Wade, 'Dancers Drum Duncan, Gators for 2nd Wasatch Title
PARK CITY (AP)—
MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA
The Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators square off in the Wasatch Concludings for the second year in a row. The whole affair kinda feels like a rehash. League promoters claim it's due to Peter Cetera's theme song for the rematch, "Glory of Love," failing to generate the same excitement as Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around" from the previous year.
WEDNESDAY
It is revealed that Tim Duncan has grown bitter about the Gators' Conference Concludings loss from a year ago. Now under the tutelage of the mysterious Sato (an old nemesis of Park City consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi), Duncan claims Dwyane Wade dishonored him by blocking more shots than he did in the deciding game (4-0).
THURSDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, BEFORE TIP-OFF
Park City has fallen behind Twin Falls, and Wade is despondent about the absence of Gerald Wallace and Derrick Rose from the starting lineup due to injuries.
Miyagi: Concentrate. Focus. Most important.
Wade: I can't, Mr. Miyagi, not today.
Miyagi: Why?
Wade: Because we're starting George Hill and Paul Millsap, that's why.
Miyagi: When you feel life out of focus, always return to basic of life. Breathe. No breathe, no life. Come, try. Breath out of mouth. Breathe in through nose. In... out... Now how feel?
Wade: Better. More focused.
Miyagi: Good. Now go out and kick butt.
Wade dominates to the tune of 36 points, 10 rebounds, 7 assists, three 3s, a steal and a block, helping Park City to regain the lead.
SUNDAY - TIP-OFF
With the Sundancers leading the Gators 6-3, Duncan dramatically enters the arena on a zip line, grabbing Brook Lopez and putting a knife to his throat.
Duncan: Get back or I kill her!
Lopez: I'm a he!
Miyagi: Duncan, you are one of Gator's best player. No disgrace Twin Falls here.
Duncan: Your student disgrace me. I have been dishonored all because of him.
Wade: For whatever happened, I apologize. Except for the part about beating you guys last year.
Duncan: Apology will not give me back my honor!
Wade: Neither will this.
Duncan: In their eyes it will. No more talk. You play me one-on-one to the death, or I kill her!
Lopez: Still a he!
Duncan: Shut up!
Miyagi: This not tournament. This for real.
Wade: I'm pretty sure this is still a tournament.
Miyagi: Aye. Miyagi prone to hyperbole.
Wade and Duncan begin their one-on-one battle. They are well-matched, but Duncan has the size advantage and gradually gains the upper hand. Following Mr. Miyagi's lead, twenty thousand strong at Redford Arena pull out handheld drums and begin twisting them back and forth. An exhausted Wade regains his composure, knowing what he must do. As Duncan attacks the basket, Wade begins to viciously swing his arms back and forth, blocking a career high five shots to clinch another 5-4 victory. Wade grabs his beaten foe by the hair and cocks his hand back.
Wade: Live or die, man?
Duncan: Die.
Wade: Wrong. Honk!
With CP3 Sidelined, Whozits and Whatsisnames Lead A-Boms to Fourth Straight Concludings Appearance
ZERMATT (AP)—Another year, another trip to the Concludings.
Undoubtedly the most storied dynasty in the history of the WFBL, the Zermatt Abominables shocked the Iguanas with a 5-4 comeback win in the World Conference Concludings. The win gives the two-time defending champs their fourth straight appearance in the title game, further cementing their dominance over the league.
"I think by far this is the least talented team I've ever assembled," said coach Ben Barnes, who looks to bring his A-Boms an unprecedented third straight Concludings title against arch-rival Park City. "Furthermore, I would like to formally announce my candidacy for Executive of the Year WFBLy. In fact, you might as well start the engraving right now."
But it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows for this year's A-Boms squad. Despite taking an early lead thanks to no-name rookies Darren "Bizarro CP3" Collison—mentored by the injured former EBP—and Marcus Thornton, Zermatt found themselves staring at the end of their championship run. Thanks to a heroic performance from the Iguanas' All-Star center David Lee, the A-Boms entered the final game of Sunday night needing 6 rebs and 13 pts from Andray Blatche—yes, that's right, Andray Blatche—to seal the deal.
