Bizarro CP3, 'Shard-Dog Guide A-Boms to Ski Town Triumph
The 'Shard-Dog recants to the media the specifics of his game- and skis-winning shot.
PARK CITY (AP)—Rumor has it there was some sort of big foosball game scheduled this last weekend, but it made little difference as all eyes in the sports world were glued on Park City for round two of the fabled Ski Town Skirmish.
The Park City Sundancers and Zermatt Abominables have been so evenly matched in recent years that the end result always seems to be decided by one of the WFBL's famous quirks—that a team can play more games than their opponent. When last they met, the untimely suspension of former A-Bom Jason Richardson gave the 'Dancers the edge in this department, paving the way for a 5-4 victory.
Even with the rematch promising an equal slate of games, the odds were once again tilting towards Park City. Any margin of victory and the skis would be theirs. A 4-4-1 tie would also do the trick, A 5-4 Zermatt win would result in a 9-9 season series tie, thus each team would get to take home one ski from the trophy. To win the Oaken Skis of Yore outright, Zermatt needed a 5-3-1 win or better. And how likely was that with their fearless leader, Chris Paul, on the mend?
After sustaining a knee injury in the late going against Richmond, the A-Boms recently learned they would be without Paul for the next 4-6 weeks. But owner Ben Barnes shrewdly plugged his CP3-sized hole with rookie free agent Darren Collison, who inexplicably always seems to play better when Paul goes down. In fact, is this scenario not unlike that of Clark Kent, who never seems to be around when Superman shows up to save the day? When asked about this phenomenon, Park City owner Dave Barton speculated, "Well, what if the injury to Paul is all an elaborate ruse? What if Collison actually IS Chris Paul without his glasses on. Chris Paul doesn't wear glasses? Let's just move on before there is time to poke any more holes in this theory."
"Plus, you never see the two of them toge...oh wait..."
With Park City controlling the series in the early going, the old "number of games" quirk once again found a way to rear its head. Nursing a sore hamstring, Gerald Wallace was forced to sit out Wednesday night, potentially swinging three, maybe even four categories the A-Boms' way.
In another bizarre moment typical of the WFBL, only Rashard Lewis was allowed to play on the final day of competition. Even with no one out there guarding him, Lewis still shot poorly enough to cause his team's field goal percentage to dip below that of Park City's, leaving the score tied 4-4-1 with time running out. Playing like he had challenged himself to a round of H-O-R-S-E, 'Shard-Dog clanked all sorts of circus shots—backwards from the free throw line, up and over from behind the backboard, you name it. Meanwhile, his teammates desperately shouted from the sidelines, Price is Right-style, for him to just make one more basket.
"What, you mean like this?" asked Lewis as he trotted up to the basket and netted an easy 5 footer. The final buzzer sounded immediately thereafter, and Zermatt's field goal percentage moved a mere hundredth of a point ahead of the Sundancers', giving them the 5-3-1 win. With their regular season mark against Park City finalized at 9-8-1, the Oaken Skis of Yore will be returning to Zermatt for the first time since the 2006-07 season.
Lucky for us, the league will be treated to an encore performance of sorts this coming weekend as Barnes and Barton again match wits as coaches of the All-Star game, having guided their teams to first place in their respective conferences.
Week 15 Game of the Week Voting Results:
Park City Sundancers 2 (28%)
Fun Facts: Feb 5-11, 2007
FIRST-PLACE NEW YORK (AP)—There's a scene from Dr. Seuss's beloved classic "Hop on Pop" in which two yellow, furry, bear-like creatures jump on the bloated tummy of their prostrated, chagrined daddy yelling gaily, "We like to hop on top of pop!" Not only does this scene help small children learn to read words ending in -op, it also provides a good metaphor for what happened to the Salt Lake SnowBees after the New York Triceratops stomped on them to the tune of 7-1-1, polishing off a 15-2-1 overall record against dear old dad and using him as a springboard to first place in the WFBL.
