope for us."

Shaq's twittering—which seemed like a weird aberration at the time—is now something the league and its fans shrug off as the norm, as it's more difficult to name a player who DOESN'T twitter than to name those who do. Alger is all the rage in Zermatt, and A-Bom officials didn't miss the opportunity to use that momentum to create the Abominables Kid's Club "Alger's A-Buddies". There's no word if Gasol and Miller have done any further, ahem, "connecting" since their last encounter, but sources claim to have spotted Miller at Gasol's Pampered Chef party.