"Lee played great Sunday afternoon," said Blatche, a late-season acquisition via trade with Rigby. "The man's a monster. One can only wonder how things would've turned out had he not sat out Friday's game with...what was it? Menstrual cramps? I'm not even sure. But it must've been bad if it forced him to miss time during the World Concludings—his only missed game all season—right?"
The very astute Blatche ended up saving the day for the A-Boms, grabbing the requisite rebounds and scoring the final baskets late in the fourth quarter.
"Let's not give the guy a medal, he still almost lost the thing for us with all the chucking he was doing," said Barnes, who immediately pulled Blatche after scoring the go-ahead points.
This year's scrappy A-Boms are indeed a different sort from the last three. They stared down the barrel of the end of an era, and without any type of All-Star caliber leadership, shoved their finger right in, Bugs Bunny-style. Then the gun exploded on the Iguanas, leaving behind only the charred remains of disappointment.
"Has anyone talked bout how we wore our green uniforms again?" asked Blatche. "I feel like that needs to be mentioned."
Trojans 4, Jai-Rai 4, Trojans 1
SnowBees 6, Underdogs 3
Stratagem 4, Tigers 4, Stratagem 1
Conference Concludings Game of the Week Voting Results:
Fun Facts: Mar 16-22, 2009
PARK CITY (AP)—
MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA, ALL WASATCH BASKETBALL CONCLUDINGS
The two Wasatch finalists, the Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators, treat the crowd to a thrilling montage of high flying dunks, long range shots, blocks, and boards set to Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around."
WEDNESDAY - TWIN FALLS LOCKER ROOM, JUST BEFORE TIP-OFF
Twin Falls holds the early lead 6-3 lead, but Park City superstar Dwyane Wade has yet to play. He is expected to make his anticipated first appearance tonight. As the team heads towards the tunnel, Gators assistant coach and Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese pulls Al Thornton aside.
Kreese: Al, I want Wade out of commission
Thornton: But Sensei, we can beat these guys!
Kreese: I don't want them just beaten.
Thornton: But I'll get thrown out!
Kreese: Out of commission.
Kreese trains his iron eyes on Thornton. He cannot endure their searing heat. His head drops as Kreese bends him to his will. Thornton tentatively walks over to the Park City bench, jumps high in the air, and lands a flying sidekick to Wade's right hip.
Thornton: I'm sorry, Dwyane! I didn't mean it!
Wade crumples to the floor as Thornton is dragged away amid a shower of boos. The Gators have their way with the Sundancers in the absence of the EBP runner-up.
FRIDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, A FEW HOURS BEFORE TIP-OFF
A dejected Dwyane Wade, accompanied by team consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi, lies on the trainers' table, resigned to missing his second straight game after not missing a game all year.
Wade: Mr. Miyagi... you think we had a chance of winning?
Mr. Miyagi: Aye, had good chance.
Wade: Can't you fix my hip with that thing you do? You know, with the clapping and the rubbing, and the hey hey hey, my hip feels better?
Mr. Miyagi: No need play anymore. You prove point.
Wade: What, that I can take a beating? Every time I see the Gators, they'll know they got the best of me. How will I ever have balance in my life? I mean, aside from having more money than I could ever spend and being idolized by millions.
(Pause)
Mr. Miyagi: Close eye.
Miyagi's hands come together, punctuated by a dramatic music note.
FRIDAY - TIP-OFF
Wade emerges from locker room as the crowd goes wild.
Announcer: Dwyane Wade is gonna play? Dwyane Wade is gonna play! This is what it's all about, folks!
SUNDAY - REDFORD ARENA, DECIDING GAME
With their star player once again on the court to galvanize the team, Park City has cut into the Gators once insurmountable lead, now only trailing 5-4. As the Gators call a timeout to regroup, Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese motions for his star pupil, Kobe Bryant.