Actually, Dr. Seuss appears to be an ample source of metaphor for last week, so let's continue in that vein, shall we? For example, the 21 assists and 9 three-pointers contributed by Mike "Gertrude McFuzz" Miller, which more than compensated for the absence of injured Steve "Fox in Socks" Nash, could be likened to the auspicious arrival of Sylvester McMonkey McBean, the fix-it-up chappie, to help the Star-Bellied Sneetches on those wild, screaming beaches with his star-off machine. And the reliable 91.7% free-throw shooting by Elton "Horton the Elephant" Brand recalls a paraphrase of Horton's famous mantra: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful [91.7] percent."
New York's relentless pursuit of first place reminds one of Sam I Am, who never tired of offering green eggs and ham to his nameless counterpart and finally met success. Now the league-leading Triceratops face their toughest test in Los Iguanas de Maracaibo, with whom they share first place. Will New York's newfound success be as precarious as the Cat in the Hat, who could bounce up and down an a ball while holding various household objects but soon fell on his head, coming down with a bump from up there on the ball while watching all those things fall? Will the Trikes' reign atop the league be like Yertle the Turtle's, who claimed to be ruler of all he could see, atop a stack of his fellow turtles, only to be felled by the burp of an ordinary turtle in the stack named Mack? Or will it be like those ten apples atop the heads of a dog, a tiger, and a lion, who proclaimed confidently, "Ten apples up on top! We are not going to let them drop!"?
In owner TJ Barnes's words, "I don't like sharing my first time in first place. So I hope we win; then the Iguanas will be in second place—or third place—and I'll be in first place all by myself."
The 'Shard-Dog recants to the media the specifics of his game- and skis-winning shot.
PARK CITY (AP)—Rumor has it there was some sort of big foosball game scheduled this last weekend, but it made little difference as all eyes in the sports world were glued on Park City for round two of the fabled Ski Town Skirmish.
The Park City Sundancers and Zermatt Abominables have been so evenly matched in recent years that the end result always seems to be decided by one of the WFBL's famous quirks—that a team can play more games than their opponent. When last they met, the untimely suspension of former A-Bom Jason Richardson gave the 'Dancers the edge in this department, paving the way for a 5-4 victory.
Even with the rematch promising an equal slate of games, the odds were once again tilting towards Park City. Any margin of victory and the skis would be theirs. A 4-4-1 tie would also do the trick, A 5-4 Zermatt win would result in a 9-9 season series tie, thus each team would get to take home one ski from the trophy. To win the Oaken Skis of Yore outright, Zermatt needed a 5-3-1 win or better. And how likely was that with their fearless leader, Chris Paul, on the mend?
After sustaining a knee injury in the late going against Richmond, the A-Boms recently learned they would be without Paul for the next 4-6 weeks. But owner Ben Barnes shrewdly plugged his CP3-sized hole with rookie free agent Darren Collison, who inexplicably always seems to play better when Paul goes down. In fact, is this scenario not unlike that of Clark Kent, who never seems to be around when Superman shows up to save the day? When asked about this phenomenon, Park City owner Dave Barton speculated, "Well, what if the injury to Paul is all an elaborate ruse? What if Collison actually IS Chris Paul without his glasses on. Chris Paul doesn't wear glasses? Let's just move on before there is time to poke any more holes in this theory."
"Plus, you never see the two of them toge...oh wait..."
With Park City controlling the series in the early going, the old "number of games" quirk once again found a way to rear its head. Nursing a sore hamstring, Gerald Wallace was forced to sit out Wednesday night, potentially swinging three, maybe even four categories the A-Boms' way.
In another bizarre moment typical of the WFBL, only Rashard Lewis was allowed to play on the final day of competition. Even with no one out there guarding him, Lewis still shot poorly enough to cause his team's field goal percentage to dip below that of Park City's, leaving the score tied 4-4-1 with time running out. Playing like he had challenged himself to a round of H-O-R-S-E, 'Shard-Dog clanked all sorts of circus shots—backwards from the free throw line, up and over from behind the backboard, you name it. Meanwhile, his teammates desperately shouted from the sidelines, Price is Right-style, for him to just make one more basket.
"What, you mean like this?" asked Lewis as he trotted up to the basket and netted an easy 5 footer. The final buzzer sounded immediately thereafter, and Zermatt's field goal percentage moved a mere hundredth of a point ahead of the Sundancers', giving them the 5-3-1 win. With their regular season mark against Park City finalized at 9-8-1, the Oaken Skis of Yore will be returning to Zermatt for the first time since the 2006-07 season.