Kreese: Pummel the hip...you have a problem with that?
Kobe: (scared) No, Sensei.
Kreese: No mercy.
As play resumes, Kobe cheap shots Wade several times in his bruised right hip, but the referees are distracted by Tim Duncan flailing around after getting slightly nudged by Chris Bosh, so no foul is called. Wade limps to the bench, but after a timeout, returns to the floor wearing a traditional Karate Gi. As the Gators dribble up the court with the clock running down, Wade slowly assumes the crane position under the basket by standing on one leg and lifting both arms high into the air. Kobe calls for the ball.
Announcer: 30 seconds remaining...
Rondo: It's over, guys! Get 'em a body bag, yyyeeeah!!!
Kreese: Finish them!
Kobe hears the call of his sensei and drives to the hoop. As he releases the ball, Wade leaps high in the air and blocks the shot. Frustrated, Kobe gets his own rebound and shoots it a second time. And once again, Wade leaps and bats the ball away. Time expires. Kobe stares at the scorer's table in disbelief as he sees that Wade's last two blocked shots are the difference Park City needed to win the blocks category 11-10, and thusly the series, 5-4. The Sundancer crowd storms the court in a wild rush of celebration. A tearful Kobe grabs the Wasatch Concludings trophy and personally hands it to the Sundancer hero.
Kobe: You're all right, Wade. You can be my sleepover buddy any time.
PARK CITY (AP)—
MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA
The Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators square off in the Wasatch Concludings for the second year in a row. The whole affair kinda feels like a rehash. League promoters claim it's due to Peter Cetera's theme song for the rematch, "Glory of Love," failing to generate the same excitement as Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around" from the previous year.
WEDNESDAY
It is revealed that Tim Duncan has grown bitter about the Gators' Conference Concludings loss from a year ago. Now under the tutelage of the mysterious Sato (an old nemesis of Park City consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi), Duncan claims Dwyane Wade dishonored him by blocking more shots than he did in the deciding game (4-0).
THURSDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, BEFORE TIP-OFFPark City has fallen behind Twin Falls, and Wade is despondent about the absence of Gerald Wallace and Derrick Rose from the starting lineup due to injuries.
Miyagi: Concentrate. Focus. Most important.
Wade: I can't, Mr. Miyagi, not today.
Miyagi: Why?
Wade: Because we're starting George Hill and Paul Millsap, that's why.
Miyagi: When you feel life out of focus, always return to basic of life. Breathe. No breathe, no life. Come, try. Breath out of mouth. Breathe in through nose. In... out... Now how feel?
Wade: Better. More focused.
Miyagi: Good. Now go out and kick butt.
Wade dominates to the tune of 36 points, 10 rebounds, 7 assists, three 3s, a steal and a block, helping Park City to regain the lead.
SUNDAY - TIP-OFF
With the Sundancers leading the Gators 6-3, Duncan dramatically enters the arena on a zip line, grabbing Brook Lopez and putting a knife to his throat.
Duncan: Get back or I kill her!
Lopez: I'm a he!
Miyagi: Duncan, you are one of Gator's best player. No disgrace Twin Falls here.
Duncan: Your student disgrace me. I have been dishonored all because of him.
Wade: For whatever happened, I apologize. Except for the part about beating you guys last year.
Duncan: Apology will not give me back my honor!
Wade: Neither will this.
Duncan: In their eyes it will. No more talk. You play me one-on-one to the death, or I kill her!
Lopez: Still a he!
Duncan: Shut up!
Miyagi: This not tournament. This for real.
Wade: I'm pretty sure this is still a tournament.
Miyagi: Aye. Miyagi prone to hyperbole.
Wade and Duncan begin their one-on-one battle. They are well-matched, but Duncan has the size advantage and gradually gains the upper hand. Following Mr. Miyagi's lead, twenty thousand strong at Redford Arena pull out handheld drums and begin twisting them back and forth. An exhausted Wade regains his composure, knowing what he must do. As Duncan attacks the basket, Wade begins to viciously swing his arms back and forth, blocking a career high five shots to clinch another 5-4 victory. Wade grabs his beaten foe by the hair and cocks his hand back.
Wade: Live or die, man?
Duncan: Die.
Wade: Wrong. Honk!
With CP3 Sidelined, Whozits and Whatsisnames Lead A-Boms to Fourth Straight Concludings Appearance
ZERMATT (AP)—Another year, another trip to the Concludings.Undoubtedly the most storied dynasty in the history of the WFBL, the Zermatt Abominables shocked the Iguanas with a 5-4 comeback win in the World Conference Concludings. The win gives the two-time defending champs their fourth straight appearance in the title game, further cementing their dominance over the league.
"I think by far this is the least talented team I've ever assembled," said coach Ben Barnes, who looks to bring his A-Boms an unprecedented third straight Concludings title against arch-rival Park City. "Furthermore, I would like to formally announce my candidacy for Executive of the Year WFBLy. In fact, you might as well start the engraving right now."
But it hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows for this year's A-Boms squad. Despite taking an early lead thanks to no-name rookies Darren "Bizarro CP3" Collison—mentored by the injured former EBP—and Marcus Thornton, Zermatt found themselves staring at the end of their championship run. Thanks to a heroic performance from the Iguanas' All-Star center David Lee, the A-Boms entered the final game of Sunday night needing 6 rebs and 13 pts from Andray Blatche—yes, that's right, Andray Blatche—to seal the deal.
"Lee played great Sunday afternoon," said Blatche, a late-season acquisition via trade with Rigby. "The man's a monster. One can only wonder how things would've turned out had he not sat out Friday's game with...what was it? Menstrual cramps? I'm not even sure. But it must've been bad if it forced him to miss time during the World Concludings—his only missed game all season—right?"
The very astute Blatche ended up saving the day for the A-Boms, grabbing the requisite rebounds and scoring the final baskets late in the fourth quarter.
"Let's not give the guy a medal, he still almost lost the thing for us with all the chucking he was doing," said Barnes, who immediately pulled Blatche after scoring the go-ahead points.
This year's scrappy A-Boms are indeed a different sort from the last three. They stared down the barrel of the end of an era, and without any type of All-Star caliber leadership, shoved their finger right in, Bugs Bunny-style. Then the gun exploded on the Iguanas, leaving behind only the charred remains of disappointment.
"Has anyone talked bout how we wore our green uniforms again?" asked Blatche. "I feel like that needs to be mentioned."
Around the Playoff Consolation Ladder
Trojans 4, Jai-Rai 4, Trojans 1
Around the Consolation Ladder
Kings 7, Butchers 2SnowBees 6, Underdogs 3
Stratagem 4, Tigers 4, Stratagem 1
Conference Concludings Game of the Week Voting Results:
Park City Sundancers 6 (75%)
Twin Falls Gators 2 (25%)
Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (63%)
Zermatt Abominables 3 (37%)
Round 1 EBP:
________________________________________________________
Twin Falls Gators 2 (25%)
Los Iguanas de Maracaibo 5 (63%)
Zermatt Abominables 3 (37%)
Round 1 EBP:
David Lee, Maracaibo—5 votes (71% of vote)
________________________________________________________
Fun Facts: Mar 16-22, 2009First-class stamp: $0.44
Gallon of milk: $3.39
#1 Song:"Right Round"—Flo Rida
#1 Movie: "Knowing"
#1 Movie: "Knowing"
Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at the Conference Concludings from 2009 (Mar 16-22). The 'Dancers and A-Boms once again meet in this year's Concludings. A year ago, it took some amazing, last-minute heroics from EBP runner-up Wade-san to get Park City into the title game. Here's to rubbing salt in the wounds, Gator fans!
CONFERENCE CONCLUDINGS, MAR 16-22, 2009
Wade, 'Dancers Wax Off Kobe, Gators for Wasatch Title
PARK CITY (AP)—
MONDAY/TUESDAY - REDFORD ARENA, ALL WASATCH BASKETBALL CONCLUDINGS
The two Wasatch finalists, the Park City Sundancers and Twin Falls Gators, treat the crowd to a thrilling montage of high flying dunks, long range shots, blocks, and boards set to Joe Esposito's "You're the Best Around."