Lucky for us, the league will be treated to an encore performance of sorts this coming weekend as Barnes and Barton again match wits as coaches of the All-Star game, having guided their teams to first place in their respective conferences.
Around the WFBL
Stratagem 6, Iguanas 3
Gators 6, Jai-Rai 3
Butchers 5, Underdogs 4
Trojans 6, Tigers 3SnowBees 5, Kings 4
Week 15 Game of the Week Voting Results:
Zermatt Abominables 5 (71%)
Park City Sundancers 2 (28%)
Week 14 EBP:
Chris Paul, Zermatt—4 votes (36% of vote)
Kevin Durant, Park City—4 votes (36% of the vote)
Kevin Durant, Park City—4 votes (36% of the vote)
________________________________________________________
Fun Facts: Feb 5-11, 2007First-class stamp: $0.39
Average movie ticket price: $6.58
#1 Song:"Irreplaceable"—Beyoncé
#1 Movie: "Norbit"
#1 Movie: "Norbit"
Each week, This Week in the WFBL looks back and shines a light on a moment in the WFBL's illustrious history. This week, we look at Week 15 from 2009(Feb 5-11). In honor of the resurgent New York Kings (and their matchup against "pop" Ted Barnes), we look back at the Kings' first trip to the top of the WFBL standings, back in 2007. The Kings were then known as the Triceratops and were on their way to their first (and possibly last?) playoffs appearance. But first, they had to get past dear old dad.
WEEK FIFTEEN, FEB 5-11, 2007
Trikes Hop on Pop, Land on Top of League
FIRST-PLACE NEW YORK (AP)—There's a scene from Dr. Seuss's beloved classic "Hop on Pop" in which two yellow, furry, bear-like creatures jump on the bloated tummy of their prostrated, chagrined daddy yelling gaily, "We like to hop on top of pop!" Not only does this scene help small children learn to read words ending in -op, it also provides a good metaphor for what happened to the Salt Lake SnowBees after the New York Triceratops stomped on them to the tune of 7-1-1, polishing off a 15-2-1 overall record against dear old dad and using him as a springboard to first place in the WFBL.Actually, Dr. Seuss appears to be an ample source of metaphor for last week, so let's continue in that vein, shall we? For example, the 21 assists and 9 three-pointers contributed by Mike "Gertrude McFuzz" Miller, which more than compensated for the absence of injured Steve "Fox in Socks" Nash, could be likened to the auspicious arrival of Sylvester McMonkey McBean, the fix-it-up chappie, to help the Star-Bellied Sneetches on those wild, screaming beaches with his star-off machine. And the reliable 91.7% free-throw shooting by Elton "Horton the Elephant" Brand recalls a paraphrase of Horton's famous mantra: "I meant what I said, and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful [91.7] percent."
New York's relentless pursuit of first place reminds one of Sam I Am, who never tired of offering green eggs and ham to his nameless counterpart and finally met success. Now the league-leading Triceratops face their toughest test in Los Iguanas de Maracaibo, with whom they share first place. Will New York's newfound success be as precarious as the Cat in the Hat, who could bounce up and down an a ball while holding various household objects but soon fell on his head, coming down with a bump from up there on the ball while watching all those things fall? Will the Trikes' reign atop the league be like Yertle the Turtle's, who claimed to be ruler of all he could see, atop a stack of his fellow turtles, only to be felled by the burp of an ordinary turtle in the stack named Mack? Or will it be like those ten apples atop the heads of a dog, a tiger, and a lion, who proclaimed confidently, "Ten apples up on top! We are not going to let them drop!"?
In owner TJ Barnes's words, "I don't like sharing my first time in first place. So I hope we win; then the Iguanas will be in second place—or third place—and I'll be in first place all by myself."
Those bizzare quirks are what make the WFBL so charming. I love it, for example, when league rules require members of the same team to guard each other for awhile. Or like last week in the Richmond-St. George matchup, Jason Kidd would pass to Shawn Marion, and Marion had to decide, "Should I try to score and risk giving the Butchers another assist?" It looks like most of the time he settled the dilemma by just committing turnovers.
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