WEDNESDAY - TWIN FALLS LOCKER ROOM, JUST BEFORE TIP-OFF
Twin Falls holds the early lead 6-3 lead, but Park City superstar Dwyane Wade has yet to play. He is expected to make his anticipated first appearance tonight. As the team heads towards the tunnel, Gators assistant coach and Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese pulls Al Thornton aside.
Kreese: Al, I want Wade out of commission
Thornton: But Sensei, we can beat these guys!
Kreese: I don't want them just beaten.
Thornton: But I'll get thrown out!
Kreese: Out of commission.
Kreese trains his iron eyes on Thornton. He cannot endure their searing heat. His head drops as Kreese bends him to his will. Thornton tentatively walks over to the Park City bench, jumps high in the air, and lands a flying sidekick to Wade's right hip.
Thornton: I'm sorry, Dwyane! I didn't mean it!
Wade crumples to the floor as Thornton is dragged away amid a shower of boos. The Gators have their way with the Sundancers in the absence of the EBP runner-up.
FRIDAY - PARK CITY LOCKER ROOM, A FEW HOURS BEFORE TIP-OFF
A dejected Dwyane Wade, accompanied by team consultant Kesuke "Mr." Miyagi, lies on the trainers' table, resigned to missing his second straight game after not missing a game all year.
Wade: Mr. Miyagi... you think we had a chance of winning?
Mr. Miyagi: Aye, had good chance.
Wade: Can't you fix my hip with that thing you do? You know, with the clapping and the rubbing, and the hey hey hey, my hip feels better?
Mr. Miyagi: No need play anymore. You prove point.
Wade: What, that I can take a beating? Every time I see the Gators, they'll know they got the best of me. How will I ever have balance in my life? I mean, aside from having more money than I could ever spend and being idolized by millions.
(Pause)
Mr. Miyagi: Close eye.
Miyagi's hands come together, punctuated by a dramatic music note.
FRIDAY - TIP-OFF
Wade emerges from locker room as the crowd goes wild.
Announcer: Dwyane Wade is gonna play? Dwyane Wade is gonna play! This is what it's all about, folks!
SUNDAY - REDFORD ARENA, DECIDING GAME
With their star player once again on the court to galvanize the team, Park City has cut into the Gators once insurmountable lead, now only trailing 5-4. As the Gators call a timeout to regroup, Mamba Kai Sensei John Kreese motions for his star pupil, Kobe Bryant.
Kreese: Pummel the hip...you have a problem with that?
Kobe: (scared) No, Sensei.
Kreese: No mercy.
As play resumes, Kobe cheap shots Wade several times in his bruised right hip, but the referees are distracted by Tim Duncan flailing around after getting slightly nudged by Chris Bosh, so no foul is called. Wade limps to the bench, but after a timeout, returns to the floor wearing a traditional Karate Gi. As the Gators dribble up the court with the clock running down, Wade slowly assumes the crane position under the basket by standing on one leg and lifting both arms high into the air. Kobe calls for the ball.
Announcer: 30 seconds remaining...
Rondo: It's over, guys! Get 'em a body bag, yyyeeeah!!!
Kreese: Finish them!
Kobe hears the call of his sensei and drives to the hoop. As he releases the ball, Wade leaps high in the air and blocks the shot. Frustrated, Kobe gets his own rebound and shoots it a second time. And once again, Wade leaps and bats the ball away. Time expires. Kobe stares at the scorer's table in disbelief as he sees that Wade's last two blocked shots are the difference Park City needed to win the blocks category 11-10, and thusly the series, 5-4. The Sundancer crowd storms the court in a wild rush of celebration. A tearful Kobe grabs the Wasatch Concludings trophy and personally hands it to the Sundancer hero.
Kobe: You're all right, Wade. You can be my sleepover buddy any time.
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